


Used For Glue

by Lyson



Category: Beyblade
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Gen, I never knew how much this summary sucked until now, M/M, Slash, Tala/Kai, Top!Tala (which is rare for me)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-14
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:58:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 136,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyson/pseuds/Lyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their beyblade days are over and adult life begins, Tala finds himself in a self destructive, unhealthy and emotionally depraved relationship with Kai. He doesn't know why but he loves Kai and it's taking its toll on his sanity and he's being dragged into Kai's personal isolation but...he cant let go. Does Kai love him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Session 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of it's characters nor do I own any of the lyrics used in this story, they belong to a band called Brand New.
> 
> AN: This story is canon-ish. I tried to keep to characters true selves as best as possible considering the story line.

**Session 1**

* * *

I know he’s gay. I don’t know how I know but I do. I had watched him interact with people during his time with the Blade Breakers, when he returned to the Abbey and when he returned to my team, finally after so much time and I never changed my mind about that fact.

He never changed his cold ways, he always was and still remains a bastard who doesn’t seem to know the meaning of tact.

Kai’s a very hard guy to figure out, just by the way, so if I seem like I’m trying to convince myself…well I am.

He calls Tyson a stupid cunt a lot, once or twice to his face but mostly in front of everyone else.  
No one really likes him, they hardly even pretend to anymore now that we’ve all stop Beyblading professionally and don’t have to put up with one another.  
Ray used to pretend, he used to believe that Kai was just misunderstood and that he could have a good affect on him.

That was until Kai told him to adopt a baby and smother it to death since he didn’t need the attention. I had actually found that quite amusing, I found most of their reactions to Kai’s behavior amusing too. Max seemed to be mostly spared of Kai’s rude words, since he was usually just in the background and frowning about Kai’s vulgar language, he was pretty innocent. Kenny was spared sometimes, but when he would interject his opinion on Kai about how he treated Tyson, he often got the sharp end of Kai’s temper shoved right up his ass until he was quiet and on the verge of tears.

None of them talked to him anymore unless they had too and honestly, Kai doesn’t care. He used them, he allowed them to embrace him and it got him away from his grandfather, just like he‘d used his grandfather to get away from the abbey, God knows he hates Dickenson but the man was the ticket to his freedom.  
Kai once said to me as we laid on each of our beds in our shared abbey room over a year ago, waiting for something to happen...

-People are just people…some are just more pathetic than others…and some are just better at life.-

“Better at life…” I mumbled to myself as I was lying on the sofa in the lounge, taking up most of the three seat couch, hands behind my head as I watched the television.  
I live with Kai.  
Apparently I was one of the people that were ‘better at life’ and were not pathetic as far as he was concerned because he had practically told me so when he asked me to share an apartment with him after the abbey was taken under police custody and supervision and eventually shut down.  
We are both old enough, Kai’s down by a few months to me, I’m 19 and he’s on the verge but he‘s the millionaire...and I’m the lucky best friend.

I’d been living with him for months now, peacefully, Kai was tactless but so was I and we never guilted each other when we shared harsh words, we simply got over it.  
I love it.  
I know he’s gay.  
Kai never pays attention to girls or guys, but I know he is gay because once or twice, I know he looks at me ‘that way’. And I don’t mind, because I have looked at him ‘that way’ since I was 15 when he reappeared at the abbey like a ghost out of limbo, sexy and so full of himself…and shit too. What a conceited ass hole…I love it.  
He’s gay.

I could be wrong…but I know I’m not.

* * *

 

‘Please don’t be technology…so I can turn up your love…’ he thought with a smirk and then Tala keened his hearing over the sound of the television, the door was opened in the large loft apartment, cold bastard Kai was home from training at the gym. He didn’t bother to get up, he never fussed over Kai or he just got cussed out.  
Kai walked into his line of sight, a black tank shirt and loose slacks were on his lean tall frame, he was noticeably shorter than Tala though but not much.

Tala stared at him, mind constantly thinking of his options and opinions with regards to Kai.  
Kai was methodical in everything.  
But Tala knew that Kai was weak in relationships, probably, he’d had none.  
Tala had an advantage since he was more approachable to people when he wanted to be and since the abbey, he‘d never had trouble making friends.

He watched Kai take his water bottles out of his large training bag, pushing hair back from his face as he crouched down, never looking at Tala, never acknowledging the presence of another body, another human.

‘Like some cold machine…’ he shook his head and looked back to the TV.  
Kai stood up and didn’t spare him a glance as he made his way back out of sight, noises in the kitchen, cupboards closing loudly, Kai was soon back and he dropped into the single couch.  
Tala saw it, that brief gaze that swept over the length of him, he was shirtless as he lay on the couch, his jeans riding low on his hips, arms up behind his head.

Kai’s eyes were hot as they took it all in within a few seconds and then settled on the TV.

Tala teased him, because he knew Kai was gay. And whether Kai did it on purpose or not, the sight of him most days was almost the incentive Tala needed to grope him or make a move. But he didn’t and not because of fear, Tala wasn’t afraid of a physical confrontation with Kai, he never had been, he was afraid of Kai kicking him out just because he was an asshole like that.

Tala purposely brought one thin hand down from behind his head and scratched his pale chest lightly, before letting the hand slide down and rest under the waist band of his pants, bending one leg up as he got comfortable and smiled at something said on TV.  
Kai’s eyes were fixed on him now.

‘Don’t feed me scraps from your bed and I won’t be the stray coming back just to be fed.’ he thought with that smile on his face unwavering. Kai knew for a fact Tala was gay, so he didn’t doubt that Kai often walked around in a towel on purpose, or in his boxers or any lesser article of clothing, Tala would stick around and torture him just the same, but he wanted Kai so he was doing this for himself.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked boldly.  
“Have you been lying around all day?” the slate haired teen never missed a beat, ever. He sounded as lifeless and bored as ever, asking Tala what seemed like a disapproved observation of which Tala knew Kai wasn’t interested in.  
“Yeah.” Tala answered flatly.

Kai’s eyes were off him now and staring at the table in the center of the three different couches,  
“Job?” he enquired, not wanting to seem like he‘d asked for nothing.  
“Shut the fuck up…like you give a shit.” Tala grabbed a cushion and flung it at Kai who caught it rather easily, because he’d been staring at Tala again.  
“I should put you out on your pasty white ass, you can make some money working the streets at least.” he said with amusement in his tone.  
Tala spared him a glance and as he expected Kai was smirking, his eyes pointedly fixed on the TV. Kai wanted to look at Tala and Tala knew it.

Kai always had to be difficult and point out how he could kick Tala out on the street, ‘…don’t be waves come to seal my fate, marine…’ he leaned his head back to see Kai better, the shark fins on his face covering his soft cheeks in the dark blue paint.  
He was tired of the games and he was keen on getting into Kai’s pants, taking his hand from his pants and swinging his legs off the couch, he stood up.

Successfully gaining Kai’s fleeting glance over his tall half naked form, Tala walked over to the chair Kai was sitting in,  
“Why don’t we step into the bedroom and you let me loosen your ass up for you Hiwatari?” he said blatantly.  
Kai’s expression was worth the statement, he’d never seen Kai looked confused and nervous before, his red eyes rising to look at Tala who stared down with a raised suggestive eyebrow.  
“Fuck you, you prick.”

Tala expected that,  
“Just pretend that you want me…” he said to Kai and watched how the seated boy refused to look up at him, ‘…and be my bait.’ he thought to himself.  
Kai looked up at him when he didn’t move away and he stood up, standing close to Tala with a pissed off expression, he had to raise his eyes to meet the blue pair set on him,  
“The closest you’ll get to my ass is if you’re gonna kiss it, which is a good idea if you wanna keep fucking living here.” he threatened easily and pushed Tala away from him roughly so the taller boy back stepped a bit.

Kai walked away.

Was he wrong? Was Kai straight? He felt worry crawl into his skin and mind, had he just fucked up what little understanding and friendship he and Kai had with one another?  
‘Don’t be that note I can’t hold…’ he watched Kai walk out of sight and back into the kitchen, he ran a hand over his face worriedly.  
‘Don’t be that joke that I told…and told…til’ it got old.’ Kai knew he was gay and he still rejected him…so that meant that he wasn’t interested, he couldn’t be ashamed of it since Tala was gay, so he wasn’t gay?

He sighed quietly and with hands on his hips he stared at the floor, panicking quietly about what to do, was he going to give up? Why would he when he knew Kai was gay, there was no way he wasn’t.  
‘Don’t be that hand around my throat, so I can’t breathe.’ he let out a breathe he’d been holding and decided that he would take whatever came, he was going to see how far Kai needed to be pushed.

Whether it meant realizing or admitting he was gay…or throwing Tala out.  
Tala did want Kai, he’d been attracted to Kai for years, he couldn’t just let this go that easily.  
He walked from the lounge and into the kitchen, seeing Kai who was leaning distracted in thought against the counter, look up at him with a slightly weary gaze.  
Tala approached him, dragging his fingers over the kitchen counter top as he walked closer to Kai,  
“You say you’re my friend, why won’t you be my family?” Tala tried to sound easy and calm as he closed in on Kai, letting his arms fall either side of Kai as he leaned in, attempting a kiss.  
Kai turned his head away,  
“Back off Tala.” came the low growled response.

So then…  
‘He’s not gay…’ Tala narrowed his eyes as he was faced with Kai’s side profile, sharp nose pointed slightly up as he stared off at the other side of the kitchen, blue shark fins in Tala’s face, Tala felt nauseous thinking that he might be wrong about Kai, maybe the bastard did like girls.

“Well if you breed, just don’t tell me.” he said distastefully and pushed off the counter, walking away from Kai and not looking back.  
“What the fuck does that mean?” he heard Kai ask him when he was already in the living room, sitting back on the couch,  
“It means that when you fuck a girl and have babies I’ll be pissing off, no uncle Tala.” he said loudly for Kai to hear as he lay back down, hands back behind his head.  
Kai’s footsteps approached behind Tala’s head where he couldn’t see Kai.  
‘Be my bait Kai. Give me a reason to get a hold of you.’

“Why don’t you piss off now?” Kai was standing behind his head probably with his arms crossed over his chest.  
Tala had half a mind to stand up and punch him in his mouth, he’d like to give the bastard a fat lip, but instead he ignored Kai and lifted the remote from the table in his reach, turning up the volume.  
He felt Kai’s eyes burning over him, staring him down in pure rage and interest that he was certain Kai was denying. Knowing the intensity burning in those beautiful eyes for him only made him want Kai more.

‘Be my serene.’ he thought and a smirk crept on to his mouth.  
Kai came around right next to the couch, blocking the television view,  
“Get the fuck out.” he said coldly, but Tala saw the uncertainty behind the smoldering anger.  
“Throw me out if your such a tough guy…put your fucking hands on me…” Tala stared up at him with a dead blue glare. Kai’s jaw tensed visibly,  
“Tala I swear-”  
“What? Fuck you, you don’t wanna touch me because you know what I’ll do to you.”

‘Tell me you know what I mean.’

“You won’t do shit.” Kai spat angrily, his arms leaving the cross over his chest and turning to clenched fists.  
“Wrong…” Tala got off the couch and stood up, facing Kai who didn’t dare step back, “…give me the chance, put your hands on me and I’ll throw you down on the floor and fuck you like you want me to…tell me I’m wrong…” ‘…got you…’ he saw Kai’s gaze avert and his fists unclench nervously, “…tell me Kai!” he said loudly and Kai shoved him hard so he would fall onto the couch.

Tala anticipated this and grabbed his wrists and just as he promised he pushed Kai off balance and using a well-placed foot, Kai was tripped and fell onto the floor, Tala was kneeling over him quickly, one arm pushing Kai’s legs apart quickly as he moved in between them, when they pushed back against his arms, Tala brought his hands forward and landed them either side of Kai’s head, Kai’s legs pressing against his sides briefly before the younger teen realized this and separated his legs again.

‘You’ve set on me, but you are not the sun, even if the fire in your eyes is hot enough to rival it.’ Tala knew that even though he was the one showing his attraction, he was still in control, Kai lying beneath him on the floor was proof of that.  
“You want me to fuck you Kai…” he said as he leaned down closer to Kai’s face and pressed his crotch to Kai‘s, “…I want you…do you want me…don’t lie to me…” Tala was saying as he stared down at Kai’s stern and angry expression, the younger forcing his mouth into a straight line even as Tala grinded against him.  
“What the fuck makes you so sure I want you?” Kai retaliated, eyes lowering with Tala’s movements and he leaned in for another kiss just when Kai spoke up.

‘And still you won’t listen…’

“I’m telling you how I feel…I’ve been attracted to you for a long time, I just want you to tell me how you feel…” he was speaking quietly, blue eyes dangerous and focused on Kai’s red eyes.  
“You just want a place to stick your cock…haven’t gotten laid in a while have you Tala?” he half sneered and half grinned up at Tala after his words, the red heads eyes burning with irritation.  
Tala inwardly calmed himself, his body was hot and the body beneath him close and firm was leaving the blood to drain slowly to his lower regions, which he continued to press against Kai.

He breathed deeply but evenly, his breath making Kai’s bangs shift from his face as he stared up at Tala, his red eyes alight with defiance.  
“You stare at me all the time…”  
“No I don’t…” Kai said with breath as heavy as Tala’s, he rolled his hips against Kai’s crotch.  
“You know…that you want…this…” he said firmly and he saw it, Kai’s eyes lit up, something changed as Kai seemed to like it, his lips curled up into a self-satisfied grin as he saw the lust in Tala‘s eyes,  
“If I let you fuck me, just cause you’ve got it so bad…you better do it right…” Kai’s red eyes narrowed and Tala grinned in his mischievous way.

“Just pretend that you love me…” he said sarcastically and he narrowed his eyes at Kai.

‘I knew he was gay…’

Tala realized Kai wanted to grasp at some control by feeling like he was calling the shots and it was no matter to Tala, he doubted Kai had ever had sex before, but he was going to find out…

* * *

 

“Uh! Ah ah ah aaaah!…je-sus…fuck…aaaah…ah! Uh…uh…uuuhhh…AH! AH! AH! -whine- growl…uh…Tal- AH! Fuuuhck! -whine- uh…uh…-pant- hah- der- pant- whine- ah! Aaaah…”

Tala was grinning from ear to ear as he held Kai’s waist and thrust into him from behind, their skin smacking loudly together but it was dulled down the music playing at a medium volume on Kai‘s bedroom Hi-fi, the guitars and dark music only adding to the tense sexual activity.  
He had been right that Kai was a virgin, the ‘tight ass’ that he’d been labeled by everyone was very correct, Kai was untouched sexually. What surprised Tala was his vocal range and just how rough he liked it, the slower and harder Tala went, the deeper and more sensual were the echoed moans, the harder and faster he went, the louder and quicker the shouts were, when he teased Kai by stopping or working the ring of muscle and not the deeper parts of his anus, the whines and low moans, plus the occasional growls could be heard.

Fucking amazing, Tala was so turned on but he was riding out every bit of his stamina. 4 nights in a row, Kai was on all fours or bent over, twice on the floor, he had the bruises on his knees to prove it, once over the kitchen counter and then right that moment he had Kai on all fours on the bed.  
He could see Kai’s face clearly in the dresser mirror across from the foot of the bed, he watched himself fuck Kai into a flushed oblivion of noises and wanton cries. The sound of their skin connecting was the was drowned out further by Kai’s voice and Tala’s breathing and harsh grunts fit in between.  
His abs were cramping and his leg muscles burned but he endured, watching Kai’s face…beautiful.

Kai didn’t mind, if anything, catching glimpses of Tala fucking him and looking down at him superiorly turned him on even more, Tala had noticed this when their eyes would meet in the far mirror and Kai would manage a naughty grin at their reflections. Fuck yes. Tala loved it.

‘Goodbye to sleep, I think this staying up is exactly what I need…’ he grunted and thrust hard into Kai, feeling the instant tightening around himself as Kai’s body had a spasm of pleasure.

“AH! AH! AAAH FUCK!” Kai went louder as Tala went harder.

The lights were all on in Kai’s room, they were in the centre of the cold bastards once sexually un christened bed, he could see every inch of Kai’s white skin, muscles tense, sweat lightly forming along the hollow of his spine down his back. Kai’s phoenix tattoo ran along the left side of his spine, the tail ending where Kai’s tail bone was. Sexy.  
Kai was incoherent, his eyes screwed shut and mouth never closing as sounds found their way out unabashed.  
Kai seemed to love sex and Tala fucked him just like Kai had asked, just right.   
Kai was his now, he wasn’t denied anything after that first night, he kissed Kai when he wanted, groped him…and stripped him down too.

But he didn’t know if he would ever love Kai. He and Kai didn’t need love, just attraction.

Tala ran his hands firmly along Kai’s sides, slowing down since he could feel the tension in himself, he would cum if he didn’t slow down and he didn’t want that just yet, Kai had to be tortured into pleasure until his ass was so sore and raw that he would need recovery.  
Even though Kai seemed to like the pain.  
The abbey really fucked them both up.

‘Take apart your head…’ Tala moved slowly out and thrust back in deeply,  
“Uuuuh…Talaaahhh…aaah….ah…aaaaaaah…AH! Fuck…moov-ah!” Kai was trying to move back against him,  
“Like a slut Kai…” he said with a deep hoarse snicker and Kai looked at him via the mirror, pulling himself forward so Tala length slipped from him, he got up on his knees and turned to Tala, tackling him with a kiss and they fell back onto the bed in a mess of naked sweat and hungry kissing.

‘Take apart the counting and the flock it has bred.’

Kai was moaning into his mouth and his hands were assaulting Tala’s skin and nipples, pinching and scratching so the pale flesh was burning, Tala was moaning in both pain and pleasure as Kai kept him down with his body weight, Tala being a bit spent right then, needed to gain some strength to turn them over and be back on top.

‘Goodbye to love…’ Tala thought as Kai’s hand gripped his red hair and Kai was biting his neck and sucking the flesh painfully, Tala’s hands slipped down the length of Kai’s back and he dug his nails into the mounds of Kai’s lightly muscled arse harshly, making Kai press himself against Tala and make a small sound of pain.

‘Well it’s a ride that will push you up…’ Tala thought as he found the strength and using his hands and legs shoved Kai to the side and got back on top of him, their hands roughly finding each others and Tala used his higher advantage to force Kai’s hands onto the bed just above his head, Kai’s dark blue and slate hair in complete disarray and his eyes desperate with lust and violence. He wanted to fuck Kai like the devil, violent inside, beautiful on the surface and evil deeper within.  
Kai was trapped just then, his breathing deep and his body needy, Tala was no better if for nothing other than his strength over Kai’s, his blue eyes trailed over Kai’s face as Kai did the same to Tala.

‘Right against the wall…take apart your head…’ Kai’s legs shifted and slid along Tala’s sides before locking around Tala’s waist and holding him there, Kai’s entrance prone to Tala’s still aroused state, their fingers turning white as they gripped each others hands. ‘Right against the wall…chew it up and swallow it.’

‘Does everybody really need to know everyone’

That was Kai lying beneath him, Kai Hiwatari, God how he was sinning with this fucking beautiful man. Tala was like the devil himself staring down at him, had Kai wanted this? Or had Tala confused him with the pleasure he forced into Kai’s body that first time?

‘Do you really think your really apart of it?’

Was he feeling guilty?  
…he didn’t dare believe Kai was innocent lest this be a trap of Kai’s fucked up cold mind and soul, Kai used people, Tala didn’t have to feel guilty.  
With a glance at his position, he forcefully thrust back into Kai and watched as Kai’s eyes snapped shut and he clutched Tala’s hands making a sharp noise.

Was Kai using him?  
‘Is your army really one of some thousands?’ Tala’s mind wandered as he thrust again, cutting off circulation in Kai’s hands slightly since his weight was rested mostly there, Kai was oblivious, face beautifully strained as he whined at Tala’s teasing.  
Was Kai in control and Tala the one giving into Kai’s every whim?  
‘Will you declare war on the loony bin?’ Tala was delirious with heat, arousal and the smell of Kai, he wasn’t sure who was in control, he just knew that he was on top.

And he moved harder…harder…HARDER.  
Kai was moaning and shouting at the top of his lungs and with his back arching, pushing himself down onto Tala painfully as Tala felt himself ready to plummet into his release, Kai’s body milked it from him, his fingernails breaking the skin of the back of Tala’s hands as Kai climaxed like the sinful sweet thing that he was.  
Tala collapsed.  
He felt Kai’s fingers leave his own as his head stayed next to Kai’s but face down in the pillow. Kai’s legs slipped from their lock around his waist and the fingers that had damaged his hands were now raking light circles over the wet skin of his back.

Affectionately.

‘You burn bright, but you run out…’ Tala vaguely thought of himself, he was not in control, Kai was in control. With his hot slick body relaxed beneath Tala’s weight, his legs sliding over Tala’s sides sensually, the hands and nails relaxing his aching muscles, the steady but deep rise and fall of Kai’s chest and deep heart beat thumping so that Tala could feel it in Kai’s chest…Tala was in love.

‘I fall asleep in the afterlife…’

Tala didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to take himself from inside Kai’s body either, he felt the relaxing of Kai’s muscles around him and beneath him. Kai’s head shifted and Tala could feel the feather light kiss placed against the side of his neck.

‘I can’t shake this feeling…I’ll never get anything right.’ he felt darkness taking over his senses as Kai’s lips stayed lightly against his neck, his breathing soft like he too would fall asleep. Tala fell asleep wondering if Kai loved him too.

* * *

 

Never.

He woke slowly, laying more to Kai’s side than on top of him, but he was still between Kai’s legs and Kai had rolled over to lay comfortably along Tala’s tall thin frame.  
He focused to see Kai’s face directly facing his, the boy was sleeping soundly, his peaceful closed eyes level with Tala’s sharp nose.  
Raising his head slowly so as not to wake Kai, he looked over their naked bodies, Kai’s one leg was still over his waist, the other tangled with one of Tala’s legs.

Kai’s arms were between them, one hand was lightly pressed to Tala’s collar bone, as if trying to hold on.

Tala placed a hand on Kai’s waist as he shifted his hips, feeling himself slip out from Kai all the way only then. They’d really been that way for hours? He frowned as the day light in the room, however little, invading his sudden headache.  
All the nights before he and Kai woke up cold and separate at opposite ends of the bed.  
This was different.

Shifting so he was leaning on his elbow over Kai, he stared down at the peaceful, sleeping face of the heartless, cold bastard, he only came alive when his body was filled with pure hot pleasure. He slept like he was innocent, but in waking he was vile.

The devil, like Tala.

‘Goodbye you liar.’

He separated himself slowly from Kai and got off the bed, walking from the room quietly and naked he went to his own bedroom, scolding himself for the idea that he was in love that the incubus perversion asleep deceptively in the other room. Like a fool.

‘You sipped from the cup but you won’t own up to anything’

Tala didn’t dare believe he might love Kai Hiwatari, he would deny it and continue to do so, lie to himself until he believed it.

‘And you think you will inspire?’ he asked himself, because even then he felt a pull of his mind in Kai’s direction, the sight of the gorgeous young man asleep and limbs wrapped up in Tala‘s, blinding him like love was said to do.  
He distracted himself with noticing how he reeked off sex.

He moved into the bathroom and went about cleaning up, washing away Kai’s stains on that seemed to be everywhere on his front, from his legs to his stomach and even some on his chest. He rubbed his hands with the shower water over his chest and stomach and watched it disappear, fear in his eyes at the rising forlorn feeling in his body, he was only away from Kai for less than 15 minutes! Was he going mad??

‘Take apart your head…’ he told himself, like he’d been convinced he was doing to Kai, but subliminally, Kai was undoing him with every touch and kiss, ‘…you wish I could inspire.’ he continued to talk to himself mentally as he cleansed himself with soap and everything that didn’t smell of Kai.

When he finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into his bedroom, he heard noises from the hall…another shower running. Kai was awake.

‘Take apart the demon up in the attic to the left’

He felt on edge, the night before had been different to their previous nights, Kai was different and Tala had almost wondered if Kai had been plagued with thoughts of love during the romp as well. This was Tala’s fault, if he had never wanted to pull Kai from his denial of being gay, then they’d never have been shagging in the first place.

‘When I arrive will God be waiting and pacing around his throne…?’ he wondered dismally, thinking maybe he’d be waiting for Tala so he could punish him for tainting Kai with his sexual deviation from the bibles notes of Man must lay with only women. He felt himself shiver in disgust at the idea of fucking a girl, it just wasn’t the same for him.

“Will he feel a little Old Testament?” Tala wondered aloud as he found clothes and began dressing. Once done he went to his own dresser and fiddled his hair into its usual devil horns, how very suited.  
‘Will we celebrate with fire and brimstone…?’ Tala was still grinning at his sharp, pale face, dead blue eyes watching his reflection closely.  
He paused and looked away from himself, smile wavering.

“Yeah…I admit I’m afraid of the reckoning.” he mumbled to himself as left the room, walking straight to the kitchen for coffee.

Once he’d made it he settled against the counter, leaning there and sipping the life giving liquid, his eyes half focused on the floor and on the coffee in his hands.  
He saw movement, Kai always moved silently, he had walked into the kitchen, his naked perfection covered by a white shirt and blue faded jeans.  
As Tala expected, Kai was no different even after the awkward night before, as he usually did, he didn’t acknowledge Tala as he grabbed a large cup and filled it with the hot coffee Tala had made.

He never should have doubted himself, ‘Goodbye my love…’ he had the half sarcastic and half sad thought fleet through his mind and he avoided watching Kai, he could smell Kai’s freshly washed skin even from the several foot distance and it made him wish for something more…even if he wanted to lie to himself that he was tougher and colder, just like Kai was.

‘You burnt bright but you’ve run out.’ he admitted to himself, feeling like meaningless sex with Kai from that point on would be harder for him than for Kai.  
He looked up just as Kai glanced at him,  
“Morning…” Kai mumbled as he lifted his coffee and buttered slice of fresh bread he’d made up in the time Tala had been spaced out.

“Morning.” he said back quietly, unable to look for too long at Kai, who left the kitchen without another word.  
‘You wait right here and they will come and pick you up.’ he thought back to the loony bin idea he vaguely remembered having. Tala knew his mind overworked itself.  
He wanted to go back to that first time, on the living room floor when it had been nothing but sex for him with possibly the most attractive man alive.

‘Let’s sleep at the incline’

He had preferred the unknown and undecided.

He breathed in the scent of coffee deeply,  
“It’s okay, this is just a hiccup, a feeling I can just get over, I’m just confused…” he spoke very quietly to his coffee, “…I’ve been on pause, but I’m shaking off the rust.”

‘I can’t shake this tiny feeling’

‘…Kai…’ he thought again foolishly, it would take a bit more self-convincing to get over this ridiculous thought of love. Right?

Or… ‘I’ve lost my charge, I’ve been degaussed.’  
He was a machine in part for real, but he didn’t think he meant it like that, he meant it mentally, he was digressing from the point of what he’d initially expected out of having Kai in bed, to what he’d felt the night before lying against Kai.  
“I’ll never say anything right…” he mumbled into the cup

‘I’m on my own, I’ve been degaussed.’  
He couldn’t face Kai, “…I’ll never say anything right.” he placed his cup down, hardly touched and walked from the kitchen, never glancing into the lounge to see Kai, he went straight to his room.

‘I’m on my own, I’ve been degaussed, I’ll never say anything right.’  
He closed his door and walked over to his bed, falling onto it and banging his face in frustration against his pillows, how could he let this happen to him, how could he fall for the coldest son of a bitch alive?

‘I’m on my own, I’ve been degaussed, I’ll never say anything right.’

Leaving his face buried in his pillow, Tala held his breath,  
‘I’m on my own.’

* * *

 

He’d fallen asleep.

And when he woke again it was getting dark outside, Tala sat up and rubbed his hands over his face, lines from the pillow creases were red and indented in his face.  
He got up and walked into his bathroom, going over to his basin and turning on the faucet letting the cool water run for a while as he stared at his tired face.

How could being in love make him look that tired?

He washed his face and gargled some water and then mouth wash, wiping off his face on the towel near the basin, he left the bathroom and ran his hands through his hair to neaten it. Night was coming and Kai was outside of the room, expecting Tala to be with him again that night?

What did Tala want? Did he want that same anxiety and confusion that he’d had the night before? He dismissed it and walked into the dark short hall of the apartment, no lights were switched on even as he walked into the dark lounge. The curtains hadn’t been opened and the large flat screen television cast a blue glow over the room.  
He saw Kai laying on the same long couch, Tala usually did, on his back with his hands on his chest and stomach.

Tala walked around the single couch and sat down softly, not looking at Kai, assuming he was also sleeping.  
“Were you asleep?”  
His blue eyes shifted over to Kai, who hadn’t moved but had obviously spoken.  
“Yeah.” Tala admitted, still sounding a big groggy.  
“Was last night a bit too much?” Kai asked not long after Tala answered.

Tala stared at the top of Kai’s head, was he asking Tala if he had burned out? Insulting him? That would be just like Kai, although Kai’s voice seemed mildly curious and not challenging or scathing.  
“…What…do you mean, too much?” Tala asked with a lazy stare at Kai.  
Finally he moved and pulled his legs off the couch, sitting up and facing Tala,  
“Don’t be so defensive, I’m not taking the piss out of you, stud.” Kai said with a soft smile, good naturedly teasing Tala, who continued to watch him lazily in the dark.

Kai looked at him, his eyes looked tired as well,  
“I’m a bit…sore…to be honest.” Kai mumbled and Tala watched Kai shift awkwardly, only noticing then that Kai was leaning more to one side instead of sitting flat.  
He cleared his throat because he felt a hitch when he attempted to speak so he paused and he looked over Kai a bit distractedly, his mind whirring around his concerns for Kai’s well being, this love business really did open up a whole new can of worms and emotions.  
“Oh…” he said a bit lamely and noticed how Kai was watching him, an odd uncomfortable expression on his face before he looked away,  
“…uh, yeah, I guess…I’ll just go to bed early, we’ll skip tonight okay.” he said distantly and Tala felt something tugging at his heart.

Kai had looked sad at his lack of reaction!

Tala blinked as Kai got up and visibly winced when he stood, walking by Tala…who let the feeling settle in his chest and he reached out, catching Kai’s bare wrist loosely in his hand.

‘Take me back…take me back to your bed…I love you so much that it hurts my head…’ he stood up and his hand slid down so Kai’s fingers were intertwined with his own and he felt Kai’s fingers slip comfortably into his own, Tala’s head was swimming with all these raw emotions for Kai’s physical displays of emotion. Kai looked at him,  
“Really, Tala, not tonight.” he mumbled, his voice and never gave much away.

Tala stood close to him and brought Kai’s hand up in his own, pulling Kai’s arm around his waist and then he let go, expecting Kai’s arm to stay there and it did.  
“I’ll give a massage okay…to help you relax.” he said the words easily, not understanding how he was able to show these feeling and perform these gentle actions so naturally.

Was this what love did? Or was this what loving Kai Hiwatari did to Tala Ivanov?

Kai blinked a few times, apparently a bit stunned by Tala’s gentle approach as well, but he smirked kindly at Tala,  
“Sounds like someone’s going soft…” Kai mumbled, his lips easily finding Tala’s jaw where he brushed his nose along the line to Tala’s chin.  
Tala didn’t even feel the need to say something back to Kai, because none of Kai’s words were intended to hurt him, Kai was mumbling these things while he was practically nuzzling Tala’s neck…that showed that Tala wasn’t the only one being soft.

Kai was dangerous to Tala’s mental state, he mumbled something to Kai against the blunette’s lips and Kai frowned at him, pulling back very slightly so their eyes met in the blue glow of the TV,  
“What did you say?”  
Tala smiled, something he never really found himself doing, but it was there,  
“Say…I don’t mind you getting under my skin.” he said audibly and watched Kai’s face reflect a softening the likes of which Tala never thought he’d see on the stone cold face.

‘I’ll let the bad parts in…’ Tala thought as an after, ‘…the bad parts in.’ he kissed Kai’s mouth lightly again and Kai’s mouth puckered just the slightest against his.  
How had this happened between them, was anything happening?  
Tala’s hands and fingers were running along Kai’s bare arms and he felt the goose bumps under his finger tips, he heard Kai mumble his name, it sounded confused.

‘When we were made we were set apart’  
How this this happened…is that what Kai was confused about?

‘Life is a test and I get bad marks…’ he reminded himself that he was in fact still human, even if he had been brainwashed for most of his life, he was ultimately human…whether Kai was he didn’t really know yet.  
But if he had been some beautiful deity, Tala had ripped him from the divine side and held his warm body in his arms, Kai’s head easily resting on Tala’s shoulder even in the confusion.

He smiled as he held Kai to him and felt Kai’s other arm come to rest around his waist as well,  
‘Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins…the storm is coming, the storm is coming.’

Kai shifted and pulled back slightly,  
“I wouldn’t mind that massage…” he mumbled against Tala’s cheek and Tala nodded.  
Kai never met his gaze as he turned to leave the lounge, he walked ahead of Tala who felt anxiety fill him again at Kai’s sudden distance to him.  
He seemed uncomfortable again.

Was he doubting this like Tala had been that morning?

‘You burnt bright but you run out, I fell asleep in the afterlife. I can't shake this little feeling, I never did anything right, I'm on my own…’ he thought himself in a circle as he followed Kai back to his bedroom.  
‘Take me, take me back to your bed, I love you so much that it hurts my head. I don't mind you under my skin…I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in…’

Inside the room Kai pulled his shirt up over his head and Tala saw the Dranzer tattoo that adorned Kai’s lean muscled back, the essence of heat and fire, sexual heat even, Kai was just as powerful as Dranzer.  
He walked up to Kai and let his hands, slightly cold, run firmly down along the side of Kai’s tense spine and Kai made a low ‘ah’ sound that reminded Tala of their heated nights.

‘Well you're my favorite bird and when you sing…’ Tala moved his thumbs in circle along the tight muscles lining Kai’s spine, “…you should lay down…” he directed and Kai nodded, moving to crawl onto the bed and lay down.   
‘I really do wish that you'd wear my ring…’ he thought distantly as he straddled Kai’s backside and started massaging his back again gently to unknot the tension he’d caused in the younger boys muscles.

He’d wanted Kai in the beginning and now he had Kai, he was in love but Kai didn’t know that, so even if he wanted, he couldn’t use it against Tala.  
Placing a few light kisses to Kai’s tense shoulders, Tala worked the muscles loose as Kai drifted into a relaxed sleep on the bed.  
Tala eventually lying down next to him and resting his arms under his head, a naughty grin on his pale face.

‘No matter what they say, I am still the king. Now the storm is coming…’

 

 


	2. Session 2

**-Session 2-**

* * *

 

Months of playing this sweet little game had settled into a nice routine…at home, when we were alone. But I should have guessed things wouldn’t be just between us all the time, Dickenson made himself a pest, like the fucking pest he was.

Popping in to ‘check on Kai’ and his ‘friend from the abbey’.

 

Kai was always detached and necessarily polite to him, considering he was free because of the fat old man. I just sat on the couch next to Kai when he visited and stared at him with a look I’m sure he could tell was urging him to leave the apartment.

He’d come at one point with a request though, wording it as a favor and telling Kai that he’d really appreciate it if Kai would spare some time.

For what? Kai had asked, teetering on irritable after a half an hour of small talk had passed with the man.

 

Yes, Kai was still the bastard I had grown up with, but he kissed so sweetly most times.

 

Dickenson had told him it was to train new amateur blader’s, a good chance for Kai to brush up the old launching elbow. Kai had stared at him mutely for a minute or so, holding back the violent urges that bubbled in our abused teenage bodies so easily. I loved to watch his jaw tense and his lip try not to twitch. Kai had agreed in the end, saying ‘whatever’ and when Dickenson exclaimed his happiness he’d given Kai all the relevant information and finally taken his ass out of the door.

 

What a clever old man he was…he’d asked Kai for a favor which left him in a similar circumstance that he’d been in before. Working with 3 other world class trainers, Tyson Granger, Max Tate and Ray Kon, he’d discovered when he arrived at the BBA headquarters’ to pick up the training schedules.

And while the angry sex was fucking incredible because all Kai wanted was to have his awareness fucked right out of him for a couple of hours so he could sleep blissfully…it left a big problem to deal with outside of the bedroom.

 

Kai didn’t want anyone to know he was gay.

And he went back to this new task, being the pissing miserable dick that he was before, we were also getting to see each other less…and it was bothering me…a lot.

 

* * *

 

Tala sat on one of the large mostly empty bleachers surrounding a Beyblade stadium training grounds used for small tournaments. He had tagged along with Kai this time, he usually didn’t because he couldn’t really be bothered with this sort of shit, he felt like he would rather jump off the high BBA building than be sitting and watching kids practice their rip launch technique.

God knew he’d grown up seeing this shit.

Although Kai had too, so obviously the bastard hadn’t gotten this kiddie shit out of his system.

Tala rolled his head back and sighed as he stared up into the sky…

 

‘Ah…God…’ how familiar to him in past few months. How you may ask? Well, Tala was fucking one of his angels. He smiled broadly as he stared up at the sky,

“Hey, hey, hey…” he watched the fluffy white Japanese clouds float above him, ‘Mr Hangman.’ he thought that might be a nice nickname for God.

 

Tala saw the sun suddenly be covered by clouds and large grey shadows fell over him, he snickered and watched this happen, he probably shouldn’t be thinking that way, in fact, Tala was going to start to start praying. After all, he had something to be very thankful for.

 

“Tala!”

And so called that wonderful thing right now. He brought his head forward and stared down the many bleacher high stairs to see Kai standing with his arms crossed and staring up at him.

“What?” he asked loudly.

“You said you would be useful if I brought you with me…now get off your lazy ass and help me.”

 

Yes, Kai had such a sweet way with words.

Tala smiled and got up with a sigh and a bit of a stretch, making his way in jumps down the bleachers until he was on the concrete grounds.

Kai had walked back and was talking to some orange haired younger kid who’s wide brown eyes revealed interest as Kai told him something, Kai was rotating his finger clockwise then anti, probably telling him about the difference the choice of launch rotation made.

 

Boring.

‘You go get your rope…’ Tala thought again thinking back to his wanting to throw himself off a bridge. He let his eyes trail over Kai in his well fitted jeans, very nice, he couldn’t wait to get home, he didn’t care if Kai was tired, he’d get some.

‘Your daughter’s weren’t careful…’ he smiled as he watched Kai grab the kids arm and push him over to the dish, Tala was even more gay since he’d laid Kai, females should have tried harder, ‘…they really should have tried harder…’ he said indirectly in his semblance of prayer.

As Kai showed the seemingly dumb child how to stand for a powerful rip, Tala tipped his head and his eyes rolled up again,

‘How do you pray?’ he thought distantly, obviously there was some way to do it, he’d lived in a catholic abbey, so he knew you had to do it a certain way.

He wanted to thank-

 

“Tala…” he looked back to Kai, “…stand over there, we’re gonna do a demonstration match.” he told Tala, he never asked Tala for anything, only demanded.

Tala stared at him for a moment and then walked over, taking his beyblading items from his specialized belt, rip cord and beautiful light weight specially designed metal blade. He kissed it and clipped it into his launcher once he’d taken that off the belt he wore, considering he’d come to ‘help’ Kai, he’d brought it all along.

“You know Kai…I don’t think I’m any good at this anymore.”

“Shut up and take your position.”

“You know I can’t take my position if you don’t take yours first.” he glanced up at Kai and true enough he saw the red eyes looking dangerously at him.

 

Tala wasn’t supposed to talk ‘sex’ in public. The 12 year old kid frowned at the tension Kai suddenly displayed and Tala just raised his launcher and smiled at Kai.

‘I fear that I am a slippery slope, Kai…can’t just trust my mouth.’ he gave Kai a sly wink and the blunette brought his launcher up with such anger that when he ripped the cord Tala saw it spark.

He shot his blade off and they clashed heavily in the air before falling into the dish.

“AWESOME!” the kid squealed and many others suddenly abandoned their training to run over and watch, Ray who had been busy training two boys that ran off, looked over and his eyebrows raised in interest as he started to walk over.

* * *

 

Kai had won, inevitably he was stronger than Tala in the Bey dish, hands down, Tala wouldn’t argue, but they both knew who ruled who where it counted.

“That was incredible…and you guys didn’t even call out your bit’s.” Ray complimented Tala as he took his seat on the lowest bleacher, Ray had come over.

 

“Yeah, but Kai’s still better right?” he asked in a bored tone, Kai seemed to feel better about himself after smacking Tala’s blade 5 meters away from the dish, Tala knew that Kai wasn’t mad anymore so things were going well.

Glancing at the neko-jin who took a seat beside him, Ray was quite noticeably shorter than Tala and his build far slighter.

He was leaning forward on legs, but he was looking back at Tala,

“Kai’s bit makes his blade stronger, I think your better with technique.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Ray.” he said with a grin and saw Ray smile at him.

 

“How are you Tala?”

“I’m good, you?”

“I’m okay…” he glanced at Tala again.

 

Tala wasn’t as much of a bastard as Kai, he knew how to exercise good social skills, besides, he and Ray got along pretty well, not that anyone knew that.

Was Ray blushing? Tala did a double take and saw that, yes, Ray was blushing.

But he knew Rei was straight like…all the time in Mariah’s pants, what the fuck?

‘Now even if I lay my head down at night, after a day I got perfectly right…’ he watched as Ray leaned back so he was sitting back like Tala and he turned his face to look at Tala,

“I heard that…you’re…gay…” he lowered his eyes and blushed again, Tala stared at him, “…is that true?”

Tala found himself glancing at Kai who was shaking his head irritably at the boys still lousy launch, he looked back to Ray and found those golden eyes looking straight into his face,

“…yeah, I am.” he answered simply, it was true and some people knew it anyway.

 

Why was Ray asking…not because-

“You never mentioned it…are you seeing anyone?”

‘No way.’ Tala’s eyebrows raised quite a bit as he stared at Rei.

“Aren’t you seeing Mariah?” manners be damned, he wanted answers.

Rei looked away at all the training young children, girls and boys,

“Maybe.” he said and looked at Tala again, maturity and suggestion were clear on his face.

 

_‘She won’t know…’_

 

“What do you mean by ‘maybe’?” he realized he was staring too much so he looked back out at the field and felt his stomach lurch when he saw how Kai was looking at them, they were sitting quite close and Rei was looking at him directly in the face.

Rei was looking at him and he hadn‘t noticed.

 

He glanced back and Ray smiled,

“I mean, maybe I am if you are seeing someone…maybe not if you’re available.”

‘Jesus…’ he wasn’t trying to pray, he was just stunned but his face only revealed slight shock.

 

 _‘She won’t know…_ ’

 

Ray stood up and Tala let his eyes trail over the boy’s thin lean body, over the silk Chinese pants and mandarin collar sleeveless shirt right up until he found those golden eyes on him,

“You just need to say yes or no, seeing someone or not? I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

Tala frowned ever so slightly and tilted his head to the side to look up at Ray better, there was a time when Tala would have dragged someone as attractive as Ray to some small dark place and had his way by now but…

 

“I am seeing someone Ray…but I would have taken you up on that ‘maybe’ any other day.” he said openly and grinned up at Ray in his very confident way, his eyes twinkling with his natural bad nature and Ray blushed again.

 

 _‘So pray little Kai…la…la…luck is God on a good day…_ ’

 

He would have indeed sex Ray in so many ways before discovering he was bitterly in love with the bastard Kai Hiwatari, so Kai was lucky, he was in possession of a faithful Tala.

‘Fuck…’ he thought numbly at the opportunity he’d be letting go of and Ray bobbed his shoulders.

“Nice match Tala, see you around okay, don’t be a stranger.” he went on his goody two shoes merry way as if nothing had happened.

“Fuck…” he watched the neko walk off with a slight loss of bounce in his step, clearly he’d wanted Tala so say ‘yes please kitten’.

 

Tala closed his eyes and then raised his eyes to the skies again and the clouds blocked the sun again, was he being scolded?

 

_‘And you can’t blame your mother…she’s trying not to see you as her worst mistake…’_

 

“Ugh…” he groaned and dropped his gaze. Kai was staring at Ray even as the boy he was training was telling him something about his bey blade, not noticing Kai willing the neko to drop dead from across the field.

Tala frowned, he had often wondered in the past months how Kai really felt about him, because he knew he was in love with Kai, no matter how sick it made him sometimes, but with the red eyed teen looking at Ray that way, it made him wonder if Kai was jealous.

Kai finally after a long moment looked back to the boy and waved his hand dismissively, something about take a break.

 

Half of the kids under Kai’s supervision all sighed in relief and started to loiter and form little circles of chatter. Kai spun on his heel and walked a bee line for the walk in cafeteria. Tala watched him, he looked tense and angry. He was about to get up when he saw Ray looking at him…like he was watching…to see if Tala would follow Kai.

Maybe Ray was suspicious of ‘who’ Tala was seeing, the neko disliked Kai quite a bit because of his ways, so it was very possible he wanted a reason to destroy Kai’s hardcore Beyblader rep.

 

He wanted to follow Kai, who was probably getting something to drink and then going to the bathrooms, where Tala could get him alone for a moment and kiss his neck sweetly to release his tension and ease his worry…jealously…or whatever.

But Ray was still aware, glancing up every now and then to see if Tala had left after Kai yet.

 

‘I wish I could tell you right now…I love you…’ he closed his eyes and thought of Kai, he wondered if Kai would let this whole thing free of being a secret if Tala confessed his feelings and how serious they were. But he doubted it, Kai would probably tell him to piss off and find someone else to love, sex was sex.

His phone started ringing loudly in his pocket and it managed to catch a lot of people’s attention, including Ray’s, he looked over and Tala saw the caller,

“Hey Brian…yeah I’m not doing anything…I’ll meet you there in say, 15 minutes? I’m at the BBA, I can walk to the bar…” he waited and Brian finally settled on 25 minutes since he was farther away, Tala smirked, “…alright, see you soon.”

 

He slid his phone shut and stood up just as Kai emerged from the cafeteria, looking very unhappy, probably because Tala hadn’t followed him. He was making his way over to Tala, Ray watching discreetly but not unnoticeably, most likely the reason unbeknownst to Kai, Tala was about to upset Kai more and it would be a fun sight to see him take it out of the kids.

‘But it looks like I won’t be around.’ he took a quick breath.

 

“You’re going somewhere?” he asked and took a seat on the bleachers where Tala had been a moment before he stood up.

“Yeah…sorry, this training fucking sucks anyway, you should get paid for this.” he said with a lopsided grin.

Kai showed no amusement,

“Where are you going?”

“Going to hang out with Brian…” he started checking his pockets to make sure he had everything, wallet and such.

“Where?” he looked at Kai to see the younger teen looking over him with visible suspicion.

 

“We’re going to a fucking bar, what the fuck is with the third degree.” he wasn’t asking, just brushing Kai off, he wanted to get pissed drunk because with Kai’s mood steadily getting worse, there’d be no sex, so he may as well pass out when he got home.

 

‘So you won’t know…’ he thought to himself, Kai would be asleep and wishing all sorts of bad things on Tala. He unclipped his belt with its heavy launcher and tools in case of damage and he rolled it up as best he could,

“Take this home when you go later will you?” he held it out to Kai.

Kai glared at the belt and snatched it roughly from his hand,

“…you…” he didn’t finish or even start the sentence completely, but Tala noticed how his face became expressionless, trying to cover up whatever was under there.

‘You won’t know…’ he told himself this time, he’d never know what Kai was thinking or wanted to say.

 

Kai stood up,

“Yeah…okay whatever.” he sighed and gave Tala a side glance, then his eyes traveled over Tala’s shoulder and Tala glanced back to see Ray was leaving too, a small bag on his shoulder, god it looked suspicious.

Kai’s gaze fell to the ground briefly then he walked off,

“Bye.” he said stiffly and walked away.

 

 _‘You won’t know…_ ’

 

Tala frowned as he saw Kai walk away so quietly, not going back to training but back inside, Tala looked around and when he didn’t see Ray come back, he jogged across the short distance and walked into the mostly empty cafeteria.

Kai wasn’t there so he must have been in the locker room bathrooms.

Tala walked through the cafeteria, the high ceiling fan’s blowing his hair briefly, and he walked into the locker room for men.

 

He walked past the locker isles after he saw no one at the taps and the 4 stalls all open, he knew Kai would be right in the back.

He finally found Kai leaning against a set of lockers right in the back, his belt was left on the seat running along between the locker rows.

He walked down toward Kai who looked up and seemed surprised that Tala was there, just briefly before he caught himself and frowned,

“I thought you said you were leaving.” he said a bit softly since their voices would echo in the empty locker room.

 

Tala placed his hands either side of Kai, one against the locker beside the slightly shorter boys head and the other against the locker at the side of Kai’s waist. Kai’s head pressed back and tilted up for Tala to kiss him, letting Tala get passed his lips and sliding his tongue into Kai’s mouth easily, making the younger male press his own mouth closer for more.

 

‘So believe in me…’ Tala thought to himself when he felt Kai’s arms unfold and they slipped around his torso, pulling him closer so they were lightly pressed against one another, the sound of them kissing wasn’t loud enough to carry so they continued on, hidden in the shadow of the high lockers and comforted by each others warmth and taste.

Kai’s mouth slid from Tala’s and settled against his neck as he held Tala,

“…you said your meeting Brian…” Kai said against his neck, it was an indirect question, a silent question of Tala’s honesty.

 

‘…believe…if you think I’ll let you down…’ he smiled softly, ‘…well I won’t.’

“Yes, Brian…just Brian, he called me while you came in here earlier.”

Kai was quiet then, breathing softly against Tala’s neck, until after a moment he pulled back and leaned against the locker, looking up into Tala’s eyes,

“You should go then.” it was said quite softly.

 

He knew Kai was trying to muster the shit attitude he usually had but he seemed tired. Tala stared at him, wondering all sorts of things. What was Kai thinking that he’d wanted Tala to confirm that he was going with Brian? Did he suspect Ray of something, did Kai know that Ray was…well, maybe gay.

Tala was curious, interested in the possibility of Kai being jealous…because everyday when he woke up with a frown, whether with Kai naked next to him or in his own bed when they didn’t have sex, he felt so sick to his stomach being in love with this inhuman creature and wondering if Kai loved him back. Maybe him being jealous meant it wasn’t impossible.

 

But whatever it was that Kai was thinking, Tala was stuck, because he knew how he felt and he couldn’t go against himself, he knew it would hurt…

‘They can fire everything they’ve got…’ he thought of no one and everyone at the same time, Tala was a soldier in so many ways and he could take a little pain.

Even if emotional war was new to him.

 

“Why are you staring at me?” Kai was looking up him, head tilted back still, red tinted eyes half lidded and his fine black lashes moving lightly when he blinked up at Tala.

“I’m thinking about…stuff.” nice, talk about not seeming like a freaking obsessed lover.

Kai raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, his bangs falling to the side a bit,

“Me?”

Odd question much.

 

‘And just when you think I’m sunk, I will float on and on.’ Tala raised an eyebrow of his own,

“Maybe…”

“Don’t tease me you dick, answer my fucking question.” Kai said with half a smirk, his eyes lazily trailing over Tala’s thin but attractive face.

Tala saw something there, maybe not love, but reflected in Kai’s eyes was more than lust.

“No, I was thinking about some other person while I stood staring at you like a loser.”

Kai smirked a bit wider and there was a slight and small laugh of sorts, almost a laughing snort before Kai pushed Tala away from him and stood off from the locker.

 

“You are a loser.” he said as he turned away from Tala and opened the locker that he’d been leaning against.

‘I know…I’ve burned the bush that covered my light…I’m so fucking exposed and you can’t even see that I’m trying to see into your heart…if you have one and if there’s anything more of you for me to have…but I can’t tell you that I love you.’ Tala dropped his gaze from Kai’s back where he’d been staring, ‘Even though I’m scared, I won’t burn that bright…so you won’t know.’

 

The locker door was closed and echoed loudly in the large enclosed area, Kai turned around and Tala let his gaze trail to Kai’s to seem like he hadn’t been off in his miserable reverie. Kai sighed and reached down to grab Tala’s belt, turning back to the locker and stuffing it in there before closing it again and starting to leave,

“You coming?”

 

‘You won’t know…’ Tala looked at him and followed but didn’t say anything.

Once back outside, Kai watched as the kids loitered and he shook his head,

“This is ridiculous, fuck that fat old man and this shit…I feel like I’m training 20 Tyson’s with less than half the twit’s talent.”

For anyone else, other than Tala, hearing Kai speak so fluently without long pauses, was very awe inspiring, but to Tala it required a tip of his head and,

“Hm…”

“You don’t care, you selfish ass, you’re going to get shit faced aren’t you.” it wasn’t a question but Kai didn’t sound like he was joking about it.

“…maybe.”

“What’s with this maybe shit!”

 

Tala was a bit shocked at the uncharacteristic raising of Kai’s voice and the severe glance Kai shot him, his eyes a bit wide at being yelled at by the usually stoic boy, Tala came to stand in front of Kai,

“Is something wrong with me going out?” he couldn’t help the slightest smile.

“Fuck you Ivanov, don’t mock me…” that was more like Kai, low and barely noticeable came the threat.

 

‘We’re never gonna feel as full as we felt…’ Tala’s smile faded, ‘…that first time was probably as good as it will ever get…as real too-’

“Stop staring at me, your pissing me off and people are gonna start wondering about it.”

Tala sighed and raised his eyes to the sky, but chose to save his odd half commented prayers until after he’d had some good alcohol.

 

He then averted his gaze to the side and over his shoulder to face the exit,

“Well…I’m gonna get going.”

Kai grabbed the front of Tala’s black T shirt and the red head’s gaze fell on the fist holding his shirt, Kai didn’t say anything and Tala was faced with a speechless boy.

He didn’t understand it, Kai was clearly upset, why didn’t he just say so, because his pride was far too over rated? Probably.

Tala brought his hand up, seeing the kids looking over at what appeared to be a confrontation, he pulled Kai’s fist with moderate ease since Kai had loosened his grip and he let his hand fall.

 

He found he couldn’t say anything else, so he started walking away but Kai called after him,

“Hey…Tala…”

Tala slowed and rolled his eyes, so tired of this ‘Kai can’t tell me anything because he’s too chicken shit to express anything but sexual anxiety.’

What a mouthful.

‘So let’s go outside and we’ll play William Tell.’ it seemed reasonable, one of them would be free of this torment if that went wrong.

He turned around, hands stuck in his pockets he looked at Kai who wasn’t looking at him.

 

Kai started walking toward him and when he was about 2 feet away he stopped and finally looked Tala in the eye, his red eyes burning in that intense way that made Tala’s heart beat faster, no one but him was witness to this intense look, not malicious but anxious,

“I…” he started again.

‘Having trouble hm…’ Tala kept the smile off his face successfully, he wished Kai could just say it, whatever it was, jealously or whatever, he wouldn’t make fun.

‘Take your time drawing your bead…’ he watched Kai’s eyes dart around again, an upset frown settling on his gorgeous features as he tried to swallow that ego stuck choking him in his throat.

 

‘I’ll stand as still as you need.’ he didn’t move, not a facial muscle nor a body part.

“…don’t fuck with me okay.”

That was it…all Kai could come up with.

‘Cause you’re so good at talking smack…’ Tala felt that familiar pain in his chest and he let out the breath he’d been holding.

“I already d0-”

“I’m not kidding Tala.” that was serious and Tala cut himself short of his crude joke and saw that Kai’s hands were shaking.

The pain in his chest got worse, so many emotions, anger and confusion mingling with pain and sadness, ‘You’re a heart attack…’ he thought bitterly of the blunette.

 

“What do you mean Kai?” he asked seriously.

“…I…know you…” he faltered and glanced around, no one seemed interested in them right then, “…I know you’ve had plenty of tricks and one night stands…just don’t…don’t…”

“I won’t.” he said softly, ‘But you’re the apple of my eye anyway.’ he thought silently after his words which made Kai look away from him, ashamed he’d been caught out in his insecurity.

 

“I’m not gonna go get laid Kai.” he said and saw Kai didn’t look happy about that, “…or snog anyone…” Kai glanced at him still frowning, Tala blinked, “…or touch, fondle flirt…nothing…not a fucking thing.” he dead panned.

Kai sighed deeply and Tala saw the upset on his face, he was putting Tala through all of this shit and he was upset with himself for feeling anything for Tala?

It pissed him off.

 

‘My smiling face…that’s my head on a silver platter…’ he closed his eyes and looked at the ground,

“I’m gonna have a few drinks, I’ll even be back earlier if it‘ll make you feel better…I won’t fuck with you. How could I fucking possibly do that…” he didn’t say anymore and turned, “…see you later Kai.” he walked away.

He wasn’t interested in whether Kai was done talking…he wasn’t interested in anything except alcohol and loud music to drown out all of the voices in his head arguing with each other.

 

He loves Kai, but Kai’s a prick and Kai doesn’t care. Kai’s controlling what he does but Kai’s doing what he wants, Kai calls the shots, Kai decides when Tala get attention, Kai says what he wants…Kai, Kai, Kai.

 

He loved Kai and he was gonna be stuck feeling the pain in his chest until he died. God knew, he knew how hopeless Tala was if he was willing to trail along to Kai’s every whim like a slave to its master, Tala was giving himself up for an unrequited love.

‘So they say…’ he was talking to God quietly in his head as he disappeared through the exit and walked through the long passage leading back to the main ground floor of the BBA,

‘They say in heaven, there are no husbands and wives. On the day that I show up…’ he glanced up, ‘They’ll be completely out of their forgiveness supplies…I’ll just be…whatever happens to people like me…’

 

Tala walked quickly through the busy ground floor and out of the massive glass doors, jumping the steps, he walked quickly away from the building and along the curb, shadowed by the massive buildings, he felt chillier for no reason,

‘And I can’t use the telephone, to tell you that I’m dead and gone…’ he frowned deeply as he mumbled to himself, “…so you won’t know.”

 

Tala’s mind entered a very dark moment, he really didn’t know much about heaven, but maybe it was better than facing his beautiful fucking angel and suffering.

‘You won’t know-’ “OOF!” Tala stumbled back.

He hadn’t been watching where he was walking but as he stumbled back someone caught him,

“Shit Tala are you okay?” Brian asked when he saw Tala clutch his pained stomach, that would bruise.

“…ouch.” he rasped out and stood up a bit straight, Brian’s hand’s holding his arms to steady him,

“I was coming to look for you, you told me 25 minutes but I been waiting about as long at the bar. I saw you coming down and I was walking up to you, I thought you saw me but you walked straight into me, man.” he was talking and Tala was staring at him,

“Staring at me like you are now actually, are you listening?”

 

‘You won't know...Yeah, you won't know...Yeah, you won't know...Yeah, you won't know...Yeah, you won't know...Yeah, you won't know...Yeah, you won't know…’

 

“Tala!” Brian shook him as he held his arms and Tala blinked at him, breathing again slowly. He frowned and shrugged Brian’s hands off, standing up straight with a small grimace from Brian’s elbow.

“Yeah…yeah I hear you.” he lied and looked along the mildly busy streets, “…let’s get shit faced…I gotta do it before 9 pm though.” he mumbled and started walking the way Brian had come.

Brian fell in to step beside the slightly shorter red head,

“What? Nine?”

“Don’t ask…walk faster.” Tala sped up his pace.

 

* * *

 

 

Tala had arrived back at the apartment at 9:10 pm.

Kai wasn’t there.

He went to his room…and broke down.

No, he didn’t cry, he didn’t know much of how that worked. But he did scream into his pillow all the obscenities he knew and stuffed his face with sleeping pills to knock himself out because he didn’t have enough alcohol in his system to do the job…because of the bastard Kai…and needed to pass out.

 

A hot shower later he felt the effects of the pills kicking in…very quickly.

 

With shaky hands he pulled his covers back and was about to get into bed but stopped, he looked over at his door and walked to it quickly, twisting the key harshly so it locked.

Fuck everything. If he didn’t wake up, he’d be fine with it.

He got into the bed and laid his head down and was pleased that his mind was too drugged and intoxicated to find the coherence for wallowing in his misery.

He fell into a very deep sleep.

 

……hours of deep sleep later……

 

‘ _We saw the western coast, I saw the hospital…..Nursed the shoreline like a wound….Reports of lover's tryst….Were neither clear nor descript.’_

His eye lids twitched. _  
‘We kept it safe and slow…The quiet things that no one ever knows…’_

* * *

 

He opened his eyes and the dull sunlight in his room made his head swim, pound and scream at him to find a cure to the headache.

“…oh…jesus fucking christ…” he breathed out in a harsh whisper of pain bringing his hands over his face.

Apparently sleeping pills and gin didn’t go very well with one another, then again, wasn’t there a rule about not drinking if you’re on prescription meds?

Dismissing the possibly important information from his hurting brain, Tala tried to pull his thoughts together, he sat up slowly and looked around his half lit room, his curtains were still closed but it was clear that the sun was shining brightly outside.

 

Everything was in place, his jeans were laying half way on the bed at the foot with his belt still looped through it, he could see one unlaced sneaker laying on its side near the bathroom door and a towel hung over his set of drawers which had two drawers slightly opened. It all made sense, it was like a path he’d made to the bathroom and out…into his bed.

He didn’t actually remember doing any of it though, he had been pretty out of it by the time the pills kicked in, but the alcohol, though less than Tala usually had, had blurred his prior evening, although he remembered Kai hadn’t been home when he got there.

 

He flopped back down and then groaned, gritting his teeth as his head pounded with pain, that had been a bad idea. He needed coffee…but first he had to wait for his brain to stop bouncing around inside his skull.

He tried thinking of the evening before but after his 5th drink it wasn’t very interesting, just people dancing, flirting with one another and snogging. He did remember he had dreamed though and it was still fresh in his mind. In his dream he’d seen what was technically the past.

He remembered being in the USA when Boris had first started promoting them as a team, he’d seen Kai in a magazine or two, his grandfather had been filing for custody of Kai since he was registered with Balvoc Abbey as orphaned.

Then he’d remembered way after that, after years and many confrontations and times seeing the younger slate haired teen, he’d fought Garland and wound up in hospital…Kai had visited. He remembered Kai saying indirect words of concern and apology in his barely noticeable way, which was so much like him, that’s what had happened. Tala even remembered being so angry and sad at the same time as he laid there unable to resspone, that his heart monitor had sped up when Kai left. He’d cried.

 

The only difference with his dream was that in these scenarios he’d dreamed, which were actually memories, and in his memories he’d fantasized, if he could call it that, things that hadn’t actually occurred. It was that he and Kai had been a secret couple for years and years, since 14 years old, since Tala first realized his attraction.

It was just his dream, but he’d had pictures in his head in between the memories about him and Kai sneaking kisses and even one scene where they’d made lo-

 

He blinked.

 

…they’d had sex in Balvoc abbey. None of this had ever happened. Especially the part in his dreams where Kai had told him he loved him. Tala knew it was his subconscious mind reminding him how pathetic he was. Because he wanted to hear those words, but he knew Kai would never say them, also, Kai had stressed to him on many occasions what a big secret their relationship…friendship…sex thing….had to stay.

 

-You don’t fucking tell anyone, or I’ll make you fucking sorry red.-

 

Had been Kai’s endearing words…he’d said that to Tala right after climax one night and it was a total mood killer…pft. But if his dream was an indicator it was probably telling him that he just had to deal with it, he had dealt with it for years considering how he’d dreamed it was over a long period of time, so he could do it now too.

Besides, he couldn’t get pissed drunk every time he wanted to get away from Kai’s intoxicating smell and infuriating bastard face. He couldn’t force himself into an oblivious sleep every time he wanted to be unable to wake and face the sickening angel that may or may not have decided to share a bed with him.

 

Tala had seen in his reflection over the months that he’d lost a bit of weight, not much but some. He had only been out with Brian 2 times and once with Spencer in 5 months. He didn’t catch movies by himself, or even socialize with people anymore now that he’d been Kai. He was going to become a ghost if he kept this up, some play thing Kai kept in his toy box of sharp objects, where Tala would suffer in darkness and hurt…

He was giving himself a headache with all this freaky thinking.

 

“I need to get a grip…” he mumbled to himself and brought his hands up, running the over his face and then through his hair, “…you’re tougher than love Tala. Kai has you by the balls because you want to be faithful…but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a life outside without sleeping with other people.” he was talking quietly to himself.

“And just because I know I love him…it doesn’t mean he has to know he has any sort of power over me, he doesn’t have to know I feel any more than lust for him…” he opened his blue eyes, half lidded and slightly bloodshot, he cracked a dry grin, his straight teeth just barely shining with saliva and the light reflecting off them as he did so.

 

‘I just have to be strong…be indifferent but straight forward.’ he sat up slowly, wisely, and brought his lean legs out from the tangle of blankets. Placing his feet, surprisingly cold, on the carpeted floor of his room, he attempted to stand.

He felt a bit dizzy but he was okay, he moved into his en-suite bathroom and washed his face, brushing his teeth because he could taste the alcohol foul and stale on his taste buds, some mouthwash afterward as well washed the taste away.

Tala pulled his mouth around with his fingers, like an idiot, inspecting his mouth for cavities which he did often when he was bored. He then went on to lean close to the mirror, pulling at his eyes and seeing the little veins bloodshot around his baby blue iris’s.

He looked pretty shitty, but he smelled good. He’d showered before bed so he was clean and he didn’t smell like he’d rinsed his mouth with cheap alcohol.

 

He left the bathroom and scratched his crotch absently through his boxers as he half yawned, he was keeping his eyes half closed because the light was still a pain but he knew the lounge would be bright because the curtains of the balcony would be wide open and letting the sun in, he had to suck it up.

He didn’t bother with pants but he did open his two door closet to find a T shirt to pull on, a loose grey cotton tank shirt sufficed.

He found himself thinking of Kai as he caught sight of a hicky just under his nipple, about 3 days old and fading. He pulled the shirt down and shook his head, feeling himself swoon inside at the idea of Kai’s mouth anywhere near him.

 

He couldn’t get horny every time he thought of Kai, it was his only power card, the sex. If he could gain some control over Kai, it would be by calling a few shots, maybe he should say no every once in a while instead of Kai. He liked the thought actually.

“So keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground.” he grinned at himself when he found himself staring at his tall reflection across the room at his full length mirror, he was glad to see that his grin didn’t fail to be as naughty as ever.

 

‘If today’s the day it get’s tired…then today’s the day we drop out…’ ’ Kai wasn’t going win this first battle of Tala’s facing his dormant self and getting back on track, he was going to be in charge today, it would be a start! He’d be the one to push Kai away today.

 

He walked to his door, bringing a hand up to scratch his head as he tried to pull his door open and it didn’t move.

“I don’t remember locking…” he trailed off and shrugged before turning the key and opening the door to step out.

“Jesus!” he didn’t say it to loudly but the hand in his hair landed on his chest and he jerked backward feeling his heart race.

Kai was standing with his arms folded over his chest right where the door opened and his intense gaze was, to Tala’s misfortune, the angry type.

A furious Kai Hiwatari was a wonderful sight when you were hung over and fighting love demons. Not.

‘Gave up my body and bed…for that look…’ he sighed deeply to gather himself after receiving such a fright but Kai didn’t falter.

His pretty red eyes slid over to the mostly closed door and a lean arm stretched out, Kai’s hand touching the white wood and pushing the door open with a strong flick and it swung in with a quick soft creak.

Tala frowned and glanced into his room, Kai’s eyes were on his bed and he looked at his bed, it looked slept in, on one side. He looked back to Kai to find he was staring at him again and he raised his eyebrows before shaking his head.

 

Tala shoved Kai out of the way…

Yes he did, he actually pushed the slightly shorter teen out of his way and Kai stepped sideways awkwardly when he was pushed, having not expected that.

…Tala walked passed him and down the hall into the lounge, rubbing his bed head hair so it was more untidy than before.

He made his way into the kitchen first, coffee coffee coffee!

 

The pot was luke warm, so he switched it on to heat up, it had obviously been switched off by Kai, which was rude because he knew Tala had coffee when he woke up. Frowning to himself as he grabbed a mug out of a cupboard above him, he glanced over his shoulder at the wall clock above the open doorway.

 

It was 1 pm.

 

“Nice Tala…waste the day much.” he mumbled to himself and placed the cup down.

“I went to a hotel last night.” Kai’s voice trailed into the kitchen from outside the doorway, Kai had obviously gone into the lounge.

He closed his eyes, he had just taken a spoon out of a draw and the sharp knives were looking mighty fine right then.

 

WHY THE FUCK HAD KAI GONE TO A HOTEL??????

 

‘Calm down…the bastard fucking ass hole is trying to upset you…there’s no way he was fucking some else last night…when I came home early just for him…AND HE WASN’T FUCKING HERE!!!!’ he slammed the drawer shut and he grit his teeth forcing himself not to walk into the lounge and throttle the boy for making his stomach and chest hurt so badly with worry and jealousy.

 

‘I gave up my body and bed…all for an empty hotel…’ or at least he was hoping so.

“Tala…did you hear me?” Kai was in the kitchen now, Tala hadn’t heard him come in but that wasn’t surprising, Hiwatari was like a spook.

He couldn’t speak because his jaw was sealed shut with tension, so he kept his back to Kai as he placed two level spoons of fine white sugar into his cup, glancing over to see the steam rising from the glass coffee pot, he reached over for it and filled his cup, placing it back down.

 

‘Wasting words on lower cases and capitals…’ he thought bitterly, fucking talking, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk and if Kai didn’t watch it, Tala was worried he’d slam Kai’s head into the nearest hard surface.

Looking back on all the times he wanted to beat the shit out of Kai before, this was probably the worst of those times so far.

 

He heard Kai sigh, he could picture how Kai’s eyes were staring at a wall, beautiful and emotionless and his mouth would be in a sarcastic line probably.

The mental image Tala had made him clutch his hot cup tightly so it burned his pale palm to distract himself from the idea of Kai being in bed with another guy.

 

“…I was there with Tyson, Max, Kenny and Daichi. Mr. Dickenson wanted to take us all to dinner for the help we’ve been giving him, so we went to the Boulevard restaurant at a hotel on the beach front.” he was informing Tala of this for a reason.

 

Tala wasn’t stupid. There was a reason. But he was confused because he had no clue what it could be. All he knew was that he’d felt enormous relief at Kai’s explanation, Kai had said hotel after all, not hotel room. Was he so weak that he was pushed to the brink of violence by his jealousy that easily?

He sighed inaudibly, taking his hot red palm from the cup and flexing his sore hand, it hurt and it was tingling from the heat.

God he loved this boy.

 

‘I contemplate the day we wed-’

“We ate…the food was good, Tyson never shut up about all of the potential super stars that he’s creating, he managed to speak a lot in between his…eating, if it can be called eating. Kenny never stopped agreeing that Tyson was amazing, Max asked me four times if I was going to have my dessert which I ate just so he would shut up and Daichi spent most of the evening trying to talk over Tyson’s big mouth.”

‘Your friends are boring me to death.’ he frowned down at his cup and hoped so badly that if he ever managed to get Hiwatari to marry him, those fucking idiots would not be on the list of Kai’s guests.

He pictured Kai in a dress with a white veil like a virgin and it amused him, he smiled slightly, feeling all the pressure leave him now that he realized Kai hadn’t had another person’s hands on his body.

 

 

“Mr. Dickenson eventually joined us, he gave us gifts and asked for our continued efforts to assist the BBA. My gift is tickets to a hockey game, he knows I’m fond of it…since I played it in school…”

Tala turned around and he was surprised to see Kai was staring at him and not at the floor, talking about things so calmly, Tala hoped he was trying to make peace, because it was working.

 

Blue eyes stared openly but not weakly at red eyes that revealed nothing to him.

 

Kai was really a beauty, as he stood in the door way, not tense as he leaned against the frame, hands in his pockets, bare arms close to his sides,  he wore a black tank shirt on his  lean well-toned upper body and jeans that were well fitted, his hair hanging in his face, some tucked behind his ears and the rest in its natural spikes.

 

‘ _Your veil is ruined in the rain_  
By then it's you I can’t do without  
There's nothing new to talk about  
And though our kids are blessed  
Their parents let them shoulder all the blame’

Among his random thoughts about marriage that would never happen, the fact that he’d never have little Kai’s running around calling him daddy and the fact that he didn’t like the idea of Kai in woman’s clothing…Tala realized that he so badly wanted to kiss the gorgeous boy just a few feet from him.

A good morning kiss.

 

He walked across the kitchen and Kai’s eyes never left him, he came to stand in front of Kai and his hand came up to run down Kai’s bare arm, like he usually did. There was a trail of light bumps on the fair skin but Kai’s eyes remained on Tala, staring at him at the close proximity, searching Tala’s face. He leaned in to kiss Kai’s slightly pink mouth but the short boy turned his head away and stared at the wall now,

“Ray wasn’t there.”

 

There it was…Kai dropped the bomb finally, the reason he’d been telling Tala this wonderfully boring story to begin with.

Tala sighed and pulled back, walking around Kai to leave but Kai’s hand came up and snatched his forearm.

Tala wasn’t having it, the relief he’d felt was replaced with that indifference he’d felt earlier, he needed to be back in that frame of mind to win the war, he pulled his arm harshly from Kai’s slight grip and saw how something dark flashed in Kai’s eyes.

 

He walked into the lounge and like he’d assumed, the sun light was thrown over the white, red and black décor of Kai’s lounge quite stunningly. Tala needed air, he opened one of the balcony doors and the wind whirled in from outside, throwing one of the heavy white curtains up slightly.

They were high up on the building so it was often very windy, which was why they kept the doors closed.

He leaned on the wall of the balcony and stared down at the lower building and cars in the streets, feeling his clothes and hair blowing against his thin frame, cooling him down, he felt so tired.

 

He glanced back and he saw Kai through the doors, sitting on the couch, leaning back with his head turned in the direction of the TV, but his bangs covered his eyes.

“Keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground…” he mumbled and the sound carried away with the wind.

Tala turned around and walked back inside but stayed in the doorway of the balcony, feeling the wind on his bare legs, he looked at Kai,

“Is there a reason you don’t want to kiss me?” he asked, watching the other.

 

He had to avoid the subject of Ray because if he seemed like he knew why Kai was upset, being jealous and accusing that is, then Kai would indeed be lead to believe that Ray had something going on with Tala, or something like that, Tala was still trying to understand Kai’s problem.

 

“You told me you were going out with Brian…but Ray left just before you did.” he said still keeping his eyes hidden and his voice dead.

“…uh yeah.” he said impatiently and like Kai was being an idiot, “I was standing and talking to you when you noticed him leave the training centre.” he walked further in and came to stand near the couch Kai was sitting in.

 

“He wasn’t at the dinner and when Max asked about him, Dickenson said Ray had told him he was going out with someone.” Kai informed, “…so he wasn’t coming to dinner.”

Tala blinked, because he knew that he hadn’t been with Ray so this was boring him,

“Okaaaay.” he raised and eyebrow.

Kai stood up and faced him, eyes still revealing nothing,

“What did Ray talk to you about when you were sitting with him?”

 

‘So he did notice.’ Tala blinked, “…he complimented my blading.” it was true.

“Did you two fuck Tala?” the question shot out of Kai’s mouth quick and harsh, like he’d lost the patience with the small accusations.

Tala gave him a dumbfounded look and walked closer to Kai, getting into his face,

“How the fucking shit did you go from ‘Ray and I talking at the BBA’ to ‘Did you fuck Ray?’?” he used his hands to gesture the two points being far from each other.

“I saw how he looked at you.” Kai replied icily.

“And how was that Kai?” Tala’s voice was very mocking, he was enjoying this, he hadn’t had the advantage over Kai in a long time.

 

Kai was speechless again and Tala enjoyed how his mouth twitched with words he wouldn’t say for fear of sharing his emotions.

“…he looked at me how…the way…you used to look at me?” Tala pushed Kai with his words and placed his hands on his hips.

“Yes.” Kai said simply and Tala barely managed to stop himself from gawking at the confession.

He kept himself calm and waved his hand lazily, dismissing it,

“Well take that shit out of your head because your being ridiculous.”

“Are you saying that Ray didn’t make a pass at you…or something?”

“No he fucking didn’t! He’s not gay!”

 

Tala let the lie leave his mouth guiltlessly, because he was sparing Kai’s feelings…

‘Wait…what? Kai doesn’t have feelings…’ he stared at the blunette who seemed to be analyzing Tala and trying to decide if he believed him.

As he stared at Kai, even though the younger teen seemed to have himself under control emotionlessly, this argument held an underlying emotion for them both, Kai was concerned, insecure…jealous.

Maybe Tala was wrong, it was possible Kai was just being a prick and not wanting to be caught off his guard and made to look a fool…that made more sense.

Either way, Tala was sparing him.

 

‘I lie only for you…and I lie well.’ Tala thought of God and he averted his gaze from Kai’s beautiful face, ‘…hallelujah.’

 

 _‘So keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground._ ’

 

“Okay…okay fine.” Kai said after a long silence and very out of character, he huffed and screwed his eyes shut, bringing his hands up to run them through his hair that Tala knew was soft to touch.

 

Kai turned and walked away, walking from the lounge and into the hall, obviously to go into his bedroom. Coffee mood forgotten and his head ache suddenly noticeable now that Kai had ceased the other ache in Tala’s chest, he decided he’d lay down. The couch looked good but he favored the idea of pants, so he decided he’d put some on first.

 

He trailed the way Kai had gone, always thinking of the attractive boy and how-

Tala actually made a noise something like a gasp when he stopped in his bedroom doorway, there was Kai holding up Tala’s sheets as he was kneeling on the bed, looking at the sheets spread over the mattress. Kai grabbed a pillow, since he hadn’t noticed Tala yet and Tala watched him smell it and then look at it, dropping the sheets and picking a long red hair off the pillow.

 

He was inspecting Tala’s bed.

 

“Kai, what the **fuck** are you doing?!” he said so loudly and angrily that Kai actually seemed to get a shock as he dropped the pillow, but when he glanced at Tala his eyes were dark with upset. Tala didn’t get this shit, he couldn’t get what was wrong with Kai, why didn’t he believe him?

 

‘ _Today’s the day it gets tired, today’s the day we drop out.’_

 

Kai got off the bed, Tala watched his white socked feet, Tala thought Kai had attractive feet and in socks they always looked cute even though his feet were size 7. He was digressing.

“Kai-”

“I’m checking…” Kai snapped and walked over to Tala’s closet, swinging the doors open and rummaging through the hangers of clothes loudly.

“Checking what?!” he was yelling now and his whole head hurt every time he raised his voice but it didn’t stop him as he walked into his room and came to stand a foot behind the other male.

 

“I’m checking for any sign that you had Ray here last night…whether you’re hiding him…” Kai sounded dangerously low in his tone but Tala was frigid now, he really couldn’t control his ice cold temper, the complete opposite of Kai’s, there would be no threat before Tala cracked.

He stepped forward and grabbed Kai’s forearm firmly and roughly and spun Kai around with such force that he fell forward awkwardly against Tala, stunned by how his world had just spun.

 

“You stop this, right fucking now.” he said quietly and very icily directly to Kai’s face as the younger was now standing close to Tala as he clutched Kai’s arm firmly enough to likely bruise.

“Or what Ivanov?”

“Or I’ll kick the shit out of you like I did in the abbey **too** long ago.” he warned and Kai’s beautiful face betrayed its sinful sweetness for an ugly contortion of rage and he shoved Tala backward,

“I was ten, you wanna try that shit now Ivanov?”

“Stop calling me Ivanov.” he felt they were passed that.

Kai glanced at the tiny finger round bruises already forming on his skin and he looked at Tala sharply when he spoke,

“Stop telling me what the fuck to do…Ivanov.”

Tala grabbed Kai so suddenly and roughly by the front of his shirt that Kai made an alarmed noise, the taller red head shoved him backwards so he slammed hard against the wall beside the closet and Kai’s eyes shut at the pain of his head hitting the wall.

“Stop it Kai.” he wanted to hurt Kai, so badly wanted to put his fist right into some sensitive part of Kai’s body, his stomach, his ribs…to disable the cocky bastard and watch him struggle with the pain…but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

 

_‘Gave up my body and bed…’_

 

Kai’s breath was almost nonexistent, his eyes narrowed dangerously straight into Tala’s since Tala had him on his toes literally with one hand on Kai’s shirt and the other around his upper neck, pushing his head back,

“I…don’t want to hurt you...I told you nothing happened when Ray talked to me.” he admitted and he saw the anger in the younger boys eyes.

“I don’t believe you…I don’t trust you…fuck you Ivanov.” Kai spat and moved his leg quickly, kicking awkwardly and hurting Tala’s shin, the red head snapped his teeth in a pained growl and before he knew it he released Kai’s shirt and punched the boy in his stomach.

 

Kai tried to curl in on himself but Tala’s hand on his neck forced him back against the wall harshly again, his head banging it a second time and Kai’s eyes were shut for a moment before he blinked, breathing more audibly now from the pain shooting through his mid-section and his head.

Kai was aware of Tala’s superior strength, Tala had beat him up in a fight years ago and since then Tala had only become more well trained and sculpted, his fair skin didn’t display the lean tight ripped muscles he had, but they were there and Kai had felt them on a number of occasions aside from knowing Tala‘s physical strength.

 

Tala had been dangerous in fights, he’d seen Tala take down older boys in the abbey sometimes with two blows, depending on their placement. Kai was a good fighter, but Tala was better at it. Still…Tala hadn’t hit him very hard just now.

“You’re too chicken shit to hit me Ivanov.”

“Stop calling me that!” he yelled in Kai’s face through clenched teeth.

“Make me…”

_‘Wasting words on lower cases and capitals.’_

Tala pressed his mouth to Kai’s and the blunette turned his head away roughly,

“Get…o-off me…” he said angrily but Tala found his mouth again, using his hand on Kai’s neck to pull Kai’s face back to his.

He assaulted Kai’s mouth and eventually with Kai’s slight exclamations of anger, he slipped his tongue between the perfect lips and tasted Kai, like he’d wanted to do peacefully earlier.

 

“Ah!” Tala let go of Kai very quickly and covered his mouth, “…fuck…” he mumbled into his hand and when he moved his hand and touched his tongue with his fingers, he was bleeding. Kai had bitten him, hard.

 

He looked at Kai now, he stood there with his red eyes slightly wide at what he’d done, but when he saw Tala look at him he put his angry mask on and turned his gaze away,

“I told you to get off me.”

Tala smiled bitterly at Kai,

“…yeah…I forgot you always have to have your way.”

 

Tala looked away from Kai, picking his bed sheets up off the floor and tossing it on the bed,

“Get out Kai.” he said quietly as he straightened his bed.

When he looked again, Kai was gone.

Tala sat on his bed and held his sore head a while, just letting the pain settle there, it kept him from thinking all of the annoying thoughts which hurt him more that physical pain.

His shin was throbbing as well, Kai’s kick had been awkward, if he’d had more space or a shoe on it would have been a pretty well aimed kick and painful too.

 

He stood up and grabbed some clothes to dress himself. When he was done he walked out of his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He didn’t look around and instead made a b-line for the front door. Passing the entrance to kitchen he heard Kai moving about doing something but he didn’t look. When he grabbed Kai’s car keys and pulled the door open he heard the noise stop in the kitchen, but he left, he just wanted to be alone.

 

 


	3. Session 3

I walked in at about 12 pm, much later than I’m sure Kai would have appreciated , even before I started fucking him. God how I hate referring to it as fucking him, but that’s all it is. Every time, every position and every touch is all just the way we fuck each other…up.

I was pretty fucking tipsy too, I’d had a couple mixers and my regular favorite alcohol, which actually tasted disgusting…but I liked Gin and Vodka, not together…but I’m getting off topic again.

I saw the kitchen light on, it was the only one on that I could see, the place was spinning and pitch black, except for that ray of yellow light streaming into the entrance hall. I walked over and peeked inside. There he was, Kai Hiwatari, perfect fucking posture as he sat at the table at the back wall of the kitchen…

* * *

 

Tala had returned that night very late and was mildly drunk again, he’d found Kai sitting at the kitchen table with one leg pulled up, a magazine out on the table, a cup of coffee and his cute spectacles on his pointed nose.

Tala leaned in the doorway and closed his eyes as he rested his head against the cool door frame,

“I’m sorry for…hitting you…and uh…” he frowned with his eyes still shut, “…forcing you to kiss me. And whatever else I did wrong…”

* * *

 

I felt pathetic even as the words left my mouth, I was apologizing for him hurting me, referring to me coldly by my last name, accusing me of cheating on him when he wasn’t even my boyfriend.

I was apologizing.

I opened my eyes and I found him taking his glasses off his face, no face paint on, he looked as perfect as ever, hair left to dry without any product it was soft looking even as it sat above his head in most of its natural style.

He wore a loose shirt and a plain loose pants, changed and obviously showered, he probably smelled like heaven while I stunk of alcohol and smoke. I could smell the bar atmosphere wafting off my body even as I stood there.

He’s staring at me…

* * *

 

Kai took his glasses off and watched Tala, pasty and obviously drunk, he raised an eyebrow,

“…I’m going to believe that nothings happened between you and Ray.” he stated and closed the magazine to distract himself from Tala‘s hazy blue eyes.

Tala remained silent and closed his eyes again, this was getting so old, Ray proved to be a problem, it may have been worth it if he’d just fucked the neko.

“I don’t actually have any right to tell you what…or more specifically, who, you can do. I just felt a little weird I guess.” he tried explaining without articulating his feelings.

“Kai…you don’t have to talk in circles, you can tell me what you want, tell me what you feel, I wanna know baby…”

* * *

Shit…I just called him baby. He’s not your boyfriend, you can’t give him affectionate names.

* * *

 

Tala opened his eyes quickly,

“I mean, Kai…sorry. I was saying that I don’t mind you letting you me know how you want this to work, I’m…pretty much doing things your way now as it is.”

Kai stared at Tala, he seemed distracted for a moment and Tala knew it was because he’d never heard Tala talk this way, so openly without any games of his own and mild slurring.

“You…mean that, I can call the shots?”

 

* * *

 

I know you’d love that…you spoiled fucking brat…I’m so pathetic.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah.” Tala answered and looked away, feeling quite ashamed of himself.

“Okay, well, I don’t understand what this arrangement we have is…but I like it Tala.” Kai said and Tala had to smile, hearing honest unhindered words from Kai made him happy.

Maybe Kai would trust him.

“Quit smiling, don’t make this awkward.” he mumbled and Tala smiled wider,

“I’m not smiling for anything bad, just because I agree with you…I like it too.”

Kai stood up, the chair making a noise on the tiles as he did so, he walked over to Tala who leaned his head against the frame again and they stared at one another.

“But you can’t sleep with anyone else, I won’t either. Let’s agree on that?” his eyebrow placed the question when he looked at Tala and the red head nodded,

“If that’s what you want…Kai…then that’s how it’ll be.” he mumbled.

“And nobody can ever know about this…thing…that we’re doing.”

‘Fucking…?’ Tala blinked lazily,

“You mean that we’re fucking?” he said out aloud and Kai’s eyes darted briefly around, like the term hadn’t been what he was going for but he settled his eyes on Tala’s chest and nodded,

“Yeah…that.”

“Okay…” he sighed and stood up, “…but no more accusing me of shit.”

Kai didn’t answer but it was a silent agreement.

“I’m going to bed…” he turned and left the doorway and as he walked he heard Kai,

“Hey red…can I join you?”

The tone was sexy, like Kai knew how to be when he wanted to turn Tala on.

“…Sorry, not tonight Kai, I’m not in the mood.” he walked down the hall and into his room, closing the door quietly.

“Keep the blood in your head…and keep your feet on the ground.” he smiled to himself, he was moving up on the score board even if he really had meant that he was tired.

* * *

After the tension that had thrown them out of their comfort zones and the conversation and agreement of being friends with special benefits, things had been awkward for a few days. They’d greeted in the mornings, ate in mostly silence and usually in different rooms, watched television, occasionally swapping opinions but not many.

They’d played video games, which Kai rarely did but was quite good at, much like sex had turned out in the beginning Tala discovered.

Over all they went into an uncomfortable friendship, there was no groping or sexual innuendo from Tala, no playful banter and no kissing in the dark late at night on the lounge sofa or in the kitchen…they were a bad version of the friends they’d been before they’d slept together.

That was until after about a week and a half of avoiding each other indirectly, they’d finally got caught up when they’d had the idea to shower at the same time. After some strange smiles, Tala had followed Kai into his bathroom and before they knew it they were naked and wet under the shower together. Making up.

It had felt so good for Tala to be inside Kai’s body again, to taste Kai’s kisses again and after the session of hot steamy wet sex in the humid bathroom, Kai had sucked Tala’s neck like a vampire as if he’d missed doing so over the time that passed.

Tala had identified this to be Kai’s way of expressing high pleasure volume, he spared himself words by sucking little clots of blood over Tala’s flesh and raking his nails across Tala‘s shoulders, ass cheeks and back…usually just before and after he would orgasm.

Kai had the sexiest ways of showing gratitude too, he knew how Tala loved it when he let Tala touch and caress him after sex, Kai’s well toned body against Tala‘s, so Tala’s eager hands could trail over every single bit of exposed skin while Kai was still hot and sensitive.

Tala loved this and Kai let him enjoy it, instantly sliding against Tala after sex.

That bathroom shower sex had set them back on track mostly, they were back to normal, cussing each other out jokingly between hot kisses and playful fondling. Hanging out easily in public as two former blader’s before going home and playing a DVD while kissing for hours.

They’d even started laying together on one couch and watching TV and one or two times, Kai had slept in Tala’s room with Tala…when no sex was involved.

Over all, things had been better and about a month had passed.

Kai was still occasionally training with the BBA, he’d been partnered with Max to train and it made him happy since the blonde usually just asked basic questions or made harmless jokes about silly things. Tala had offered to help out again but Kai had declined, saying that Tala was a useless distraction when he was there.

Kai had seemed happy when he said that though, so Tala had taken it as a compliment.

So having had nothing but free time all the days that Kai went off to train, he was hanging out with Brian and Spencer again often. They’d go to bars or café’s or even the occasional club and even though Brian and Spencer noticed Tala didn’t bother with flirting or anything, just drinking, laughing, chatting to people and the occasional swaying to the music, they didn’t question the random and new behavior.

Brian often looked at Tala like he knew that something was going on but Tala always just shrugged it off, although it started to concern him when Brian had come around to fetch him before they went off to watch a football game down at a local bar. Brian had his eyes set on suspiciously as Kai watched Tala pull his boots on, looking a little miffed and when Tala glanced at his light haired friend, there’d been a strange look in his eyes.

Brian knew or at least he’d become more certain and Tala worried about it more now since he saw his friends more often, so he’d gone out and even tried flirting harmlessly, it seemed to throw Brian off a bit and pleased Tala because he knew how important it was to Kai for it all to remain a secret…but flirting got him numbers and kisses on his cheeks which were aimed at his mouth sometimes and narrowly avoided.

It was a contradiction, being in a relationship…yes he called it a relationship…but pretending not to be, he’d never seen himself being in such a predicament.

Tala had been a player of sorts, he’d never gone steady with anyone and loved kissing the occasional cute guy in a club.

Now when he was out in a club, standing at the bar and bobbing or swaying to music, ordering drinks or whatever, he wished Kai could be there.

But Kai had never been the type to go out anyway.

And it was just as well, because Brian was smart and he’d figure it out and unfortunately for the slate haired teen…everybody was out to get him…always. Spencer displayed no interest in Kai’s downfall, he was indifferent to practically everything except beer, while Brian often scoffed when Kai came up in conversation with anything good said about him.

He called Kai a bastard as much as Tala did, without the affection of course.

But Tala dismissed the problem now that Brian seemed to lay off the idea, Tala’s small harmless flirtation was working and as long as he threw the numbers out, then Kai never would accidentally find the pieces of paper…at all.

It was like a small game. But Tala was a winner. Mostly.

Things were looking up right then between him and Kai and he was happy to admit that he’d even said at some point that he understood their **relationship** was a secret, and Kai had agreed and not turned down the word to describe what they had.

Better than saying ‘I understand that us fucking each other is a secret.’ Right?

Boyfriend was a stretch, but Tala was working on it. He slipped the occasional endearment in like ‘baby’, ’babe’ or ‘sexy’  and once he’d even off handedly called Kai ‘love’ and he saw the boy stiffen in surprise, but he’d yet to object as long as it only happened when they were alone.

At that moment he was walking home from the convenience store, holding a small packet carrying a can of red bull and milk. They’d needed milk. He walked comfortable in the cool night air, wearing a normal T shirt and jeans it was a nice atmosphere on a Friday night.

Things had certainly gotten better, he didn’t even drink so much or steal Kai’s car to get him there to drink. He usually got home at around 11 latest and Kai seemed satisfied with it since he never complained, and Kai never actually went anywhere beside the gym, training at the BBA in the recent months and occasionally he’d go to the company he owned and yell at people…Kai was just like that. And yes, Kai owns a company which came out of all the bullshit he’s grandfather put him through.

‘Was losing all my friends…was losing them to drinking and the driving…’ he sighed happily as he rounded a corner and smiled at a happy couple cuddling and walking by, they smiled back and Tala’s smile wavered, he would like to be a couple with Kai, he’d never been in a relationship and now he was but he couldn’t say anything or show anything.

Almost six months with Kai and no one knew a thing and they’d never tell, he saw the building coming into view and smirked,

‘But things are good anyway, I’m happy and Kai’s happy…was losing all my friends…but I got em’ back…and I got Kai too.’

Walking into the lobby the doorman greeted him and so did the receptionist of the expensive apartment complex, Tala made his way to the elevators and waited.

He and Kai had matured a lot in the time they’d spent together in six months of high and lows, it had gotten to a point where they’d lay on the same couch and Tala would hold Kai while they watched a movie, actually hold him around his waist all gently like.

When Kai was feeling especially affectionate, Tala supposed that was it, he’d come to Tala and seek small kisses and hugs, whispers of naughty things and slight but sweet touches.

In side of the apartment, it was like an alternate universe which Tala wished he could have everyday and everywhere.

 

-Ding-

 

Tala raised his eyes from the white tiled ground and looked up as the doors slid open. He stepped inside and leaned against the wall inside, his reflection was all around him since the elevator had mirrors. One floor up, Parking A, another guy got in and glanced at Tala who gave him a brief nod of greeting.

Tala dropped his eyes again and thought of how Kai had recently whispered to him, after another nightly session, that it had been incredible.

‘…that was, so…incredible…Tala…’ he’d been breathless and wracked with a wonderful orgasm, his eyebrows had been drawn together by deep pleasured thoughts, but Tala wasn’t going to brush such a compliment off, who didn’t love being told they were incredible in bed.

'Now I’m on the mend…at least now I can say that I am trying…’ and he was, everyday, he worked hard to enjoy the bliss and leave those three words out his head and even out of his heart, thinking of that usually complicated his feelings and made him angsty around Kai, but he’d found that when he let things be as they were he handled it better.

Of course…he had his days.

‘And I hope you will forget things I still lack.’ he glanced up, it was the 6 floor and there were 15 in total, it was like someone had pressed every button and no one was getting on when the elevator stopped. He rolled his eyes and the other guy looked at him,

“I…I uh, know you.”

‘Yeah yeah…’ he thought lazily, “…I’ve seen you before, we live in the same building so-”

“No, I mean that I’ve talked to you before.” the guy said, he was probably a year or so older than Tala, he had short black hair, spiked above his head and he dressed smart and neat, like formal casual, but he wasn’t Asian.

Tala didn’t recognize his face at all,

“Oh, where?”

“I believe…that I gave you my number in a night club…several weeks ago actually.”

Tala’s heart skipped a beat…not because he remembered this guy, but because that was probably true.

He cleared his throat and averted his gaze to the numbers, the 9th floor and the doors opened, no one got in, ‘Damn it.’

“You don’t remember me right?” he asked with a small un-offended smile.

Tala looked at him and shrugged,

“Uh, no I don’t actually, sorry.” he didn’t sound much like he cared.

“Hm, I assumed as much, I recognized you from the building in the club when I approached you. I assumed you were straight until you flirted with me…” he was talking a lot and Tala kept glancing at the numbers climbing too slowly…11th.

“Then I assumed you were in a relationship because you live with a guy, when you asked for my number I was confused…but I thought you’d call for sure.” he was staring at Tala.

Tala thought of his priority first,

“…no, I’m single, the guy I live with and I are friends. I just flirt like that sometimes, I know it seems like a shitty thing to do but…” he trailed off.

13th.

The guy waited for the doors to open and he stepped out half way, so the doors wouldn’t close,

“…I see, well I am single so if you change your mind, I’m in apartment 13-H, drop by Tala.” he smiled and then walked out.

Tala blinked as the door -dinged- closed.

Why did something always have to go wrong!?

He was doing the flirting to hide his relationship but it seemed like the walls of discovery were above to close on him.

‘There you go being dramatic again you fuck twit.’ he reprimanded himself and watched the numbers climb to 14 and then 15, he sighed and stepped out into the shorter private hall with two large doors. He walked slowly and thought about it, telling Kai about his flirting tactic would save him trouble of being ‘caught out’ at some point because of forward people, like 13 H.

‘Tell him Tala…seriously, he will understand…’ he almost laughed at himself because he knew Kai may very well not understand and they’d have a repeat of the ‘Ray’ incident a month or so ago. He stopped outside the door and closed his eyes, he really didn’t want to go through that again, but he didn’t want to get caught and it would seem like he was lying and hiding something.

‘Is it in you now, to bear to hear the truth you have spoken…’ he wondered, Kai wouldn’t know that he’d been right about Ray per say, but he’d learn that Tala was willing to bend the truth to keep him happy, considering how long he’d been flirting in secret…but maybe he wouldn’t put two and two together.

He shook his head angrily, he’d just been thinking about how everything was going so well for something like this to happen…now Tala had to worry about anyone who might see him mentioning something in Kai’s presence and maybe Kai running into that guy and him asking about Tala for any reason. With Tala’s fucked up luck it was a very real possibility.

 

‘ _Twisted up by knaves to make a trap for fools?’_

 

He was an idiot in the end, all of this was so tiresome though, lying to Kai and telling him the truth messed things up equally, he didn’t know why he was so cursed.

He opened the door and walked inside, taking his wallet from his jeans and placing it on the small entrance table before he walked further in and turned into the kitchen, to find Kai sitting on the counter, his legs crossed underneath him.

He looked at Tala,

“…I’m was thinking of making microwave popcorn, but then I realized I wasn’t in the mood for it…” Kai said randomly and turned back to staring at the microwave.

Tala frowned and walked into the kitchen further, placing the packet beside Kai who looked inside and took the red bull can out.

He popped it open and Tala gaped,

“I bought that for me you greedy fuck…” he said with very little conviction as he faced Kai, Kai took a sip and passed him the can.

Tala took it and Kai smirked at him, leaning down, one hand on Tala’s shoulder pulling him to stand in front of himself, he slipped his arms around Tala’s neck and kissed him, Tala’s head tilted up to meet the other’s soft mouth in an open kiss.

Kai tasted of red bull obviously.

He  paused the kiss to take his legs out of being crossed, letting them dangle either side of Tala’s waist as he leaned back down and kissed Tala again.

All thoughts of an honest talk were forgotten when Kai’s tongue was around his own and Kai’s legs were squeezing him slightly.

Pulling back again, Kai licked his lips and Tala felt his hands running through the hair on the back of his head,

“…you okay?” Kai asked and Tala blinked, he knew he’d been staring at the gorgeous teen but how had Kai known he was thinking something upsetting?

Did Kai know his expressions so well?

He let a smile grace his face and placed his hands on Kai’s lean muscled thighs, running his fingers over the jeans with slight pressure and feeling Kai’s legs squeeze his waist tighter since it tickled.

“Yeah, I am…why?” he asked quietly, still smiling.

Kai tilted his head and he looked cute, though he wasn’t trying,

“You look like you got something on your mind…that’s all.” he said dismissively and pushed Tala back, so he could slip off the counter, coming to stand at his usual height, slightly shorter than Tala.

Tala continued staring at him, wondering if telling Kai the truth was worth disrupting this peace and pleasure between them, to disrupt it all and have to fix what was broken all over again, if they could.

‘Is it in you now to watch the things you gave your life to broken and stoop then to build them up with worn out tools.’

Unique red eyes narrowed,

“I hate it when you stare at me like that, you always do that…I know your thinking about me but I never know what it is.” he half mumbled as he stared at Tala’s face, with a look that the red head had come to know as being Kai’s look of attraction or comfort.

“It’s only fair…” Tala grinned naughtily, “…I never know what your thinking so it seems about right…” he brought the red bull in his hand up and sipped on it, eyes leaving Kai’s for a moment.

“My thoughts aren’t important.” Kai mumbled again and Tala looked at him, licking the wetness of the drink from his lips as he lowered the can and placed it on the counter,

“It is to me…” he admitted and leaned against Kai’s body which was leaned against the counter.

Tala didn’t think it was a good idea but he wanted to be honest with his dirty little angel.

‘Yeah…’ he closed his eyes and let his face rest against the side of Kai’s head, smelling his hair, “…I’d like to know what your thinking now.” he mumbled to Kai.

Kai’s face turned into his neck and Tala enjoyed the familiar feeling of warm breath on his neck, Kai’s mouth automatically opening and he felt a tongue run along his neck softly before Kai closed his teeth and lips over a soft spot and sucked it lightly.

Kai liked making hickey’s, Tala was just lucky that when he went out with Brian he could hide them with his collared jackets or maybe just delay going out until they faded, because he liked it when Kai did it.

He felt Kai’s tongue and lips sucking his flesh and it hurt a bit, Kai’s hands found Tala’s own, it was rare Kai did this, and their fingers slipped together in a loose hold.

When he was finished he ran his tongue over the red warm bruising skin,

“I’m thinking about chocolate.” Kai mumbled again, they always spoke softly when they were that close.

Tala loved that too…he loved so much about his secret life with Kai except that it was a secret. He didn’t want to lose him. And he knew Kai just decided then that he felt like chocolate, he hadn’t been thinking that very thing earlier. He removed his fingers from Kai’s  and let his arms slide around the others waist, his hands gliding down and pushing beneath Kai’s jeans, he ran his hands over the warm cheeks of Kai’s firm butt, feeling the thin material of his briefs.

He squeezed the warm flesh and hummed in pleasure as he pulled Kai close to him, feeling Kai’s hands doing the same, except they slipped into his back pockets and groped him.

Touching Kai that way always turned him on but he didn’t want to ruin the moment of quiet holding by stripping Kai naked in the kitchen, he’d done it before and the idea was always appealing, but he felt like they were at a new point, this was a relationship and if he wanted Kai to love him then he had to show Kai he had more than sexual desires for the slate haired teen…if it wasn’t obvious enough that was.

‘Nothing gets so bad…’ he thought happily and separated himself from Kai,

“You get your chocolate, I’m gonna go sit down and watch television, its only after 7, so there should be a movie on some channel.” he said comfortably as he grabbed the red bull and left the kitchen.

He sat in the single seater, not thinking much of it, he never usually sat in that seat because he liked to lay down on the couch but it was fine for right then as he flashed through the channels and settled on a low budget action film, snickering as he sipped his red bull.

When a commercial came on he glanced around, Kai was still in the kitchen, he paced his empty can on the coffee table and sat back, relaxing in the chair, bringing his thumb to his mouth and biting his nail distractedly.

Tala knew he wasn’t a good person, he’d done so many bad things in his life and he knew he wouldn’t be on the list of people God favored. He thought about praying again, he remembered vaguely when he was about, before he was taken to the abbey as an 8 year old orphan. He remembered going to a big stone church with his parents, their faces weren’t clear but he remembered a man’s voice, his father, telling him that God was the one to trust to guide you…then he’d sold Tala to Boris and his birth certificate and records had been tampered with to say he was born of an anonymous woman and every trace of his ‘family’ disappeared.

Apparently genetically perfect children were worth a lot of money on the black bey blade market that Boris had controlled.

Tala blinked lazily as he bit at his nail, he hardly thought about his ‘parents’ even though he knew they may still be alive somewhere, he supposed he didn’t care. He didn’t know if God had guided him, but he seemed to turn out…okay-ish.

Boris was a fucked up, sick and twisted freak…but Tala would take him over Dickenson any day.

He smiled at the thought, Boris had been cold and cruel and had treated them like machines, but he respected them and when he spoke of them he defended their honor like it was his own and when he got angry at their failures, it was because he hated seeing them be thought of as lesser.

It was twisted love, but Boris had loved them like a overly proud…and mentally unstable… father.

Except Kai, Jesus he hated Kai…well hates, since he’s still alive in a prison in Russia. Everybody hates Kai, except for him. Boris hated him because Voltaire praised him and always said he was better than Boris’s own boys…which was the Demolition Boys, again with Boris’s pride being in the line of fire there‘d been hatred for Kai. Tala sighed, he’d seen a lot in his days…he had really lived and was yet to regret anything really. Maybe some small  things but nothing major.

‘A whisper from your father couldn’t fix it…’ Tala thought bitterly, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what advice from a man who sold his child would be worth…

It struck him that he’d never have asked Boris’s opinion on something like his relationship with Kai, but Boris’s ‘advice’ and ’discipline’ on strength and confidence never failed to inspire…fear first but self respect as well.

 

_‘He whispers like a bridge…a river spanned.’_

 

He knew that it was Boris’s advice that had gotten him this far with Kai, the ability to suppress emotions because they would be your downfall. He exercised this with his feelings of ‘love’ for Kai and it was working.

Kai finally came into the lounge and stood beside where Tala sat,

“There’s no chocolate.” he said distantly as he stared at the movie that had come back from a commercial a while ago.

Tala glanced up at him,

“Did you want me to get some, I can run down to the store.” he offered, wanting Kai to have what he wanted, as always.

Kai looked down at him and his eyes reflected that emotion of affection, he half smiled at Tala and sat on the arm of the sofa, turning to face the couch and lifting his socked feet up onto the couch, he pressed them against the inside of Tala’s thigh, his knees bent up as he leaned against them and looked down at Tala,

“…you’d run to the store just to get me a chocolate bar…” he raised an amused eyebrow.

Tala smirked and leaned his head back,  
“Yeah…I would do pretty much anything you asked me to Kai.” he admitted and wondered if he’d said the wrong thing when Kai’s face became serious, he looked away and down at Kai‘s cute socked feet.

Tala wanted Kai to know, he needed Kai to know what was really between them.

‘Take all that you have and turn it into something you would miss if somebody threw that brick…shattered all your plans.’ he wanted this to be as important to Kai as it was to him.

He remembered then that he needed to tell the other teen about the flirting trick, he took a short breath,

“…Kai, uh…”

“You wanna know what I’m thinking…” the words were so soft and Kai’s eyes so soft that Tala was rendered speechless by the beautiful red eyes.

“Yeah…” ‘Yeah…yeah…oh…yeah…’ he thought feeling excitement and anxiousness.

Kai got off the couch and kneeled down between Tala’s legs, he sat forward to look at Kai properly as the other boy stared up at him,

“…I’m thinking of the possibilities.”

“Possibilities of what?” he had to ask.

“Of you and I…” he said after a quiet pause.

Tala wasn’t going to force any more out of Kai, the shyness and slight shame at admitting this was evident in Kai’s averted gaze, he was staring at Tala’s stomach now, but those words meant something.

“I’m glad, I think of it all the time.” he continued with his honesty, so long as he avoided blurting out that he loved Kai, things would go well.

 

_‘No time to get seeds into the cold ground…’_

 

He had to take it slow with Kai, he watched as Kai glanced at him and then got up on his knees and leaned forward, his arms leaning together between Tala’s legs, Kai laid his head against Tala’s stomach, the cotton shirt warm from Tala’s body heat.

Tala smiled and let his hand slip into Kai’s hair, he wondered if Kai would complain about being petted, he usually hated it.

‘It takes a while to grow anything before its coming to an end…yeah, we have a long way to go, but I think you know what’s happening.’

Or at least he hoped he did, if Kai never came to love him it would be a tragedy that no one would have ever known of, a secret that Tala would take to the grave and have to die knowing, but he would have loved in his life time and he thought that would be enough.

Kai was enough for him.

‘Before you put my body in the cold ground…’ he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, Kai’s silky soft hair under his palm and between his fingers, warm cheek against his stomach, it all calmed it, ‘…take some time and warm it with your hands, that’s all I ask…’ he wanted Kai to be his even if he never loved him, for how ever long he had.

‘Before its coming to an end…yeah…’

His morbid thoughts were forgotten when Kai’s arms moved and so did the light weight of his head, Tala looked down,

“You want that chocolate huh?” he smiled.

Kai smirked and his hands ran down Tala’s jean clad thighs and up under his shirt, Kai’s cold finger tips feeling out the firm abs on Tala’s abdomen, Tala watched Kai’s face as he shook his head.

“Nah…I don’t feel like it any more…” he said and dropped his eyes as his hands slid out from under Tala’s shirt and his finger tips on his right hand found the button of Tala’s jeans while the right hand finger tips drew the zipper down easily.

Tala’s body heated up just at the idea, oral sex from Kai was just as rare as most of the nicer things he might do. Kai loved all kinds of things and Tala did them **all** to Kai whenever he wanted it, but he never asked anything of Kai…like usual, Kai was the priority, but this was a privilege.

Kai’s hands slipped back to the waist of Tala’s loosened jeans and Tala raised his bottom half as Kai pulled his jeans and underwear down to his knees with a few shimmy’s over his thighs.

Tala wasn’t fully erect yet but he was close to getting there as he watched Kai wet his lips,

“I know you like this…I hardly do it for you…” he commented and it turned Tala on for some reason.

“…I…do like it…” he didn’t want to sound like he was insisting, lest Kai stop it.

Kai nodded slightly and pulled Tala’s jeans over his knees so they were around his ankles, he then dipped his head and Tala opened his legs as wide as the couch allowed.

He closed his eyes and his mouth parted the moment Kai’s tongue ran over his balls, Kai licked a few more times before he ran his tongue fully along Tala’s erect length, it was pulsing and twitching, dark pink with the blood filling it, leaving Tala’s head empty save for his dazed arousal.

Kai saw that sexually aroused glaze fill Tala’s eyes and he smiled, pressing his wet lips to the tip and playfully licking at it. Tala was so eager to tell Kai not to play with him, blow jobs felt like a luxury since Kai had become his lover. Kai saw Tala swallow and close his eyes and he knew that Tala was being polite, he dropped his gaze to Tala’s stomach as he used his one hand to slowly rub Tala’s sensitive scrotum, running his tongue lightly over the heated thick flesh as he did this.

He stopped using his mouth but let his hand continue the sensual rubbing, he was distracted by the tattoo on Tala’s lower abdomen, he’d know it was there obviously, but having done this in the dark and the heated moments of foreplay in the bedroom so rarely, he’d never gotten quite a good look at it.

Tala had a tribal tattoo with a Russian word ‘wolf’ beneath it. It was a standard tribal pattern and the spears and twists of it ran upward until just below his shallow navel, the word was just above the base of his length,

“Your tattoo is…sexy.” he admitted randomly and Tala who was biting back sexual frustration leaned his head forward and stared down at Kai.

“Wha?”

Kai looked up and him and the remembered what he had been doing,

“…nothing…” he said quietly and then sat up on his knees again, he took Tala’s length into his mouth and Tala jerked up just a tad into the heat.

Kai couldn’t take him all in but he did go more than half and then Tala felt him gag before he pulled back a bit, the contraction of his throat had felt nice but he didn’t want Kai to be uncomfortable.

But Kai never had trouble with anything, after the initial try he’d figured out his limit and he worked it well.

“…ah…aaaah…hmmm…” Tala pursed his lips and let his hips move lightly up, just helping Kai along and going in time with the slow bobbing, Kai was using his mouth like a pro as he moved, but it was too slow and Tala knew he couldn’t cum at this rate.

Kai pulled back, holding Tala’s slick and glistening erection in his hand,

“Is something wrong…?” he looked up at Tala who was flushed slightly and frowning,

“…no…why?” he frowned lightly at Kai, “…don’t stop…” he hoped it wasn’t forceful, the sensation was pleasurable even without cumming and watching Kai doing it was a bonus.

Kai didn’t hesitate, he took Tala back in his mouth and Tala’s moans commenced as Kai settled between his legs, his hands moving to Tala’s sensitive spots, his stomach, thighs, chest and massaging the base of the length in his mouth.

He felt the hand on his cheek and his eyes drifted up to see Tala watching him, desire clear in his eyes. Tala’s hand moved again when Kai continued, slipping into Kai’s hair and then down to he nape of his neck where his dark hair rested.

Tala’s nails ran lightly through the hair and over the neck,

“Uuuh…Kai…” he felt Kai’s teeth against him and when Kai heard the response he continued doing this.

Tala couldn’t take it anymore, he settled his hand to the back of Kai’s head, deep inside the soft hair and he pushed Kai down faster and then when Kai pulled back up Tala pushed his hips up. He did this a few times and went a bit fasted until he felt Kai gag again and he pushed further in slightly rougher.

But his senses caught up with him,

“Aaaah…” he moaned when Kai pulled back up he let himself slip from Kai’s mouth and his hand covered Kai’s around his erection and he started stroking, fast and hard, Kai’s fingers clutched tightly under his own hand and he was unaware that Kai was aroused himself and watching Tala’s face intently.

Tala groaned when he came over their joined hands and Kai instantly leaned up to kiss him, muffling Tala’s moans of orgasm as he pushed the older boy back into the couch.

They kissed heatedly for a long while, sticky messed hands be damned they gripped each others hair and kissed noisily.

 

‘ _Its coming to an end yes…its coming to an end…’_

 

Kai climbed into Tala’s naked lap and their hands fumbled at the same time for Kai’s jeans zipper, loosening it Tala’s hands slipped into the back and went straight to Kai’s cheeks, squeezing the flesh before his fingers slipped in between.

“Aaaaahhh…” Kai moaned and he pressed himself into Tala, his mouth against Tala’s forehead as he felt the pleasurable intrusion.

Tala was sucking on Kai’s neck as he played with Kai, just the way he knew Kai enjoyed it, feeling Kai’s muscles tense around his fingers.

‘Thank god Kai’s gay…’ Tala thought stupidly, thinking of all he would have missed out on if Kai had been into women,  ‘…what a waste…’ he looked into Kai’s face, flushed now too as he started to stroke Tala who was hardening again slowly, he was still feeling the effects of his orgasm.

 

_‘Do you miss the blend of color she left in your black and white field?’_

_‘Do you feel condemned for just being here.’_

Tala brought his hands out from Kai pants, not missing the hitch in his breath and then he started to push the material off Kai’s waist when-

 

-Knock knock knock-

 

They froze and then Kai seemed to dismiss it, kissing Tala again,

“They…ll…go…a…way…” he said between their mouths meeting.

That was fine with Tala and continued to push the pants off when another followed the first, louder and longer.

Then Kai’s phone buzzed and the ring tone went off loudly on the coffee table behind them, Tala saw how Kai’s face instantly reflected his anger, he was pissed off.

They separated quickly though, both of them pulling their pants up and struggling with visible and painful arousal as they did so.

Kai’s shirt was clearly messed from when he’d laid over Tala to kiss him and Tala’s clothes were the same, the phone continued to ring.

Kai lifted it up with his clean hand,

“It’s Dickenson…” he said quietly to Tala.

“This guys really starting to piss me off.” Tala said equally quiet but again prioritized Kai and he grabbed Kai’s shirt and started pulling it off, Kai refused and grabbed Tala’s hands,

“Hey, I have to answer, he can hear my phone genius.” Kai mocked as he stared at Tala, they were whispering,

“I fucking know that but my cum is on your T shirt and its pretty obvious, give me the shirt and answer the door, say you were just working out.” he grabbed the shirt again and Kai gave it up with a defeated look, he wiped his hand off on the shirt hurriedly when he remembered the mess.

His phone had stopped and then started up again and they both huffed quietly as Tala exited with Kai’s shirt and his own untidy appearance into the hall to the rooms.

He tossed Kai’s shirt onto his own bed and pulled his shirt off to change it, he was angry, Dickenson was making himself a pest, this was not the first time he’d interrupted them, not necessarily with sex but with their lives in general.

He heard Kai answer the door and the old man’s jolly greeting, he cringed and pulled a long sleeve shirt over his head.. He moved out of the room and hovered in the hall, seeing Dickenson’s back as they moved into the lounge, Kai wisely sat in in the single seater. He heard Kai tell Dickenson he’d been working out with headphones in and he apologized, standard polite etiquette.

Dickenson very happily said it was fine and apologized for coming so late, but he’d been finalizing a meeting.

“…hm…” Dickenson sounded distracted and Tala frowned before focusing again on eavesdropping.

“Kai, may I ask before I continue…” there was pause.

“Ask what, Mr. Dickenson?” Kai sounded tired.

“Where you really working out, or have I interrupted something?” he sounded like an old amused man.

Tala stepped further out, Dickenson’s back was to him but he could see Kai’s puzzled look and- ‘Oh shit…’- Tala’s eyes widened and he absently touched his neck when he saw the purple and fresh love bite on Kai’s neck and one very fresh one of his bare chest.

“I told you I was working out.” he answered shortly, oblivious.

Dickenson chuckled,

“You don’t have to be shy Kai, I am aware that your old enough to have a young woman in your life, you wear it rather proudly.”

Kai’s expression was priceless, Tala watched him freeze and he blinked several times as if the realization dawned only then that he was half naked and his sexually kissed flesh was exposed.

“Don’t you worry, if you have a young girl here I won’t keep you much longer.” he chuckled and Kai laughed awkwardly,

“…uh, yeah…thanks…I’m…I forgot about…this.” he finished just as awkwardly, Kai was visibly uncomfortable and Tala felt bad, he stepped back a bit in case Dickenson looked around, Kai still hadn’t seen him.

“Quite alright, I’m actually relieved to be honest. You spend so much time with that Russian lad I was beginning to question how healthy it is, two young men shouldn’t be cooped up so close this way…I’ve never seen you with a girl, it was a concern.” he went on.

Tala became angry, who the fuck did that fat bastard think he was?? If it were Tala he would have put him back in place and told him it wasn’t his business anyway but Kai didn’t, not even close…

“Hn…Tala and I just live here, we have our own lives. We’re room mates of convenience.” he sounded so offhanded, like it was what he really thought. Kai sounded so real.

‘I am not your friend, I am just a man who knows how to feel…’

Tala knew he knew differently, Kai was lying he knew…he had to be…ashamed of feelings probably but still lying. It still left pain in his chest knowing that he could be denied so easily,

‘…I’m not your friend, I’m not your lover…I’m not your family…as far as everyone’s concerned…yeah…yeah…’ he closed his eyes as the pain resonated from his body to brain all over again, all it took was one fucking problem and it all came crashing down.

Not even 10 minutes after he’d had Kai moaning on the couch and Kai’s sweet lying mouth had been around his-

“Good good, then my offer won’t affect you too negatively I hope. I’ve decided to promote Beyblading internationally again, I’ve asked the rest of the immediate Blade Breakers if they’d be the official faces of the BBA Revolution’s new promotion and they’ve accepted, I came to you finally in hopes you too would agree.”

Kai was quiet and Tala was too, his breath was held in his chest.

“You’ll travel the world like before and work closely with true Beyblade fans, you’ll be paid as well of course and all expenses other wise too…and…” Tala could hear the smile, “…you get to bring one family member or personal companion along. I’ve realized that you boys are older and have new commitments so I’ve made reparations to the old rules…you see Tyson insists Hillary comes along since he is dating her, Max has mentioned wanting to bring someone too but he hasn’t said who…I’m sure you may have someone, perhaps the young lady in your life if she’d like to come.” the sound of paper being passed was heard, a contract he supposed or information docket Tala figured.

Tala’s eyes burned…Kai couldn’t say yes…if he said yes he’d be abandoning Tala.

Breaking up?

 

_‘No time to get the seeds into the cold ground.’_

_‘It takes a while to grow anything.’_

 

“Well?” Dickenson asked.

The paper sounded again and he heard Kai sigh,

“It looks good, I’ll take a day or so to consider, but I’ll probably say yes…”

 

_‘Before its coming to an end…yeah.’_

* * *

 

Dickenson’s plan’s had taken a further two months to develop before the Blade Breakers, official former professional BeyBlade World Champions and the new exclusive faces of the BBA Revolution V2, it had been dubbed, were set to launch world wide. Exclusive venues would hold huge events where lucky people would get to mingle and train with the former champions and then be set up in matches against other formidable opponents to battle for a spot on the new competing team for the World Championship’s representing the BBA.

Clothing gear was available, specialized blade parts up for grabs and after the world wide search for 4 of the greatest blader’s, there was a 300 ooo dollar contract with the BBA which was worth 2 years as the official competing team.

Tala threw the magazine on top of the pile of the free issue of the top beylading magazine in all of Japan. He was at the farewell ceremony where everyone was, they’d all been invited to say goodbye to the world touring former champions.

Brian stood beside him, Spencer hadn’t bothered to show up.

“So…Hiwatari is fucking off huh, is he leaving you a shit load of cash and his apartment, or are you out on your ass?” he asked as he drank down his champagne.

'Yes…lots of money…’ he thought.

Tala blinked lazily as he leaned against the open wall which separated the bar from the rest of the lavishly designed and decorated event room. It was huge and glowing with bright lights. There were 2 different buffet’s laid out and an open bar as well as free champagne. The guests were all mingling and being typically media driven, the media was present obviously, news reporters and magazine columnists.

“…No…” he lied to Brian and turned to his friend who sat at the mostly empty bar, ordering a drink. Tala sat in a stool next to him, “…he’s not, I gotta find a J.O.B.” he said lamely, “…I’m thinking of taking my Competition runner up money and relocating, starting somewhere fresh.” he lied again.

Brian’s eyes widened,

“You shouldn’t touch that money, that’s necessary for one day when none of us have anything and can’t work.”

“You mean when we’re old and decrepit.” Tala dead panned.

“Yeah…” Brian reasoned.

“Nah…I wanna get out of Japan…fuck these happy people.”

“Hm…I agree with that, but your on your own Ivanov.”

“I know…I always am Kuznetsov.” he countered dully.

They sat in silence and the noise was loud around them, more people arrived…all of the Bladebreakers were there except for Kai.

 

…Flashback…

 

“Your just gonna fucking leave?” Tala asked when Dickenson left that night.

Kai wasn’t looking at him as he pulled a shirt over his head,

“I need time to think.”

“Oh I heard you, you need to think, but you’ll probably say yes.” he was sneering at Kai.

Kai still didn’t look at him,

“Can you just leave me alone okay, my head is splitting right now…” Kai brought a hand to his mouth touched his lips, Tala had seen him lick his lips too, probably salty and still with remnants of earlier, which reminded him,

“You fucking sat there and lied to that fat fuck about having some bitch in your room, you sat there and told him that we were just room mates…” he sounded shocked.

Kai frowned and turned to him,

“Did you forget that I said no one can fucking know about this? Have you forgotten that Tala?!” he shouted, “…what the fuck was I supposed to say! ‘Oh Mr. Fat Fuck, you have  interrupted me, I was just about to have sex with Tala on my sofa when you arrived!’” he sounded very sarcastic as he stared at Tala like he was an idiot.

Tala didn’t falter and he stepped forward to Kai, raising his hand he saw Kai visibly flinch and he actually backed away slightly, eyes wide as he stared at Tala who had his hand still in the air, he’d been ready to back hand Kai hard enough to make the boy dizzy…but when he saw Kai flinch it hurt him…when had that happened? When did Kai become scared to be hit?

Was that what love did?

Tala instead turned away and punched the nearest wall twice for good measure, his knuckles throbbed and wall was hollow so it dented, he growled angrily and turned back on Kai now that the need to hit him had been turned into dull pain in his hand,

“No you fucking stupid ass hole!” he screamed into Kai’s face, “…you could have said I am your **best friend** because I AM! You could have defended the fact that we’re close and that you have some sort of respect enough for me to **not** pretend like I don’t fucking exist!”

Kai was wide eyed and stiff, Tala was fuming and animated right before his eyes, pain reflected in his baby blue eyes and anger everywhere else on his shaking frame.

Eventually Kai stumbled backward again and walked to his bed, sitting down slowly he took a few breaths and stared at the floor.

Tala stood up straight and watched him coldly, feeling a whole new dislike for the bastard that Kai was.

“I wasn’t thinking…okay, I…I panicked, he saw the marks and I was sweaty and it was so fucking obvious what I’d been doing…talking about you like that would have seemed weird to him right then, he might hav-”

“Forget it…fuck this…fuck you…I don’t give a shit. Your so scared of people knowing about us that you’ve turned into a coward, you can’t even face Dickenson with confidence anymore…” Tala walked into Kai’s bathroom and ran his shaking bruised hand under the cold water, gritting his teeth as he did so.

He heard a noise in the bathroom and then he felt Kai’s arm’s sliding around his waist as Kai came to stand in front of him. Tala was stiff as Kai pressed his mouth to his shoulder, he wiggled his fingers under the water behind Kai and he grimaced at the pain.

Kai held him tighter,

“I’m not leaving you here with nothing…” he said with no real tone of voice against Tala’s shoulder.

Tala closed the tap and snorted as he separated himself from Kai uncaringly to turn around and wrap a towel over his hand, he walked back into the room,

“You can stuff your money Hiwatari.” he dismissed.

“I want you to come with me.” Kai walked out after him.

Tala turned to look at him,

“Oh really, and you’ll tell Dickenson what? That I’m your maid? Bodyguard? Confidant?” he was being sarcastic.

Tala was hurting but he was hiding it well, another thanks to Boris…or maybe god.

“I haven’t thought it through, but we can do this, you can go where I go, I’ll pay for it and you can travel wherever we travel…I’ll just take some girl as a decoy along as my girlfriend and break up with her as soon as possible.”

“Your not thinking Kai, your head is all over the place!” Tala reprimanded, he should have been happy that he had Kai’s head in a tizzy about how they could stay together, but once again he was thinking of Kai before himself, “…if the press, and there will be **plenty** , get a hold of even one image of me being in one country with you and then another at any other point, it’ll instantly create an international scandal!”

Kai nodded,

“It can work, with enough money and resources, which I have, it can work. We won’t have to be in the exact same cities, but we don’t have to be thousands of miles apart and if I have a girl with me, immediate suspicion will be lifted…I just need time to think it through Tala…” he looked at the Tala and the red head closed his eyes and then sighed in defeat,

“…okay…Kai.”

“If you want to come that is.” there was the mask of bastard Kai Hiwatari again, hiding the few feelings he’d been showing and reverting to his defenses.

“Of course I want to, I wouldn’t have agreed other wise…” ‘I love you.’ he thought painfully.

Kai walked up to him and kissed him in a very relieved way.

They’d kissed and stripped their clothes off and Kai had been seeking a sweeter kind of sex, still rough and passionate, but it was a desperate sex, like he was scared he wouldn’t be with Tala again for a while.

It made Tala worry…but happy to know Kai wanted him.

 

…End Flashback…

 

In the end they’d figured it out and Tala still wasn’t happy with it.

Tala would travel around after Kai, staying in the nearest city to Kai’s destination where Kai would come to him at inconspicuous times. Tala would say that now that Kai was leaving him destitute, he would use his saved money and relocate and not tell anyone where he was going. Kai then went out when he had worked up the nerve in the passed two months, flashed a smile at a girl and spun her a pretty story, he’d landed himself an easy ordinary attractive decoy girlfriend.

And Tala wanted to spit on her the moment Kai, innocently to her, introduced them.

He hated every inch of her thin body, large breasts, pouted lips and strawberry blonde hair, he didn’t even remember her name. All he knew was that Kai’s chaste cheek to cheek kiss with her had made him fuck Kai until the blunette lost his voice and any coherent sense for several hours. Kai had complained the following…evening, when he’d recovered and told Tala he was over reacting…then proceeded to limp away. Tala hadn’t felt bad…he wasn’t sure how he would take all this in the long run anyway.

He’d then introduced this girl to the team he’d be with, Hillary like the empty headed bitch that she is, happily accepted another girl around. Max suspiciously changed his mind at the last minute about bringing anyone and Ray, well, he wasn’t taking Mariah along.

She had started blending in and getting along with the rest of the stupid team Kai had taken responsibility for…again.

They loved her and Dickenson was so happy that he introduced her proudly as Kai’s girlfriend.

When the media announced it, Tala had been so angry that he’d gone to his room and locked the door, Kai had been even more pissed about that…they’d argued. And argued and on and on over the passed two months.

They’d argued just before the farewell too and so Kai wasn’t there, he didn’t know where the other teen was.

He had a Vodka shot from the free bar and waited as the evening progressed, Kai didn’t show up but there was meant to be an after party…

* * *

…at Tyson’s House.

Tala was standing and leaning against the wall, Brian still beside him, quite a bit tipsy and still holding a drink in his hand. Brian was 20, Tala would be turning 20 soon and Kai had turned 19 a while back. Spencer was 20 as well. But they’d all, save for Kai, been drinking from around 14, Boris wasn’t stingy with rewards and age was nothing but a number.

“So Hiwatari’s still a no show…and yet he’s hot girlfriends here…look at the rack on her…” he said with a chuckle. Tala wasn’t amused, she’d greeted him earlier and tried to make small talk with ’Kai’s best friend’ when she’d arrived but he could smell skank money grubbing whore written all over her and he barely spoke two words to her before she’d moved on.

“I could never picture Kai with a girl…I’ve tried but I never can. I mean, I actually was convinced he was sleeping with you up until a few months back…” Brian spoke slowly since he didn’t want to slur.

‘I know…’ Tala thought dryly.

He hated this girl. Hated her. He wanted to kill her.

And that was before **it** happened…that was the worst night of Tala’s life…he was sure.

But he didn’t know it until hours after Kai had arrived.

* * *

Tala’s eyes were red with tears he forced himself not to cry.

It was 3:02 am.

They were in Tyson’s dojo.

In the bathroom.

Everyone in the house was in a drunken slumber.

Kai was sitting on the toilet, shirtless and hunched, hair in a complete mess and reeking of his ‘girlfriends’ perfume. He had lipstick on his neck and chest and a few nail marks on his shoulders, red against his soft pale skin.

Tala wasn’t standing close to him, he was against the door and didn’t want to touch him, he felt repulsed. He watched Kai carefully.

“What happened?” he asked quietly, voice almost breaking.

Kai looked up at him, eyes completely unshielded and filled with horrible emotions and Kai looked sick in his face, there was lipstick on his cheek and some smeared over his bottom lip.

He sniffed and averted his tired gaze from Tala.

“She…came to me…when I came upstairs. I don’t think anyone saw her.” Kai sounded distant and hollow in the quiet bathroom with his voice low. He was talking about his arrival at the dojo. Tala’s head was spinning with anger and feeling of betrayal at finding Kai in nothing but he’s boxer shorts wobbling out of the guestroom he’d been in with that girl.

He’d disappeared from the party downstairs for hours…Tala had waited and was now  witnessing where Kai had been.

“She…” he cleared his scratchy throat and pushed his messy damp hair from his face, “…she came into the room, the guest room and asked me why I was late, why I hadn’t come earlier…” he trailed off and sniffed.

The rain was drowning out the cracking of Kai’s shaken voice, he didn’t seem able to control it. Tala hadn’t seen her leave the downstairs of Tyson’s house but he’d noticed her missing about a half hour later when Kai’s further absence after arriving started to bother him.

She was sly.

‘Keep the noise low, she doesn’t wanna blow it…’ he stared at Kai, listening to his words and piecing it together in his whirring mind.

“I…made small…uh…talk.” Kai gestured with a hand, “…telling her stupid things about Tyson’s moving in here and…stuff, I was uncomfortable, but I don’t think she noticed.” he shook his head sadly.

‘Shaking from head to toe while your left hand does the ‘show me around’…bitch…bitch…’ Tala grit his teeth and took his eyes off the lipstick trail on Kai’s skin.

“Then…uh…she…put her hands on my shoulders and started…laughing, or…no…it was more a giggle, while she was…kissing my neck…I…was…uncomfortable…I was shaking…Tala.” Kai was shaking again, he looked confused.

Tala didn’t want to hear his name on Kai’s lips, it felt disgusting. His angel…was taken from him…by god probably. He kept his eyes shut and took deep breaths, he didn’t want to cry  while hearing this story.

Kai was confused…because he’d been able to get it up for her.

Tala’s throat hurt for wanting to cry.

‘I love you Kai.’ he said to himself painfully in his head, ‘Quickens your heart beat…it beats me straight into the ground.’

“She…said…I should get my wet clothes off. She took my pants off first, it was quiet…I could hear her kisses on my…stomach…she unbuttoned my shirt…I felt so dizzy, I was shivering and wet…” he was talking quick now, pressing his palms into his eyes in what seemed like distress.

“You don’t recover from a night like this…” Tala said quietly, knowing that this was Kai’s deciding moment, women or men…or both. ‘A victim still lying in bed, completely motionless, a hand moves in the dark to a zipper, hear a boy bracing tight against sheets…barely whisper…’ “This is so messed up.” Tala breathed, he could picture Kai all flustered and unable to stop his reaction to a warm body, full breasts and heady perfume.

It would be a whole new experience for Kai.

Kai fell silent and Tala remembered standing there against the wall and Brian had made a noise to Tala’s right, when he’d looked he’d seen Kai had just come in, looking very upset.

‘Upon arrival the guests had all stared, dripping wet and clearly depressed…’ Tala remembered how Kai’s dark clothes were heavy on his lean thin frame, he had been shivering from being out in the rain.

‘He headed straight for the stairs…’ Tala  hadn’t looked at Kai once, ‘…I should have noticed her leaving the room…’

“She…uh…we…she, gave me…oral sex first…and I think that’s why I…uh…” Kai’s words were so lost and Tala felt like he’d stolen Kai’s sexual orientation from under the boys nose, he never had given him a chance to taste a girls cherry.

‘No longer cool but a boy in a stitch…’ he opened his eyes and stared at Kai, he was scratching his shoulders uncomfortably, replaying everything, ‘…unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.’

 

_‘ **Up the stairs - the station where - the act becomes the art of growing up’**_

“I tried to…when she first got me in the room…and started kissing me, I didn’t react to her…but I didn‘t stop her…because I…need her for…us…” Kai looked at him and when he saw the disgusted look Tala had on his face his eyes very briefly reflected hurt.

Tala hadn’t expected Kai to see him looking that way and the hurt made him shut his eyes again, he’d never seen Kai look hurt before, but the images in his head hurt him like Kai was hurting and worse.

‘He keeps his hands low, he doesn’t wanna blow it. He’s wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and down.’

A girl was attractive to a man who wanted a girl and Kai was new to it, the curves, the new elements and sexual bits to explore, ‘…I’d have to be a fool to think he wouldn’t fuck her if she wanted it…he’d never been there before…’

“…she got onto the bed afterward…took her top off…everything really. Then her jeans…and her panties…she was naked and…laid there looking at me…” his voice was flat now, hopeless and just doing the honest thing, answering Tala’s question of what happened.

Pictures in his head made him angry, he knew she was a whore, he should have told Kai he didn’t like the idea…he should have, but Kai always came first.

“I felt so sick Tala…I wanted to…be sick. But I-I…got onto the bed and my hands…they…my brain…I touched her and she moaned and started kissing me again…” he was whispering, face in his hands again, deeply depressed even more now.

‘His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up…but the body on the bed beckons forward and he starts growing up…’ Tala shook his head, “I can’t listen to this…” he grabbed the door handle but Kai was faster.

He grabbed Tala’s wrist and stepped in front of him, eyes wide,

“Don’t…don’t do that.” Kai’s voice cracked again and he couldn’t even muster shame at this point for revealing his emotions, “…I don’t need you to leave me now…when I feel like this…I’m…sick and sore…and confused.” his hands came up automatically to Tala’s chest and stomach, but before they could rest there Tala took his wrists firmly in his own hands and stopped him.

He stared into Kai’s open eyes, he was afraid and hurt as Tala clutched his wrists.

‘The fever, the focus…the reason that I had to believe you were too hard to sell.’ he let go of Kai’s wrists and stepped back a bit, running a hand through his hair, “…Kai, I think I should go…” ‘I should have known you could  easily change your mind, I shouldn’t have been so cocky.’

 

_‘Die young and save yourself’_

 

“But…I need you…to stay. Tala…I’m telling you what I need, how I feel, what-what I’m thinking…” Kai’s voice was flat but his sad eyes desperate for a reality at that point.

‘God he’s beautiful…the tickle-the taste of…it used to be the reason I breathed but now its choking me up…’

 

_‘Die young and save yourself’_

 

‘Why do I love you…why did I fall in love?’ he stared at Kai’s pained face until he looked away from Tala and leaned against the door, effectively trapping Tala inside since Tala clearly didn’t want to touch him, he wouldn’t try to move him.

“I think she knew I was scared and I didn’t know what I was doing…I was…just touching. Looking for anything familiar but there wasn’t…obviously…I know about girls, for christ sakes, I know about sex with a girl, even if I‘d never done it before…” he growled low as he berated himself, “…yet, what I really know…is not what she is, she switched the lights on and I saw her naked…she was so…” he trailed off and Tala braced himself. He was facing away from Kai and leaning against the basin, he clutched the white porcelain tightly.

‘She hit’s the lights, that doesn’t seem quite fair. Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesn’t feel so prepared, she’s breathing quiet and smooth…he’s gasping for air…’ he could picture it, this confident experienced girl and Kai a quivering, fumbling inexperienced mess.

‘Bitch.’

“Bitch.” he breathed out in the bathroom and he knew Kai was looking at him.

“I said…Tala I said to her…when she, when she was laying on top of me…I said that it was the first and last time.” he said with some conviction.

‘This is the first and the last time he says…’ Tala stared hard at the opposite wall, did that mean that Kai was only experimenting, was he going to make his decision?

“She didn’t say anything…she just kissed me. I didn’t really kiss her back, I didn‘t do anything back after that. I couldn’t, I wasn’t comfortable and once she put the lights on, I felt myself losing…I wasn’t gonna stay aroused…” he confessed.

Tala looked at him, eyes softened now as Kai went into more detail, he played it out, memorizing this story without really wanting to.

‘She fakes a smile and presses her lips into his. He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides. He’s holding back from telling her what its really feels like.’

“You were…uncomfortable still by that time?” he asked quietly.

Kai nodded very quickly,

“I didn’t want to do anything else…I’d felt her, I’d seen her. It wasn’t right for me…it didn’t feel like it does…with you.” he stared at Tala, is voice a bit more emotional that usuan in all of his honesty and Tala stared into his face with worry and sympathy.

Kai hadn’t really betrayed him, he’d just been dragged into natures course and made a decision…or so Tala hoped. It didn’t help that Kai was inexperienced and she was manipulative.

‘He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.’

“She went from small kisses to being on her knees so fast, I hadn’t understood quick enough…” he sniffed, “…I didn’t stop her when I should have.” he said quieter.

‘She’s moving way to fast and all he wanted was to hold her.’ Tala looked at the mirror to his left and then away again, the bright light made him feel exposed, he could only imagine how Kai felt in the state he was in.

“She was just going and going, touching me and rubbing herself up against me…” he had an involuntary shiver and his hands came up to rub his arms and he stood that way leaning against the door, “…I even tried to distract her…I said ‘I love you’ because they say that makes girl all…like…putty in your hands or something. The words…they felt dirty in my mouth more than anything.” Kai confessed.

Tala was pained again, his entire chest and his throat constricting in pain, he’d said those words even if they were a lie and it was to a whore. He kept his eyes on the floor and a tear very nearly fell but he leaned his head back to stop it, Kai didn’t notice.

‘Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect, he whispers that he loves her, but she’s probably only looking for s-’

“I feel dirty…” Kai mumbled as he loosely held himself to cover his bare skin.

 

**_‘Up the stairs -  the station where - the act becomes the art of growing up’_ **

 

“What do you want…now that you’ve…been on both ends.” Tala asked glancing at Kai and letting his gaze linger at Kai’s feet.

“…you.” he answered shortly and very confidently.

Tala raised his eyes to look at Kai and he saw his dirty little angel, sinfully beautiful even when he was touched by a whore. Tala was cursed but he accepted it and Kai still wanted him, Kai chose him.

‘So much more than he could ever give…’ he thought of Kai as they stared at each other, ‘…a life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.’ it was something to dream of, but right then he had Kai.

“Did you…have sex with her?” he choked the question out.

Kai didn’t blink and his eyes reflected that shame he’d missed in the passed hour there in the bathroom,

“…yes.”

Tala watched in shock as Kai’s face cracked into despair and there were tears, Kai also paled and launched himself forward, onto his knees and head over the toilet, he threw up and a sob was heard in between.

Tala was quick as well, falling to his knees beside Kai and pulling his longer hair back from his pretty face. He rested a soothing cool hand on Kai’s pale back and rubbed it lightly, Kai sobbed a bit more and threw up again, hands not wanting to touch the bowl of the toilet but needing to clutch it as he wretched, he’d eaten nothing after all, he was just sick.

‘He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides, he waits for it to end and for the aching in his guts to subside…’ Tala stared at Kai’s face, he had a few tears on his face and he’d ripped off some toilet paper and wiped the vomit from his chin, while Tala held his hair and stayed close to him.

 

 _‘The fever, the focus. The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell._  
Die young and save yourself.  
The tickle, the taste of...It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up.  
Die young and save yourself.’

Tala helped him up and Kai rinsed his mouth and his face before drying off with a towel, it was all he could do right then since he wasn’t at home. Tala took his jacket off and gave it to Kai, it fit him quite well. He’d have to stay in his boxers but Kai’s car was outside and the keys were downstairs in the key bowl where everyone left their keys when they’d come in. He’d drive Kai home, at that hour of the morning the apartment lobby would be empty and if it wasn’t, then Tala would take his pants off for Kai to wear them.

He smirked and Kai, who was gathering himself and getting warm in Tala’s jacket, looked at him with a light frown,

“…what…what are you thinking?”

Tala looked at him and shook his head,

“Always thinking of you babe…” he mumbled and kissed Kai’s cold forehead softly but he let his lips linger and he felt Kai lean into it.

He pulled back,

“I’ll drive you home…you need to clean and sleep.”

They’d leave Tyson’s house and the whore asleep in that bed with Kai’s pants on the floor.

Kai had chosen Tala.

 

**_‘Up the stairs - the station where - the act becomes the art of growing up’_ **

* * *

****

 


	4. Session 4

I think I handled it well enough, the entire thing with Kai and that girl, what’s her face. That night had been horrible and it left a very dark place in my heart, I wasn’t sure if it were toward Kai actually, or just the whole thing in general. He’d cheated on me in a lot of ways, considering what we’d agreed on.

He hadn’t showed me that he acknowledged this, he’d actually been really withdrawn and he seemed like he didn’t want to talk about anything at all.

I’d call him, since we weren’t going to see each other except for specific days when he could come out to me, and he’d be distant on the phone even when he was alone. He didn’t talk very nicely to me, he never did over the phone for the most part, but it had been less that usual.

The first 2 weeks after the tour began we didn’t see each other, the third he’d managed to get away from the team for a weekend off. He’d taken a trip out to see me, via a 3 hour long train ride and I couldn’t even tell you how happy I was when he called me from the train, mumbling into the line that he was on his way to the city I was in, I‘d sent him a text message to tell him my location when I‘d arrived 2 weeks before, this was the arrangement.

I myself had gotten settled pretty quickly, the BBA’s schedule was a month each in all major towns and cities they were scheduled to visit over the duration of the tour, so I’d be staying month to month.

I had chosen small bed and breakfasts or nice quiet small scale but not cheap hotels, more personal places where we weren’t to likely be caught by random photographers looking for bigger celebrities.

It was nice actually to move around so much at first, I enjoyed being in a new place with new smiling faces all the time, but after a while it gets to be tiring, meeting people you like and leaving them, meeting people you don’t like and having to stay for a month.

Anyway, the first time I was happy, in the cozy little B&B I’d found deep in Canada, the weather was annoying, while I like snow I don’t particularly appreciate the rain or wind. But then Kai had arrived from the town near by, a little damp and looking relieved to be away from his team.

I’d brought him inside and kissed him and he’d responded warmly. It was so nice, but we hadn’t talked a lot. I’d asked about his team and how it was going, even though it was being broadcast on television, he’d been vague about it and said he didn’t want to talk about all that. So it had a weekend of great sex and bad conversation…

It didn’t get any better as time passed, I moved and moved and followed him around. He visited, we hardly talked but we did everything else we could that involved our bodies, the excitement of being a secret lover deceiving the world wasn’t even appealing to me, it was tiresome. I was so tired…I didn’t think of his ‘girlfriend’ anymore, probably because Kai had ‘broken up’ with her over the phone about 3 days after the incident.

All the Blade Breakers were aware of the girl that had been asleep naked in Tyson’s guest room and summed up Kai’s leaving her there alone as being another asshole like thing that Kai would do.

They’d felt sorry for her but wisely never mentioned a thing to the all mighty Hiwatari.

All of them are fucking stupid…I hate them all.

I hate how she tainted Kai and made him distant from me.

I tried not to think about it because I usually came full circle wondering about whether Kai still thought about the night and was changing his mind…

Kai never apologized or showed any sentiment of remorse or feeling bad or guilty.

But I am still here…

* * *

Tala and Kai had been ‘together’ for more than a year by this time, the tour was going really well these 10 months on and the BBA had million’s of fans and quite a few very good potential qualifiers. Tala had heard the tour was extended from a year to being longer, but Kai had told him over the phone it was rumor and the tour was exactly 12 months long, because that’s what the contract they’d signed stipulated.

He always watched the progress on television because occasionally the press would ask the former champions their thoughts and opinion’s and he would get to see Kai.

They were in France at the moment and Tala was staying in a sweet and pretty little city, a  nice, quiet place with a close knit French community. A lot of the locals were nice to Tala, when he’d walk into a shop and pull out his manual of French and try to speak to them, they’d make the effort to understand, in the smaller towns the locals didn’t see many tourists so speaking English, Russian or Japanese, the languages Tala did know, wasn’t really common place.

Tala liked it there, the weather was not too warm and not too cold, he could wear loose long sleeve cotton T shirts with cargo shorts that hung over his knees and sneakers without looking like the weather confused him.

He walked out of small shop with a fresh loaf of bread and he had bought smoked salmon earlier, with some salad dressings and cheese, he was going to make a nice lunch for himself and watch the orange sun set on the quaint little French balcony of his suite.

It had been a hard month gone by before he arrived in France a few days ago, Kai hadn’t been able to come out and see him and they’d settled for talking on the phone a bit more often, Kai calling Tala surprisingly.

Tala had teased him and asked him if he wanted to have phone sex but Kai had denied him, saying very graciously that Tala was ‘fucking insane‘ but he‘d been happy because he heard Kai laugh and it had been a while. Tala smirked as he walked along the clean side streets, a few cars going by and people scattered on the side walk café tables and benches.

He’d whined into the phone telling Kai that a month was far too long and after some silence on Kai’s part, he’d said a quiet and innocent ‘please’ and Kai had laughed slightly again  saying no, again and telling Tala he’d see him as soon as possible.

So Tala didn’t actually get anything but he didn’t mind, Kai had sounded cute when he laughed, he wished he could have seen it after so long.

Tala was walking through a park by a small lake when a Frisbee whizzed passed his head and he back stepped, he clutched the bag holding his food items and looked around at a guy jogging up to him,

“I’m sorry!” he said in his French accent and Tala blinked at the out of breath guy.

In the distance there were a bunch of guys, all waving their apologies to him and he nodded in their direction as the guy caught the flying disk from some other random person who threw it back.

Tala started walking again when the guy lightly touched him elbow, Tala turned to him, a very sharp look in his eyes, not liking someone bold enough to touch him.

“You are not from here?” he asked smiling at Tala.

He was attractive, but since Tala had been moving around he’d seen lots of attractive guys and like this one they exuded the air of dominant, which Tala wasn’t adverse to but wasn’t used to either, he preferred being on top.

He looked at the taller guy neutrally and nodded,

“Yeah, just visiting.” he said dully.

“You want to make friends, we are going clubbing tonight.” he was forming his words well but Tala had to listen to catch them.

It was a Tuesday and these guys were going clubbing?

“Uh, no thanks, I’m good, thanks for offering.” he nodded his departure and walked away casually. Tala wouldn’t go to a club with anyone who smiled at him that way, it was usually the type of arrangement where you were accepting a sex romp after the club just by saying yes, especially as a visitor to a foreign country.

As he walked around the corner to the entrance of the hotel he was staying at he spotted someone standing outside on the stairs leading up to the entrance. The sun was on his bare shoulders since he wore a sleeveless white shirt and a long white scarf which was moving occasionally with the wind. On his head was a black fedora which was so stupid but it made his defined well shaped face look even more attractive, especially since he wore no shark fins and his pale cheeks were pinkish, he was probably warm standing in the sun.

He smiled so genuinely as he stared at the man he loved, Tala didn’t care for anyone else like he cared for Kai Hiwatari.

He was quite a distance away so he started approaching, watching Kai take his cell phone out of his grey jeans pocket and dial a quick number Tala frowned, he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket.

He slipped it out with his free hand and saw Kai’s name on the screen, he answered.

“Hey…” he watched Kai who still didn’t see him approaching.

“Hi, uh, where are you? I’m at the hotel your staying at but reception tried calling your room and you obviously aren’t in.”

Kai was idly fiddling with the pull out handle of his suitcase as he stared at the ground and talked.

“Oh yeah, I went out to buy something to eat…” he trailed off as he approached Kai from his blind spot to his side.

“…you went out? But your not here so your still out, I feel a bit obvious standing out here, someone might recognize me-ah!” he felt a presence behind him closer than was comfortable and Kai actually jumped and spun around.

“You bastard.” he said half heartedly and half smiled at Tala as he closed his phone and Tala did the same.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist…” he handed Kai the bag holding the long fresh bread and Kai smiled at the smell,

“This bread smells really good…” he commented as the climbed the stairs, Tala carrying his bigger roll able bag and his smaller shoulder bag,

“So do you actually.” Tala mumbled and Kai glanced at him with a smirk.

* * *

After they’d eaten they’d laid down on the bed of Tala’s three part hotel room and easily started kissing, Tala laying on his back as Kai started kissing his neck and sucking on his ear lobe, very sensually, this was a sign that Kai had missed him, he enjoyed it.

“How’s things going?” he asked in hopes that Kai might be more talkative.

Kai sighed against his ear but didn’t stop as his tongue tickled Tala when it slipped inside his ear and he leaned his head away laughing,

“That feels weird Kai…” he glanced at the other teen who smiled at him quite strangely and sat up, lifting his leg over Tala and straddling him, sitting on his lower abdomen.

“It’s been okay…Max is my room mate, so I don’t have much head aches, he‘s introverted around me.” he said honestly and pushed Tala’s shirt up to trace his abs with his warm hands.

Tala stared up at him,

“Are you enjoying all the work?” he let his hands slide up and down Kai’s jean clad thighs, massaging them slightly and Kai nodded,

“It’s okay most days, I don’t like it when the press questions me on progress and my personal opinions, I have to save face for the BBA so I answer in the most politically correct way I can without giving them the finger and telling them the pays good enough.”

Kai was grinning and so was Tala, for Tala it was because he felt like he had Kai back suddenly, like all that had happened which left Kai distant and confused had just gone away.

“You seem better…I’m glad.” he sat up and Kai shifted his weight so Tala could sit up properly, sitting in his lap now, Tala started kissing his neck as his hands moved around to take a firm hold of Kai’s rear and Kai smiled as his hands slipped into Tala’s hair.

“I am better…something happened recently.”

Tala paused what he was doing and leaned back on his elbows looking up at Kai seriously,

“What happened?”

“Relax red, its nothing bad.” he said laughing, his hands absently opening Tala’s cargo pants buttons and zipper.

Tala was expectant and Kai shook his head, clearly amused,

“I got into a physical fight with Ray about 2 days ago, if you’ve been watching maybe you’ve noticed he hasn’t been making any public appearances.” Kai was grinning, his fingers tracing Tala’s tattoo and playing with the slight hair that was visible now that his pants were opened.

“…you, hit him?”

“Several times, he tried to use that stupid kung fu, or whatever, shit he knows but I punched him in the face and broke his nose, stupid twat.” Kai leaned down and kissed Tala who let their tongues meet briefly before asking,

“Why?”

“Because…I can.” he answered simply and his eyes told wonders of a devious and long secretly kept need to hurt Ray and Tala was aware of the reason.

“Now why don’t you stop talking and put that mouth to good use…I could use a little TLC.” he said with a grin and Tala’s mind spun with arousal at Kai’s words.

They proceeded to heat things up, naked limbs eventually coming to be wrapped around one another as they kissed.

Eventually after long savored foreplay when both of them couldn‘t take a single tease anymore, Kai’s knees ended up over Tala’s shoulders as Tala entered Kai slowly, seeing Kai’s head pressing back into the bed as Tala was standing on the ground at the foot of the bed. This was Kai’s favorite position, optimum pleasure and deepest penetration always made Kai scream the loudest which made it Tala‘s favorite position as well.

Tala thrust in and slipped out of Kai with pleasurable tight familiarity, holding Kai’s thighs firmly as he snapped his hips forward to successfully assault Kai’s sensitive prostate.

And that he did, Kai was writhing after a while, using his hands tightly clutching the bed sheets to move his body against the body thrusting into him. Tala leaned down, bending Kai’s body in half and moving deeper inside, he kissed Kai who filled his throat with a muffled moan of pleasure as Tala went deeper.

Sweat, noise and orgasm left them flushed and satisfied under the orange light streaming inside from the half opened curtains and late afternoon.

When it ended Tala crawled onto the bed and laid back, Kai weakly moving back up onto the bed and he went to kissing Tala’s sweaty stomach and chest before moving to lay against the pale older male, one of his legs resting over Tala’s, Kai’s face was buried in his neck.

He noticed Kai was very affectionate and seemed to want to be constantly close, it made him happy, it always did when Kai did things that showed he may actually love Tala.

“Did you miss me?” Kai smiled against his neck and Tala smirked,

“I did…really.” he answered quietly.

“You need me don’t you…” it was a confident statement and Tala’s stomach lurched for a moment, he’d forgotten how it felt when Kai acted this way, smug.

Like the idiot he felt he was, he responded,

“…I do.”

“You don’t even want anyone else. Just me.” Kai was still slightly out of breath.

“…Yes.”

“Good, because I‘m as good as it gets.” Kai quipped and let his leg slide over Tala’s and settle between them, his warm smooth thigh pressed up against Tala’s softened and sticky flesh, Kai knew it sent a shiver through Tala’s lean body.

‘I am heaven sent…don’t you dare forget that. I am all you ever wanted, what all the other boys all promised…’ he heard the unspoken words from Kai in his head and brought one hand up to rub over his face.

The upper part of his other arm was caught under Kai as he laid alongside Tala.

“I like that you need me, I want it to stay that way.” Kai was still talking against his neck and Tala’s arm shifted behind Kai as best it could, he settled his palm flat against Kai’s warm naked rear and tried to distract himself from Kai’s offensive words as he caressed the skin.

“That’s why this is all worth it…paying for you to follow me around, because I want it this way…” he was getting softer and softer as he spoke, almost speaking in a hush.

‘I’m sorry I told you, I just wanted you to know, I think in decimal’s and dollars, I am the cause to all your problems…’ Tala sighed at his thoughts, his mind never failed to over think and analyze. He sat up so Kai rolled away from him, Kai was the cause to all his problems.

He grabbed the remote off the side table and sat up to lean against the headboard and mountains of pillows, switching the television on to a random comedy show, feeling a bit upset that he’d encouraged Kai to speak. Kai sat up and got under the covers, once again moving over to Tala and draping his arm over Tala’s stomach while he placed his head on his chest.

Tala glanced down at the back of Kai’s head in confusion, why would he say such hurtful things and then cuddle against him, Kai didn’t even like cuddling.

“Your clingy?” it was in the tone of a question.

“So.” it came after a long pause and Tala frowned, he understood not getting a straight answer but not getting an insult was even more odd.

“It’s unlike you, you never want to cuddle.” he mumbled and stared at the TV.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Tala narrowed his eyes, ‘Bastard…’

“No…I like it, I just didn’t know you liked it to.” he defended.

Kai stayed silent and Tala heard him sigh quietly.

‘Shelter from cold…we are never alone. Coordinate brain and mouth…’ Tala wanted to ask Kai why he was so confusing, why he couldn’t just make things easier by telling Tala how he felt more often.

‘Then ask me what’s its like it have myself so figured out.’ he could almost hear Kai’s smug tone.

“I wish I knew…” Kai mumbled and Tala’s eyes widened, how the fuck did Kai just answer that question? He couldn’t mind read! He glanced upwards and wondered if God gave Kai some new ability, if so then he was in trouble because his thoughts were usually very exposing.

“You wish you knew…what Kai?” he asked quietly and with some concern.

“I wish I knew why you make me feel like this Tala.”

Tala’s whole body was warm all of a sudden,

“…feel like…?” he pushed his luck.

Kai’s breathing slowed and he sat up, but he kept his head facing away,

“…like I…need to reassure myself that…you want me. That you need me. Maybe it’s because I still don’t trust you.” he was being extremely honest and Tala’s skin tingled at the wonder of what Kai’s face looked like.

“Hey…” He shifted forward and turned Kai’s head to him, seeing confusion in his eyes but a mostly blank expression, “…you can trust me. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Ray told me he made you an offer…and then he accused me of sleeping with you and  that’s when I hit him, in front of everyone. No one knew what he’d said to me but they all saw me get down on top of him and punch him again and again.” Kai stared at Tala, face revealing nothing beside mild confusion.

‘Busted…I hope this thing starts a craze, the type of craze that ignites the airwaves, so that the entire affair is revealed and it comes out and we don’t have to hide anymore…’

“Does the media know you hit him?”

Kai nodded,

“But they don’t have enough to go on, so they wrote it up as being a disagreement based on tension between two great beylader’s and whose better.” Kai said dismissively.

“I lied because I saw how you were upset by the thought of it, I told him no anyway.” Tala confessed quickly, worried about Kai’s calm appearance and whether a fire storm was about to break free from his softened eyes.

‘The kind of thing that makes people glad to be where they are, whoever they’re there with…’ a love story like theirs would surely inspire good things, unless Kai still denied it some how which was likely.

“So now your worried about it getting out…because Ray might be angry enough to talk to the press.” Tala paused, “…he still doesn’t know anything, the most he knows, like everyone else, is that I’m gay, nothing about you. That punch could have meant anything…”

‘This is war…’ he wanted to go after the troublesome neko and break his nose again or maybe something else.

“…Tyson told the press its because I have anger management issues, Max said he just didn’t have a clue about any of it and Ray…so far hasn’t said anything to the press because he’s avoiding being seen black and blue.” Kai explained.

‘Every thought is about who I don’t wanna think about anymore…’ he kissed Kai’s shoulder,

“You can trust me, I haven’t done anything to hurt you Kai…” he was being honest, he’d done nothing to hurt Kai, while Kai had hurt him.  
Kai nodded and leaned to Tala so they could kiss and they did for a while before Kai pulled back looking at the TV as a BBA special press announcement was playing.

A woman, smiling at having the exclusive news, greeted the public. The late afternoon sun was shining and all of the excited people and competitors were all around the French BBA head office.

-“Ray Kon, one of the best blader’s of the former world champion Beyblade team, the Blade Breakers, was recently involved in an altercation with Kai Hiwatari, captain of the former champions. It was not clear at first why they fought or how bad it was, but Ray Kon made a public appearance just now and we managed to get a moment to speak with him and see for ourselves…” she turned to someone and the camera zoomed out so the live broadcast was one both her and the neko-jin who was slightly taller.-

Ray’s eyelids were blue and a gauze bandage covered his broken nose, he also had a split lip and a bruise over the side of his eye and cheek.

Tala glanced at Kai,

“Lucky your not there.” he said thinking of how the media would have hounded him.

“No…I knew this was going to happen…” Kai turned away from TV, “…Ray was being discharged and I knew this would happen…I’m not supposed to be here Tala, I’m not off or anything, I just left.” he looked at the red head who seemed stunned.

**-“Ray, you certainly do look like you took the worst from your former team captain, can you tell us what happened?” she was trying to seem serious but her excitement was obvious.**

**Ray looked at the microphone she held to his mouth and he glanced at the camera, his eyes were sharp even though they were swollen and bruised,**

**“I was talking to Kai about his love life, he’s pretty cagey about that kind of thing. When I told him I was interested in someone he knew personally, he got upset. Then when I told him I knew they were a couple, he hit me. That confirmed it for me, he hit me because he’s temperamental and apparently the jealous possessive type.” Ray said calmly and looked at the woman.-**

**-She was stunned,**

**“So it was a fight over a girl! Wow, the fan girls are going to love this, any luck you might be willing to share who the lucky lady is with us Ray?” she smiled.-**

Tala held his breath and Kai leaned down, placing his forehead on Tala’s naked thigh,

“He won’t say anything Kai, he’d be confessing he’s gay as well if he did, he won’t do that.” he reassured Kai as he sat up from the headboard and Kai remained down.

‘Ug Ray…hope you come down with something they can’t diagnose, don’t have a cure for…holding onto your grudge…’  Tala narrowed his eyes at the TV.

Ray laughed slightly on the TV and Tala’s heart beat faster in worry, “…oh its so hard to have someone to love…’ he placed his warm hand on Kai’s neck comfortingly.

**-“Well…” Ray started and it was obvious he was debating whether it was worth it.**

**“You don’t have to worry about Kai coming after you…” she joked, “…we’ve asked around for him and we’ve been told he left this morning and had luggage cases, it looks like he may have walked out on his contract.” she suggested boldly.-**

“Fuck these people!” Tala swore and felt Kai jump when he startled him, he apologized quietly and played with Kai’s hair, watching the soft dark hair in between his fingers.

**-“…hm, well I can’t say who it is, I have too much respect for the third party involved and knowing that they are involved pains me, because I have genuine feelings while Kai is not really the affectionate type…” he was insulting Kai and doing it with a bruised smiling face.-**

A part of Tala just wanted Ray to say it, to stop dragging it out, it was more than a year of this and he was fed up.

‘And keeping quiet is hard…cause you can’t keep a secret if it never was a secret to start…and Ray seemed like he just knew it…he knows, he always did.’

Kai sat up and stared at the TV with wide eyes as Ray said no again when she tried to weasel a name out of him.

**-“No no, I can’t say…sorry.”**

**“Ah, well that’s a shame…” she looked at the camera again, “…well you heard it here first, ladies especially and gentle men as well, Kai Hiwatari and Ray Kon are fighting over some lucky girl and Kai’s disappeared, maybe he’s eloping…” she laughed at her joke and looked to Ray who wasn’t amused, “…you heard it here first live fro-”-**

Tala switched it off and Kai looked at him,

“He didn’t…he…never said anything…he didn’t tell the world…”

Tala frowned at the pained frown on Kai’s face,

“At least pretend you didn’t wanna get caught…” he said to Kai, that had been the reason for all this sneaking around, now he seemed distressed that Ray hadn’t told the world.

Kai looked at him and shook his head,

“My entire pan was centered on disappearing so when the world found out I’d be somewhere where I’m not recognized easily or in the public eye at all…now…now I’ve disappeared and it looks worse because I had no reason to run away!” he shook his head,

“I fucking hate Ray, if I go back now it’ll be question after question about where I went to and if I deny everything Ray says to the media he might just blurt out the truth about you...”

“Kai, we’re concentrating on falling apart…” he made Kai look at him and, “…all of our lives we were contenders, now, we’re throwing the fight.” he saw Kai frown,

“I can’t just walk in there and agree with him…to give him that kind of satisfaction…”

“Yes you can.”

“No!” Kai’s stubbornness came through and he pushed Tala’s hands off him, “…fuck that! I cannot just let him seem like he’d been in the right.”

“And the alternative of backing off quietly so he won’t tell the world your fucking a guy is not good enough after **all** this time of making us hide it!” he talked over Kai and saw the blunette narrow his eyes.

“Kai I just wanna believe…” he started and trailed off, ‘…I just wanna believe in us.’

“You…don’t think, it would just be easier if we…just told everyone.” Kai said quietly now, his anger turned to exasperation.

“Of course I do…” Tala said honestly, “…but I don’t believe its what you want Kai.”

“…but you want it?” Kai asked him, shifting his legs underneath the sheets.

“I just think that working through it civilly and without scandal would be easier than being caught out or caught one day somewhere with our pants down…maybe not literally but you know-” he smirked when Kai did.

“I think…your right.”

Tala’s eyes widened and Kai turned to face him,

“So…your going to…?”

“I’m going to leave tomorrow morning for the main city and…I’ll tell Dickenson I want a live  press conference…”

“What will you say?” Tala was breathless.

Kai shrugged,

“I’ll figure that out then…right now…I don’t wanna think about it.

Tala stared at him and Kai shook his head at the familiar situation,

“What…are you thinking Tala?” he asked with a smiled.

“…I’m just impressed…you always impress me.” ‘…and I love you.’

They both leaned in and kissed one another with smiles on their faces.

* * *

Tala sat the foot of his hotel room bed waiting and watching the television screen intently. Kai had left that morning early and he called Tala several hours later closer to noon to tell Tala he’d called the press conference at the BBA to be at 3 pm.

All the Blade Breakers would be present including Dickenson and Kai confirmed again over the line that he was going to admit everything.

It was going to be a bonus that Ray would be ousted as well, he new Kai would appreciate the small victory over the opponent, hell, he was going to enjoy it too.

‘Oh we’re so…controversial…’ he said the words in his head to a happy tone as he  grinned and did a stupid sitting down dance. He was by himself, give him a break.

It was just about 3 when the people started settling in the large room and when the Blade Breakers all came out from behind the conference wall and walked up to the stairs onto the platform with the long table and microphones, the flashing lights and noise went up suddenly.

Tyson and Max made their usual stupid Victory signs with their fingers, Ray looked cocky but still as bruised as before and Kai walked up last in line of the team, dressed in full black and Dickenson just behind him. Tala’s eyes widened as Kai was not wearing his scarf and 2 fresh hickey’s were clearly visible against his pale skin, the black clothes making it even more obvious but he wore his usual face paint, except it was black as well.

The camera’s went even more wild when Kai came into view and took his seat between Max and Dickenson. Ray was on the other side of the fat man and Tyson on the other side Max, putting Kai more or less to the centre of the table.

**“Ahem…” Dickenson brought one of the many microphone’s closer, “Thank you for all being here today, this conference was called by Kai Hiwatari, he’d like to clear up whatever recent misunderstandings have taken place.” he settled back and nodded to Kai who brought one of the microphones forward as well and stared at the crowd,**

**“Firstly, I’d like for the public and the press to know that I do not apologize to them and I will not apologize to Ray for hitting him.”**

**The room erupted with talk and gasps and Ray glared at Kai angrily, even Dickenson looked shocked, Tyson and Max just had wide eyes. Kai didn’t pay attention and spoke louder,**

**“I don’t have anger management problems either,” he glanced at Tyson who blinked dumbly, “…but I do have a bit of a jealous nature so I felt provoked to hit Ray and rightly so, since as he very honestly told the press, he knows I’m involved with the third party and still had the nerve to tell me to my face that he’d made a pass at them.”**

Tala stared wide eyed, the press were all ears via the many microphones and the cameras were hungry for pictures, capturing Ray’s evident rage and the stunned faces of the other three people on stage.

‘We are entirely smooth…’ Tala nodded approvingly to himself, loving Kai’s confidence.

**“Mr. Hiwatari!” A reporter shouted loudly to get a question in and Kai glanced at her with a dull expression, “…you’re not wearing your scarf today and you’ve left a bit of obvious evidence for the camera’s to see, is that an indication of where you disappeared to yesterday? Was it intentional for you to leave the scarf off?” she shot her questions off loudly and everyone went quiet in anticipation of an answer.**

**Kai sighed,**

**“It wasn’t intentional, I left my scarf behind when I returned here yesterday and I didn’t have time this morning to find another one in my luggage, so I just couldn’t be bothered.”** Tala looked around the room and didn’t see it at first, until he remembered something and turned around to look behind him at the head board, sure enough, the scarf was still tied to it and Tala had a vivid image of Kai’s wrists being bound by the soft but strong material the night before.

‘That explains the long sleeve shirt…’ he looked back at Kai on the T.V, wearing a long sleeve shirt that covered half of his fingers, more importantly his wrists.

**“But I wasn’t concerned about hiding anything because I’ve come here today to just get this all out in the open, Ray says he respects the third party too much to come clean, but that exact person, who I did see yesterday to answer your question miss, “he said clean and easy, looking confidently over the room of people, “…has given me permission to tell the world…to tell the world about the two of us.”**

Kai almost faltered and Tala clenched his fists,

“You can do it babe, we admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do and that’s being winners.” he rooted for Kai quietly.

**Ray’s expression was stunned,**

**“You’re lying Kai!” he spat, “…how could you have seen…that person, yesterday when we’re not even close to Japan.” he accused, jealous as well, Tala felt flattered.**

**Kai spared him a glance and the press went wild with photos of the tense looks between the two,**

**“Did you think I wouldn’t find a way to be together just because of the world tour, your  naïve.” he said as if Ray were an idiot.**

**Ray was stunned,**

**“You wouldn’t dare Kai!” he was panicking now, feeling the eyes on him and knowing that the confession was enough to get him disowned from his village for good.**

Tala grinned,

“And these are the words you wish you wrote down, this is the way you wish your voice sounds…” he stared at Ray’s image coldly, “…handsome and smart.” he looked to Kai who paid Ray no more attention. Kai is so fucking handsome.

**“As for all of this between Ray and I, it’s over now, I’m here today, to tell you all in hopes that it will bring me some piece of mind when I live to see tomorrow and every day after that…” he closed his eyes, “…that I am gay.”**

Tyson fell off his chair and Max stiffened, Dickenson stared at Kai with eyes as wide as his wrinkly old skin allowed and Ray’s face was a mask of stiff concern since Kai had actually gone ahead and confessed. Kai sat calmly, hands rested on the table and eyes closed, the noise in the room became deafening and Tala was blinking at the bright camera flashes.

They were all trying to call Kai but he wasn’t responding and Tala heard questions shouted about ‘How long have you been gay?’ and ‘Does that mean that your girlfriend from last year was a fake?’ and the best was ‘Does that mean that Ray Kon is gay too?’

**Kai’s eyes opened at that one and he let his eyes slide over to Ray and a devilish smirk ghosted over his face before he looked back to the crowd without any expression.**

Tala was loving it, Kai and him had discussed what might be the best way for him to do it but none of the scenarios sounded as good as everything Kai had actually said.

_‘Oh my tongues the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart and its all from watching TV and from speeding up my breathing…’_

He stared at Kai, having been in the spotlight again he could see the smug thoughts running through his mind, Kai was always in control, even when it seemed like he wasn’t.

**“I’m not in a position to confirm that Ray is gay as well, although from his own confession yesterday on an international live broadcast…he did admit to being interested in the same person as me…who is very literally a man.” Kai sounded like he was amused but didn’t look it.**

**Ray was staring at the desk in front of him, clenching his fists so tightly and Tyson had gotten back on his chair,**

**“Are you…really gay Kai?” he asked just barely loud enough.**

**Kai looked at him,**

**“I am, Tyson.”**

**“But…how…you had that girl.”**

**“That’s none of your business but to satiate the curiosity I will admit that I did a stupid thing to try and throw off the media.” he sounded as confident as ever and Max looked to be so confused it was unspeakable.**

‘Wouldn’t stop if he could…oh it hurts to be this good!’ Tala did another dance where he sat.

**“You had sex with that girl Kai, we all saw her in the room that morning…don’t lie about being gay because you want to make me look bad, that’s shameful!” Ray spat, trying to  gain some leverage and everyone was questioning the situation now even more, it was an epic event to witness.**

‘Your holding onto your grudge…’ he stared at Ray and then he saw Kai shake his head.

**“Ray, you’re aware that I left the house early hours of the morning, who do you think I left with? Who drove me home? Without my pants and shirt on…it had been a bad night for me…but I left with the right person.”**

Kai was being so honest it made Tala concerned, he was showing feelings that he’d always preferred not to and to the public eye.

“It hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.” he mumbled and watched Kai look away from Ray to the flashing camera’s,

**“…everyone has bad nights and I’ve had mine, I had to face that person with what I‘d done and he still took me back.”**

‘So let it go…just say it…’ Tala waited he wanted Kai to tell the world about their relationship.

The noise went up again and the questions repeated several times in the room.

-Who did you leave with? Who was it? Who is your gay lover?-

Those questions would get the answer to the question of the third party involved. Tala himself was a celebrity and he was very well known, but the press had never known he was gay, it was a rumor among the immediate beyblade teams and none had ever taken the rumor to the press, so it would be like Tala’s coming out as well.

_‘We’re concentrating on falling apart. We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight.’_

“I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe…I just wanna believe in us Kai.”

Ray challenged Kai by staring him down from the short distance, daring him to admit to it completely. Kai glanced at the people at the table with him and he lowered his head to cover his eyes, his heart was beating fast, Tala knew because his own was as well.

**“I’d like the world to know that I am, and have been for more than a year, romantically involved with…with…” he faltered and Ray smirked knowing Kai couldn’t say it.**

Tala’s face fell, Kai was still scared of what would happen.

“Come on Kai…this is in our hands, we call the shots…” ‘…this is the grace that only we can bestow, this is what happens when you lose control…’

“Kai, do you not want to tell the world who the man you love is?”

Kai’s head snapped up,

“I never said I was in love with any one, I said am involved with someone.”

“Exactly, because your selfish and your using him, I love him!” Ray just let it go, Kai had so much trouble with letting go of his feelings.

Tala was in quiet shock and he felt the misery seeping into him even before Kai could say anything else to crush him. Kai basically shot him down in front of the world, now he found himself hoping his name wouldn’t come up. He wished the confession was not happening.

Kai shot Ray a dirty look,

“You don’t even know him, how can you love him Ray, don’t be stupid.”

“I do know him, I used to talk to Tala via email for months before you asked him to move in with you and even while he lived with you and then he just stopped, probably because of **you**! **You** ruined everything!”

The room went silent...but not for very long…

Tala broke out in a cold sweat instantly.

Ray paled and Kai turned red with anger at the confession.

‘This is the break in the bend…this is the closest of calls…’ he stared at Kai and how everyone looked at him like he was in the wrong all over again, “…this is the reason your alone…” Tala mumbled.

  _This is the rise and fall.’_

“Ray, did you say Tala as in Tala Ivanov of the Russian World Championship Runner Up team the Blitzkrieg Boys?” one reporter finally spoke up in the dead silence.

Ray turned to the press and pushed his long bound plait back from his shoulder as he faced the press with a thin black eyebrow raised,

“Yes, I am gay and I have been in love with Tala Ivanov long before Kai started sleeping with him.”

Tala’s heart was pounding in his chest and the microphones made loud screeching noises as  the reporters shouted and went crazy for answers.

Kai stared at Ray still, facial expression revealing his anger so clearly to the press but Kai didn’t care and if Ray wasn’t careful then he might get attacked again.

Questions beat down from every angle, Tyson and Max were asked several times if they had known anything and both of them numbly shook their heads, feeling lost.

_‘We’re concentrating on falling apart, we were contenders, we’re throwing the fight. I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe in us…’_

-Does that mean Tala Ivanov is gay too?-

-Are any other beybladers gay?-

-Have you slept with Tala Ivanov too Ray?-

-Where is Tala right now Kai?-

-Has Tala been sleeping with you both?-

-Who does Tala love?-

-Will you force Tala to make a decision between you two?-

Tala saw Kai get up roughly, his chair falling back and Dickenson jumped out of shock, he’d been dumbfounded by all of this and completely lost in thought until Kai left the room, ignoring the shouts from the press for answers.

Everyone involved would have to face consequences, Ray would face his friends and family, his village and their strict beliefs, Tala would face the media and all of their questions about where he stood on this, what his plans were.

But more importantly, Kai would have to face himself and his own demons…and Tala would have to face Kai.

* * *

They stared at the ceiling of the French hotel room Tala stayed in, as Kai lay naked on the bed and Tala lying beside him naked as well. Both slightly sweaty and panting, Kai was flushed, his legs still spread eagle, thighs sticky and legs shaking, Tala’s legs muscles and stomach muscles cramping.

Both exhausted from the rigorous and emotional sex. Angry and miserable. Jealous and disappointed.

Kai had arrived at about 1 in the morning and now it was about 5 and the sun was just starting to shine through the open curtains, the cold morning air made them shiver now that they lay damp and tired on the bed. All Kai had done was rip into Tala with violent kisses and shoved him onto the bed…so they ended up in a sweaty exhausted mess hours later.

“…I hate you.” Kai breathed.

“I don’t hate you.” Tala responded quietly like Kai had spoken.

“…you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie, it was before any of this started between us.”

“I looked like a fool.” Kai was angry and tired.

“…let go of your ego Kai, the easy part is over, it’ll get harder now.” he said honestly.

“I should just let go of you.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.”

“…fine.” Tala’s voice broke and he shifted but Kai’s hand grabbed his wrist,

“Ask me…what I’m thinking…”

Tala didn’t look at him as he was half way sitting up,

“What are you thinking Kai?”

“That I need you, I need you to stay with me if this is all going to be worth it. I’m angry now but it’ll pass…make it pass.” Kai was instructing, always calling the shots.

“What…do you want me to do?” he asked pathetically.

“Right now…fuck me until I pass out, until I can’t stay awake to think about anything…”

Tala closed his eyes, laying back again he rolled over to Kai, he kept his eyes closed and Kai did too, so they weren’t looking at one another and he kissed the younger boy fully on his mouth.

He’d already fucked Kai like he’d wanted…but he supposed it wasn’t enough…it never was.

Their heavy breathing mingling, Tala’s hand slid down between Kai’s sticky thighs and between his cleft, always going for Kai’s sweet spots.

Kai’s breath hitched when Tala probed him, still moist from Tala’s release earlier,

“No foreplay…” Kai breathed in irritation.

Tala opened his tired blue eyes and stared at Kai’s face, uglier to him than he’d ever seen it since Kai looked so miserable and spiteful, but he did as told.

* * *

There was noise in the small streets outside the hotel, Tala was sitting on the 2 seat couch which was right next to the balcony door of the hotel room.

He had a clear image of Kai on the bed from where he sat with nothing but his jeans on, fiddling with the acoustic guitar he’d bought when he’d first arrived in France days ago.

He’d bought it with Kai in mind, now it seemed like a waste, but he’d keep it, like a bad memory you can’t erase or a scar you bare for the rest of your life, Kai was his burden.

He tuned the last string and strummed each one to hear the pitch, it sounded right.

Kai was asleep on the bed, sheets wrapped around his body, covering up everything except his bare back, his arms above his head and one foot hanging off the bed.

He had been unable to keep his eyes open after the third round of sex, Tala had felt the same but he endured it, until Kai passed out.

Tala woke up an hour after because he couldn’t sleep with the pain in his chest.

His eye’s trailed the tattooed back and the slight lines of Kai’s muscles on his arms, roaming  over his hair laying over the white and blue pillows and his face squashed into the softness,  the covers were now stained with his slightly smudged face paint, Kai was blissfully asleep.

Tala looked away and started strumming again on the strings until he found a bit of a tune and he started playing it, just the tune for a while, nothing else.

But then he sat up straighter on the couch and played a bit neater, humming slightly as a tune formed in his head.

He looked at Kai as his fingers continued to play,

“I’ve got a twenty dollar bill…that says no ones ever seen you without make up…” he paused and smiled, “…your always made up.” he continued playing while he paused, he was mostly talk-singing, he checked on Kai’s sleeping form.

“And I’m sick of your tattoos and the way you always criticize…” he trailed off and bit his lip thoughtfully, never ceasing his tune on the strings.

“And I know that you’re a sucker, for anything acoustic…and when I say lets keep in touch, I really mean I wish that you’d grow up…” he was saying quietly in a low voice, he changed the tune a bit, “…this is the first song for your mix tape…and its short just like your temper…” he smiled at the words he made up, “…but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool…-” he trailed off and dropped the tune lower again but faster.

“I’ve got a twenty dollar bill, that says no one ever seen you without make up…your always maaaadde up. And I’m sick of your tattoos and the waaay you don’t appreciate…” he trailed of again and strummed louder, trying to add more sing to his voice, “…and me. And I know that you’re a sucker, for anyyything acoustic, but when I say lets keep in touch, I really mean I wish that you’d grow up, this is the first song for you mix tape…and its short just like your temper…but somewhat gooolden liiiike the afternooooon we used to spend before you got toooo cooool…” he played on for a while, enjoying himself.

“What are you doing?”

The tune stopped abruptly and Tala’s head snapped up to meet Kai eyes.

He was as gorgeous as sin, but that was the usual, even with his face paint smudged and eyes darkened underneath from stress.

“I was just…bored.”

“Was that about me?” the question was blunt even though Kai’s voice was raspy from the hours before of exertion.

Tala raised an eyebrow as he placed the guitar down leaning against the sofa next to him,

“I guess it was…” he answered honestly.

Kai seemed affected by the harsh words for a second and he looked away,

“…whatever Tala.” he laid back down facing away from Tala, his tattoo mocking Tala’s little tune by how beautiful it looked against Kai’s smooth skin.

‘…but I wish you were my shadow…’ Tala finished it lamely in his mind.

He had to prepare himself for whatever was to come.

 


	5. Session 5

You know how some people go their whole their whole lives never having had a problem big enough to depress them or weigh them down…well I’m not one of them.

I’ve suffered and suffered from when I was 8 years old and I’m 20 now and still aching inside for something I feel I deserve.

It probably means God doesn’t think I deserve anything, even though I thought he and I had been talking all this time, I guess we really weren’t.

It’s like my very existence was meant to push me over the edge because I can’t get a grip on anything anymore. I left the hotel in the small French town the following day and went back with Kai to the BBA in the main French location, where I was faced with press and questions and fan’s screaming and some crying ‘why Tala why?’ and the same with Kai’s name.

We walked a foot apart as we made our way accompanied by BBA body guards, into the building, never touching or giving the media dogs a bone, photo’s they snap would be plain and simple, two young guys walking up stairs with body guards, we didn’t even look at one another. We didn’t actually want to…or I didn‘t want to look at him.

Inside wasn’t much better, the employees and organizers and new kids being brought in and  trained, every step, every floor and every room we had to walk through, even a few people in the lifts…stared at us. We were alone in the elevator eventually for 20 straight floors and didn’t look at or speak to one another.

When we arrived on the relevant floor, Kai walked out and I followed him, we were going to Dickenson’s office I knew.

What I hadn’t expected was that all of the Blade Breakers would be present, walking inside after Kai, who glared at the occupants in the room, I felt naked because of how they all stared at me, except Ray, he gave me an apologetic look and after what I’d been through with Kai, I didn’t dismiss him, I just averted my eyes to Dickenson and stayed silent near the doors.

Dickenson looked at me and stood up, coming around the desk, I stared down at the much shorter man like I wanted to choke him, I did, but he was the reason that there had been personal escorts and vehicles to get Kai and myself there without being mauled. He was useful.

“Tala, I am so sorry for the spectacle that occurred yesterday, it was unprofessional I should never have let it go on, I was just shocked-”

“Don’t worry Mr. Dickenson.” I cut him off, “…I’m not going to try and sue the BBA.” I put the man at ease.

He raised his white eyebrows and his glasses dropped slightly on his nose before he nodded,

“Thank you, you are a respectable young man.”

“Whatever.” I said dismissively and Dickenson wisely didn’t bother to go on, he left me alone and turned around to face the other 3 people staring at me, Max seemed like he didn’t want to stare and Ray was more just glancing at me constantly but Tyson was wide eyed and staring, Kai was looking away at the large windows behind Dickenson’s desk, his back faced to me.

“Well, Kai, you wanted to speak with me after yesterday?” he walked back and around his desk. I looked at Kai and I felt Tyson’s eyes leave me to stare at Kai, his scarf was around his neck and he still wore a long sleeve shirt to hide the other bruises, but I had no covering. His marks on me, though fading were visible on my neck, but just barely since I wore a tight high neck shirt, Ray’s eyes were still on me.

Kai faced Dickenson,

“I don’t want this to affect the tour, it’ll seem like a cop out if I just buy myself out and walk away after what’s happened, so I’ve decided to stay and finish this. I’ve thought a lot about everything that has happened and I’ve decided that Tala and I are breaking up…if you want to call it that.”

I felt something in my chest shatter and it was like needles of pain everywhere in my flesh.

* * *

 

Max gasped and stared at Tala and his blue eyes were filled with sadness when he realized that Tala was as shocked as he was, Tala’s face was paler than usual and his eyes had lines of strain as he stared at the back of Kai’s head. A moment later the look was gone though and as Max looked around he realized he was the only one who had seen it, Tyson was staring at Kai and Ray’s attention was taken by those words as well.

“So Tala can go home and be away from the media and we can salvage the reputation of the team, I’d like to call a truce with Ray as well, just until the tour is up that is.” he glanced at Ray who’s golden eyes were bright,

“Yeah, just until the tour is up.” he agreed easily and Kai narrowed his eyes at Ray.

Kai spared Tala a glance a saw the stoic expression mastered by years of training on Tala’s face. But Kai wouldn‘t know if he was wrong, he’d assume maybe Tala just didn’t care. He looked back at Ray and then at Dickenson who nodded suddenly and spoke up,

“Well…that isn’t my call, about Tala I mean, whether he wants to go back to Japan is entirely up to him.”

“Yes I’ll be going…as soon as is possible actually. If this is all I wasted my time with, I’d like to leave now.”

When no one said anything, Ray only looked at him with an intense stare, Kai didn’t look at all, Dickenson nodded, 

“Do you need any help from the BBA to get home?”

“No, thank you. I’ll be fine.” after all he had his money from his two time runner up status, Tala was just over a millionaire since their money had been released to them after Boris was arrested and the abbey disbanded but he’d intended to never touch that money, however now, he knew he’d need it.

With that he turned and left the room, closing the door quietly and his hand started to visibly shake as the pain overwhelmed him. He took slow steps along the empty hall and used the wall for support, leaning against it until he was around a corner and he leaned his back against it, his head tipped back,

“God…you could have warned me…” he didn’t know if he was speaking to god or just using his name in general, “…Kai…you could have told me when we were alone, before we came here.” he was saying, his voice dry and weak as his throat pained with the need to cry.

He heard the door open down the passage and he steeled his expression back into its mask, but stayed against the wall for support. The steps were running and Tala was hoping it wasn’t Kai…he didn’t want it to be Kai.

He closed his eyes and cursed Boris.

‘Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart…’ his jaw tensed as someone came running around the corner and straight into him at the turn.

He opened his eyes in shock because this person had tripped over his feet and collided with the floor, Tala crouched down and frowned at the blonde as he helped him up. When they stood again he caught Max’s gaze and it was filled with concern.

“You okay?” Tala asked dully and treating Max like a kid who had fallen on a playground, he straightened Max’s T shirt for him,

“I was looking for you.” Max said quietly.

“Me? Why?” Tala sounded calm, hiding it all well but Max looked like he would cry.

He threw his arms around Tala’s shoulders, standing up on his toes half way to gain some height on the taller boy and he hugged Tala tightly,

“I’m not trying to upset you or anything but I saw your face, you didn’t know Kai was going to break up with you…he’s so horrible for doing that, I saw the hurt Tala…I know your hurting.” he held onto Tala even as the taller man was stiff.

Tala’s eyes were wide and the mask fell momentarily as he heard how Max’s emotions reigned freely in his voice,

“He should never have done that to you…” Max mumbled against his shoulder.

Tala’s body relaxed and his arms came to rest around Max awkwardly, he felt Max rubbing his upper back where his hands were and Max sniffed loudly.

“Thank you…” Tala mumbled and he was half smiling, he actually felt better having someone hold him just for comfort.

Max pulled back after a while and Tala let him go and he actually had some tears to wipe away from his cheeks, Tala just stared at the glistening blue eyes, envious of tears that fell so freely.

Max sniffed,

“…just because Kai’s doing this to you, it doesn’t mean you have no one. I’ve never had a problem with you, neither does Tyson and well, I don’t know where you stand on Ray.” he blushed stupidly, “…but you have us, we’re there for you, we’re your friends if you want us to be.” Max was smiling encouragingly.

Tala suddenly remembered that he did have friends, he’d always made friends easily too. A year of his life had been focused on pain and suffering because he couldn’t let go of Kai. Now Kai had let him go, without batting an eyelash.

He smiled and Max smiled wider,

“I’ve never seen you smile before in my life…” he said stupidly and stared at how different Tala looked with his full smile, Tala pursed his lips,

“Well don’t tell anyone I did, or I’ll have to come after you.” he threatened playfully, still half smiling and Max laughed, so openly again, Tala was jealous.

“Anyway…I gotta get going Max, thanks again. I appreciate it.”

“Any time you need a friend Tala.” he nodded and Tala did as well before Tala walked passed him and down the hall to the elevators.

* * *

His first night in Japan Tala went straight to Brian’s and was greeted warmly with a slap on his back and beer in his hand. Brian said it was good to have him back, Spencer came over and with a heavy arm around Tala’s much smaller shoulders he rattled Tala frame, warning him to never go off like that again. They were so homely and Tala even dared think that they loved him as a friend and a brother, because he felt that way for them.

‘After twelve years of holding it together, a night like this is threatening to pull me apart.’

Since Max’s small hug and that shattering feeling he’d had in Dickenson’s office, Tala had been teetering dangerously on the edge of an emotional breakdown. He was still strong enough to laugh and joke and avoid the subject but he didn’t know what would happen if he was faced with it…and then it all seemed to edge closer as time went on and conversation dulled among the three young men.

They were sitting around Brian’s cramped lounge in his small studio apartment, it suited Brian, like it suited them. To live in a place that seemed like home, the abbey, dark brick walls and dull floors, except for the large windows which symbolized freedom.

The main difference.

Tala finished his 3rd beer and smiled at Spencer who let out a loud burp, but deep down he was concerned because it seemed like they were clueless about what the whole world had witnessed just 3 days ago, but after a few more beers on Brian’s behalf, he brought it up and Tala didn’t know what happened…he just…

Brian stared at him and barely said anything,

“So Tala…we saw the thing on TV with Kai and Ray…it was pretty eye opening…”

Tala’s face crashed straight into a pasty color and his eyes burned up so quickly he didn’t even know he was crying until the warm tears touch his cold lips, he got to his feet and jumped over Spencer’s legs, running straight across the room and into the bathroom.

He didn’t hear them run after him as he threw up in Brian’s toilet, crying loudly, he only noticed the sound because in the bathroom it echoed.

“Jesus Tala…” Brian’s soft voice was heard and he felt hands pull his hair back and a large body and a heavy hand rubbed his back soothingly.

‘This is it…” he thought with a small light of happiness, ‘…these people are my family, they’re here for me…they’re treating me like a human with feelings…’ he threw up more of the alcohol in his body and then Brian’s hand came into sight with some tissues.

He wiped his mouth and stood up shakily, his head was spinning.

Just like that night with Kai, except now he was the sick one, he rinsed his mouth out and washed his face, he was pale and he didn’t look well as he leaned against the basin.

He cried again as he stood there, tears on his face dripping into the basin one after the other and Spencer was next to him again,

“Tala…shhh.” he said and it sounded so weird in his deep voice.

Brian was the one who was more in touch with himself apparently because he took Tala by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly as Tala settled his forehead on the taller boy’s shoulder and cried openly.

Like he’d never done before.

‘I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation…but I couldn’t take it…I felt un cool and hung out around the kitchen…’ his hands clutched the back of Brian’s shirt, he hadn‘t been able to avoid this happening, even though he‘d tried all night,

“What happened Tala?” he asked with concern in his voice.

He couldn’t stop it and he didn’t have to because Brian and Spencer weren’t mocking him or leaving him, they were there.

 

…

 

It wasn’t the same evening when Tala told them about the meeting with Dickenson and how Kai had caught him unawares, it was the following afternoon, when he’d woken in Brian’s bed alone. He’d cleaned himself up and came out to find Spencer watching TV and Brian cooking in his open plan kitchen. They both looked at him, he had on his jeans from the night before but one of Brian’s slightly larger shirts, Brian hadn’t minded.

He had settled on the couch and declined eating lunch but accepted a cup of coffee, while they ate Tala told them what happened and the only emotion he registered from them was anger. Brian especially since he hated Kai enough as it was. He’d sworn quite colorfully about Kai and threatened his life in at least 7 different and original ways, Tala had sat there looking like death, Spencer had fallen silent and asked the obvious question.

 

-How were you stupid enough to get caught up in bed with Kai?-

 

To them it was a logical question, because they’d never seen Kai as anything but a machine but for him it was obvious because he and Kai had had an understanding. Even back in the abbey at 10 years old after they’d fought and Tala had nearly pushed Kai out of a window, they’d been friends and Kai had said to him at 12, months before he’d left the abbey, that they would stay friends.

It was unspoken, but it was because Tala was the only person who understood Kai and that’s why it had been so easy for him to see Kai in a different light than everyone else.

But Tala wouldn’t say all that, so he’d shrugged and said he just let himself get in over his head, he’d admitted expecting more from Kai than the boy was able to give, but he never admitted to them that he’d fallen in love with Kai, that was his secret.

It had been fine after that, Tala stayed there and Brian said he could stay until he found his own place, Tala was grateful.

Later that afternoon after Spencer had left to go home, Brian had taken a shower and was sitting on the sofa watching a news channel.

Tala was thinking about how he was going to find a place, he couldn’t sleep on Brian’s sofa for too long, he went into the kitchen and was just about to fix himself a sandwich when he heard the volume on the TV turn up and the BBA announcers voice was heard.

“Hey Tala…” Brian called him.

He leaned over the counter and looked at Brian and then at the TV, the Blade Breakers were having a short interview.

“So, since your last chaotic press conference what’s happened with you and Ray?” the mic went straight to Kai’s face and the teen glared at the reporter as Tyson stood next to him and Ray on the other side, still bruised but the swelling had gone down.

Tala looked away, he didn’t want to see Kai so he instead listened and started taking out stuff to make a sandwich.

“We’ve come to agreement.” was the short answer.

“You know, he did a pretty good job on Ray’s face though.” Brian snickered.

He didn’t like Ray either.

Tala didn’t comment and he continued to listen.

“We’ve agreed on a truce, just until the tour is over.” Ray answered next.

“And what about Tala Ivanov, any decisions on who gets to have him?”

It was a mocking question and Tala eased the sandwich spread on the white bread forcing himself to calm down, since the day he’d left Kai in France, he had wondered what would happen when that question came up, repeating it in his head that ‘Kai wouldn’t’.

 

* * *

 

Brian stared at him as they both stood in the kitchen, the butter knife stuck firmly in the thick wooden counter top in Brian’s kitchen, the force behind it had been so hard that Brian had been stunned when he’d gotten off the couch at the noise.

The TV was off now and Tala stood beside him, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed as he breathed calmly.

‘I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would…’

“Kai’s a prick, I’ve been telling you for years.” Brian stared at the knife since he was facing the counter and Tala had his back to it.

 

-Tala and I were a couple of convenience. Its over now because its no longer convenient.-

 

He hadn’t even heard what Ray had said.

“What did Ray say?”

Brian looked at him,

“Oh, he just said that you’d gone home now and you were fine.”

Tala was grateful.

“That blonde kid was smiling like he was happy about it.” Brian said in a confused tone.

Tala hadn’t mentioned how Max had comforted him, his embarrassing break down the night before was bad enough without admitting Max had seen him hurt.

Tala smiled a bit, most of this was Ray’s doing, he’d started their very first problem a while back, so Tala still had no respect for the shit stirrer that he was, but Kai had proven he deserved nothing better than the treatment he usually got from people.

Cold dislike.

‘And now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.’ he sighed, “…I feel like going out…I need to get back on track, I mean…there was a time when I partied every weekend and even in the week, I was a crazy flirt…” he was grinning in that naughty way he hadn’t done since he’d followed Kai out of Japan.

Brian nodded,

“Now you’re talking! I remember how you used to party, I was there with you, what say we go to a club tonight, we’ll pick a bi sexual club, that way you and I can both have fun.” he bobbed his eyebrows,

“Yeah, you like the girls in those places because they’re freaky!” he laughed at Brian’s wiggling eyebrows.

 

Tala stretched,

“I’m gonna go make myself look hot like I do so well…”

“Ah shut up!” Brian laughed.

As Tala walked away Brian turned back to the counter,

“Man, you stuck more than half of the end of the knife into the counter…” he shook his head and Tala turned around,

“Right…uh sorry about that…I was picturing Kai’s face.” he said with a sneer and then a grin when Brian dislodged the knife with wide eyes at the dent in the counter.

“You know, you’ve never sounded more like yourself than right now Ivanov…” he dropped the knife in the sink and walked over to Tala,

“…the best part is that everyone seemed to be looking at Kai like he was crazy, the reporter even questioned what he said about you, saying that the other day it didn’t sound like Kai had been talking about a ‘couple of convenience’. I think…”

“Everyone’s caught on…” Tala said and Brian nodded.

‘To everything you do…everyone’s caught on to you, Kai.”

 

He shook his head,

“I’ve gotta move on, starting now.”

 

* * *

 

Tala was back almost full throttle and he was enjoying it, he went out with Brian as often as possible, when Brian wasn’t working, weekdays and weekends. They partied until early hours and got shit faced and deliriously happy.

On one or two occasions Brian took a girl home and Tala would stare at him as he dragged the girl into room like an evil creature might do to an innocent victim.

Tala danced with guys and girls in clubs, he didn’t mind but when he went into dark corners it was with a cute guy…and all the kissing and fondling soothed away at the pain a little everyday, leaving a confident calm in Tala that he used to have before Kai’s painful fire left him scorched.

Tala never brought anyone home because he was staying at Brian’s and it wasn’t polite and because in a lot of ways, he knew he wasn’t ready quite yet.

But he did get his own nice one bedroom place eventually after about a month back in Japan, he bought it a good price too and filled it with furniture.

A week later he got a job as a Beyblade trainer at a smaller privately owned company where parents sent their kids for lessons.

 

…

 

He‘d had to start slow when he‘d moved in his own for the first time, it felt like he‘d taken a step back into that dark place again.

It was horrible in the beginning, the going out was fun but when he was alone or asleep in an empty bed after so long, it started to feel like he was choking.

Tala would find himself sitting in bed at night thinking of Kai but he knew he couldn’t keep doing that.

He sat right then in his bed, the light on but the room cold and the bed empty, he held a note pad which he’d brought to the room with him and started writing things into.

After long minutes and many pages of large scrawl, he then got up and stuck the papers with notes all over his apartment.

 

-Don’t think of Kai’s favorite foods.- on the fridge.

-You don’t eat chocolate so stop buying it.- on his sweet cupboards door.

-Don’t hang your jacket up, you never did before living with Kai.- near the coat hangers in the wall at the door.

-Don’t open curtains you don’t like the sun like Kai did, it was a bad habit.- next to every window.

 

‘As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go and write a note just to remind myself how bad it sucked.’ Tala closed his eyes and took deep breaths, he still held the rest of the notes  that needed to be stuck around his apartment. But it was a stepping stone.

He stuck them all up and finally climbed into bed and curled up…after several minutes of not closing his eyes he sat up and took his note pad out from his draw again, writing on it, he left the pad with the note on the second pillow of the double bed.

Mornings were hard and sometimes the note he left every night on that pillow haunted him.

But it was sound advice on days when he didn’t want to go out and face the world, but the job he had forced him to get up and Tala did get up, always with effort having to face the warm sun.

‘Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head…I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Tala, stay asleep in bed.’

But his days went on and on and slowly he threw certain notes away until he only had a few left, the one on his pillow was still there.

Tala had caught a glimpse of Kai on television one early evening, where they were asking him about whether he had a favorite from the finalized 20 chosen boys who would compete for the top 4 spots.

Kai looked so casual like nothing in his life was a miss and he answered that ‘No, he didn’t.’

Tala remembered thinking, ‘So don’t apologize…its fine…I hope you choke and die.’ and he’d smiled at the thought for a while afterward.

Kai had trapped himself in that horrible bubble without feeling or anyone who cared about him, because now even Tala didn’t want to care anymore and his recent open display of selfishness had let the world see just how cold he was.

‘So search your cell for something with which to hang yourself with…because your dead to everyone…’ he mused as he pulled a clean tight black shirt over his head.

He’d recently stopped talking to God, he felt like that ‘bond’ had died along with Kai for him, seriously, how could someone want to believe in something supposedly wonderful and giving when everything they’d had was ripped away from them so many times.

“They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven but they don’t tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.” he mumbled to himself as he did his hair into it’s best and most natural style.

All of these things had happened over a few weeks and Tala wasn’t really aware that the tour was over, he didn’t know that the Blade Breakers were back in Japan, he had really stopped stressing over it. He still thought of Kai, but it was never anything but bad. It was now official that everyone had it in for Kai, Tala included.

 

_‘Everyone’s caught on to everything you do, everyone’s caught on to you.’_

 

Things were going ok and he, Brian and Spencer were closer than ever, he’d even received a call from Max at about 3 in the morning one Friday several weeks back, the younger man hadn’t considered the time difference of wherever in the world he was, and he’d asked Tala how he was, when Tala had told him about his job and new place Max had sounded so genuinely happy.

When the conversation was over, Tala felt good, he needed the good feeling his friends gave him, it was replacing the gaping holes Kai had left in him.

He still played guitar, he started playing video games again and he even met Brian’s new  girlfriend who was a pretty sweet girl with brown hair and green eyes, her name was Natasha, she was really cute and Brian wouldn’t shut up about her.

They all went out together often and Tala was so happy for Brian because they made a really cute couple.

They were all going out that night, Spencer was bringing his girlfriend, who he’d been with for about 2 years. Brian was bringing Natasha and Natasha was bringing a friend of hers, a gay male friend, Tala was fine with it.

When they showed up Tala was introduced to Natasha’s cute friend, Leon, he was attractive, average but attractive with black hair and brown eyes, fair skin and noticeably shorter than Tala. Tala didn’t like that he was slightly feminine, he seemed like he wasn’t doing it on purpose but every time he waved his hand when he talked or high fived Natasha it made him want to smack the guy.

But other wise it was fine.

He wasn’t going to marry the dude.

In the club they decided to go to was hot and noisy and they were laughing and talking about things that people talked about when there was nothing important going on, shit.

Eventually Tala was dragged to dance with his ‘date’ and he found he quite enjoyed it, they didn’t do anything much, just sway together and once or twice Tala felt the subtle close touches from Leon’s hands.

When they got back the booth, Brian and Natasha were having a moment, you know those sweet kissing and whispering moments and Tala didn’t disturb them, he couldn’t hear anything over the music anyway, so he and Leon just sat down.

He knocked back his drink and looked at Leon sitting next to him,

“You…don’t like me do you?” he asked loud enough for Tala to hear.

Tala stared at him and then smiled,

“…I don’t know you, how can I not like you.”

 

-You don’t know him! How can you be in love with him?-

 

He winced unnoticeably at the memory of Kai’s words to Ray and he averted his gaze from Leon’s face, blinking slowly to get his grip back, he managed easily enough.

“I just get the feeling you’re not attracted to me…” he was honest.

Tala didn’t want to give Kai a chance to ruin his night, he couldn’t fall into that depression again, he’d been fooling around with guys but had declined any offers to take them home.

Was he scared to have sex with anyone else?

Never.

‘I cant let you let me down again…’ he thought to himself about himself. He needed to be Tala again.

“It’s okay…we can just be friends…” Leon leaned closer so Tala could hear him over the music.

Tala turned his head and as Leon leaned back he leaned forward and kissed Leon, catching him unawares, Leon pushed straight back into the kiss.

They pulled apart and Leon eyes were confused, Tala let his hand slip behind Leon’s neck and he brought his lips to his ear…he was going to be Tala as he had been before Kai.

He whispered to Leon that he just wanted to have fun, no strings attached, if Leon wanted that then he could leave with Tala that night and go back to his place. Clean and simple.

When he pulled back, he sealed his usual line with a kiss to the other man’s mouth, finding the wet lips opening with a small moan which vibrated in his mouth, Tala kissed him into a dismal state to show him a taste of what he could expect if he left with Tala.

‘I can’t let you let me down again.’

 

* * *

 

His bed was not empty that night.

His apartment was filled with high pitched moans, nothing like Kai’s, and the sweat on the neck of Leon tasted nothing like Kai’s.

Leon was thinner and smaller but his body felt good against Tala’s…refreshing.

His kisses were weaker and desperate, but Tala loved to dominate.

There was no scratches, or bites or pulling of hair…

Leon’s body was tight, warm and unfamiliar and Tala still came, it still felt good.

All without Kai.

As he lay next to Leon who was asleep, he slept untidily, unlike K-

He cut himself off and grabbed the notepad he’d put on his bedside table, tearing off the note and squashing it up. Tala smiled.

He was passed comparisons now, he’d go on to sleep with other people and maybe he’d even find someone who made him feel for them enough that he’d fall in love again.

He reached under the blanket that covered his waste and pulled his face into a frown as he removed the used condom from himself and tied it up, getting up to throw it away.

 

‘I won’t have to use condoms either if I go steady with someone again…’ he tossed it in his bathroom bin and walked back into his room, laying down with his hands behind his head he looked over at Leon.

Tala had denied emotions for so long and yet whenever he looked around people displayed them openly…Max had helped him with that. Even Leon was an open book.

Kai was suffering in his own way, Tala knew because he’d been suffering until he’d finally let go just recently.

‘So is that what you call a getaway…tell me what you got away with.’ he smiled to himself, thinking of Kai breaking up with him like that.

He’d made sense of it over the past months, he’d realized that Kai had not wanted to do it when they were alone, because he was scared of Tala.

Not in the way of being physically harmed, or not really anyway, but more because of the feelings he couldn’t admit for Tala.

Tala knew Kai had feelings for him, he would never have admitted all of those things and become so jealous at Ray’s words if he didn’t.

But the word ‘love’ scared him.

Tala knew now, that Kai had to fight for control every second he lived with Tala because he was usually not in control when it came to being close to Tala physically.

‘But that makes you a coward…cause I’ve seen more spine in a jelly fish, I’ve seen more guts in eleven year old kids. You could be honest with me as a child but not as an adult…’ he shook his head and closed his eyes.

He hoped Kai fell into a depression too as soon as that lonely apartment caught up to him, if it did, Tala was still only half sure of whether God was on his dirty angel’s side and keeping him strong.

‘But just in case you are going through what I did you selfish bastard…have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield.’

Tala fell into a peaceful sleep.

 

* * *

He heard his cell phone ringing and he ignored it, rolling over and stretching out and arm Tala jerked slightly in alarm and something warm touched his naked chest. He opened his eyes and relaxed when he saw it was just Leon’s forehead, he had rolled into an awkward squashed position and when Tala had rolled over, his head ended up against his chest.

He blinked and suddenly realized why someone could fall in love so easily, it was about the things in a person one might like. Someone would one day lay in bed with Leon like this and love how he laid in an awkward sleeping position and they’d start to love that about him…and then it would become more.

It was like he’d loved how Kai latched on to him during sex, how when ever Kai came out of the shower he did a stupid run and jump from his bathroom to his bed. He loved how Kai would usually end up sleeping on whatever pillow Tala had no matter how many there were on a bed. He loved how when Kai would lay against him, one leg would always lay between Tala’s legs, out of habit. He loved how Kai swore and cursed and laughed so loudly if he managed to tickle the other man. Loved how Kai could say his name in the lowest sexiest voice imaginable. He loved how Kai would sometimes walk by and untidy Tala’s hair for no reason and then wink at him. Loved how Kai could sit and watch him affectionately and then tell him he was an idiot a second later. He loved Kai.

He looked around the room as it suddenly fell silent, there had been a noise when he’d woken but he’d woken with thoughts of Kai and it had distracted him.

“It’s always hard waking up…but it’ll get better.” he reminded himself as he lay on his bed and rubbed his face with his hands.

He heard the ring tone of his phone again and sat up slowly, it was coming from the lounge, with a sigh he threw the sheets off him and grabbed his boxer shorts off the foot of the bed, pulling it on he walked into the lounge.

It stopped ringing again and he groaned and went over to it, sitting on the arm rest of one of his couches and rubbing his head, ruffling his sleep mussed hair, he checked the calls.

2 missed calls : Kai

Tala’s entire body went cold and hot at the same time, only Kai could make his stomach lurch that way and his head spin.

“Why is he calling me…?” he breathed to himself quietly in the dark lounge, his voice shaking. It was 2:36 am.

It started ringing again as he held it and Tala stared at the flashing lights of his phone and Kai’s name above the ‘Incoming Call’ text.

He swallowed and clicked -busy-

‘Is that what you called tact?’ he wondered about Kai’s call, how could the bastard have the nerve to call him after what he’d done?

“You’re about as subtle as a brick in the small of my back you asshole.” he comforted himself by insulting Kai.

His eyes closed when the phone started ringing again and Kai’s name flashed on the small screen.

‘So lets end this call and end this conversation…before it even happens.’

Tala hit the -busy- button again and then switched his phone off,

“Maybe I should change my number…” he said to himself and dropped his phone on the couch, sighing heavily,

“What am I doing? I’m not a coward, I cant run away from him…” he mumbled to no one.

‘Is that what you call a getaway Tala? Your no better than he is…’ he berated him self, ‘…well tell me what you got away with Tala, avoiding talking to him now, you could run into him tomorrow…’ he shook his head.

“Fuck…” he groaned, “…this is all your fault you asshole…” he whined quietly, forgetting about the young man he’d just had satisfactory sex with, he was feeling that familiar pain in his chest as he thought of Kai,

‘…cause you left the frays from the ties you severed…’ Tala let a few tears slip from his eyes, he didn’t suppress it anymore, he realized crying helped him feel better, ‘Ugh Kai…when you say best friends it means friends for ever, your such a liar.’

_‘So, is that what you call a getaway? Well tell me what you got away with._

_Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish. I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids._

_Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads.  
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield.’_

 

“Everyone’s caught on to everything you do…” he reminded himself, Kai was everyone’s enemy and he was Tala’s enemy as well, “…everyone’s caught on to you and I cant let you let me down again Kai.”

 

* * *

 

Brian was over the next day and he was giddy as ever,

“Man last night was great…I think I’ve got it bad for this girl.” he admitted and Tala smirked as he placed a sandwich next to Brian’s beer on the small 4 seat table.

He grabbed his own can of coke and sandwich and sat down as well, leaning against the windowsill that the table was under as he bit into his sandwich,

“I’m happy for you Bri, I never expected you’d be the one out of all of us to fall in love.” he teased and Brian nodded,

“I know right!” he laughed, he was very happy.

After Brian devoured a whole sandwich he licked some of the hot sauce off his fingers and stared at Tala who was nursing his sandwich and staring at the table.

“How did things go last night with Leon, you left with him right? Did you manage?” he didn’t want to pry but he needed to know how Tala was really doing.

Tala swallowed his bite and put down the half eaten food to sip his can and then he licked his lips,

“…manage?” he laughed and looked at Brian, “Are you asking if I managed to get a hard on Brian?”

“Pft, no you twat, I know your cock works, I’m asking if you went through with it?” he raised his eyebrows.

Tala’s smile faltered and he turned to face Brian,

“Yeah, I did, it was fine…good actually.” he admitted and fiddled with his can.

“Nice…so you think this was like the last step to you moving on completely, you’ve have your space, your new start and your rebound sex, now you can meet someone you like an-”

“He called me…”

Silence fell in the room and Brian blinked a few times at Tala who looked very put off his food.

“Kai called you?”

Tala nodded and met Brian’s gaze,

“Yeah, four times in the early morning before I switched my phone off.”

“Bastard!” Brian slammed his fists on the table, “…why the fuck is he calling you, he left you!” he spat angrily, but not at Tala.

“That’s what I asked myself…after what he did, how could he have the nerve to-”

“I need to pound his face in, **you** need to pound his face in!” Brian looked at Tala’s eyes, lost and tired.

“I cant, the last two times I tried hitting him I froze up.” he admitted with a sigh, “…you don’t understand what he does to me…it’s like he’s in my mind and I cant get him out without blowing by brain’s out…” Tala leaned his head on his arms on the table.

“Tala you cannot let him get to you again, if he walked all over you once and you do this again with him he’d take advantage of you all over again!” Brian wasn’t angry now, but advising and concerned.

Tala sat up again,

“I know, I know all that.”

“So answer you phone if he calls you again and tell him to fuck off!” Brian settled it by lifting his beer to Tala, who hesitantly raised his can and they knocked them together before drinking from their own.

 

* * *

 

‘Tell him to fuck off?’

He stared at his phone, praying to no one he thought was really there that his phone didn’t ring. There was also a voice message on his phone that he hadn’t bothered to listen to…yet.

He sat for another hour until it started getting dark outside, Sunday was leaving him soon for a working Monday and a busy week, where he wouldn’t have to be at home with nothing to do but think.

Sitting up and deciding he’d take a shower, he grabbed his phone and took it with him, dropping on his bed, he walked into his bathroom.

30 minutes later when he emerged he was renewed and refreshed, he sat on his bed and lifted the phone up, he saw a message from Spencer and read it.

 

-Game at the bar next wk wed. 8 pm. C u.-

 

It was cc’d to Brian too and Tala made a note of it on his phone and then just before he put it down he remembered the voice message he still hadn’t listened to.

Dialing his voicemail, Tala ran the towel over his ear to dry it before putting the device to his ear and listening.

He swallowed when he heard the automated voice end and the sound of an open line could be heard.

 

-…uh…hey Tala. Your cutting my calls. I guess…I shouldn’t be surprised…-

 

Tala waited and just heard silence and then Kai sighed, his voice sounded lost,

 

-Listen, you know right…you know that I…you know me…right? No one knows me but you do…and I…I’ve told you. I told you that I need…look I need to see you please, I don’t wanna talk over the phone. So…uh…if you can, maybe just, meet me…at the grounds? Like at 9? Please…Tala…-

 

It was silent and the line went dead. -end of messages. To replay press-

Tala hung up his voicemail and let out the breath he’d been holding as he stared at nothing ahead of him. Tala knew where the grounds were that Kai was referring to, it was out of the city, an abandoned football grounds that was slightly over grown with grass. Pretty much between Japan and the next major city.

They’d been out there before when they wanted to do some extreme beyblading.

“So long ago…” he sighed.

Tala stood up and tried to figure out what to do, Kai had said 9, but since the call came the previous night, he may have meant 9 am the following day, which had passed. Or 9 pm. Which Tala had plenty of time to make it out for.

“I cant  go…he may not even be there, the time may be wrong…” ‘Don’t do that to yourself, don’t go and see him…’ he instructed himself and got up to get dressed.

After he dressed in a jeans and shirt, Tala made his way into the kitchen, he was trying to deny it, trying to convince himself that he had no intention of going.

But the fact that he wore outgoing clothes after a late shower and kept checking the clock was a dead give away. Tala was going to go and see if he would meet up with Kai.

He saw the clock read 19:37 pm on the digital clock atop his TV so he walked over to the door, staring at it as if it might come alive and demand he stayed at home.

But Tala was his own worst enemy and also the only one who could make him stay…or make him go. He grabbed his house keys, car keys to the small cheap car he’d bought , cell phone and his wallet, out of habit.

As he drove along the dark roads, they were still busy this early, Tala left the radio off because he thought he may get into an accident if he didn’t use all of his concentration on driving, he was so distracted.

As he drove further out the road became empty, only a few cars were behind him or next to him, he saw the toll gates coming up to leave the city and he braced himself, because the grounds weren’t much farther after that.

He watched the lights get closer and he slowed down, he knew Kai wasn’t thought to be worth the pain that had been in chest since the voice message, but he couldn’t convince himself of it no matter how he tried.

He paid the toll and then drove through once the boom gate lifted, he was driving slower than before, pale hands gripping the steering wheel as he checked his mirrors to distract himself, which was pointless since there weren’t many cars now.

There was no street lights on these roads, the next light’s he’d see would be the two large old field lights of the grounds, he kept his eyes focused on the dark road until that bright orange glow came into sight and Tala’s mouth went dry.

As he drove nearer, he turned off onto the half gravel half dust road and let his car roll further in, eventually stopping and switching off the car, he stayed that way.

Between high grass and several meters from the road, Tala could barely see anything except the lights high above the car.

‘Why do you want to see me…who do you carry the torch for my…’ he wouldn’t say _love_ , ‘…young man…?’ he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, “…do you believe in anything?” he wondered aloud, why would Kai torture him this way, did he enjoy seeing Tala hurt, ‘…do you carry it around just to burn things down?’

It made sense when you thought about it, Kai was pure fire, in his body, his bones, his eyes and his tongue and all he did was take down anyone who came into contact with him.

Tala took his cell phone out and checked the time, it was 9:04 pm and there was no sight of another car.

‘Meet me tonight on the turnpike my darling, cause we believe in everything…even empty relationships…’ Tala was about to lean his head on the steering wheel again when there was a knock on his window, needless to say he jumped with fright and turned to find Kai leaning down and looking at him, no expression on his face.

Tala didn’t realize he had paled but he felt his heart rate making him breath unevenly, he opened his door and Kai stepped back to make room in the high grass path way, Tala stepped out and closed the door and it sounded louder than it should have.

They stared at each other and Tala pushed his shaking hands into his jeans pockets and looked passed Kai over his shoulder,

“Where’s you car?”

“I didn’t want to be followed, so I took a cab, I’ve been here since about 8:30.” he answered evenly, no real tone of voice.

Tala nodded and then sighed as he looked around, hundreds of bugs were all around the high grounds lights, he dropped his eyes back to Kai,

“So…uh, what do you want Kai?” he said coldly, enjoying the shock that registered on Kai’s face briefly.

“Oh…I…” he trailed off.

‘If we sweat all these debts then we’re sure to drown, so lets strap ourselves up to this engine now…’ he decided he wasn’t in the mood to be fucked around with, Kai wasn’t going to waste his time while he beat around a bush.

“Listen if your going to stand there and fight with yourself about what the fuck you wanna say to me then I’m leaving, I don’t have time for your shit Kai.”

Kai looked at him again, shocked and bit hurt as well.

“Okay, no, your absolutely right actually. I think…that it’s best if I just say exactly what I’m thinking instead of trying to find a way to put it.”

“You know, that sounds about fucking right.” Tala said sarcastically.

He knew this was torture meant only for him, staring straight into beautiful red eyes all over again, his angel before him with everything on his mind and about to say it to him,

‘…with our God who we found laying under the back seat, always watching us and waiting to see how you’ll break me next.’

“When I said that to Dickenson, I meant it. We had to break up.” Kai went straight into it without slowing, “…I meant to do it that way as well, because it was easier-”

“For you.” Tala interjected and stared Kai down.

“What?” Kai asked a bit confused.

“It was easier for you Kai, like you always do things, you know how selfish you are and since I know you best then you know I know how fucking selfish you are.”

Kai narrowed his eyes,

“I didn’t come here to fight.”

“No you came to play games and see if you could fuck with my head like you did for a whole year, right, to see how pathetic I could become, how you could use me.” Tala wasn’t going to go easy on him.

“No, I came here to fix this!-”

“You cant fix something that was never working to begin with!”

“What are you talking about!?” Kai yelled at him.

“I’m talking about you! Pay-a-fucking-ttension!” he shouted at Kai, “…You were happy Kai, not me! I was miserable, I was following you around and wasting my life chasing after you while you denied my fucking existence-”

“I didn’t deny your existence! And besides we agreed-”

“Fuck our agreement, you went back on our agreement when you fucked that girl and then you still had the nerve to turn your back on me! Jesus Christ Kai, what the fuck do you really want from me because I sure as hell am not interested in hearing you try to talk…yourself out…of that shit…you pulled in France!” he was out of breath and seething with anger.

Kai was quiet with his mouth slightly open and his breathing heavier than before.

“I want you back Tala.” he said loudly.

“Fuck you!” Tala shouted at him again, “…and fuck off!”

Kai’s mask disappeared and he was visibly hurt now,

“…no…no I wont! I know how you feel about me and I want you back in my life!” he grabbed Tala and Tala shoved him off roughly and glared at him darkly.

“…let me guess, we wont tell anyone hm? We’ll get back together and no one will know…but waaaaaaaiiiit!” Tala rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, “…we weren’t even together to begin with so **what the fuck am I talking about** any-”

“Would you shut the fuck up!!!” Kai yelled and grabbed Tala’s shirt, shoving him full force against the car and heavy breathing was heard in the silence.

“Tala…just…listen to me…please I’m asking you to listen to me.” Kai breathed and his eyes trailed over Tala’s face.

“I’m listening.” he responded.

Kai swallowed and Tala could feel his breath against his mouth, he could see the slight dryness of Kai’s pink lips.

“I have these feelings for you and they wont go away, I tried to make them go away so many times but I cant…”

Tala narrowed his eyes at Kai dangerously.

‘What did you learn tonight?’ Tala thought bitterly of both Kai and himself, he’d mentioned all of their problems and Kai was still telling him about what he wanted and needed. ‘…shouting so loud your barely joyous…broken thing. Your voice that never sings…anymore, is what I say-’ he watched as Kai closed his eyes and his hands slowly let go of Tala’s shirt front.

He didn’t move away,

“I think about you all the time…”

“But you try not to.”

“I’m always missing you…”

“But you’d rather forget me.”

“I want you to be with me again…”

“…but you don’t want me…you just need me to fulfill what no one else would ever bother to…” their eyes met, Tala’s very icy and almost disgusted while Kai’s were broken.

“No one will ever want to be with you because you don’t let anyone in and you treat everyone like shit…I was the fool who took a chance on you and I ended up with so much emptiness that I couldn’t sleep at night…” he trailed off because Kai had pressed his mouth just barely to Tala’s.

It happened, he wasn’t strong enough to stop himself from kissing back and as soon as Kai’s tongue was moving against his Tala’s body was burning again, all of his hard work was going up in smoke.

Tala arms wrapped around Kai’s torso and waist, he pulled Kai flush against himself and felt Kai’s hands slide over his shoulders and up into his hair, their mouths meshed perfectly no matter which angle they kissed from. Tala eyebrows were drawn together as the pain in his chest became worse, like Kai was a virus and he was seeping back into Tala’s body. Kai was blissful, his face was flushing and he was kissing Tala with such hunger that it made Tala’s head spin.

‘You are freezing over hell, you are bringing on an end you do so well, you can only blame yourself is what I say…stop him…stop this…stop it now Tala…!’ he screamed at himself and all at once his hands that pressed Kai to himself grabbed Kai and pulled him back.

Tala closed his eyes and licked his lips, bringing his hands to his face he took shallow breaths and turned away from Kai leaning his elbows on top of his car.

‘Maybe I should have been straight…huh, maybe you wouldn’t torture me this way, oh, order your daughters to ignore me…that’s what you did, think that’ll sort me, make me put myself in my own personal hell for wanting Kai…so so badly…’ he berated himself and confessed to himself at the same time…himself and god, ‘While your beating with a book…everyone that books tells me to love…’ he didn’t even know anymore, was he angry at God, himself or Kai. Did he believe in any one of them?

He felt Kai stand behind him and against him, Kai’s arms slipped around his torso and his hands ran over Tala’s abdomen and chest over the shirt and then slipped underneath, Kai’s hands were warm and Tala groaned as if he was in pain, but he was, his chest hurt and his body was on fire.

 

_‘There is an ember in the heart of this kiln and it’s burning hot with love.’_

 

Kai’s hands only seemed to get hotter and they traced his bare skin and Kai’s fingers rubbed his nipples as Kai’s mouth kissed the back of his neck,

“Stop touching me Kai.” ‘…burning out my centre till there’s nothing but dust.’

“Tala…no one makes me feel like this…”

“Of course not, no one besides me has ever touched you…” he used his own hands to roughly push Kai’s hands out from under his shirt.

Kai even took rejection under his control without turning to begging or desperation.

“I have been…by Ariana.”

“Who?” Tala turned around while straightening his shirt.

“…the girl I slept with.”

“Oh…well I don’t mean a woman, you are gay, I mean men. You should find someone else to fuck you like I did and then maybe you’ll change your mind.” he said still cold in his eyes, Kai unaware of how hot and in pain Tala was inside.

“…what we did was more than fucking.” Kai didn’t sound sly but his eyes were and Tala looked at him darkly,

“Oh, really?” he asked carefully.

“The sex we had was more than two people taking it out of each other…we both have feelings for one another that go beyond sex, we didn’t have to have sex to be with one another.”

That was the most honesty Kai had ever admitted with regards to his feelings for Tala.

‘…rolling me with care into your cigarette…your so sly…’

“You’re so sly, to use such a line on me, do you think I’m a girl, I’ll go weak at the knees because you tell me we had more than just sex between us?” he looked incredulous and opened his car door roughly.

‘…cause the God I believed in never worked on a campaign trail, he clearly picks up whoever’s beliefs are lying around and commits to them…’ he thought bitterly.

“Tala don’t leave me.”

“What did you learn tonight, Kai?” he asked as he put one foot in the car.

Kai stared at him,

“I learned that I should have did things in a different order and maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

Tala laughed,

“Do you even hear yourself, every word is still a stab at my feelings and you think your changing anything by it? How full of yourself are you Kai, really? Because I think that your are so far gone that anyone who tries to help you…including myself, is going to go down with you.” he got in and slammed his door shut, separating him from Kai standing just outside.

_‘You're shouting so loud, you barely joyous, broken thing. You're a voice that never sings, is what I say. You are freezing over hell. You are bringing on the end, you do so well_

_You can only blame yourself, it's what I say.’_

 

Tala started the car and then movement caught his eye and he looked outside his window, Kai was on his knees and had his face in his hands, his head hung and his shoulders were shaking. There was another shattering sound and Tala wondered how many of these fragile things breaking inside of him he had to go through before he died.

 

 _‘Who do you carry that torch for, my young man?_  
Do you believe in anything?  
Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?’

****

He got out of the car and crouched down with Kai, touching his shoulders Kai cried louder and pulled away, crawling a bit before getting to his feet and rushing away from Tala further into the path way,

“Kai!” he called and followed, always chasing.

He ran quickly as he saw Kai walking to the pitch black bush ahead and he grabbed Kai’s arm so the other was forced to stop,

“Let me fucking go!” he punched Tala and the sudden un aimed punch caught him at the bottom of his jaw but it was more of a shock than hurt to Tala, it wasn’t like Kai had much time to ground himself to punch with force.

He still clutched Kai’s arm and he grabbed Kai’s chin ignoring the slight throbbing in his jaw, he forced Kai to look at him, Kai’s face was tear streaked and as he had his eyes screwed shut more ran over his face. Tala finally let the struggling man’s face go and then his arm and Kai stumbled when he was suddenly released.

“I hate you for doing this to me!” he shouted at Tala and wiped angrily at his face, “…look what the fuck you’ve done…jesus christ I’m crying!” Kai sounded furious but he couldn’t stop.

Kai had done that to him too so he didn’t feel guilty.

‘Feels like we could escape and I don’t mind throwing away this filthy silver moment…’ Tala started walking back to his car, ‘…but I cant…if you try running your maze of lies Kai, it’s too hard to save if you’ve thrown everyone out…I don’t want to suffer and you’ll get over it just like I did.’

He paused in the doorway of his car,

“Kai…do you need a ride home?” he called to the other.

Kai was shaking now but not crying loudly and he didn’t look at Tala,

“No…” his voice broke.

Tala wanted to drive away, but leaving Kai, which would save Tala’s life, was entirely different from leaving Kai distraught and without away to get anywhere, anything could happen to him and he loved Kai too much to let anything happen.

“Please…please let me take you home Kai.”

He stared and Kai didn’t move at first, until he finally got up slowly and walked toward Tala’s car, wiping his cheeks and keeping his face without any expression.

He got inside and Tala did as well, very relieved.

He started the car and reversed out of the path way, making sure he could see no cars from any angle he pulled out onto the road and started on the way home.

Kai never said a word the entire drive back into the city and Tala remained silent as well. He stopped outside Kai’s apartment block after a long drive and glanced at Kai who was staring out ahead of the windshield.

“We can…be friends Kai, we were a long time ago and it never made us feel this way toward one another.”

“We cant be friends anymore, friends like us don’t just happen and when we do what we’ve been doing with one another and it feels like this…that doesn’t just happen either.”

Tala stared at the side of Kai’s face, so many honest words and all at the wrong time.

“…your right. It wouldn’t make sense for us to try and pretend we still wanted to be friends with one another. But, you will move on Kai.” he said quietly the car idling filling the silence that stretched.

“You’ve moved on Tala?” Kai swallowed slowly and he didn’t dare meet Tala’s gaze.

“…I’ve been doing okay.”

“You’ve been with someone else after me already haven’t you?”

It had only been the night before and here he was having to confess it Kai.

 “…I-”

“Spare me the lies and concerns for my feelings, you have been sleeping with someone, just use your balls and tell me Tala.”

“If you already know…” he trailed off when Kai quickly closed his eyes and straightened his mouth in a line, Tala had done that so often to stop himself from crying before.

“…maybe I should too, just like you said, just find someone else.”

“Maybe you should…” he mumbled and Tala felt anxious at the statement, he didn’t really want that but it was about letting go.

“Right…I guess I might see you around.” he opened his bloodshot and slightly swollen eyes and didn’t look at Tala once as he got out of the car, “…thanks for the ride home.” he shut the door and turned on his heel walking straight into the apartment lobby.

Tala turned away from Kai’s distant form and turned off the curb, he knew he wouldn’t sleep that night and he still didn’t know if meeting Kai had been a good or bad idea.

* * *

 


	6. Session 6

Yes…the answer is still yes when I ask myself do I love Kai.

I have yet to get the idea of Kai in another man’s bed out of my mind, every time I close my eyes or don’t occupy my mind I see it. Someone else drawing those sweet noises from him, his body flush against another man’s form, head thrown back in ecstasy, screaming or laughing pleasurably as an orgasm will come over him and make him shake beneath a warm body…which won’t be mine.

I’d spent every night since in the bar, showing up to work hung over, I’d lied and told them I was on a new prescription of sleeping pills and I was having side effects, they believed me, but Brian didn’t, every time he looks at me I know he knows I’m pathetic.  
As I sit right now at the bar I have my head on the table top, with a glass of straight gin needing a refill but still full enough for a gulp.  
I was a little tipsy, it was only 9 o clock, I’d been there an hour, I can’t get drunk that quickly because then I’ll sober up too fast and what would be the point?

There’s music and I hear a song that I recognize, it’s a fast song by a rock band, singing something about being buried alive by love and I know Kai has this CD, I’ve heard him play this song, he loved this song, with that thought I raise my head,  
“Can you please fill this up…?” I ask nicely to the unoccupied bar tender staring at the people.  
He looked at the glass,  
“It’s still half full.”  
I drop my eyes to the glass and bring it to my lips, knocking it back in a gulp then placing it back down and I grin stupidly at him, “…how about now?”  
He just shakes his head and goes to get the Gin.

‘With one or two, I get used to the room.’

“Good boy…” I mumbled to myself and try to ignore the song, I remembered Kai singing along to it once and even doing a bit an air guitar skit to the fast parts as he laid on the couch, sometime ago…in some memory, a very vivid one. The little things no one knew about him…‘…he is so cool.’   
I feel stupid thinking that.  
My drink is back with me and it looks good, but I need to take a piss so I take it down in one cool go then stand up. I can see the bartender staring at the empty glass and me as I wobble away, but whatever.

* * *

Tala walked into the moderately run down bathroom and went over to one of the open urinals. He unzipped in the silence and was careful to balance himself as he pee’d not wanting to lean against the graphitized and dirty wall, even if he was drunk.

He heard the door open but he didn’t look up, focusing on the important task of aiming lest he piss on his boots, when he was done after a short while he did the basic shake before slipping it back inside his jeans and zipping up.

The door opened again and as one person left another came in, Tala was rinsing his hands when he saw a reflection in the mirror just behind him and he locked eyes via the mirror with the neko-jin, Ray Kon.  
Tala stood up from leaning over the tiny wash basin and shook his hands off before wiping them on his jeans and turning to face Ray who was staring at him with very obvious interest.  
He blushed at Tala for no reason and smiled,  
“Hey, how are you?”

Ray wasn’t bruised anymore, there wasn’t even a scar where the bone had broken on his nose.

“I’m good…” Tala spoke slowly like Brian did when intoxicated so he didn’t slur, but his eyes were a bit red he knew that from seeing himself a second ago in the mirror. Lack of sleep plus excessive drinking, “…how are you?”  
“I’m okay…I’ve been hoping to run into you.” Ray admitted and glanced at the door when someone came in.

‘We go slow when we first make our moves.’

“Oh yeah…” Tala glanced at the random guy who walked by and into a toilet stall, probably to take a shit, “…why’s that?” he asked.  
“Wanted to catch up with you while you were still available.” he admitted and stuck his hands into his jacket pockets.  
“Ah…” Tala smiled at him and they both heard a fart from the stall.  
Ray’s eyes widened and he stifled a laugh but Tala laughed audibly and then it happened again and Ray placed a hand over his mouth as he started to laugh louder too, Tala already cracking up.

They fell out of the toilet room in fits of laughter, Ray leaned against the wall opposite the door and Tala did as well, he was laughing more than usual because he was tipsy, Ray because he’d been both embarrassed and grossed out.  
After a moment as the laughing calmed and both of them were just grinning stupidly Ray pushed off the wall and stood more or less facing Tala, closely,  
“…can I buy you a drink?” Ray tilted his head to the side.  
Tala grinned,  
“…nah, I buy the drinks Ray, no one buys me drinks.” he said with intention to get his point across, of being dominant and Ray smiled at him,   
“I expected as much, I was just trying to get you to offer.” he said with a naughty smirk.  
Tala had to admit, Ray flirted well and in his tight jeans and sneakers he looked pretty cute too.

‘By five or six, bring you out to the car…’ he planned in his head, deciding buying Ray drinks was worth it.  
“Come on…” he pushed off the wall and Ray followed him.  
They sat at the bar and the bar tender looked at them,  
“What can I get you?”  
“I’ll have another gin, thanks…and you?” he looked at Ray who was leaning on the bar and watching Tala,   
“…I’ll have a beer.”  
“He’ll have a beer.” Tala repeated to the bartender, so he knew to put it on Tala’s bill.

He looked back to Ray,  
“A beer drinker huh? I thought you’d go for wine or something.”  
“I’m trying to impress you, I don’t wanna seem like a pansy.” he laughed and Tala smirked.  
“I’m impressed…” he said and saw how Ray grinned.  
The bartender brought it over and they both smiled as they sipped their drinks.

* * *

‘Number nine with my head on the bar…and it’s sad but it’s true. Out of cash and IOU’s.’

Tala was leaning heavily on the bar an hour or so later, the gin was swimming in his veins now and the dull music was hurting his head, Ray had had 5 beers and gone to the toilet twice to piss, coming back giggling about how that guy had taken a crap, Tala had laughed too being as drunk as he was. Ray was good at holding his alcohol.

Tala had to stop now though, he didn’t have enough cash on him to drink all night for the two of them, he usually had enough to drink himself into oblivion.  
“…I think we should go…” he raised his head and looked at Ray who was finishing his beer and then he nodded,  
“Uh yeah…” he answered and his eyes lingered on Tala.  
Tala raised his hand and trailed his eyes to look for the bartender,  
“Hey you…guy…can I have my bill please.” he got up off the chair and being as good as he was at being drunk, he only wobbled slightly at first.

The bartender brought over a slip with the ring up and then walked away. Tala reached into his front pocket for his notes of money and then paused when Ray came to stand close to him and his hand moved Tala’s aside,  
“Here…let me get it…” he said close to Tala’s face and even though he smelled of beer, to Tala it wasn’t a turn off, Ray’s hand slid into his pocket and grabbed around a bit more than was necessary to pull out the small wad of notes eventually and he pressed them into Tala’s hand.

They stared at each other for a while and the bartender cleared his throat, they hadn’t seen him there and he looked over them,  
“Listen, none of that in here huh, this place isn’t for-”  
“Shut up…” Tala muttered half-heartedly, “…no one did anything…” he saw the bartender raise his eyebrows at Ray who rolled his eyes and looked around.  
Tala paid and then when Ray started walking away he turned back to the bartender,  
“But you can’t hold it against me, a guy’s gotta get laid.”  
The man, who saw Tala there every night, chuckled and leaned on the bar,  
“Is getting laid gonna stop you from pissing it up every night?”  
Tala blinked and then shook his head,  
“…not getting laid by him.”

The man laughed and Tala said a short good bye and he walked over to Ray waiting at the door. They walked outside and it was strangely chilly, Ray pulled his jacket against himself,  
“Change of season…” he mumbled.  
“Hey…uh, c’mere for a minute…” Tala said to Ray and he turned and walked back inside the shelter of the bar.

‘I’ve got desperate desires and un-admirable plans.’

They weren’t actually in the bar but in the dark front entrance, the bar itself had been practically empty when they’d just walked out. Ray found himself pushed gently against the wall in the dark space and Tala’s body pressed against his, he tilted his head back immediately and readily met Tala’s mouth in an open kiss, he’d been waiting for this.

‘My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent.’  
‘Bring you back to the bar, get you out of the cold.’

Tala brought his cold hands up and touched Ray’s face as he broke the wet kiss, their alcohol laced breaths mingling as Ray smiled almost shyly at Tala.  
“…do you wanna go back to my place?”  
“Yes…” Ray answered quickly, biting his lip with some excitement as he ran his hands over Tala’s closed jacket, dragging a finger nail along the zipper.  
“That was quick…”  
“This has taken too long…” he wasn’t hesitating with his words.  
Tala nodded and took Ray’s wrist and walked back out of the bar into the colder air.

* * *

Back at his apartment he pulled his jacket off and Ray did as well, revealing a zip up turtle neck shirt which looked very nice on his lean form. Ray hung his jacket up, while Tala tossed his over the couch.

“Can I get you something to drink?”  
“What you got…?” Ray followed him slowly into his kitchen, Tala turned on the light,   
“Mostly vodka but I have beer…” he looked at Ray who leaned against the long, vertical kitchen cupboards and watched Tala intently,  
“…whatever.” he answered, golden eyes revealing what Tala clearly identified as being lustful, he didn’t know when Ray had started feeling this way toward him but he wasn’t about to ask.

Since apparently Ray had even been in love with him…or still was.

He closed the fridge and walked over to Ray  
“You don’t want anything to drink do you, Ray?”  
“No…” Ray said honestly and Tala liked that, he came even closer and eventually pushed Ray against the cupboards, pressing his hips against Ray’s and slowly catching the neko’s wrists, then sliding them up either side of Ray’s head.  
“Why’d you stop emailing me…?” he was breathless even as Tala was only just beginning to touch him.  
“…Kai.” he answered bluntly, not needing to have Kai in his mind right then as he started to nip at Ray’s ear playfully.  
“You know how I feel about you.” Ray breathed and pressed his body against Tala’s, keening when Tala sucked what was available of his neck above the turtle neck.  
“You know I don’t feel the same way.”  
Ray’s breath hitched,  
“…so what does this mean?” he asked quietly and tried to get his hands out of Tala’s grip.  
Tala pulled back and stared at him, letting his blue eyes take in the attractive face of his most recent soon to be victim.  
“It is what it is Ray…it’s either going to be that you tell me no, you don’t want what I am offering, or you’re going to say yes and we’re going to have sex in the next couple of hours.”

‘My sober straight face gets you out of your clothes.’

His golden eyes stared into Tala’s honest blue and he nodded,  
“Yes…”  
Tala smirked at him and let go of his wrists, a hand sliding down to the zip at Ray’s neck and pulling it down slowly revealing his slightly tanned skin.  
The top fell open once the zip was undone and Tala’s hands ran over Ray’s lightly muscled body, similar to someone else but not as well toned and attractive.  
He pressed his cold thumbs against each of Ray’s nipples and Ray found Tala’s mouth at the same time, he kissed Ray generously. Ray seemed to prefer tongue over technique, wet and full tongue kisses, Tala obliged, his lips sliding against Ray’s as their tongues crossed over each other’s lips noisily.  
Ray moaned.  
Tala grinned.

He was glad he wasn’t in the bar drinking anymore, with all of those sad people who would constantly seek company and also looked around for who was watching them.

‘And they’re scared that we’ll know, all the crimes they’ll commit, who they’ll kiss before they get home…’ like the sin he as committing now, with an enemy.

He wasn’t sitting there with those feelings, he was here with this feeling and he wasn’t going to let himself feel guilty.

He used his hands to push the item of clothing off Ray’s shoulders so it fell to the ground and Ray’s hands grabbed Tala’s, pressing them down his body and directing one hand down to his hardened length, which Tala squeezed and rubbed pleasurably over Ray’s jeans, making him jerk.

Ray was not inexperienced.

“You’ve done this before?” he breathed as he rubbed Ray through his jeans.  
“With you…a thousand times in my head…” he smiled playfully as he undid Tala’s jeans.  
“Liar…you can tell me if you’re not a virgin, I’m sure as shit not, so I won’t judge.”  
Ray laughed slightly and tugged Tala’s jeans and shorts down as he pushed himself off the cupboards,  
“I’m serious…I watch a lot of porn though…and I do it with you in my dreams…” he kissed Tala again, messily and Tala raised his eyebrows,  
“…why me?” he asked when Ray suddenly lowered down onto his knees.  
“Because your honest…you always were when you spoke to me…before you knew my feelings for you…before Kai…” he breathed against Tala’s erection and Tala stared down at him, “...I fell in love with you when you told me that I was a good blader, but you knew it wasn’t my passion…” he let his mouth cover Tala and he went over the hot flesh quite far, he halted when it choked him slightly and pulled back, realizing his eager mistake.

Tala was feeling a bit dizzy, holding a conversation while about to get oral sex wasn’t easy, he leaned his arms against the cupboard and looked down at Ray, who was running his tongue along Tala’s length.  
Ray started stroking Tala and he leaned his head back to look up at Tala,   
“…you didn’t even know me, but you’d seen me once and figured that out. Blading was never my passion…but it was a way to make money for my family…”  
“…wha-ah…is your pash-ah…un…?” he tried to keep his eyes open as he stared down at Ray who was keeping his hands movement at a medium pace.  
“You wouldn’t believe me…”   
“I will.” Tala said honestly and his hips bucked when a spasm of pleasure caught him off guard.  
Ray grinned,  
“Extreme sports…I love sky diving, mountain climbing, mountain biking…I even wanna try spelunking…” he seemed to be turned on by it and he stopped his hands movements.  
“What the fuck is spelunking?” Tala frowned at the word and the lack of contact.  
“It doesn’t matter…you’re my extreme sport right now…I’m going to be fucked by one of the most dangerous men in the world.”

True, Tala was lucky that Boris’s records of abuse, genetic enhancement and tampering had been found, or Tala would have been in a maximum prison with the rest of the Blitzkrieg Boys for the violent and criminal things they’d done.

“It’s sexy on you.” Tala smiled down at him.  
“You know what else is sexy…?” Ray’s hands massaged his bare thighs and he brought his mouth to Tala’s length again, “…I’m flexible, double jointed almost everywhere.”  
Tala’s cock twitched and Ray smirked,  
“You like that…”   
“I’m a little worried now…actually.” he admitted and Ray looked up at him again,  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m pretty drunk…the sex may not be up to my usual standards.”  
Ray grinned and winked at him,  
“We’ll have a couple of rounds for you to sober up…I’ve played with myself so you don’t have to be gentle…I’m ready for you…” and with that he covered his mouth over Tala and went into a deep sucking and bobbing motion.

Easily deep throating Tala a few times making the red head’s mind spin lustfully.  
‘…he’s definitely…taught himself how to loosen his throat muscles…’

* * *

They moved to the bedroom quickly and the first round was weird since they were finding their sobering comfort zones with one another. Tala found his stash of condoms and suited his mini-Tala in it tightly, Ray was stripped naked and prone on all fours on Tala’s bed.

He got on and got in quickly, Ray took his length with mild difficulty but got over the initial pain like a pro. Tala thrust not very many times and came a short while later, he was drunk and he’d received 5 minutes of very good oral sex, so it was expected. Ray didn’t mind though.

“Now I’m wet enough for the next round…” were his words.  
Wow.

The second round, Tala got it up pretty quickly, Ray put the condom on for Tala with playful fondling fingers to excite Tala further and got over him and got onto him. Then successfully made a downward and upward motion a few times, shifting a lot because he wasn’t used to using his leg muscles that way even if he was fit. Tala saved him the trouble, grabbing his waist to steady Ray and he thrust upward, making Ray call out in pleasure continuously until he came, Tala followed, minutes later.

They had a slight intermission where they rolled around and kissed, Tala was surprised by how playful Ray was, biting and laughing between kisses, they’d even wrestled a bit until Tala had him on his back and settled between his legs, Ray seemed blissful, muttering to Tala that this made him happy, Tala said he was happy too…but he didn’t mean it the way Ray did. Whether Ray knew this…or not, it didn’t phase Tala.

‘I will lie awake and fake the way I hold you. Let you fall for every empty word I say.’

“I think I’m sober enough now…” he whispered against Ray’s throat and was very aroused by the genuine purr that he made, obviously it was in his nature being a neko-jin but it was very hot as far as Tala was concerned.

The third round was clean, precise and hard fucking, Tala’s muscles were working at maximum stamina and so were his loins. Ray was like putty and his nails clawed at Tala’s butt cheeks, pulling him as deep as possible every time, kissing him as much as possible and making sounds that only a neko could make. When it was over Tala felt the legs loosen from his waist and slip to the bed like jelly.  
It seemed cold in the room and Tala felt like he was in slow motion, he slipped from Ray’s body and pushed himself on all fours over Ray beneath him, so attractive and so flush, chest heaving and his long plait slightly unraveled.

Ray opened his eyes and smiled up at him but said nothing, Tala felt the sweat on his back and he could feel his heart pounding, yet he was cold, he closed his eyes and when he opened them again and looked down at Ray he saw something else.

Fair skin and slate hair against the pillows, one hand buried in the damp blue hair, pushing it back from a gorgeous flushed face, the other hand running over a slick smooth abdomen in a pleasured caress, completely naked, smiling and his red eyes staring up at Tala so deeply satisfied.  
He blinked a few times and Ray had sat up, Tala didn’t even realize he’d sat back and was kneeling. Ray kissed his collar bone and his hands ran over Tala’s chest, he relaxed but just barely at Ray’s fond touch.

“You okay?” Ray’s voice was just below his ear.  
Tala pulled back slowly and smiled,  
“Yeah, I’m just not tired…you get some rest.” he kissed Ray’s mouth lightly and got off the bed. In the bathroom where he deposited the third condom, Tala ran some cool water over his face.  
That had been a memory not a fantasy, Kai was still so clear in his mind.

It was obvious he wasn’t even close to being over Kai…

* * *

Tala had pulled his jeans back on and was drinking coffee at 5 in the morning, sitting at his kitchen table, he was very sober and he was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep next to Ray, he felt like he’d betrayed Kai by sleeping with the neko in the first place.

Guilt, he’d tried to avoid it.

‘But he betrayed me? Why do I feel bad? Does he feel bad like this for what he’s done to me?’ he shook his head as an answer to his own questions and sipped his coffee.  
He heard his bedroom door open and Ray appeared in the kitchen doorway a moment later, ruffled and very sex kissed as he stood there, nothing on except Tala’s shirt he’d been wearing earlier which just barely covered him, his tan thighs lean and very appealing to Tala even as he sat there thinking of Kai.

“…why aren’t you sleeping. You should rest, you must be tired. You haven’t been to the bed since we…” he covered his yawn politely.  
Tala’s eyes were dark from lack of sleep but he shrugged it off,  
“I’m okay…I have a headache so I won’t be able to sleep for a while…” he lied, ‘…I don’t want to sleep next to you…’ he thought coldly.

‘Barely conscious in the door where you stand, your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes your demands.’

Ray smiled,  
“What if I cuddled you?” he asked.  
“Not much of a cuddler Ray…” he said coolly and Ray laughed slightly for no reason.  
“You want a massage to relax?”   
“No, I don’t thanks…” he said distantly and glanced at Ray.  
Giggling…but it was painful giggles from the dark haired boy.

The shameful type when you know you’ve been used.  
‘You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute…I almost feel sorry for what I’m gonna do.’  
Tala stood and walked over to Ray with a serious expression and Ray’s smiled faded. Tala pressed his face to Ray’s hair and kissed his head and then his forehead, Ray looked up at him.

‘And your hair smells of smoke…who will cast the first stone?’

Ray was about to speak and Tala cut him off,  
“…you need to sleep, when you get up later I’ll call a cab to take you home…” he said making sure his eyes conveyed the message.  
‘You can sin or spend the night alone.’ that had been Ray’s options, now he would face the consequences of a one night stand.  
Tala walked by and went to the lounge, vaguely aware of Ray trailing quietly to the room.

* * *

It was over cast outside and quite cold, Tala stood beside Ray and waited for the cab outside the apartment building, he never failed to look at Tala every so often, eyes questioning. He wrapped his jacket around him tighter when Tala refused to meet his gaze and didn’t make any conversation.

‘Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold in a shape of a heart that was cut out of stone.’

Tala didn’t feel the cold, he never had because of the spirit that inhabited his body via his bit beast. But when he’d seen Kai’s image in place of Ray’s, he’d felt so cold.  
Tala glanced at Ray and met his gaze finally,  
“What happens now?” he asked Tala with a cute stare.

‘You’re using all your looks that you’ve thrown from the start.’

“What do you mean?”  
“…do we…do we do this again?” Ray sounded so pathetic to Tala’s remorseless heart.  
“No…we don’t…Ray, that’s how a one night stand works.”  
Ray’s eyes were starting to glisten,  
“…is it…that you don’t like me enough…or is it…him?”  
Tala’s blue eyes settled on Ray again after looking around and the shorter male shivered visibly.

‘If you let me have my way I swear I’ll tear you apart.’

“Forget it Ray…you have to put this down in your mind as a great night, don’t analyze it and make yourself miserable…”

‘Cause it’s all you can be…’

Ray had visible tears in his eyes now,  
“…Mariah…will probably call me to go out tonight.”  
“Are you with Mariah still, after what happened on television for the world to see?”  
“I told her it was an act to protect you from Kai…” he wiped tears from his eyes, “…my village would disown me otherwise.”  
“So you’re dating her, sleeping with her?” Tala asked curiously and Ray nodded bitterly.  
“How do you do it if you’re not attracted to her?” he frowned.  
Ray looked at him pointedly and his eyes glistened again, he turned his face away as the cab pulled up before them against the curb,  
“She’ll be out tonight and she’ll want me to go home with her…but after last night with you, I don’t know if I can bare it, it’s hard even with all the alcohol…” his voice broke.

‘You’re a drunk and your scared, its ladies night all the girls drink for free.’

“…I’m no better than what you get from her, Ray. I don’t love you and I won’t ever.”  
“How do you know?” he looked at Tala.  
“Because I know myself and while I like you and your attractive…you’re not for me.”  
“But Kai is?”  
“I think you should go…now.” he leaned forward and opened the cab door. Ray got in and pulled it shut hurriedly and as the cab started rolling Tala saw Ray start to cry.

‘I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Let you fall for every empty word I say’

* * *

Tala stood with his eyes focused on the door in front of him, plain wood painted white with black numbers marking the apartment number. He wore his coat, since the cold that seeped into his bones one night six or so weeks ago had failed to leave him.

He’d found himself staying away from the bars, ignoring the calls on his cell phone from Brian and locking himself to into his apartment to avoid visitors, while just making it to work and back every day without committing suicide on the nearest busy highway.

Such deep self-inflicted misery had brought him full circle.

The door opened after a minute passed from the initial quiet and calm knock and Tala’s eyes were focused perfectly at Kai’s eye level. Kai had no peep hole in his door so he couldn’t have known it was Tala but it made no difference to the perfect mask on Kai’s face, unfazed and not even surprised.  
“What are you doing here?” he sounded almost casual when he asked the question.  
Tala averted his gaze to look beyond Kai’s shoulder to see the brightly lit apartment, he could hear music on inside, Kai’s music that he enjoyed and he could smell pasta.

“I wanted to talk to you.” was his simple reply, he felt similar to Kai he supposed, facing the boy had become less intimidating since he’d seen Kai shed tears for him…in a way.  
He expected Kai to deny him the request, so he was a little surprised when Kai just blinked lazily, leaning his head briefly against the door frame cutely, unintentional as always, before he stepped back and walked inside, leaving the door open for Tala to follow.  
He stepped inside, closing the door quietly and noticed that the food smelled good, the apartment smelled familiar, the floor sounded familiar under his heavy boots and when he stepped into the first door way from the entrance, which was the kitchen, he found that Kai was familiar too.

He was now taking out some instant sauce powder as the kettle boiled dully, he wore a T shirt and some red elbow bands, gym bands, the veins on his forearms slightly protruding from the day’s work out obviously. He had training pants on but no shoes, just black socks and as Tala remembered fondly of Kai, he watched his toes shift absently inside the socks as he poured the powder into a small mixing bowl.  
Tala didn’t take his coat off, in a lot of ways he hadn’t been invited in, he’d just requested to talk, so he wasn’t going to make Kai upset, he didn’t have the energy.

Kai had poured the hot water into the bowl and was mixing it together to form the warm pasta sauce. There was grated cheese in a bowl on the counter with the flat greater still inside leaning on the bowl side and a piece of cheese lay half grated. Tala almost smiled, he remembered how he and Kai would take turns to cook but Kai always ended up finishing because he was just better at it.  
‘What are you not better at?’ he thought sadly and watched Kai turn and bring the bowl to the counter, placing it down and he glanced at Tala, their eyes meeting very briefly before Kai went on to take up grating the cheese again.

He couldn’t think of where to begin and he kept starting and stopping silently, his pre-planned speech in his head, but he was so exhausted of planning it that he could hardly focus. When you think of someone as often as he did Kai, you sometimes forget important little details about other things because of it.

“You’ve lost weight…” Kai spoke and Tala looked at him, seeing Kai was gently brushing the cheese bits off the greater to clear the last off into the bowl, before he turned and dropped the grater into the sink, “…I’ll get you a bowl so you can eat with me.” he went on to take two pasta bowls out of the cupboard and he brought them back over to the table.

Tala was speechless, had Kai caught amnesia? Their last confrontation had hardly ended well.  
He was now using a spaghetti utensil to fill the bowls with the steaming pasta he’d strained obviously a little while before, afterward he poured generous amounts of the cheese sauce onto each dish and finally sprinkled cheese.  
Tala’s mouth was watering, he’d been eating quick foods like noodles and hot dogs most days since he sucked at cooking…this smelled so good.

Kai pushed his bowl over to him and then grabbed an extra fork out of a draw, whilst he held his own. After all of this, what Tala might describe as normalcy, quiet fell over them as they ate peacefully, Tala always ate faster than Kai.  
Half way through Kai got off the counter stool and glanced at Tala as he made his way over to the fridge,  
“I don’t keep beer, you know,” Tala knew Kai didn’t drink, “…but I have soda’s, juice and bottled water.” he was offering.  
“…water…please.” Tala said very quietly, feeling so awkward.  
Kai didn’t seem bothered and he brought over a soda can and a water bottle, he handed it to Tala and opened the can loudly as he took his seat again. Tala broke the water bottle seal and drank until his throat felt less dry.

10 minutes later they’d finished eating and still in a twilight zone, Kai had taken the dishes and started washing them. Tala watched him and thought again of where to begin, Kai seemed so peaceful and like he’d adapted to living alone so well…moved on…  
“…have you…moved on Kai?” he was glad his voice came out monotone.  
Kai slowed his washing but only briefly, leaving Tala’s question to hang in the ether until he finally finished rinsing minutes later and left everything on the draining rack to drip dry. He pulled the bright yellow rubber gloves off his hands and turned to Tala, leaning against the sink.

“It depends on your definition of moved on…what do you mean?” he still sounded so casual, but he wasn’t watching Tala who couldn’t take his eyes off of Kai.  
“I mean…like what we talked about. You…finding someone…else?” he kept his tone flat but his eyes revealed his need for an answer.  
Kai shrugged,  
“I think you know the answer to that Tala, I was hardly even interested in sleeping with you when you suggested it…”  
Tala’s heart beat felt warmer at those words, the strangely familiar but distant cold leaving him,  
“…so…” Tala mumbled.  
“The answer is no. I haven’t moved on, been with anyone or even kissed another person since what happened…why?” Kai asked the first of many questions Tala figured would come once this conversation got properly underway.

“Because, I’ve been sick to my stomach thinking about you being with another man.” he said honestly.  
Kai looked at him now, casual and uninterested,  
“…after everything you told me about myself and the fact you’ve been with…maybe more than one person since, you’ve come here to tell me that?” Kai didn’t even sound angry.  
Tala just stared back, eye’s slightly guarded again but only minimally, he wanted Kai to see the seriousness reflected in them.

“Yes I am…because I’m here to ask you…” he paused and stood up but stayed where he was, fully prepared for any outcome, “…to ask if you’ll have me back.” and the pain ran from the top of his head to his cold toes at the simple words, but he never took his eyes off of Kai, he wouldn’t show that weakness, he had a point to this.  
Kai gazed at him evenly and then sighed heavily, not smirking, insulting, mocking, smug or even cruel, he just sighed and Tala held his breath.

“Why would you want to be back with me, you made it clear that I only hurt you.” he said sounding a bit bored.  
“You did and you still do…you hurt me so much when I’m with you but I find…” he averted his gaze if only for a second to force the words from his throat, “…I find…that I’m cold and I…hurt worse when…” he didn’t finish.  
“You think it’ll be different if you were to come back.” Kai didn’t ask, he was saying it aloud but sounded like he was wondering about the idea himself.  
“I don’t think I care…I’m pretty fucking desperate to keep you from anyone else.” he spat angrily and didn’t care about holding Kai’s gaze, he looked around the kitchen and settled on staring at the toaster.

“…I don’t want to be with anyone else.” Kai said again in a casual tone which made Tala confused, was he being serious or just playing with him.  
‘It doesn’t matter, this time, it’ll be different.’  
He looked at Kai who was looking at him,  
“There are a few things I’d like to point out.”  
“If it were to happen I assume.” Kai added.  
“Yeah.”  
“…go ahead.”  
“I was up until all hours of the morning, fighting with myself about this need I have to keep up this miserable relationship with you, and I settled on a few basic outlines to help me keep my sanity…”  
“…” Kai said nothing just nodded his encouragement.

‘…hold it together, don’t start yelling at him. This is the final way to do things…God please help me…’

‘Sent out the SOS call, it was a quarter past four in the morning.’

“I will be completely faithful to you, as I was the first time around. I will never cheat on you and you will never accuse me of it, especially for no reason…and you will promise the same.”  
“Do you promise it?” Kai had closed his eyes.  
“…yes.”  
“What are your promises worth to me, Tala.”  
“About the same as yours are to me.”  
“Then this is risky business.”  
“Dealing the devil himself usually is.”

Kai’s eyes opened and slid over to Tala,  
“…are you calling me a devil?”  
“I was talking about me.”

Visibly, Kai shivered at the stone cold stare Tala gave him.

‘The storm broke our second anchor line.’  
‘Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas…only.’

Had the time passed changed them at all? He didn’t think so, Kai and Tala would always be Kai and Tala. But they were the best at being just that, Kai’s momentary stunned silence passed with the very slight narrowing of his red eyes,  
“…you were saying.”   
“It won’t be a secret. I won’t go out of my way to tell people but I will not tell a fucking lie about it either…be it media, or people you or I may know. You can avoid this by never going out in public with me if you’d like to be so pathetic to hide yourself from worthless people whose opinion’s you claim have never mattered…but I will not be a secret.” he said with a very final note on his words, watching Kai’s reaction.

He didn’t think he had Kai completely up against the wall, Kai didn’t seem stressed or outraged or even remotely phased by Tala’s revelations.  
“Are you going to ask me again, like you did that first time, what makes me thi-”  
“No…I’m not going to ask you anything. Go on.” he cut Tala off.  
The red head was feeling warm all of a sudden, it was a welcome change to the cold that had resided in his body, since that night with Ray…he’d not been able to stay warm for long.

Ray.

“I slept with Ray just over a month ago.”  
Silence…

‘To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.’

Then…  
“I won’t lie to you in future either, if something happens we’ll talk about it so it doesn’t fester-”  
“You…really did…sleep with him?” Kai sounded distant now.  
Tala pulled his jacket off and hung it over the back of the stool he’d been sitting in,  
“Yes. But only once which will never repeat itself.” he felt a bit nervous now that that admission would close negotiation, but he’d had to get it out.

Silence…Tala felt his throat drying again.  
“We were not together, it doesn’t matter.” he said calmly.  
“How can it not matter?”  
“Because I’m standing here. After my freedom from you and my thinking that somehow I was better off…I’m standing here…telling you I want this between us again.”  
“Because the pain is killing you…you can’t stand the pain, not because you want me just for me, it’s because of your need to stop hurting…”  
“That doesn’t even make sense.” Tala said sternly.  
“None of this makes sense.”  
“Stop fucking thinking about Ray…stay on track here…don’t be blinded by jealously and vengefulness, Kai.”

Kai looked at him sharply,  
“Make the rest of your demands so we can get on with this.” he sounded slightly snappy.  
Love was so blinding that Tala still found himself wondering if he shouldn’t just forget all the rules and play by Kai’s own game plan…

‘They call them rogue’s, they travel fast and alone.’  
‘Like 100 foot faces of God’s good ocean gone wrong.’

Tala’s blue eyes closed,  
“There is nothing else, so long as I have what I can of your trust in me and your own promise that I can trust you, what I need of an open relationship, publicly and all of your body and mind…then I would like to know whether you’ll take me back…Kai…” he kept his eyes closed and his head downward.

‘What you call Love is a risk.’  
‘Cause you will always get hit.’  
‘Out of nowhere by some wave.’  
‘And end up on your own.’

Kai was breathing a bit noticeably to Tala’s senses, he opened his eyes and found Kai with his head in his hands. Tala felt he knew the answer from that reaction alone and he just lifted his coat so he could leave quietly,  
“…I had to try. If I go back to a life of a meaningless existence, I can’t say I didn’t try.” he mumbled.  
Tala walked out and outside of the kitchen in the hall way before he reached the door he pulled his coat on, then he walked forward and placed his cold hand to the door knob…but he felt the ghostly presence before he saw it. Kai had slipped under his arm and got between him and the door, hands gripping Tala’s jersey under the open coat firmly.  
“I’m…happy you want me back.” Kai said with a noticeable hitch in his throat, honesty hurt,  
“…it won’t be fucking easy dealing with all of your…requests but…as far as my body and mind goes…” his red eyes looked straight into Tala’s, “…it’s yours.”

Tala’s body instantly burned up and he let his hand slip from the door knob to raise and grasp a light handful of Kai’s dark hair, bringing his face upward and forward, kissing him with perfect and precise ease, somewhere between a ‘thank you’ and a ‘thank god’.  
Kai’s hands loosened their grip on his jersey and slid over his chest and his waist until they snaked around his back and pulled their bodies closer.  
Kai’s mouth opening and Tala’s thankfully covering it and his tongue wasted no time in reuniting with familiar warmth and passion, Kai favored technique and moaned when Tala twisted their tongues together in a way he knew Kai loved.  
His other hand came up and cupped Kai’s face as he pulled back from the kiss,  
“It feels right doesn’t it.”  
“It feels like it took too long.”  
“…admitting to missing me are you?” he teased as he ran his thumb over Kai’s lower lip and Kai’s tongue came out to lick the digit before he grabbed Tala’s hands and slipped their fingers together next to their faces,  
“…I am.”

His cell phone started to ring and Kai’s eyes dropped to the coat pocket, Tala used his free hand, leaving Kai’s warm and wonderful scented hair, to take the phone out and Brian’s name flashed. He wouldn’t want Tala to be here, holding Kai’s hand and pledging to dedicate himself to a twisted relationship that was likely to do him in.  
He cut the call and Kai took it from him, he switched the phone off and blindly reached over until it settled on the small hall table next to them,  
“They don’t like me…everyone hates me…you’ll be ostracized when this comes out. The media will tear you apart…” Kai was saying as he ran his hot hands under Tala’s tight shirt and heavy jersey, “…they’ll say that it’s ridiculous you’re back with me after how I humiliated you on television.”

Tala knew this was true, he’d look like the fool who went back for more from the bastard that everyone knew Kai to be. He could hear the critics talking about what an idiot he was and how desperate he must be. The word ‘love’ would probably be echoed in the media too, but somehow it never bothered him as Kai’s fingers ran down the center of his abs and traced his belly button.  
No one could stop this sinking ship, no one could stop Tala from drowning with his own wreck.

‘The hole in the hull defied the crews attempts to bail us out.’  
‘And flooded the engines and radio and half buried bow.’

It would be chaos.  
“Will you hide?” he breathed heavily as Kai’s hot hand had found its way lower and was rubbing his forming erection through his boxers, Kai was just reminding himself of Tala‘s body, his eyes curious and hands eager to remember.  
“I won’t hide…like you said…you came to me in the end…not Ray…” he squeezed Tala’s balls and earned himself a weary sound of slight pain and pleasure from Tala, who was brushing his lips over Kai’s forehead.  
“I’m yours Kai.” he breathed and his voice was laced with brutal desperation.

He felt the pause in Kai’s actions and he lowered his head to catch Kai’s eyes,  
“What…does that mean Tala?”  
‘That I love you…’ he thought all at once but his mouth curled into a sweet smile, “…it means that I’m only going to be with you, I only want to be with you…are you mine?”  
Kai blinked lazily,  
“If that’s what it means…then yes…I am, I’m yours Tala.” he said quietly.  
Tala stared into the blood colored pools that were Kai’s eyes and while he recognized Kai’s honesty, he saw a defense, something being held back, a fear. He’d said so much and yet he’d not said too much…just the same as Tala. Words that just wouldn’t come out right then, if ever. He didn’t know what Kai’s were, but he knew there was something unspoken on the wonderful sweet tongue.

‘Your tongue is the rudder that steers the whole ship.’  
‘Sends your words passed your lips.’  
‘Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.’

“That’s enough for me.” he said to Kai and took his hand, taking him down the hall, passed the bright kitchen light and the lounge with its eerie music whispering into every corner of the apartment. He walked into the bedroom that was Kai’s and when he turned to Kai he found that Kai was looking into his eyes deeply.  
“Don’t rush it…” Kai said in the slight quiet of the room, the music wasn’t as loud in there.  
“Do it right?”  
Kai nodded and Tala jerked him forward by his shirt and they crashed into a kissing grin, both heating up and excited to do this familiar activity together, sharing a passion of two opposites like only they could, neutralizing each other and satisfying needs. In Tala they needed to be warm and Kai the heat needed to cease if only to help him calm.

‘I love you Kai…I love you…I want to tell you so badly…’ Tala thought as his coat was pushed eagerly from his shoulders and Kai’s aggressive hands pushed up the jersey and shirt, his hands never failing to find Tala’s nipples and catch them between his fingers and pinch them playfully, Tala was already fully aroused and when he ran his hands over Kai’s perfect backside, gripping the mounds in his hands tightly and pressing Kai to him, Kai was evidently hard as well.

‘I can’t tell him…not now.’ he had to be wiser than that.

‘But the wrong words will strand you.’  
‘Come off course while you sleep.’  
‘Sweep your boat out to sea.’  
‘Or dashed to bits on the reef.’

As their clothing disappeared and they found the bed, Kai laid down and Tala got on top of him, looking down at Kai’s head against the bed pillows and naked skin perfectly warm and kissed with blush, so much of this was a memory but also his current reality.  
He leaned down and took Kai’s nipple between his teeth before sucking it a little roughly and hearing Kai’s breathing increase, he circled the hardened nub with his tongue before catching it between his teeth again lightly, glancing up at Kai who was watching him with hot eyes.

He pushed himself up, raking his teeth lightly off the pink nub before balancing on one arm as his other moved, his hand gliding over Kai’s stomach and side, over his one thigh and inside, the other was pressed to Tala’s side since he was between Kai’s legs,  
“…do you want it rough…?”  
“I don’t…know…” he breathed, “…Tala go…down on me.” he said as his hand slid down between them and again found Tala’s balls and he rubbed it feeling it tense up in his hand.

Tala let out a soft moan and he kissed Kai deeply before parting and getting on his knee’s on the bed, he was going to do as Kai asked, as he used to do, everything Kai loved.  
He knew what Kai was asking of him and he stayed between Kai’s legs and took a light hold of his ankles, raising his legs as his hands slipped down the back of Kai’s calf muscles and settled behind his knees, he pushed Kai’s legs back so his knees were to his chest and his puckered entrance was exposed to Tala.

Letting his hands move to the backs of Kai’s smooth lean thighs, he placed pressure on them to keep the legs bent and pressed the tip of his tongue to Kai’s entrance and Kai’s body immediately reacted, his entrance tensing on the tip of Tala’s tongue.  
Kai loved this.  
He moved the tip of his tongue a few more times, pressing deeper and then running his tongue around the pink puckered flesh and pressing the flat side of his tongue to it and feeling Kai’s body press down eagerly.  
“…Tala…I missed you.” it was a very quiet statement but it made Tala smile, caressing Kai’s thighs as he continued probing the sensitive area and loving, having missed, the sound of Kai’s light and pleased gasps and moans.

He was very turned on by now and the ache in his loins were making him needy, he continued to lick around Kai’s entrance, dipping his tongue deeper a few times and then he brought a finger to it as well, using the coating of saliva he let the tip of his index finger slip inside. Kai’s unprepared but not unfamiliar insides instantly pressed against the finger before Kai’s body relaxed and Tala looked up at him.  
Kai was slowly stroking himself and his other hand was behind his own knee keeping his legs spread.

Tala pushed his finger deeper inside and Kai took it easily after a few wiggles, he moved it around and Kai jerked harshly when he brushed his prostate, he moved back over Kai, leaning over him and keeping his finger moving as he stared into Kai’s eyes,  
“I missed you too.”  
“Uuuuh!” Was Kai’s response as Tala’s second finger pushed inside and went straight to massaging his prostate.

Tala slipped his fingers out and moved back again to stare down at Kai’s ready entrance, Kai stopped stroking himself,  
“Tala…I can’t fucking wait much longer…”  
“You said don’t rush…”  
“I still want you to get on with it…just don’t rush…once I can feel you inside me again.” Kai was speaking as if he’d forgotten all forms of bastard-ness, so sweet and needy.  
“You mean you want this…” he pressed the head of his hard cock against Kai’s entrance and felt the same eager muscles grasping at his smooth skin which was slightly wet with pre cum, “…inside you.”  
“Now…” Kai nodded as he breathed the word.

Tala pushed inside and even though Kai’s muscles tensed and his teeth grit against the stretch, he didn’t take too long to adjust as Tala slipped inside and he took two fistfuls of Tala’s red hair to bring him down for a kiss, deep and long and filled with moans.  
Tala directed Kai’s legs up over his shoulders, once again bending him in half and feeling himself slide as far in as possible in this position, Kai was clutching his hair so tightly and moaning loudly into his mouth.

‘The vessel groans…the ocean pressures its frame…’

The same sounds echoed around Tala, the sounds of bliss and Kai’s sweaty thighs sliding against his chest and on his shoulders. He was on his knees now and Kai’s hands were grabbing at whatever flesh of his they could reach but only half coherently as it was obvious Kai was seeing white bliss with every thrust.

‘To the port I see the lighthouse, through the sleet and the rain.’

Tala’s erection was hot and a full dark pink color from the pressure of holding back his desperate orgasm, thankfully it didn’t take much longer, Tala’s mouth kissing Kai’s thighs and one hand rubbing Kai’s erection, lower still and with all of this Kai went over that distinct edge with a raw shout as he came, body losing control.  
Hot spurts of cum fell over Kai’s chest and his anus tightened up intensely around Tala who made a heavy moaning noise as he pushed into Kai and bent him in half again, kissing him passionately as he thrust as best he could with the firm muscles gripping him.

‘God…how I missed this…’ Tala’s thought was fleeting as he plunged both literally and within his pleasure zone, letting the heat, tightness, smell and emotions take him.

‘And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts.’

He came with another louder moan and Kai’s leg muscles tensed as he felt Tala release inside him, making warmth of a different kind fill him, it had been so long…  
Both of them moaned quietly to each other as they kissed and sucked on each other’s flesh and mouths, Kai’s mouth easily finding it ways to Tala’s pale neck and sucking as if he wanted to draw blood.

…slowly the kissing lessened and they were breathing in exhaustion, Kai pressed his head back into the pillows and his hands absently ran over Tala’s shoulders,  
“My legs are cramping…” he breathed.  
“Oh…” Tala said in a daze and used his little strength left to push himself up and out of Kai’s warm body, he fell to the side of Kai and closed his eyes right after Kai’s legs relaxed and stretched out on the cool sheets.

Silence fell but they weren’t asleep.  
It was a moment of realization, the steps they’d taken right back into each other’s bodies, arms and bed. The wondering of whether it was just the need for each other’s bodies that drew them together.  
Tala knew it wasn’t true for him…but he didn’t know about Kai.  
They fell asleep eventually, laying just less than a foot apart, both bodies stained with the others scent and touches…but both heads facing away from each other…

* * *

Tala woke up the next morning with a few lazy blinks, he didn’t feel any healthier, he didn’t feel like he’d been blessed with the love of his life again, he didn’t even feel like he was out of the suicide danger zone. His head pounded, his eyes burned and his muscles felt stiff.

His head was almost to the edge of the bed and both his arms were dangling half way off, from the breeze coming through the opened curtain and chilling his skin, Tala knew he was uncovered and still completely naked.

Kai was not in the bed next to him most likely.

‘But the morning finds out bodies washed up thirty miles west.’

He moved with a visible grimace, rolling over and sitting up on his elbow, he was shocked to find Kai laying there with his face rested in his hand, leaning on his pillow with his elbow, his eyes now focused on Tala’s face and they trailed down openly looking over his body. Tala almost blushed at the unusual situation, but of course he didn’t.

“Mo-morning…” he stuttered groggily, running a hand over his face.  
Kai stared at him and,  
“You have to go, I changed my mind.” he said with no expression and in a very bored tone.  
The shatter that echoed throughout Tala’s mind and body was almost deafening and his eyes instantly burned, his body shaking and he pushed himself up to sit and look away.

He jumped violently when Kai’s arms came around his neck and warm lips kissed his cheek,  
“I’m playing you idiot…” Kai was laughing lightly.  
Tala shoved him off violently and on shaken legs he stood at the side of the bed staring at Kai, who’s eyes were a little wider, both naked men stared at each other, one is confusion and the other in pure anger.  
“How…how the fuck can you joke like that!!!?” Tala shouted at the top of his lungs, his body shaking with rage.  
Kai was startled and he slipped off the bed wearily, but toward Tala,  
“I-I…didn’t know you would be this up-upset…” he seemed genuinely worried, “…I was just-”  
“Don’t ever do that to me again, do you understand me?” he said with extreme warning and his eyes chilled Kai’s body for a long moment before the blunette fell back onto the bed in a hunched defeated sitting position.

“…it’s not even been 6 hours and I’ve already made you upset.” Kai mumbled to himself.   
That explained why Tala felt so shit, he’d barely slept.  
Tala was very upset, he was trying very hard not to lose it, his entire body had died for a split second when Kai had said those words to him.  
He rubbed his eyes and breathed through clenched teeth,  
“You can’t play games like that with me…I’ll lose my mind.” he said as he gripped his hair and screwed his eyes shut.  
“…Tala…I didn’t realize…I’m…I’m…” Kai’s hand, Tala realized was shaking as well as he touched Tala’s naked waist, reaching out, “…I’m…s-so-sorry.”

‘They say the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm.’  
‘But this aint the Dakota and the waters so cold…’

Tala heard the words loud and clear, he looked down at Kai who was looking up at him, frightened at the words he’d just spoken…what had just happened?  
He pulled his hand back from Tala and he averted his gaze, Tala moved to sit down next to him on the edge of the bed.

“…its, ok.” Tala said awkwardly, having never heard the words from Kai’s mouth.

‘It’s not okay…nothing is ever going to be okay. If Hiwatari changes his ways…I have no idea what’ll happen to me. What’ll happen to us…’  
He stared at the floor as Kai was doing as he thought about these things.  
If he could take the bastard out of Kai, what would be left because behind that there was…an orphan, a young man who nobody really cared about, who was raised without compassion or sensitivity…love.  
Like if you took confidence from Tala…it was the same.

“Is it really?” Kai said and he sounded so worried.  
“…yes…” ‘No…’ Tala didn’t look at him.

‘We won’t have to fight for long.’

“…no…” Kai said and Tala looked at him, “…it really is…okay.” Kai said, mind reading again?  
Tala found the red eyes turned to him,  
“It’s only one time.”  
Tala nodded.  
“Like Ray.”  
Tala blinked at Kai now in confusion.  
“You…did that one time and now you know that you can walk away without wondering.”  
He stared, not sure if Kai was still talking about the apology.  
“Now…I’ve done something and I no longer wonder what it feels like…”

‘This is the end…’

Tala held his breath.

“…what it feels like to admit I’m wrong…” Kai frowned deeply and he leaned into Tala, kissing him lightly and Tala responded.

‘This is the end…’

‘This stories old but it goes on and on until we disappear…’ Tala felt Kai’s mouth press wetly against his and he opened his mouth to accept this kiss.  
‘This is the calm…’

‘Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath…’ Kai kissed him so deeply that Tala’s head spun, he could feel the emotions in Kai’s mouth’s soft open kisses against his lips, it was like he’d come up from drowning and was breathing Tala’s air just to keep alive, like he was realizing how very much he needed Tala.  
‘We are the risen…’

‘I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea…’ Kai pulled back and gasped for air, his arms going around Tala’s neck as he pushed Tala backward with a hug and laid on him. Tala’s body warming along with the burning inside his chest and body that lingered from the deepest tastes of Kai. He ran his hands through Kai’s hair, “…you’ll be okay Kai…I’m always going to be here.”  
‘After the storm…’

‘I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean…’ Kai clutched tighter to Tala and breathed heavily against his neck, Tala had to know, “…can you promise that as well…?” he asked sounding worried. “…can you promise you’ll want me forever…?” Tala asked quietly. Kai didn’t respond and his breathing slowed. Tala knew the answer.  
‘Rest in the sea…’

‘I know that this is what you want…a funeral keeps both of us apart…’

‘Washed up on the beach…’

Kai shifted and lifted himself up, looking down at Tala who seemed distant, he placed a quick kiss to Tala’s lips and stood up,  
“…I’m going to shower, then I’ll make something for you to eat, you look sickly.” he said off handedly and walked away from Tala into his en-suite bathroom, the door closing quietly.  
Tala stared at the white door and he found himself resigned.  
‘You know that you are not alone…I need you like water in my lungs…’

‘This is the end…’

Tala’s body was warm and his chest hurting, just like old times…he missed that chill all of a sudden ’…you never do see any other way.’


	7. Session 7

I’d love to tell you that things between Kai and I were wonderful, that he changed and confessed to loving me, that he begged me to be with him forever and said I was the best thing he had in life. But alas that story is about as far from the truth as could possibly be…so far, but I thought about it sometimes, as time went on, less and less, admittedly.  
Months passed, about 2 and a few weeks…I decided that I wasn’t going to move in with him again, and he wasn’t all that happy about it but I didn’t care, Kai seemed to like having me live with him, probably for convenience.

You can guess that it worried him about the constant to and fro, people would catch on easily if I visited him all the time and if he ever decided to visit me. He was visibly tense in the beginning, I’d sit in his lounge when I visited him and watch him flicking through channels, trying to see if there was anything on the news.  
At first there was nothing, a month or so passed of me occasionally going over, I didn’t visit that often and I noticed Kai didn’t seem to mind, it prevented us from the unpleasant silences that might settle between us…but it also left nothing but sex between us.  
We didn’t talk, I had no idea what was going on in his life except for one phone call that I overheard Kai on when I walked in one day, the most I picked up was that he was back in business…with the BBA.

I never asked him about it and when he hung up he hadn’t mentioned it. But we did have sex after he hung up, it was a distant arrangement and even though Kai and I seemed to have found a new place between one another that night we got back together, we were farther apart than before in a lot of different ways…and that was before the media got a hold of it.

It was when a random paparazzo was skulking about, aware of where the occasional celebrity lived or hung out and I had just come out of the usual convenience store I used to go to down the street from Kai’s place. I saw him and I ignored him, I walked out and got into my car, driving off and heading to Kai’s apartment. The occasional media ass wasn’t uncommon, they hung around.

Every now and then in the past I’d see a picture of myself and Brian leaving a club and the write up would be some random comment on ‘what’s become of the world famous bladers?’ with an article of how all we did was party. Sometimes Max or Tyson would be in magazines, Max liked to shop for games and collectibles and articles would be in little squares in the magazines about his simple life and what new games were trending. Tyson was usually caught out hamming it up for the press and wanting interviews and to sign autographs, which they loved.

My point is that it wasn’t like we’d never seen ourselves in the magazines, we were after all world well known and the press liked to follow people around.  
But when I got a knock on my door, my apartment door, one cold afternoon, I hadn’t expected to see Brian standing there glaring at me.  
I hadn’t expected to see him because I hadn’t spoken to him in months, he’d stopped trying to contact me or come around after I’d been ignoring him for so long.  
It had ended in an argument when he shoved the magazine at me and I saw the small article on the cover.

‘Beybladers’ love rekindled?’ see page 10.

I saw page ten and I saw pictures of myself on several different days, going in and coming out of Kai’s apartment building and one very random day when Kai had been leaving at the same time I was and we’d walked out together and got into our individual cars.  
Brian had thrown his accusations at me about whether that was what I had been doing all that time and I had almost said ‘Yes, I’ve been doing Kai.’ but I’d instead told him to leave.  
That was the least of it, sure it made a small magazine headline but people don’t always pay attention to the silly things, it usually takes the bigger things.

I’d found it in myself to want the bigger things, to want this exposed like I’d wanted in the beginning, we’d not tried to hide it, even though Kai did avoid going out unnecessarily and never came over to my apartment. Admittedly it was I who wanted more, so I insisted Kai and I go out to dinner, after all I was a salary earning man and I could now actually afford to do things like take Kai out and he wouldn’t’ have to pay.  
I earned quite well since I was paid for my name and status attached to the company.

It had been priceless…

* * *

 

“You want to do what?” Kai was lying next to him on the sofa in his apartment like they’d done so many times. Tala wasn’t holding him or anything, he was actually lying a bit higher than him with a cushion propped up under his elbow and watching the detective show on TV while he chewed a thumb nail. Kai was lying flat on the couch on his side and while they weren’t really holding even as they lay against one another, their legs were tangled and their bare feet would occasionally find each other’s in an absent intimate gesture. Kai was leaning his head back to look at Tala who was biting distractedly at his nail,  
“I said I want to take you out to dinner…” he repeated.  
“No…why, we can order take out if you don’t want me to make something…we don’t have to go out.”  
“I want to.”  
“Why?”  
“Because we’re a couple and I want to take you out to dinner or a movie if you’d prefer popcorn and MnM’s.”  
Kai had fallen silent and was staring up at him.  
“Don’t look at me like that…yes, I said couple.” Tala smirked down at him loving the dumbstruck look openly displayed on the blunette’s face, Kai had stopped his iron mask routine, even though he wasn’t exactly full of expressions, he didn‘t stop himself from showing the occasional emotion on his pretty face.

He saw Kai look away and then lay back from his side a bit so he was pressed more against Tala’s chest and he looked up at him,  
“…I’m not comfortable with it.” Kai was trying his evasion technique.  
Tala stopped biting his nail and looked down at Kai, his hand leaving his mouth and relaxing on Kai’s waist, fiddling with the skin showing between the crumpled shirt and the waist of his pants.  
“Kai…I don’t care if you’re scared of the press, or did you forget your promise?”

It was admittedly the first time that he’d brought it up since that night the promises had happened but Kai didn’t seem to feel as awkward about it, he rolled his eyes,  
“Not because of the press, Tala…I’ve never been in public on a date before…”  
“You’ve never actually been on a date before ever.” Tala added lamely.  
“Exactly…” Kai said just as lamely, “…so if we go out in public I’m not sure…whether I’ll…”  
“Embarrass yourself?”  
“…” he stared at Tala without answering but his eyes said yes and Tala smiled at him.  
“Do you swear it’s not the press?”  
“…it is a little, so I guess it’s both.”  
“…that’s great. So we’re going, I say dinner is a better bet, more personal. We’ll go to some expensive restaurant which only takes reservations…” he was grinning and Kai just sighed and closed his eyes before getting up and moving off the couch,  
“You’re determined to force me into this aren’t you?”  
“Yep.” Tala lay more comfortably.

Kai turned and looked at Tala who gazed back with no sign of changing his mind and Kai just looked away,  
“I’m going to take a shower.” he walked away.  
Tala sat up and took the cordless phone from the side table, dialing up a service and then getting the restaurants number, he called and made a reservation for Tala Ivanov, for 2. It was taken with a pleasant voice on the other end.  
When he hung up he smiled at the phone, he knew that the restaurant he’d called would be crawling outside with press, it was a celebrity hot spot.  
He was doing it on purpose but Tala felt it was only fair that he get his way at least once, considering that since they’d gotten back together, he had been doing the same thing with Kai as before they’d broken up.

‘Listen to yourself…the first time you and Kai weren’t even really a couple and now you’re talking about make ups and break ups.’ with a light shrug to his own thoughts, he walked into Kai’s room and into the bathroom, stripping his clothes and joining Kai in the shower.

* * *

 

Tala sat on Kai’s bed, dressed in a white turtle neck long sleeve with a leather black jacket over it and a black formal pants and shiny black shoes, he looked very good, he decided that when he’d looked in the mirror, he had to dress nice because it was a fancy place.  
Kai had seen how he was dressed and blinked a few times for an unknown reason before mumbling about wondering if he still had formal clothes.

He was standing now buttoning up an expensive silk black shirt, he wore a black formal pants and shoes too and he’d wear a black coat over everything. Tala watched the buttons hide the fair toned chest from his sight as they were each closed up and when Kai was done with that he went straight on to do his hair. Some time with a hair dryer and some hair mousse and he looked dusted to perfection and very sexy, his hair was a little roughly done so he looked almost like he’d tried to go for the bed head look. Kai never ever acted vain per say, just egotistical but anyone who took one look at how well he groomed himself would know he was in fact very thorough about his appearance.

He put some cologne on, just a touch and Tala heard him sigh,  
“I feel like an idiot…I hardly ever dressed up like this except for my grandfather’s big occasions years ago.”  
“Obviously, because if these clothes are years old I’d never say…” he raised an eyebrow and flicked one of his unique red bangs from his face, winking at Kai via the mirror, Kai winked back at him and Tala felt his heart beat faster.

Okay, so sometimes Kai still made that happen for him.

The small smile Kai held faded as he touched up his hair and then turned to Tala,  
“Alright…I’m done.”  
“Took you long enough you fucking diva.” he teased and tilted his head at Kai, he saw how Kai stared at him and then the strangest thing happened,  
“…you’re very attractive Tala. Sometimes it still surprises me.” he said and then looked away and leaned over his dresser to open a draw and pull out a black choker and a single ring which Kai wore often.  
Tala was awestruck and he felt like the blood had drained from his body…Kai had never complimented him. Never. Unless you counted Kai’s crude comments on loving Tala’s cock size sometimes during sex, which was usually just for foreplay…Tala knew he wasn’t the biggest, he was above average though, much like Kai himself…  
But that wasn’t the point.

Kai had just paid him a genuine compliment and he didn’t know what to say as he watched Kai place the thick black joker around his neck, like a scarf might do to cover his pale neck, this did half the job and the he slipped on his ring and put a dollop of hand moisturizer in his hands and rubbed it into his smooth skin as he leaned against the dresser.

Metro sexual much.   
Maybe Tala was going mad, but Kai just looked ten times more beautiful than he had minutes ago, he dropped his gaze and stood up,  
“We should get going, our reservation is at 7, so we’ve got a half hour or so.” he slipped his hands into his pockets and started toward the door.

“Tala…”  
Tala swallowed, he thought Kai would say something to knock him down after that compliment, he knew he shouldn’t have expected Kai to be serious about that. Kai was just taking Tala for a spin like he usually did…

‘Kai, here's your ride…’ he thought miserably and turned back to him, “…hm?” he said with no emotion showing on his face. Kai was looking at him with openly emotional eyes again, the intense red color was curious and soft and Tala wanted to fall flat on his face when his knees felt shaken…what this man did to him.

‘Get your petals out and lay them in the aisle…  
Pretend you garden grows,   
And it's your own day to wed’

“When you said, couple, earlier…did you mean like, what I had said about us, being a couple of convenience?” he still looked at Tala.  
“You mean when you humiliated me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit?” Tala said very casually, steeling himself if only to make a point when he could.  
Kai couldn’t hold his gaze and he rubbed his hands together a few more times before nodding,  
“Uh…yeah.”  
Tala smirked at him,  
“…no Kai. I meant that I consider you officially my boyfriend, partner…romantically.” he saw Kai look at him again a little stunned, “…now move your ass, we have to go.” he smiled wider and left the room.

…

Tala was standing in the lounge, looking through his wallet to make sure he had his credit cards and ATM card, plus some cash, Kai was high maintenance he figured and it was his first official date so he wanted it to be the best it could.

He turned a bit suddenly when he felt a presence behind him and he gave Kai a lazy glare,  
“You’ve got to stop with that sneaking around shit…you’ll give me a heart a-” he trailed off when Kai’s hands slid over his chest, over his shoulders and his warm hands slipped into Tala’s hair, Kai’s mouth settling over his lightly.  
It was not a sex arousing kiss like it usually was, it was opened mouth but with little tongue so it wasn’t to insight making out either, it was simply Kai’s lips meshing with Tala’s in a soft intimate way before Kai pulled back and his arms left Tala’s neck and hands ran down his chest again.

Kai turned away,  
“I’m ready to go.” he said quietly and walked over to the coat hanger at the door, taking his black coat down and pulling it on.  
Tala was tingling from the intimate contact, Kai was scaring him, he gripped his wallet and walked over to Kai who handed him the key’s to his sports car that Tala had always loved driving and then Kai stuffed his own wallet in his coat and Tala reached in and took it out,  
“…why are you carrying this?” he wiggled it in front of Kai.  
“…I always carry it.” he gave Tala a perplexed look.  
“Well not tonight, I’m taking you out.” he placed the wallet back on the table and picked his cell phone up. Kai just shrugged and picked his own cell phone up as well and with that, they left the apartment.

Walking to the elevator in comfortable outward silence, Tala’s brain was racing to the contrary, Kai seemed so strange and calm…deeper than usual and so much less hostile about going out. Why?  
“Are you okay?” Tala asked while they waited for the elevator to arrive.  
Kai looked at him,  
“I am, why?”  
“You just seem…like your not, upset about going out.”  
Kai glanced at the elevators rising lights above the doors and spoke,  
“When you said boyfriend, I believed you. And we can’t be that unless both of us are willing to come out about it…not just you…” he paused and closed his eyes, “…it’s going to be hard because I don’t think I’d like the world knowing, but at the same time I want all I can get from you and I.”

It was like some floodgate had been opened and all of Kai’s honesty was drowning Tala, ‘Houston…we’ve found your man.’ he thought stupidly and stared at Kai.  
“You mentioned my promise and I did say that I was yours…and you are mine. So…this is it, the world is going to find out, maybe not tonight but…eventually.”  
“No…they’ll find out tonight.” he said quickly, no lies were part of the promise.  
Kai looked at him,  
“…huh?” he said in a manner Kai never used, he sounded baffled.  
“The reservation is booked at Tokyo Heat.” was all he needed to say.  
Kai stared at him and then frowned,  
“You made a reservation at a celebrity hot spot?”  
Tala nodded and looked away,  
“…I wanted this to be it…” he admitted, “…after tonight, no more pissing around the bush.”  
“Beating around the bush, you moron.” Kai corrected him and Tala looked at him to find Kai wasn’t upset but looking rather amused.  
“You’re not angry?”  
“I am…but I figure the sooner the better. I’m not a fan of suspense and besides, I kind of like that your going all out…Tokyo Heat is an exclusive and expensive place Tala.” he raised an eyebrow.  
“I know…but you’re an exclusive and expensive boyfriend.” he grinned at Kai and they both laughed slightly just when the elevator arrived.

-ding-

They stepped inside, Kai leaned against the mirror and Tala stood near him, Kai was staring at him via the mirrors.  
“I think we make a good couple.” Tala said randomly and he looked directly at Kai, sliding his hand over the others and intertwining their fingers. Kai hesitated since the elevator had stopped again but Tala squeezed his hand and Kai looked at him and then closed his fingers over Tala’s, the red head smiled at him.

Someone got on and both Kai and Tala spared him a glance, Tala recognized him instantly and the guy seemed to not feel embarrassed about staring because once the doors closed and the elevator dropped again, he was looking over the two men holding hands discreetly.  
If Kai noticed the staring he didn’t show it but the guy seemed far too interested to let the sight go,  
“…you’ve moved back here?” he asked Tala with a direct look and smile which Tala felt uncomfortable about, this guy looked a little off and his eyes were hazy.  
“…no, I don’t live here.”  
Kai had glanced at the guy but went on to continue staring at the numbers as they dropped.  
“You guys are a couple?” the man enquired and Tala decided by his accent now that he was paying attention, that this guy was western born and most definitely drunk.

Tala glanced at Kai and felt the other’s fingers shift to tighten around his own and Kai looked at him, Tala smiled at Kai who after the brief gaze looked at the man,  
“Yeah, we are.” Tala told him.  
“Your asking a lot of questions that aren‘t your business.” Kai said very curtly, tactless and beautiful.  
“I’m just asking because when he lived here before he never mentioned you were a couple, he didn’t act like it either.” he gave Tala a scaly once over.

‘God must fucking hate me…how can he do this to me.’ Tala’s anger bubbled, ‘This motherfucker can’t possibly be serious about causing me trouble…’ but he remained silent and expressionless, not wanting to make Kai suspicious of absolutely nothing.  
But if he said anything this guy might just make a scene, Tala had no control right then,

‘He's drinking up. His all-American and he'll drive.’

‘He's volunteered with grace to end your life and tidy up.’ he thought bitterly and waited to feel Kai’s hand leave his own.  
“We weren’t a couple when he lived here before, we were room mates.” Kai left the guy shot down and looking moody and Tala didn’t even look at him again.  
They got out on the parking floor and so did the other but he went to the left parking and they went to the right.

Finding Kai’s sports car was easy since it was the fanciest and most expensive car in the parking lot. Tala unlocked it and they got in, settling in as Tala switched on the car and was about to switch on the cd player, his finger on the button when Kai’s hand settled over his lightly. He looked at the blunette who was staring at the dash board,  
“Did you sleep with him?” he asked evenly.  
“No, I didn’t do anything with him. He gave me his number in a club a long time ago and when I didn’t call him he saw me one day and asked if I was in a relationship with you and I answered no, because it was a secret back then.” he explained calmly but fully, not wanting to fight.

Kai nodded a few times and Tala used a hand to touch Kai’s chin, tapping it for Kai to look at him, which he did,  
“If you must know…since we’ve never talked about it. I only slept with two people during the time we weren’t together. Both were one nighters, I swear to you babe.” he said it without bothering to keep the endearment to himself.  
His hand had fallen onto Kai’s thigh which he gave a small squeeze to reassure and Kai relaxed a bit,  
“It’s fine Tala, I believe you, I wouldn’t have been upset anyway. I was just curious.”   
“Are you okay?” he couldn’t help asking.  
“Yes Tala.” he looked at the red head.

Tala was worried, Kai wasn’t fighting with him about anything…but he should have been happy.   
“Right, I’m just nervous, I want your first date to be great.”  
“Quit being so cheesy.” he teased Tala.  
Tala smiled and reversed and they left the apartment building and drove out into the cities night life, Kai and Tala were about to become a public couple.

‘It's sad to hold, but leave your shell to us…You explode, you firefly, you tiny boat with oars.’  
‘Feather oars…’

As they drove down the busy brightly lit streets of Tokyo, Tala kept glancing over at Kai who seemed deep in thought, as much as Kai was keeping it together, he felt that there was definitely some anxiousness in his eyes as they stared on the road ahead.  
They both looked pointedly at the bright sign in Japanese Kanji, as they neared their destination, it had an English underlining, Tokyo Heat.

“Tōkyō-netsu.” Kai mumbled in Japanese but Tala understood it, he was just reading the club title as they drove into a line of cars along the curb, waiting for the valet. He hardly ever heard Kai speak Japanese, he had lived there for years but Tala knew that Kai was more Russian than Japanese, his mother had been full Russian and his father was mixed, Voltaire being Japanese but Voltaire’s dead wife having been full blooded Russian as well. Kai barely had any Asian features save for the slightest slant of his eyes, his nose was sharp and his face angled and European, like Tala’s own.

“Pohozhe zanyat…” Kai mumbled and glanced at Tala who blinked, Kai speaking Russian was just as rare, he glanced over and rolled the car forward in the line,  
“Ne nado nervnichat’.” Tala responded in Russian, he often spoke to Brian in Russian so went between the two languages easily, while Japanese he understood but didn’t speak so well.  
“YA ne nervnichayu, ne bud’ glupym, Tala.” Kai gave him a side glance.   
“Then why are you speaking in Russian if your not nervous?” he raised a challenging eyebrow.  
Kai looked at the many people and the flashing of camera’s at the entrance, stupid celebrities smiling at the cameras.  
“My dolzhny govorit’ na russkom, chtoby lyudi ne ponimayut nas.” he said just as quietly as he’d been mumbling all along.  
Tala shook his head,  
“We’re still in the car Kai…and besides, no, I want you to relax tonight and stop worrying about everyone overhearing us or whatever…just relax okay.” he gave Kai a pointed look because they would get out next.  
Kai half rolled his eyes,  
“Fine…ryvok.” he added for effect and Tala just smiled.

As he rolled the car forward again all the media people and some other celebrities, mostly Japanese actors, actresses, models and such, all turned to them.  
‘This is it…’ Tala thought as the valet came to him when he stepped out of the car, flashes took in his pale face and well dressed frame every movement and he handed the key to valet and narrowed his eyes at the lights and chatter surrounding them.  
When Kai got out, Tala couldn’t help but be proud, despite all of his hang ups and worries, Kai never failed to steal attention with his grace, the grace of a phoenix.

He slipped out of the car, sexy and looking damn right breathtaking in full black clothing against his fair skin, his red eyes sweeping casually over the public before he closed his door and averted his gaze from the crowd and the cameras, looking over at Tala who was staring at him with a smirk.  
“Thank you…” he mumbled to the valet who bowed slightly and then got into the car and took it away and around a corner. Tala crossed the space where the car had been and walked straight to Kai’s side, pleased with the fact that when their arms brushed Kai’s fingers slipped along his own and Tala found himself taking a light hold of Kai’s hand as they walked toward the entrance.

The noise was very bothersome as they climbed the stairs, the only restaurant in Tokyo to have bouncers and they did well to keep the flesh eating media mongers from grabbing onto any of the celebs. Tala heard someone shout ‘Oh my god they are a couple!’ and he smiled inwardly,  
‘Yes…we are.’ he thought and felt so much tension leave his shoulders, although Kai looked down right moody, he’d have to fix that with a good evening.  
The press were practically falling over themselves for the best pictures until they disappeared inside the restaurant and met with peace and quiet, light music and the smell of good food.

‘The world tilts back and pours and pours. And so, you satellite, you tidal wave,  
You're a big surprise and I've one more night to be your mother.’

Even the people inside stared at them a bit, it wasn’t so much that they were a gay couple but it was because everyone was probably aware of what story surrounded the two.   
“Reservation for two, Ivanov.” Tala said to the host at the entrance.  
He smiled politely and nodded,  
“Ah yes, welcome…” he said in his Japanese tainted English accent and Tala and Kai both smiled as a waiter cam over and bowed, they did too.

Their table was on the upstairs level, in a nice personal place with about 6 tables in view of them and beautiful Japanese canvas’ with Kanji that meant different things lined the wall just behind their table. Everything seemed to be perfect as far as Tala was concerned. Kai was smiling as he looked around, he’d never been to Tokyo Heat before and neither had Tala, but Kai seemed to like it.

He was polite to the waiter who served them and had a long discussion with him in Japanese and some English about the menu, Tala just stared at them, Kai seemed to enjoy being able to mingle with the culture and a warm atmosphere. His eyes were alight with interest at everything, he was watching some people who were getting up to dance, doing small half dances before descending the stairs to reach the open area where a small intimate Japanese band were set up, entertaining.

Tala, despite living in Japan hadn’t much knowledge of their cuisine, so Kai explained the dishes to Tala because Tala was looking at all the western dishes stubbornly, but Kai eventually persuaded him to order something else and he did, a bit concerned about eating something he couldn’t picture.  
But when the food arrived he had to admit it smelled and looked divine, Kai gave him an ‘I told you so, moron’ look and Tala lifted his chop sticks. It was a bit of a laugh to Kai watching Tala try his hand at the sticks, but eventually they just requested a knife and fork for Tala and the eating commenced.

They never really talked much, but Tala did manage to find out about Kai’s business with the BBA. He’d bought up almost half the shares and he was hoping to buy out two other people, so he would have full power even over Dickenson. Apparently the old man was happy about it and not concerned, but Kai’s intentions were to take over the BBA and eventually relieve Dickenson. That familiar dislike reflecting in his eyes.  
Tala also told him about the work he did and Kai made a random statement about giving Tala the same job and paying him more at the BBA, Tala had declined, because he wanted his independence and Kai actually smirked and agreed painlessly.

It felt like a twilight zone, sitting at dinner with Kai and eating and talking this way.  
“You wanna dance?” Tala grinned naughtily.  
“Don’t push it.” Kai said with a smile and sipped his non alcoholic wine.  
“I’m serious.” Tala reached over and touched Kai’s hand.  
“Tala I’m not a girl whose waist you can hold while you lead me around a dance floor.”  
“I won’t hold your waist.”  
Kai gave him an odd look and Tala smiled innocently,  
“I’ll hold your ass…”  
“Oh shut up…asshole.” but he was smiling and Tala was too.

Tala stood up slightly and leaned over to Kai who was stunned when Tala’s hand cupped his chin and brought their lips together, a few subtle gasps were heard and they couldn’t see but a few people even smiled. Tala leaned back and sat down again as Kai kept his eyes trained on Tala in a passive gaze but his eyes were burning with anger but he couldn’t do or say anything without drawing negative attention.

‘I’m gonna get it later…’ Tala thought dimly, “…I’m just trying to help you relax.” he said so Kai would hear him and the blunette lowered his gaze to the table,  
“You don’t have to draw so much attention, Tala.”  
“…okay, no more.” he smiled and Kai looked at him, not smiling but not angry.

‘This signal interrupts, baby's frequency not strong enough.’  
‘Remain in my hands and smile.’

It still scared Tala how compliant Kai was behaving.  
‘If I am going crazy its not so bad…’ he pictured Brian and Spencer visiting him in an institution and smiling passively while saying ‘We’ll miss you but in time you’ll get settled and we’ll write.’

‘Huh…’ Tala thought finally before the waiter came around to ask about dessert.

* * *

 

Kai still had his black silk shirt on but it was opened and sitting on his shoulders, his breathing was heavy and his skin was slightly sweaty as Tala’s hands ran over his lightly muscled abdomen. Kai was in Tala’s lap, back against Tala’s chest and head leaning beside Tala’s against the back of the couch, his legs wide and either side of Tala’s thighs.  
He had paused to catch his breath after moving down on Tala’s full erection, impaling himself and stretching his entrance as Tala’s length pulsed with arousal embedded in the heat and tightness.

Tala kissed the back of Kai’s shoulder and his hand slid down to rub between Kai’s legs and message his sensitive area’s and Kai moaned, Tala had his legs wide open as well as Kai sat in his lap but he was able to thrust up since Kai’s legs were supporting his own weight.

‘Beauty Supreme.’

Tala started thrusting up and Kai’s hands needed something to hold onto but in his current position there was nothing.  
“Tala…can we…change positions-ss…” he closed his eyes as he was bounced upward with the thrusts. Tala ceased moving and stopped massaging Kai, using his hands instead to hold Kai’s waist and help him off his lap.  
Kai’s legs seemed wobbly as he stood and Tala stood up quickly off the couch, they were at Tala’s place, he stepped out of his pants which was his last item of clothing and kissed Kai roughly as he pushed the shirt off his shoulders so he was completely naked too.  
“What position do you want?” he asked when he started to nibble Kai’s lower lip.  
“Anything…more comfortable.”

Tala nodded and continued kissing Kai, whose one hand found his hair while the other one found Tala’s hot, wet erection and stroked it,  
“Tala…tonight was nice…” he breathed against Tala’s mouth and then moaned when Tala’s hand slipped between his butt cheeks and his fingers found Kai’s entrance.  
“…glad you enjoyed it.”  
“Did you…mm?” Kai closed his eyes as he felt Tala arouse him further with his fingers.

Tala pulled back from his neck and shifted Kai roughly, tossing him on the couch and getting on top of him,  
“Yeah…you were right about me though, I wanted to force you out of your comfort zone so I didn’t have to feel like a secret anymore…” he was breathing heavily but he was stationary above Kai as they stared at each other.  
Kai frowned,  
“It’s over now right? Your not going to spring anything else on me?” Kai sounded tired and he looked stunning with his messed but styled hair and that choker on his neck.  
This time Tala didn’t answer, because he wouldn’t promise that, he had so much he still wanted from Kai, so much that he felt he deserved and if he had to push Kai to get his way then so be it…he couldn’t promise that to Kai.

He still had a need for revenge even if he didn’t want the feeling.

“Let’s take it one day at a time…” he brought one of Kai’s legs onto his shoulder and the other one Kai raised instinctively to Tala’s waist. Kai’s worried gaze made him feel bad so he closed his eyes as he kissed the blunette and entered him again with some direction from his hand, before he rested comfortably above Kai and started moving.

‘God…can I get myself out from underneath this guilt that will crush me?’ he moved steadily and found his head spinning and his vision black as he kept his eyes shut and kissed Kai roughly ‘And in the choir I saw our sad Messiah. He was bored and tired of my laments, I need to let go…but I can’t…’ Tala heard a groan but the pleasure that ran through him from the deep penetration and friction make him moan over the sound.

“I died for you one time…but never again…” he said almost inaudibly.

He heard Kai ask him what he saying in a breathless tone…Tala kept moving and he heard Kai call his name in a questioning tone, harsh and irate even, Tala ignored it and opening his eyes for a second without ceasing movement he found Kai’s mouth and attacked it, kissing Kai and forcing his tongue in, to silence the younger male.

‘Never again…’ he thrust into the heat, ‘…never again…’ he heard another groan, ‘…never again…’ he felt nails digging into his sides, another groan, a sound of pain and then he heard his name.  
Tala came when he felt Kai’s muscles tighten around him firmly and he let out a low and not very pleasant sound as he stopped himself from collapsing on top of Kai.  
He heard heavy breathing and Kai shoved him off roughly, he fell onto the floor with a thump,  
“Jesus…ah…you bastard I’m bleeding…” Kai sounded shocked and Tala opened his eyes and his world stopped spinning so he could focus, he saw Kai half laying on the couch above him, his legs open and staring at himself, he looked pained.

“W-w…what?” Tala asked dismally.  
“What were you doing…I told you that you were hurting me…” there was another groan as Kai tried to move, “…you made me bleed Tala, what were you thinking about?” he stood up and Tala stared up at him and let out a shaky breath.

Kai limped away and Tala sat up just as he saw Kai walk into the bedroom, he got to his feet and smacked his face a bit, he felt hot like he had a fever. For the moment just before all he’d wanted to do was be as deep inside Kai as possible, to dominate him as much as possible and now he felt like his whole body was flushed and burning.  
He started toward his room, seeing small splashes of cum on the dark blue tiles from Kai, Tala’s obviously, but from Kai.

‘How could I cum like that when I was hurting him?’ he walked faster to the room and straight to his bathroom. Kai was sitting in the tub while the water filled and he was staring between his legs and when Tala walked closer he saw the slight pink dilution of blood in the water.  
“It…it’s not stopping Tala…” Kai said quietly.  
Tala heard the concern and he looked around,  
“…I have…I have some disinfectant and ointment for tears.” he started looking in his cabinets and found it, taking it out for Kai, “…when your done washing I’ll…”

“I don’t want you to touch me…you weren’t listening to me earlier, you’ve never hurt me before. Even when you were rough, it was like you were trying to tear me apart…” Kai was speaking with a very obvious hint of confusion.  
“I…”  
“I thought things were going well…but you seemed so angry…angry at me, Tala?” he was asking as he reached forward to close the taps, making an eerie silence settle in the bathroom, the steam rose around Kai as he grimaced when he moved to lay back.  
“No…no I’m not…it’s not that.”  
Kai had laid back and he looked at Tala with a frown,  
“What then…?”   
Tala averted his gaze,  
“I’ll wait until your done and we’ll talk…” he said and turned to leave, not sure what that even meant, what would they talk about?  
He couldn’t possibly mean what it sounded like, he couldn’t tell Kai that he’d become angry because Kai was so important to him but made him so vengeful at the same time.

All because Kai had shattered his heart so many times and it hurt and confused him now as Kai was piecing his heart back together so gently.  
He went to the lounge to find his boxer shorts and pulled them on, picking up their strewn clothing and talking it to the room. He went on to clean up the stains on the floor before he returned to the room again just as Kai emerged, still limping and he was about to sit down on the bed when Tala stopped him,  
“…don’t sit…you’ll hurt yourself.”  
Kai glared at him slightly but didn’t sit down, Tala went into the bathroom and washed his hands then returned drying them with a towel and Kai had dried himself off too.

Tala approached him and slipped the towel from his waist, Kai seemed stiff,  
“Just get on the bed…I won’t take long.”  
Kai did as told.

10 minutes of silence later and Kai pulled his boxer shorts on with a wince as Tala washed his hands again and put the items back in the cabinet. Kai laid on the bed and Tala went into the shower, he’d hated feeling Kai jerk away in pain that way and when he surveyed the damage it was relatively bad, slightly worse than when someone isn’t gentle with a virgin.  
‘Had I been that rough with him? I’ve fucked him harder than that before…’ Tala washed the smell of sex from his body and hair as he wondered.

But he knew there was a difference between passionate rough sex and careless rough sex.  
Once he was done he left the bathroom and stood quietly in the room as he dabbed the water from his skin glancing at Kai who laid so still, Tala assumed he’d fallen asleep.  
After pulling on a new pair of shorts, Tala climbed into the bed and pressed up against Kai’s warm back, spooning him and holding him tightly, kissing him all along his neck and shoulder, believing Kai to be fast asleep Tala allowed his nose to run through Kai’s hair, it hadn’t been washed but it still smelled of his cologne and faint sweat from earlier which made Tala moan quietly.

“Kai…” he breathed as the pain in his chest amplified, “…you have no idea what you do to me, I can’t even control myself anymore.” he said in a hushed pained whisper against Kai’s tattooed shoulder.  
“I’m sorry…forgive me for hurting you, I love you Kai…I’d never hurt you that way on purpose…” he trailed off when he heard a small gasp and his eyes widened in fright.  
Kai turned on to his back and his eyes were wide and burning with question and something else which scared Tala…was it the realization of the power he had over Tala?

“Tal-”  
Tala pressed his fingers lightly over Kai’s mouth and he stared wide eyed at the similar expression on Kai’s face, he swallowed heavily and tears sprung to his eyes, he’d left the light on so he knew Kai could see everything in his eyes, including the resentment and need for revenge of his emotional suffering.

“…Kai…I love you so much…but do me a favor baby…” he saw Kai’s eyes shimmer as well when he said it again, but not with tears, “…don’t reply, cause I can dish it out…but I can’t take it…” he whispered and he felt his entire body burn as his chest tightening halted his breathing, he closed his lips together tightly and slipped his fingers from Kai’s lips.

He laid beside the blunette and Kai turned back onto his side as Tala’s arm slipped around him and they were pressed together again, Tala’s mouth against his hair, but barely any breath caught the dark blue locks. Tala shut his eyes and tears slipped over his cheeks,  
‘What have I done?’ he asked himself.

‘One’ll love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

Kai wasn’t moving at all and Tala felt more tears force their way from his eyes and he grit his teeth, not realizing he was holding Kai tighter. He’d made the one mistake he shouldn’t have, confessing those feelings…when he still had enough hate in him to want to make Kai suffer emotionally. Of all the people Tala had been with in his life…

‘Two’ll love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

Kai could use it against him, Kai could tear him apart just when he’d made the progress he needed to settle things between them. Kai had finally been coming around and now he knew that Tala was in love with him. Why did it have to be Kai…?

‘Three’ll love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

And so soon after Tala went public with Kai too, now Kai could throw him away, humiliate him and devastate him easily and he wouldn’t have Brian, Spencer, Ray or even Max…because he’d chosen Kai over all of them when Kai was the one who could tear him down with a few simple sentences. All those people were his enemies now…

‘Four’ll love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

He opened his eyes when Kai shifted and sat up and looked at Tala,  
“…your…crying.” Kai pointed out as he turned to face Tala and lay down beside him again, facing him, his fingers wiping at the tears and inspecting them as if he couldn’t believe it.  
Tala stared at him and he brought his hand to Kai’s throat, not forcefully, he pushed Kai back and down so he was pressed into the pillows.

‘Five’ll love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

“Don’t you dare Kai…” he threatened and his tears fell onto Kai’s fair face and the red eyes softened,  
“…I’m not going to mock you.” he breathed and his hand came up to Tala’s at his throat, his fingers caressing the back of Tala’s hand and his eyes holding Tala’s gaze, “…I promise.” he said and Tala felt his hand taken into Kai’s.   
He was pushed backward and down so Kai was leaning over him instead,  
“Calm down…Tala.” he leaned down and kissed Tala’s mouth lightly, “…I forgive you for tonight…” he whispered against Tala’s mouth and then placed a kiss to his chest, laying down and sighing contentedly.

‘Six will love you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

‘God…your angel is so devious, I’ve given him such power over me that he found it in himself to forgive me? Or have I broken down his defenses with those words like I only dreamed was possible…’ he closed his eyes and Kai’s eye lashes tickled his chest with every slight blink.  
His breathing calmed as Kai’s fingers traced his stomach and the frown left his face when warmth traveled from Kai’s body and spread over his own.

Just like Dranzer was stronger than Wolborg in battle, she dominated him in this way as well. Tala would seek this comforting warmth so deeply now that he hardly remembered what Wolborg felt like running through his veins…he hadn’t released Wolborg from his bit in years.

‘Wolborg…’ he thought and he felt his body calm slightly, the pain in his chest lessened and he became aware that as his blade lay in the safe at the bottom of his wardrobe, Wolborg having felt him reach out right then, was trying to reach out to him as well.   
Wolborg had the most powerful love for Tala, as a protector, like Tala felt Wolborg was the closest thing to he had to a keeper of his lost soul.  
‘Was that you? Were you reaching out to me that night when I was with Ray? Were you trying to pull me back to reality…?’ he opened his eyes a little wider when another cool chill sated the burning pain in his chest.

Kai shifted and seemed to notice the drop in Tala’s body temperature because he reached over and pulled sheets over them. Tala’s lips curled into a smirk and he turned his head to look at his wardrobe, knowing that Wolborg was in there, crying out to be Tala’s strength.  
‘How could I have forgotten you? I’m such a fucking fool Wolborg…forgive me…’ he closed his eyes.  
Tala felt the chill run through his wind pipe and he breathed out a small cold mist, opening his pale blue eyes which were renewed with a crystal clear icy glow…no uncertainty lay inside his eyes.

‘Seven loves you so much, but do me a favor baby don’t reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can’t take it…’

He raised his hand and let his ice cold fingers run down Kai’s smooth back beneath the sheets and Kai jerked away, pressing against Tala before sitting up and looking down at Tala, who had closed his eyes, his hand again ran over Kai’s spine and he heard Kai’s breath hitch,  
“Tala…your ice cold.” he mumbled and Tala felt the hot hand touch his chest which was pale and cold now too.  
He opened his eyes and he saw Kai stare at his face, clearly noticing a difference but nothing obvious beside the drop in Tala’s body temperature.  
“It’s fine…I’m just tired. Lay with me.” he used his cold hand to pull Kai back down and wrap his arms around him, Kai’s breathing was halted at first but after a short while his heat blended with Tala’s cool body and they both fell quiet, Kai frowning slightly and Tala…well, more peaceful than he’d been since the abbey.

Two massive forces which repelled one another were laying stubbornly against each other and Tala realized before drifting off that they’d never end up the same way when they died. Tala would be buried and left cold and frozen to lay beneath the freezing earth and Kai would be burned to ash and scattered into the wind like the phoenix’s nature demanded.

‘I’ll never have to buy adjacent plots of earth…we’ll never have to rot together underneath the dirt…’ he kissed Kai’s warm forehead, his unique Kai that could set fire to anyone with the darkness behind his eyes, ‘…I’ll never have to lose my baby in the crowd.” he grinned like he hadn’t done in so long, ‘I should be laughing right now.’

* * *

 

The next day Tala accompanied Kai to the BBA building, Kai hadn’t seemed to mind when Tala was up with him at around 9 and started getting ready, they had fallen into an interesting calm silence, sharing the mirror in Tala’s one bedroom apartment, Kai was borrowing his clothes which was oddly appealing.  
The jeans were a bit too long but they just scrunched up more around Kai‘s ankles, Kai wore a pair of Tala’s boots and since their styles were so different Kai couldn’t leave it out over the calf high lace ups, he had to tuck the jeans in.  
Tala thought it looked fucking sexy while Kai couldn’t stop frowning at himself in the mirror, he was more a sneakers guy while Tala loved his buckles, laces and iron tipped boots.

He’d pulled on a plain T shirt of Tala’s after going through about 15 different band shirts, Tala had tried to get him to wear the Rob Zombie one but he’d dead panned and threw it at Tala’s head, so Tala wore it, with a loose black buckle up jacket and a black jeans, with another pair of his several boots.  
Kai had shaken his head with a smirk when he saw Tala wear the shirt but Tala had been pleased when Kai randomly mentioned that he needed to keep some clothes over at Tala’s place.

He’d watched Kai familiarize himself with the kitchen, looking in cupboards and drawers for cutlery and dishes, pulling together two cups of coffee eventually. He’d also found a box of opened condoms in Tala’s bed side drawer that morning when looking for a comb and after throwing it at Tala he warned Tala to toss it out…which he gladly did saying that he didn’t need them with Kai.

Surprisingly Kai had seemed to relax after a while, like knowing Tala hadn’t been fucking around without protection settled something in his mind and it was also pleasant that he hadn’t accused Tala of anything.

He’d kissed Kai that morning while Kai was doing his hair, randomly making out in front of the mirror with Kai’s hands full of hair product remained idle but his body and mouth reacted pleasantly.

It had been so strangely pleasant a morning that even in the car when Tala had broke into song singing in his best imitation voice to the bands music, Kai had smirked and dropped some just audible background vocals and Tala had been grinning like an idiot, driving Kai’s beautiful sports car.  
Once they arrived at the BBA it was left to a simple ‘I’ll see you later’ and they very awkwardly brushed hands, noticed how eyes were on them, and went their separate ways.

Tala had a reason after all for going to the BBA, he went straight to the training floor and passed a bunch of trainees and rookies, who pointed at him and made shocked expressions about the dangerous, but awesome, Blitzkrieg Boy being in the building. Tala went straight to the ‘staff’ training rooms and punched in Kai’s code, admitting him access to a more private training grounds.  
He took his blade from his pocket and smiled at the glowing bit,  
‘Thanks to you last night I woke more myself than I have in years…did you miss me buddy?’

It glowed brighter and Tala felt the chill in his bones and the metal, he wasted no time in taking his launcher from his belt and sending his blade spinning into one of the huge bey dishes in the professional training room.  
It spun so furiously and the bit glowed so brightly that all Tala needed to do was command and Wolborg would shoot from the blade.

He was about to when a second blade shot into the dish and circled it twice before knocking against Tala’s blade like it was playing with him, he saw his blade twitch from side to side like it was ready to ‘play’ back but when he recognized the second blade he smiled slightly and raised his head,  
“Hello Max.”

He was walking up to Tala with his happy smile on his face and very casually hugged Tala as well, he just patted Max’s back knowing that this was how Kai’s ex-team behaved with ‘friends’.  
“Hey, how are you Tala?” he asked and the blades zipped around the dish, moving of their own accord, representing the two master’s relationship as they had a fun time just spinning around.  
Tala nodded, he had no problem with Max, in fact he owed him for his help that time.  
“How are you?” he asked and slipped one hand into his pocket.  
Max nodded,  
“I’m okay…I’m thinking of moving back to America.”  
“Oh, why?” small talk was always pleasant when someone didn’t annoy him.  
“…home sick.” he had a distant look in his eyes as he watched the blades.

“Hm, I miss Russia very much sometimes, especially when I’m hiding from the sun.” he grinned and Max laughed,  
“Yeah, it gets really hot here huh. You ever think of going home?” he stuck his own hands in his jeans pockets and bounced on the spot as he talked.  
“I have, but then again, Russia doesn’t hold much for me.” he answered truthfully.  
Max gave him a small smile and a light punch on his shoulder,  
“You could take Kai back with you Tala, he lived there too right?”

There was a pause and Wolborg stopped zipping around, the blade idled while Max’s one zipped from side to side, Tala looked at Max whose smile only turned more sweet,  
“…quit looking at me like that. I know it hurt you when he left you, so you must be happy to have him back, right?”  
Tala blinked and was upset that he stammered before he managed to reply,  
“Y-yeah, uh…I mean, no…uh, I mean that…I mean that, I am happy to be back with…Kai, I just didn’t realize anyone of you would know…” he said honestly.  
Max raised his eyebrows,  
“I suppose you haven’t seen…like every magazine cover this morning have you?”  
Tala shook his head. Max nodded making an ‘oh that explains it’ look.

“Well…its all over the tabloids and stuff, some pictures of you and Kai showing up at Tokyo Heat last night and one very blurry picture with horrible lighting, but it clearly shows you kissing Kai over the table…” he was smiling stupidly and Tala stared at him awkwardly.  
“Why are you…smiling?” he asked uncertainly.  
“Because…I think its so sweet. You guys look really good together.” he blushed a bit but it was the innocent blush, the kind you get when you see two people kiss for the first time and you have no idea what it is but it embarrasses you. Not like Ray’s wise blush.

Tala rolled his eyes and almost blushed himself,  
“…uh, thanks…sweet though, I hardly think it’s fitting to describe myself and Kai.”  
Max bobbed his shoulders,  
“I don’t know because from what I’ve seen you guys look real sweet holding hands.” he teased and Tala gave him a lazy glare, while Wolborg circled Draciel and knocked the blade around a bit.

“It’s good to see you got Wolborg out again, all that time cooped up can’t have been good for him…” Max pointed and Tala nodded seriously,  
“Exactly why I brought him out today…”  
“Wanna have a quick match?!” Max loved Beyblading.  
Tala smirked and nodded and they both caught their blades before getting to either side of the dish and launching.

They didn’t call on their bits, even though Tala’s core was demanding him to.  
‘Wolborg…I’ll summon you just as soon as I can…’ he sent the message and the bit glowed but didn’t do any more than that. They both heard footsteps intended to alert them that someone was in their presence and they both looked over to Kai who was approaching.

Max smiled at him, awkwardly and Kai nodded back a bit stiffly, reminding Tala that no one really liked Kai. He was about to call Wolborg back when Kai spoke,  
“Don’t let me stop you, finish your battle.” he glanced at them.  
Tala glanced at Max who grinned,  
“Go Draciel!” he shouted and the bey blade drove straight into Tala’s blade, but Tala smirked and shook a finger at Max,  
“Uh uh uh…you know Wolborg isn’t that easy to beat.” he teased and Max laughed happily, Tala’s teeth showing again in a rare smile that Kai had only seen on occasion.  
He was aware that Kai was staring at him and analyzing his behavior.

Wolborg let Draciel crash into him again, their sharp ends locked and with an easy trick Wolborg flung Draciel helplessly out of the dish and Max gaped, watching as Kai caught it with a stretch of his arm.  
“No fair! Is that even allowed! How did Wolborg do that?!” he was stunned and stared between Tala and his still spinning blade.

“It’s part of Kai’s ‘Blade Rotation Techniques 101’, I would think that as he was your captain he would have taught you that move…I taught it to him.” Tala glanced at Kai and Max.  
They looked at each other as if remembering simpler times and Kai looked at Draciel, he could feel him reaching out to Dranzer and his own bit was warm against his thigh through his pocket.

He tossed it back to Max who caught it and smiled,  
“Well, Kai always did keep the best moves to himself, didn’t you?” he asked as casually as possible.  
Kai blinked at Max and raised an eyebrow but didn’t find it in himself to respond so he averted his gaze to Wolborg, seeing it glowing and feeling Dranzer getting defensively hot in his pocket.

Max glanced at Tala and shrugged when Kai wasn’t looking, Tala gave him a wink and a smile and Max smiled back,  
“I’ll get going…see you around Tala, I’ll try to get a hold of you if I need to say goodbye okay.” Tala nodded to him, he waved and ran off leaving them alone.  
Kai was frowning at the bey blade spinning furiously,  
“Wolborg is upsetting Dranzer.” he said pointedly.  
“Hm…he’s upset. I’ve kept him dormant.”  
“Does he blame me?” he raised an eyebrow.  
Tala looked at him and smiled evenly,  
“Everyone blames you Kai, but it’s not important because I still chose you remember.” he kissed Kai’s nose and Kai did the most amazing thing.

He blushed.

Tala snickered,  
“Wow…I’ve never seen you blush, it’s very appealing actually.” he said confidently, the brighter his bit glowed the more confident he became.  
Kai snorted and looked around,  
“You and Max seem close, were you keeping in touch with him too after the championship?”  
Tala shook his head and turned to watch Wolborg speed up, he started making quick circles around the dish,  
“No, we actually became friends in France. Right after you broke up with me.” he said with raised eyebrows.

Kai fell very still and silent and Tala glanced at him,  
“What?” he asked curiously.  
“That would make sense, I’d never received a dirty look from Max since I’ve known him until that day. He looked at me as if I were spit. I was a bit surprised when he talked so nicely to me now, he hadn’t said a word to me since then…” he trailed off when Tala caught his blade again.

“Like I said Kai…”  
“I know…every body is against me except you. But it doesn’t seem to affect their view of you so it can’t be so bad being involved with me, unless they don’t know.”  
“Everyone knows.” he sighed and Kai didn’t seem surprised,  
“Is it out already?”  
“Max came to give his best wishes to us actually, saying that it’s on every tabloid magazine and a few others too probably.”  
“How bad?”  
“They’ve got a blurry image of me kissing you in the restaurant.”  
Kai frowned deeply and then sighed and looked at Tala,  
“I actually came down here for a reason…”  
“Did you come to offer me sexual favors to sign your boring paper work?” he gave Kai a naughty once over and Kai cracked a smile and shook his head,  
“Your being a creep, you dick.” he said with no conviction.

“Which is it, creep or dick? Don’t be so indecisive Mr. Billion Dollars.”  
Kai shoved him and Tala snickered,  
“Your being a dick then, happy?”  
“No…no, if I’m being a dick then I need to have your lips on me.” he slipped his arms around Kai who was wide eyed,  
“Tala, stop being so perverted…I-” he shivered when the arms encircled him and he frowned, “…jesus fucking christ, you’re freezing, let me go.” he pulled out of Tala’s arms and shook off the chill, feeling Dranzer feeding him heat.

Tala glanced at blade in his hand and the bit was starting to mist with the intense cold that Wolborg was permeating into Tala, Kai shivered again before he warmed up,  
“…Tala…is he-”  
“Yes…I have to have some time alone with him.” he told Kai, Wolborg was pushing Kai away.  
He nodded,  
“Okay…”  
“What did you come down here for?”  
“Oh, right, I wanted to offer you that job again, you’ll be in charge of the training division and you’ll be paid much better.”  
“We talked about this…”  
“I know, I’m just telling you again. I didn’t know you had a job when you mentioned it, but I had been looking for someone to fill the position here for a while. If you don’t take it, I may have to resort to the next best I can find…which is either Michael Parker or one of the immediate Blade Breakers, since I doubt he‘ll relocate.” he said as he crossed his hands over his chest.

“You think they’d want to work for you?” he asked seriously.  
“I’m not relying on my charm, I’m relying on a five figure salary, paid in dollars.”  
“Oh but your charm is one of your sexiest qualities babe.” he smiled.  
“What’s with you?” Kai wasn’t smiling but he didn’t sound upset.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Your just…after last night…” he shook his head, “…and Wolborg now too.”  
“I’m sorry…do you not like it? I’ll stop then.” he said sincerely and tilted his head and Kai looked at him, stepping bravely closer considering what an open space they were in and he pressed his mouth to Tala’s.

Tala slipped a hand behind Kai’s neck, his ice cold fingers causing every hair on Kai’s neck to stand and as they opened their mouths against one another’s to join tongues Kai inhaled ice cold air from Tala and he pulled away, frowning angrily,  
“It’s like I’m sucking on ice cubes…” a small cold mist left his mouth and Tala frowned too now, feeling Wolborg’s purposeful actions.  
“Anyway…” Kai said once he’d shaken off the cold again, “…think about it, it’s a great position and you’d be your own boss, the BBA would be paying you, don’t think of it as working for me, I wouldn’t interfere with your work…” he turned and walked away.

Tala raised an eyebrow and looked at his blade, before clicking it into the launcher and shooting it off,  
“Wolborg!” he called upon his bit the moment it touched the dish and Tala’s eyes widened when Wolborg ripped from the blade and went straight for him.

His breath and heart stopped and he felt his temperature drop well below livable level as Wolborg’s massive white spirit form passed through him, he couldn’t cry out as he fell backward and landed on the ground with a heavy skid.  
He saw black and his entire body ached with the cold…he heard himself breathing erratically again after a moment and he opened his cold blue eyes.  
There was no feeling in his body and he knew that he was probably as pale as a ghost, he heard the whine and saw Wolborg in his corporeal form come over him, massive and vicious as he was, he nuzzled Tala’s face gently and licked him lightly as if apologizing.

Tala’s hand came up and absently settled at the side of the wolf bit’s neck, stroking the perfect soft white fur, his knuckles grazing the cold clean jagged ice that rose up from Wolborg’s neck like a mane.  
“Why did you -cough- do that?” he coughed a cloud of cold mist, it was like he was breathing Russia’s coldest air all over again and he could taste the ice in his throat.  
He met Wolborg’s slanted eyes and he saw his own eyes reflected in them as Wolborg whined,  
“…I’m sorry I left you so long.” he sat up and slung his arms around the wolf who sat beside him and continued to whine and nuzzle.  
“I’m okay…” Tala whispered, “…I love him Wolborg.”  
There was a brief growl and then another low whine, disapproval.  
“I know you’ve felt every time he hurt me, but that’s because I had forgotten I had you…and I believed I was on my own. I lost my confidence and Dranzer, she-” he growled louder now and Tala pulled back while stroking the wolfs fur,  
“…she wasn’t trying to hurt me, she was pulling me toward Kai…but it was killing me wasn’t it…because she’s not my element…?” he was asking about all the pain he felt in his chest.

Wolborg tilted his head and made an affirmative sound and he pressed his cold nose to Tala’s clothed chest and sent the comforting chill through his chest which neutralized the hot unfamiliar feeling that Kai carried.  
“But…I do love him…can’t you tell.” the wolf whined again and laid down so his head almost covered Tala’s lap and Tala smiled and rubbed one of his pointed ears,  
“Don’t sulk…” he said and sighed happily, “…I missed you.”  
The next whine confirmed the same and Wolborg closed his eyes to rest against Tala like he hadn’t done in so long.

After long minutes of silence, both enjoying the comfort of the other, Tala opened his eyes and Wolborg sensed this and raised his head to show he was listening,  
“You mustn’t push him away from me…please don’t. Like you were earlier, please don’t, I know he hurt you and you think Dranzer is intentionally hurting me but she wasn’t and well…Kai…well…come on, you know.” he half pouted and Wolborg tilted his head expectantly.

Tala dead panned,  
“He’s a stubborn son of a bitch who needs to be dealt with by using intense and unwavering patience…plus with my good looks he’s easy meat.” Tala flashed a sexy smile.  
Wolborg groaned and laid back down as if to mock Tala playfully and he scratched Wolborg’s ear with a grin and watched his leg start to move as he whined in approval, Tala stopped,  
“Take it back…or no more scratching…” he threatened and Wolborg whined contemplatively staring at Tala before he got up and tackled Tala, licking him until he said mercy.

“Oi, quit it!” he laughed and shoved the large wolf off him with the authority he had as a master, Wolborg was so majestic but when he wagged his powerful tail and hopped around playfully and wanting attention, Tala could only smile,  
“Your such a cheat…using that face on me…” he smirked.  
They played a bit more and Tala scratched his ear until Wolborg laid still with his tongue hanging out and heaving after so much playing and exercise chasing Tala around the large room and tackling him.

Tala lay near him on his back too, heaving,  
“I forgot how fucking heavy you were, you can’t tackle me like that so many times, you knocked my wind out…” he laughed and Wolborg made a happy sound.  
‘Wolborg…I need you to show him your giving him a second chance.’ he stared at the high ceiling brightly lighting up the indoor area.  
After a moment Wolborg rolled over and with his more serious and understanding nature, the nature that wasn’t entirely animal, he gave something akin to a nod in Tala’s direction and Tala smiled at him,  
“Thank you.”

* * *

 

When he walked passed Kai’s receptionist and she did several back and forth takes between her desk and Tala with an open mouth expression, he assumed she was reading the latest tabloids.  
He just walked by and opened Kai’s large office doors, entering and looking around the bright office with wall to wall windows lining the area behind Kai’s desk and offering a stunning view of the ocean beyond a few high buildings.

‘Nice…’ he thought as he closed the door behind him and walked up to the desk, taking a seat in one of the two chairs opposite Kai. The blunette was doing something on his laptop and when Tala sat down he barely acknowledged him so Tala just relaxed and reached over to the bowl on Kai’s desk filled with MNM’s. Kai loved the ones with peanuts in them, no one really knew this, they thought it was just an odd attempt at coziness to the office.  
He ate the handful and after he’d taken more Kai finally glanced at him, he expected to be scolded for eating the treats but he wasn’t.

Kai took some for himself and sat back in the chair,  
“You wanna…do anything later?” he asked in an odd tone.  
Tala raised an eyebrow and chewed his mouthful, swallowed and licked his lips,  
“Yeah we can…what did you wanna do, make out in public?” he grinned and Kai smiled,  
“How about no?”  
“That works.”  
“We could make out in private if you want…and if I don’t get frost bite.” Kai said lamely.

Tala smirked, this was how they used to talk before they had ever slept together, except they were doing it now even though they were sleeping together and Tala’s chest didn’t hurt…why Kai was so calm he didn’t know, but it may have had to do with those words he told him the previous night.  
“How are you?” he asked when he remembered.  
“I’m fine…why?”  
“I mean…after last night.” he specified without saying it.  
“Oh that…it’s uncomfortable.”  
“…you should keep treating it and it’ll heal up nicely, I’ll sort it out.” he grabbed more MNM’s and Kai stared at him,  
“…I thought you wouldn’t want to hang out tonight because…well, I can’t…we can’t…”  
“Are you serious?” Tala was actually surprised and he sat forward.

“Well, I’m just saying…” Kai waggled a hand around and looked at the huge bowl of MNM’s, “…we’ve spent more time in bed than talking and whatever, so I just-”  
“Shut up Kai. Don’t over analyze everything…stop going backwards.”  
“Has something changed between us?” he asked curiously.  
“Yeah, your not being such a lousy asshole and I’m not being such a lousy whiner.” Tala pointed out with a smile.  
Kai blinked and frowned and seemed to contemplate that then he reached for more MNM’s as well,  
“…okay, but why?”  
Tala and him stared at each other and Tala stood up,  
“Maybe its just because we’re more familiar with each other this time around, the transition between friends, enemies, friends, roommates, lovers, ex’s and then a couple…” he paused as he’d counted out their endeavors on his fingers and rounded the table, “…was very difficult and now that we know more about what makes us tick and what makes us…” he seemed lost and Kai turned his chair to face Tala as he came around.

“Tock?” he asked, it sounded dumb.  
“…that could work. What I’m saying is-”  
“I get it…” Kai smirked.  
There was silence and Tala leaned against Kai’s desk, Kai stood up and moved closer to Tala, expecting to feel the cold and he did, Tala seemed to feel similar to how he had been in the abbey, Kai remembered always feeling cold when standing next to Tala, but it wasn’t like it had been earlier.

Tala reached out and pulled him closer, kissing him with moderately cool lips and as it deepened, Tala’s temperature seemed to regulate and Kai enjoyed the normal feeling from Tala’s body against his, it didn’t taste as if he was chewing snow either, it tasted like chocolate and peanuts, which Kai loved.  
After a bit of a make out session they separated and Tala smirked,  
“Better?”  
Kai nodded,   
“…yeah…” he said quietly then looked over at his desk and sat back down, “…you give any thought to the job?”  
“You wanna keep tabs on me huh, you jealous bastard.” he teased.  
Kai gave him a short look and pulled out a contract,  
“I just drew up a draft on my laptop, since your going to be here for the day you can just read over it. See if you like it.”  
Tala looked at the papers for a moment and then took it between his fingers,  
“Fine, fine.”

He walked around and sat back in his seat and started reading through it and it did sound good, he would be given a company car and allowance for it, he’d have access to BBA’s advanced training gear and technology,  
“…health insurance, retirement fund…” he snickered, “…sounds like I’d be in this for the long haul…” he looked up at Kai who was smiling slightly at him and Tala’s eyebrow twitched in confusion. ‘Why the heck is he-’ “Hey, why are you smiling?”  
Kai blinked and rested his red eyes on his laptop for no reason,  
“I suppose I’m just keen…”  
“For what?” he asked wearily.  
“…to see if your in it for the long haul…”

Tala’s blue eyes widened just a bit and realized what Kai meant, this was a work contract committing him to Kai’s company, well, it would be eventually. But Kai was using this contract as a play on their relationship, like he was testing Tala to see if he was committed to being with Kai, in every aspect, for the long haul.

“Are you trying to swindle marriage out of me…” he started flipping through the pages and looking for the words ‘common law’ and ‘marriage’ but he saw nothing and looked back to Kai who was frowning,  
“…what?” he asked.  
“I mean…your hinting at our relationship right? With this contract, you want me to bind myself to you-”  
“Yes.” Kai cut him off, “…if you read it as thoroughly as I suggested…you’ll find just how serious I am.”

Kai stood up,  
“I’m going to go to a meeting with Dickenson and the board in about ten minutes, I’ll be back after an hour or so…read it properly Tala.” he came around the desk and gestured to the phone, “…call a friend if your not sure.” he made a joke and Tala made a sound between amused and freaked out.

That was a first, Kai never joked…

“Um…okay I will…”  
“I’ll see you later then…” Kai reached over his desk and grabbed a folder before leaving the large office and Tala all by his lonesome. He sighed and put the relatively thick wad of paper that made up the contract on the table and stood up, walking over to Kai’s espresso machine with a grin.  
After experimenting Tala had a nice hot cup of caffeine-or coffee, depends on how you look at it and he settled back behind Kai’s desk, relaxing in the plush leather business chair with the contract at hand…

* * *

 

“I’m doing the right thing…” Tala convinced himself as he lifted Kai’s expensive Parker ball point pen between his thin fingers, seeing Kai’s full name in gold cursive script along the side of the silver pen, he rubbed his thumb over the name.  
He focused back on the thin line, his name specifically typed in at the bottom beneath the line waiting for him to bind himself to Kai in a way he never thought Kai would offer.

He leaned over the contract as he sat forward in the chair, daring himself to touch the pen to the line and sign his signature, he stared at the black text as if it were mocking him, because he knew what signing meant and he knew what the feeling of wanting to sign meant within himself. Love was still his primary feeling for Kai, above his resentment.  
Wolborg was strong and cool in his lungs and Tala was grateful that he kept away the heat that would have made Tala feverish by now.

“…I can do this, now that I have you Wolborg, I won’t lose touch with myself again. I can be with Kai and still be myself at the same time.” he leaned back and lifted his blade from his belt, setting it on the table and staring at his idle bit.

‘Am I right to defend the fist that holds this pen, Wolborg?’ no answer and Tala frowned at his blade, Wolborg’s presence was with him but the wolf bit was clearly not interested in answering the question, and Tala figured it was because he couldn’t expect objectivity from his soul carrier so soon into this new venture with Kai.  
With a sigh he placed the pen just above the line again and leaned his head in his other hand, closing his eyes,  
‘Wolborg?’ he reached out, ‘Is it ink that lies?’ he asked the spirit, ‘…the pen, the page, the paper…will Kai just twist this contract of our promises to each other against me and hurt us both again, will he hurt me again?’

There was still no response and Tala didn’t look at his blade,  
“I suppose you can only guess as well as I can…after all, at this point I have no fucking idea what’s going on in that bastards head.” he felt a small rush of agreement from his bit and smiled slightly.  
In neat strokes, Tala pressed the dark ink to the page and with his name scrawled in a rather nice handwriting, he had signed his life onto the page which soaked the ink up and dried it there…like his blood might dry on a stone after his head had been smashed against it.

“I live, I learn, you will always take what I have earned Kai.” he mumbled to himself and went on to sign all the relevant pages one after the other. Feeling less and less regret as time passed, Wolborg channeling his encouragement, letting Tala know the key was to take control and not lose grip.  
He knew it, the trick was to keep it that way when he was faced with Kai’s perfectly dangerous eyes and sinfully gorgeous face, Kai had taken to wearing black shark fins more recently as well, which was more intimidating…if you were intimidated to begin with.

He leaned back in the chair once he was done,  
“I’ve done it Kai…now it’s all up to us to make this work…” he stared at the large doors and then to the contract, ‘…and so aid my end while I believe I’m winning…’  
He glanced at his bit glowing brightly and his eyes softened,   
“I’m sorry, forget I thought that, I’m just…I’ll stop it…” he grinned and picked the blade up, sticking it into the belt holder.

…

10 minutes later Kai returned and glanced at Tala sitting behind his desk, the chair was rotated so it faced the ceiling to floor windows and when Kai came around he found Tala looked to be asleep as the sun warmed his pale skin from outside.  
Tala knew he was there and waited until just as he expected Kai walked closer, snapping his hand out as he opened his eyes he caught Kai’s wrist and saw the other flinch in shock.

He pulled Kai to spin and sit on his lap, half way facing him, Kai seemed to feel indignant like that and gave Tala a look of disapproval,  
“This is not some fucking soap opera…”  
Tala grinned,  
“…oh…Brooke, please, I know you’ve slept with every single person in the show already, but surely you can make some time for me too.” he said in a low toned bad imitation of a male character from the well known soap opera.  
Kai grinned,  
“…oh but Tala…your not hairy enough and you haven’t slept with every woman I know, how could I sleep with you?” he added in his own voice and Tala cracked up laughing while Kai just grinned and slipped off Tala’s lap.

  
“O-oh…my…gosh…” he slowed his laughter as he leaned forward, “…we have to do role play sometime, I’m gonna get you a blonde wig and-”  
“A wrinkly face mask? Pft…” Kai flipped Tala off, “…forget it, red.” he said with a smirk as he started putting some papers away on his desk.  
“Aw…no fun, you’ll come around. I’ll dress up as someone you might like…” he tilted his head and gave Kai a curious look.  
Kai smiled and Tala saw his teeth for a brief second,  
“…really?” he asked sounding amused.  
“Oh yeah babe, I would…what is it then? Some hunk celeb? That dude from that pink CD you got, the deVille’ guy or whatever?”  
“His name is Vile Valo you twat…” Kai snapped with a smirk and then shook his head, “…but no, not him, I don’t fantasize about rocks stars in bed Tala.” he said sounding amused still.

“…who do you fantasize about, just be gentle, I’m feeling a little jealous already.” he admitted since he was indeed feeling jealous at the idea of Kai picturing someone else in bed, Tala had never done it and he was the one who’d been with other people…or maybe that was it, Kai had never been with anyone else so he fantasized?

He’d been mostly kidding anyway, he’d never get Kai dressed up as a chick if they were gonna role play, for one thing.  
“Your such a dork…I don’t fantasize about anyone else…but I did fantasize…and its corny.” Kai was almost blushing but the sunlight against his face made it hard to tell.  
“…corny? So you fantasize corny scenario’s about me and you?” he was excited now and he sat back again to look better at Kai.  
“Not plural Tala…I don’t fantasize like…during sex…” he explained and lifted the contract up to distract himself, “…I fantasized once, when we were not together.”

“You wanked to a fantasy about you and I?”

-Whack!-

“OW!” Tala covered his aching face and nose with his hands and the contract was still safely in Kai’s hands after he’d hit Tala with it,  
“…you didn’t have to put it that way, but yes.” he informed dully.  
“…bastard…” Tala mumbled but he was still half smiling, “…so…” he moved his hands and checked for blood at his nose, finding none he looked back to Kai, “…what was it about?”

Kai was staring at the bright red mark over Tala’s pale face as he spoke,  
“I was swimming…”  
“And then I got in with you and we had sex?” Tala piped up.  
“No. I started to drown, like I was suddenly too weak to stay afloat.”  
“So I saved you and I dragged you to the land and we had sex?”  
“…no…you reached me under the water and kissed me in the water to give me air to breathe.”  
“…” Tala had no comment.  
“And then you floated back to the surface with me.” Kai sounded final and Tala frowned.  
“You got off by imagining me kissing you?” he said perplexed.

-Whack!-

Tala fell off the chair that time since Kai hit the side of his head,  
“…no dumbass…then you took me to a safe warm place and fucked my brains out…” he said with a grin and then raised the weapon like contract to his view and he turned a few pages to see that Tala had signed.  
Tala was getting up, head spinning a bit, but he had to admit, the idea was quite sensual, kissing Kai beneath water, saving his life and making love to him.

‘Making love…’ he thought along with the throbbing head ache as he stood up straight and looked at Kai who was genuinely smiling at the contract,  
“You signed.” he said.  
Tala was going to say something sarcastic but Kai sounded too happy so he just nodded,  
“Yeah…although I’m confused. You said this job would be offered to someone else, but my name was at the bottom of every page and the offer is far more than what you mentioned…I mean…you’re giving me-”  
“I would have amended it. I had originally wanted to ask you…I told you.” Kai put it down and Tala found the smile not leaving Kai’s face practically sending him into cardiac arrest at how full and adoring it was.

“Welcome to the BBA, partner.” Kai winked at him.  
Tala smiled back and ran a hand through his untidy hair,  
“I couldn’t possibly turn down six figures and 20% shares of the BBA Kai, I’d have to have shit for brains.”  
“Well as far as I knew…”  
“Oi!” Tala warned him and Kai rolled his eyes as his smile settled to a smirk.

“Are you sure you want this?”  
“I wouldn’t have spent hours on a contract if I hadn’t.” Kai admitted.  
To Tala it seemed like a lot, they’d gone from barely coping with one another and fucking like rabbits, to playful kissing, banter and sharing business ties.  
Move too fast much?  
“It’ll be fine.” Kai said confidently and Tala shivered at his suspicious ability to read minds.

“It’s almost 2 pm, you wanna leave?” Kai was walking back around the desk toward the door. Tala didn’t answer, seemed like Kai had decided already anyway so he just followed,  
“…so uh…what’s the limit on my vehicle expenditure, how pricey can it be-”

The door closed behind them.

* * *

 

It was horrible.

Driving out of the BBA in the same car was likely the worst thing they could have done that afternoon when every paper and magazine were running headlines about the reunited lovers. Tala had had to brake with a jerk, making Kai slam his hands to dash board with shock when 5 paparazzo rushed in the way of the turn off from the parking lot.  
They’d flashed so many lights and taken so many pictures of Kai and Tala, sitting in the car side by side, Tala behind the wheel and Kai in the passenger seat.

Tala had revved the car a few times and when he tapped the accelerator and sent the car forward a bit with it’s powerful noisy engine they’d backed off and he’d left the hovering pests to run behind the car like idiots as he drove off. He looked over at Kai who looked thoroughly unsettled and Tala could only sigh and frown.

* * *

 

It didn’t get any better, like everything else, it seemed to get worse.

The magazine went on to publish any scraps of pictures they could find and in the days that followed they’d practically mauled Tala when he made a trip to Kai’s apartment and from Kai’s frustrated attitude when he visited Tala, the same was to be assumed.

The magazines weren’t playing games, they came up with anything they could to draw attention. Some magazine printed that Tala was a playboy and that’s why they’d broken up before, others printed that Kai had found someone else because he was shallow.

There were articles about them struggling for power in the beydish which led to mass speculation about who was pitching and who was catching between the two of them in bed.

Tala had made the mistake of smiling and saying to Kai he was glad they knew he was the one on top, since most magazines and fan girl/boy internet surveys, said they thought he was. Kai had become very angry and stopped talking to Tala for more than a day, avoiding him altogether.

The press were even hounding the other blader’s, comments had been taken from quite a few other’s.  
Max had been asked what he thought of the reunited pair and he had commented that Tala and Kai were happy, so people should leave them alone.

Brian had been asked how he was going to chose between whose best man he’d be, considering the press assumed the former three team mates were on good terms and Brian had told them he’d never let them get married, but if he had to he’d pick Tala.

Tala had thought he was an idiot for even answering the question but that was nothing compared to Mariah’s answer. She said they’d have to have a Russian mountain wedding in all white because they were such a pretty couple. Kai had thrown that mag straight off the balcony when Tala had read it aloud.  
Ray had refrained from commenting for the first week but in the next he was quoted as laughing when they asked whether he thought the couple would last this time, but that was about it.

Three weeks later and it wasn’t cooling down.

Tala was spending most of his time at Kai’s while he finished his time off working at the smaller agency and everyday, the press almost got knocked when he screeched out of the parking. They were making up all sorts of stories and Tala was glad that Max, Brian, Spencer and Mr. Dickenson seemed to try and avert the media’s hunt for negatives with as much good comments as possible.

But it had to come to a head eventually and Tala should have known not to get too comfortable with people covering their asses…or his mostly since they didn’t care much for defending Kai.

Tala was enjoying Kai’s slightly heightened speed of breathing as he kissed him, they were fully clothed and laying on Kai’s bed, kissing and running their hands over each others bare skin beneath cotton and denim. They’d been doing this for the passed half hour, just enjoying the peace of a Sunday afternoon alone with their warm duvet and sheets in heaps around them, Tala had mumbled that Kai was cute and Kai had pinched his nipple hard making Tala squeak and laugh in pain and amusement as Kai warned him not to call him ‘cute’.

The heavy knock on the door unsettled their peace and Kai’s eyes met Tala’s, both questioning each other and finding nothing.  
“I’ll get it…” Tala rolled away from Kai and slipped off the bed, slightly straightening his clothes as he walked down the hall and passed the kitchen to the door.

He opened the door and a weary smile crossed his face,  
“…hey Brian…” he greeted uncertainly, happy to see the other man but worried as well.  
“Hey Tala…I brought fresh donuts from the downstairs bakery, figured we could talk.”  
Tala’s blue eyes steadied on Brian’s fair eyes and they both couldn’t read one another, so Tala opened the door wider and stepped aside.  
“Surprised you came here, how did you know?” he closed the door after Brian and followed him into the kitchen when Brian peeked into the nearest room and walked in.

“…there’s a fangirl tweeting about you two and it’s updated constantly. About 6 hours ago you were blogged as entering this building. There’s been no further movement…so…” he placed the box on the cold clean counter and opened it.  
The donuts smelled good but Tala was still trying to catch up,  
“What?” he laughed nervously, “…you’re kidding right?”  
Brian looked at him like he was a sad lost idiot,  
“…Tala…catch up. There are fan girls writing about you and Kai on the net and websites dedicated to your ‘love’. Not to mention media trying to make you sound like you’re a man whore who’ll cheat on Kai at anytime…”  
Tala settled on a stool and sighed deeply,  
“…this pressure is affecting my relationship.”  
“God you sound like a fucking loser.” Brian said unremorsefully.

Tala looked at him as he very merrily moved around the kitchen, grabbing saucers and cups and switching on the kettle, like he used to do in Tala’s place. When he set down two saucers and pushed the donut box over to Tala, he saw the fine gold band on Brian’s ring finger and he gaped,  
“You’re…wearing a ring Brian!” he looked at his friend pointedly.  
“…oh yeah. I’m engaged.” he informed lazily and took a donut for himself, placing it on his saucer.  
“You didn’t tell me?”  
Brian gave him an annoyed look,  
“You couldn’t take your head out of your ass long enough to be bothered, don’t say I didn’t tell you…say you weren’t interested.”

Tala could say nothing since he had been the one avoiding every call and message.  
Tala felt Kai’s presence oddly enough, a warmth running along his spine like Dranzer was letting him know Kai was coming and he glanced at the door even before Kai stepped into their sight, Tala saw how Brian frowned at the odd behavior, no one ever heard Kai coming.

When Tala glanced between the Brian and Kai, he saw how they sized each other up and he also noticed how Brian took in Kai’s appearance.

He wore no face paint and his hair was mussed, settling above and around his head and face softly, he wore a black T shirt and loose pants with socks, like he usually did and his eyes were weary but not hostile. Tala watched as Brian looked away and back at his donut, lifting it up and biting it, he knew Brian had seen it…seen what Tala was in love with.  
“Brian…he uh, bought donuts…” Tala said awkwardly.  
“Hn, I’ll be in the room…” Kai was leaving when Brian scoffed,  
“What’s the matter rich boy, my donuts not good enough?” he didn’t look at Kai.

But Kai stopped and Tala saw his eye twitch and his jaw tense, he stood up and gave Brian a look that asked nicely as he spoke,  
“Listen, just don’t do this okay…?”  
“You gonna take his side over mine? I should have known.” Brian shook his head like he knew it.  
“I’m not picking sides…” Tala said urgently and saw how Kai had turned back to look at Brian.

‘Our friends speak out in our defense.’  
‘Pay ten deaf ears for two months rent.’  
‘We burn their gallows they erect and cut the nooses they tie for our necks.’

“I don’t want to pick sides, I’m not asking you two to get along…just asking you not to fight.” he said seriously. Brian looked away from Kai’s now very hostile glare and dropped the half eaten donut onto his saucer,  
“Forget it…I thought I could be civil but I can’t. Whenever I look at him I wanna smash his teeth in.” Brian said off handedly and dusted the powder icing from his fingers, the kettle clicking off conveniently.

He started to leave and deliberately bumped Kai’s shoulder as he pushed through the door way, Tala sighing deeply and followed, noticing how Kai was staring at the floor.  
“Brian…don’t be like this…”  
“It’s not me Tala. Besides, I don’t think you have to pick. I’ll call you sometime and we’ll talk or something, but I won’t see you as long as you’re with him.” he pointed at Kai over Tala’s shoulder.

Tala felt anger at Brian’s dismissive nature of Kai, but how could he defend Kai to Brian when he was one of the few people who knew exactly what a bastard the blunette was.

There was a pause and Brian was staring at Kai’s side profile,  
“Hey Hiwatari…your lucky it’s ending this way, I had half a mind to come over here and start a fight…”   
Tala closed his eyes and prayed, yes he said a small ‘please, please, God’ that Kai wouldn’t go bastard on Brian right now, but the shifting of Kai’s graceful body made Tala glance at him, he was facing them now.  
“You only have half a mind anyway.” he dismissed Brian just as easily with an insult.

Tala felt that odd warmth again, like Dranzer was reaching out to him, trying to get his attention. He looked at Brian who was looking very angry all of a sudden, like Kai had made that very last nerve snap and Kai wasn’t the type to back down,  
“Tala, please tell your friend to get lost.” he said calmly and gave Brian a lingered gaze of dislike then he started to walk back into the apartment.

Tala felt Dranzer’s heat burn up his spine and he understood why now, before he understood how, he reached out and was shocked and angered to find he grabbed out just as Brian had lunged at Kai.

Brian’s powerful lunge and his weight made him and Tala go down with a heavy thud and crash against the legs of the small hallway table, Tala’s hand had been holding onto Brian’s shirt where he’d automatically grabbed the slightly larger built man.  
Brian paid no mind to the pain in his body from crashing into the ground and he looked up to find Kai frowning with wide eyes at the two of them on the floor, Tala leaned his head back and he saw concern in Kai’s eyes, for him no doubt, where all Brian saw was haughtiness when Kai’s eyes traveled to him.

Brian tried to get to his feet but Tala wasn’t having it, he didn’t know why, he couldn’t explain to himself what horrible force drove him to it but he kicked out at Brian’s knee as the large boy got to his feet, all he remembered thinking was, ‘You will not hurt Kai.’

Brian yelled out in severe pain, his leg shifted awkwardly as he crashed again into the wall and table and landed half way on top of Tala, injuring the red head somewhat as well.

But Tala didn’t hesitate to get to his feet, with a grimace, he shuffled his legs out from under Brian and got up to stand in front of Kai,  
“Brian…man, I think you should leave.” he wasn’t out of breath but he seemed to be fighting with his chest and throat to get a grip.

Brian was clutching his knee as he sat on the floor and he looked up at Tala with hurt and anger,  
“I shouldn’t be surprised huh Tal, you always knew just like Kai did that there was very little standing in the way of any of us beating him within an inch of his life.” Brian emphasized through clenched teeth as he glared at Tala miserably.

Tala’s eyes twitched as he blinked a few times, keeping his lips tightly pressed together, Brian was right, it was their fear of Boris who in turn was afraid of Voltaire that had kept any of them from pummeling Kai over the years.

Kai wasn’t weak and he could put up a fight and probably take on an average or over average size guy and win a fight, but none of the Blitzkrieg or Demolition boys were normal in skill, physically or mentally. Kai had missed the early crucial years of testing and physical training, he’d returned when the boys had honed their abilities to a fine point.

Simply put, Kai had been lucky to betray them a second time and then still return later with his life left in tact, which was purely Tala’s call and because of their respect for him they’d allowed it and even taken a passive aggressive stance toward Kai who went on about his asshole-ness like a machine, oblivious.

Now though, Tala knew he’d burned his bridges as one of his closest friends rose with a small hop to keep pressure off the hurt knee, Brian leaned against the wall,  
“That…” he gestured to Kai, “…will be the fucking death of you Tala…and you are alone.”

Tala lowered his eyes briefly, aware that Kai had moved closer to him just barely, he could feel Kai’s natural heat radiating behind him, Dranzer’s spirit and his own fiery soul burning with anger at being mocked and belittled.  
“Brian-”  
“I’m going…” he took his eyes off Tala and moved unsteadily to the door, opening it and slipping out quietly, closing it behind him.

Tala slouched more now that Brian was behind a hard wood door and unable to attack Kai, he turned to the blunette who looked at him with obvious anger,  
“So is that it? All of you were ‘going easy’ on me?” he mocked the words using his fingers as he stared distastefully at Tala.  
“What?”  
“That’s what he said, that all those year-”  
“I fucking know what he said, I was standing right here.”  
“So don’t play fucking dumb when I say something, was that it? I wish one of you had tried-”  
“Jesus, if Brian had tried to get his hands on you and succeeded he would have ripped you to pieces.” Tala said with a deeply angry sneer as he walked passed Kai.

He moved into Kai’s lounge where sat down with a heavy sigh and rested his face in his hands, Kai’s footsteps he didn’t hear but he heard the breathing which was above him and near,  
“Is that what you think of me? That I’m weak and defenseless?”  
Tala shook his head,  
“No, no Kai…I actually think the opposite, but I just know-”  
“You know what?!” he raised his voice, Tala could hear his anger, “…I didn’t need you to act all chivalrous and gallant, I am not a fucking girl! I keep telling you that but you’re not fucking listening! And-”  
“Just shut up!” Tala stood up suddenly and Kai silenced himself instantly and narrowed his eyes at Tala.

“I am not saying you’re a defenseless girl or whatever…and-” he sighed in defeat and threw his hands up, “…look forget it, I’m fucking sorry I bothered to get involved but I couldn’t let him attack you for my own reasons, maybe I am just being chivalrous…but its not because I think you can’t defend yourself…” he paused , deciding he could go ahead with this safe lie, “…I just want to protect you, its just…its in me to want to protect you.” that wasn’t too much of a lie anyway.

Kai stared up at him, his arms now crossed over his chest and Tala could tell Kai wasn’t going to let it go.  
‘You constantly make it impossible to make conversation…’ he thought irritably, Kai was determined to argue a point wherever his ego was involved.  
Dranzer had been the one to trigger Tala’s awareness so even she understood the very real danger these people posed to Kai.

“They hate you!” he shouted suddenly when he couldn’t control his concern anymore and he saw Kai’s stoic, stubborn expression falter at the random words. He grabbed Kai’s face and looked him straight in his blood kissed eyes,  
“Kai…all of them hate you and they mean to hurt you, physically and verbally, they all want to get the chance to tear you down and I know that, I’m just afraid of what that powerful hate can make them do.”  
Kai snorted and held Tala’s wrists, moving the pale hands from his face,  
“So why keep them around then? Its obviously a conflict of interest for you if you care so much about me, having people who hate me around you.”

Tala froze and he searched Kai’s eyes for sarcasm but he found none, he was being serious, telling Tala that he should decide which he preferred, in a way. He swallowed and nodded vaguely,   
“…I understand where your coming from, but I need to keep certain people in my life, for my sanity.” he said honestly.  
Kai’s eyes reflected that he took this as an insult but it was gone as suddenly as it showed, he nodded curtly and then walked away from Tala,  
“I’m going to lay down, we can get take out tonight.” he said as he disappeared and Tala stared at the emptiness of the hall.

* * *

 

The good and the bad. And the in between.

Tala was in between the two and not sure which he preferred because every hour and day spent with Kai in this new life seemed to get better while every hour and day spent in the real world outside of his controversial bliss was a miserable ordeal.

Kai and him were doing well, while the media was still their biggest problem they were adjusting to driving out of their separate living places and finding two or three stray paparazzi hiding or skulking about.  
The occasional photo was taken and it landed up with some farce of an article attached to the bottom, everything from if Kai looked sad and the news being that their relationship was back on the rocks, to Tala looking sad and the prints saying he was probably getting tired of the one man live in show.

It hardly bothered him and, these days at least, seemed to not get under Kai’s skin as much, when he saw these small prints. They seemed to have the impression that Tala had been the one acting foolish around Kai and had been responsible for ending their ‘affair’. Whereas it was exactly the opposite.

But as long as it didn’t bother Kai, Tala was more immune to it. Things had fallen into an easy day to day situation, they had started working together by now, Tala had completed his contract with the other company. Kai didn’t seem to mind having lunch with Tala everyday in either of their offices or seeking Tala out for company when he had papers to sign and Tala wasn’t busy with the job which seemed to be pretty easy.

They spent so much time together that it was like second nature to them now, because at the end of everyday they went home together to either apartment and started their day from there the following morning. Tala still thought it was eerie how this had come to be so simple, not to mention the fact that he was wealthier by the month with the new job he had and was currently in possession of a key to an expensive Mercedes Benz.

He’d kissed the key so many times before he would start up the car and leave for work, it was blissful and even more so when Kai was in the passenger seat, easily enjoying the expensive seats and clean car smell since he’d never been in a run down piece of crap before.

The changes did drag them into the media frenzy again, they were labeled a power couple when Tala’s new position hit mainstream newspapers. They had just been happy because one print of a very scary trend hadn’t caught on and left them spared of the humiliation.

A magazine tried to give them a name along the lines of the ‘Brangelina’ trend. Their names had been too difficult to really make anything sound decent and after the print of ‘Kaila the new power couple’ which failed epically because lets face it, pronounced it sounds like a regular name, every other mag stayed away from it.  
Rumors of the marriage variety were everywhere, talk of the different country legislature and the fact that they’d have to get married in another country came up, which led to the inevitable mention of whether Kai and Tala were religious.

With lead to old articles about the Catholic abomination of an orphanage institution, Balvoc Abbey, surfacing like a shallow buried corpse turned into skeletons…evidently falling out of the same closet Tala and Kai had been hiding inside for quite some time.

All kinds of odd things came out of the research, questions of whether they’d been abused, sexually was mentioned the most considering people found this the profound explanation to any man being gay as an adult.

It all left Kai and Tala very aware of their daily routines, purposely doing very little to get the media riled up, car rides to and from home and the occasional lunch, which would exclude any touching besides holding hands, were about all they indulged in, making up for it when they were alone.

Tala remembered thinking, ‘Keep us comatose and audible’ when Kai had mentioned that the press could go fuck themselves before they’d get any scandals out of their relationship.  
‘Ah, Kai.’ Tala could only smirk when he thought about Kai.

Kai never failed to surprise Tala when he would do something weird and affectionate like run a bath for them to take together or suggest they go swimming on the roof pool deck on a Sunday afternoon.  
Even sex became a natural thing, they always slept in the same bed unlike before and didn’t have sex every night but when they did it was as passionate as ever…Tala had been afraid it wouldn’t be when they’d started becoming so organized but Kai again surprised him with how easily he fit into this little domesticated world.

It still scared him, but less.  
After having sex with Kai in his office at work more than a few times, Kai kicking him off the bed for tugging the blankets off him on a number of occasions and both of them still cussing at each other often enough to keep it real, he’d come to accept that this was something he was happy with, he’d get over being scared.

He was getting out of his shiny black car when he thought about how ‘used’ to it he’d become, closing the door and locking his precious possession, Tala turned to look at the store he’d come to and he grinned, he’d been wanting to do this for so long.  
He sometimes found himself staring at the ceiling above their bed and thinking of praying like he used to, wanting to thank god like he’d always thought of, still happy to have been given Kai, even with all of the early grief.  
And while Tala still occasionally found himself watching Kai and wondering if it was all to good to be true, he knew that over all, he was happier than he’d ever been.  
Pain, lies, confessions and one angry Bitbeast later and Tala had his life back on track.

‘And I like it the farther I get out…’ he thought with a small smile, this life with Kai was settling him unlike before.

He walked into the store and one of the people at the counter looked over at him and seemed unsure of whether to smile, Tala blinked and realized why.  
He didn’t exactly look like the kind of guy who came to a shop like this, he had a medium fit black cargo pants on, lace up boots with the pants tucked inside and a black tank shirt on, this against his pale skin and red hair made him look, he supposed, unsophisticated to these people.  
Tala ignored the looks and walked over to the counter which was glass and beneath it were expensive custom design jewelry worth hundreds of thousands.

He let his eyes scan the glass below him and then raised his cold baby blue eyes to the lady who was glancing at the colleagues who had all turned their noses up at him and stared at him like they wanted him to know they were suspicious.  
He blinked lazily and slid his eyes back over to the woman who half smiled at him wearily,  
“Can I help you?”  
Tala nodded and glanced at the others,  
“Yeah, you can tell them to stop fucking looking at me like I’m casing the joint, for one.” he saw how all their eyes widened and they tried to look elsewhere. Tala sighed and shook his head,  
“And then, if you would be so kind…” he flashed her a pearly white but shark like smile, “…I would like to know how long two custom pieces of jewelry, meeting the specifications I have, will take to be made and a quote on the price.” he slipped a piece of paper out of his back pocket, unfolded it and handed it to her.

She took it and then after glancing at it, she smiled a bit easier,  
“Just a moment, I’m just a consultant, I’ll get our designer to quote it for you.” she said politely and walked along the inside of the brightly lit counter area and disappeared into the back.  
Tala just waited, looking over wedding rings with little interest.

“Hey! I know you…oooohh mmmmy gawd!” a female voice brought Tala from his browsing and gained the attention of several of the consultants as the girl rushed up to him and grabbed his arm.  
Tala stepped back and she held fast.  
“Your-your Tala Ivanov! That former beyblader! You’re dating Kai HIWATARI!” she got even louder and Tala glanced around uncomfortably, a bit relieved that none of the consultants seemed to recognize him.

She went on to tell him what a fan she was and how adorable she thought they were as a couple and finally she demanded an autograph and photo. Tala all but yelled ‘ok’ at her just so she would fuck off and after signing a paper, a money note and her expensive white purse, Tala leaned into a photo that she was taking with her cell phone and then another one when she insisted and hugged him with one arm around his shoulders.

Kissing him happily on the cheek, she fled the store and Tala realized she’d seen him from outside and came inside to harass him. He turned around and stared at the consultants who all had amused expressions on their faces and one or two seemed confused.  
The lady he’d been waiting for looked more amused than anything and he walked over to her, neatening his hair awkwardly.

She touched her cheek lightly,  
“You have lipstick…right there.” she smiled.  
Tala touched his face and then started rubbing vigorously as he found a long mirror between two fancy display cabinets, he wiped the dark brown lipstick off until you could barely see it and he shivered.  
He knew that picture was going to come back to haunt him in the tabloids but there was nothing that could be done, this was part and partial to the deal.

‘We pass it off but it’s all on us…’ he thought with a sigh as he walked back to the counter, his face reddened and a bit shiny on one side from the oily lip stick. It was so hard not to tell them to piss off when they were being all gushing and complimentary, she had told Tala he was gorgeous about 4 times in between telling him how sexy it all was, being gay and what not.   
That’s the 21st century for you.   
‘Only common conversation.’ he knew, he had to nod, smile, vaguely agree and let them be gone with no fuss on his part, an autograph, a kiss on the cheek.

He remembered one time when he and Kai had gone out to pick up ice cream at a small shop and a girl had been there with her fan girl super hearing and ran around from another isle with a dumb smile on her face, announcing proudly that she recognized those voices anywhere.

Tala and Kai were baffled since they hadn’t exactly been speech representatives for their teams…ever. She rushed over and harassed Kai for about 10 minutes before very boldly kissing both of them on their cheeks and lips and rushing off.  
They’d run from the store before she came back with a pen and her bare chest…god knew they both didn’t want that and she seemed like the type.

“Sir? Are you okay…?” the lady asked him and was staring at him.  
Tala realized he’d been spaced out and he laughed nervously,  
“Sorry, just a bit disturbed by what just happened.” he said in a neutral tone and she laughed slightly,  
“Fans, how do you deal with it?”  
“Patience…” he answered genuinely and repeated that word in his head, it was frightening sometimes and he knew this hadn’t been the worst of it, he hoped that it didn’t get worse as time went on.

“So…I asked the designer, he quoted a pretty penny but he loves to do set designs and he says it’ll be a fine two piece to a collection. It’ll take about 2 weeks to put together and set you back about 14 thousand dollars.” she said with an uncertain look.

Tala didn’t show any signs of being shocked, he’d known it would cost a lot and it didn’t change his mind, hence the reason he paid $1000 earlier that week to have an international designer draw up the jewelry and was now paying an international jeweler to make it.

“Sounds good…I’ll make a down payment now then and you call me when it’s ready.” Tala took one of his credit cards out of his wallet, she nodded happily, commission would be a dream on a sale like this obviously, and she rushed off to print a slip, reference and whatever else Tala would need to sign.

He stared at his card for a moment and it still made him dizzy when he realized he’d gone from being Kai’s lucky friend to a man on the road to being a millionaire. If Tala was business smart and kept on this way with the BBA, he’d be a millionaire within a little more than a year.  
‘How the fuck did this happen?’ he asked himself dismally, but the answer was Kai.  
The good…this was all the good that was happening to him, ‘…and I like it the farther I get out.’ he just wanted to keep going in Kai’s direction, however far it pulled him from the safety of the well known and trusted world.

Which brought about the bad thoughts. Max had moved to Canada, Tala didn’t really know what it was, but something about Max confused him, the boy was very happily all the time but he seemed like he was hiding something behind his happiness, a dark side? He had often sensed it in Max, when he’d meant to have someone in his life go along with him on that infamous world tour and then hadn’t taken anyone and didn’t give a reason.

Then there was the fact that he’d always just been so strangely quiet and even sometimes awkwardly friendly to Kai when he didn’t like him and the fact that he’d rushed after Tala with hugs and comfort. There was now especially, when Max had said he wanted to move back to America to his family and then at the last minute told Tala he was moving to Canada and it was via text, not even a call. He didn’t know what it was, but Max was very strange.  
He hadn’t been able to contact Max even once and he actually found himself concerned.

Then there was Brian and Spencer, two of his closest friends. Brian hadn’t even bothered to look at Tala on the rare occasion they saw each other around, not in clubs, because Tala ceased all outgoing save for when he was with Kai at lunch or breakfast, but in shopping centers or watching a game at a local sports bar. He’d spotted Brian with Natasha once and saw the maternity clothes she was wearing…considering when the incident had happened, Tala had been hit with a bitter realization that Brian had come to announce that Natasha was pregnant and he was going to be a father…

When he thought back to how Brian had left and what their final encounter was like, it made him really sad, which he didn’t shove aside and ignore, he actually let himself feel guilty. Spencer was indifferent as he’d always been, he’d greet Tala and if Tala called he’d chat as much as Spencer did ‘chat’ and even when he’d run into Spencer when he was with Kai, Spencer had nodded at Kai who had nodded back and Tala and him had shared a few pleasant words before moving on peacefully.  
But they were passed hanging out because Spencer knew the situation and staying neutral was just the way Spencer was, so no hanging out with Brian or Tala was his solution.

Then there was Ray. What a complicated situation that still was.   
As far as he knew Ray was still with Mariah and even though when he’d seen Ray at the BBA not too long ago, the neko had been pleasant enough with him, it was visible in Ray’s loss of weight and constant fidgeting that he was far from okay, not to mention his inability to stay on any topic for too long, bouncing off the walls apparently…not with drugs but with insanity. It was probably torture for Ray and Tala couldn’t do a thing to help him even if he’d wanted to. Ray had emailed him and Kai had seen it in the inbox on Tala’s open desktop.

That night Tala had been very nicely told by Kai, that while he was trusted and was not being accused of anything, he had better delete that email and block its user before there was a problem. Needless to say, Tala had complied within the hour and with a happy Kai, coffee, cookies and some satisfying sex later, he’d forgotten all about the depressed kitten’s email.

Ray had said that all he wanted was someone to talk to who knew and understood him, he’d said ‘please can we talk’ and ‘please call me’ so many times that Tala had found his heart beating a little faster with disconcert and anxiousness.  
Kai hadn’t given a shit.  
Tala hadn’t seen or heard from Ray since.

In a sense it was as if people were falling off the earth around him…or he had fallen off with Kai.  
For this reason Tala would occasionally get a little moody and Kai didn’t like that, he became very offensive and rude when Tala would be silent and offish, not interested in talking or anything and on days like that Tala would tell Kai off.

He’d mention how Kai needed to back off and leave him alone, mention how he needed to be out for a while because he felt like he was suffocating and on very tense days he’d mention Brian or Max and say that he wondered how they were, how he hadn’t seen them for so long. Kai would usually ignore him or tell him to fuck off and go see them.  
‘Once said, always said Kai. I will hold the past over your head.’ he glanced around when he saw the woman come into sight again.

‘I will always take my little subtle revenges on you…even though I love you.’

Tala swiped his card, signed and took the jewelry stores card and his receipt which was signed with a total amount to settling amount pending. He left the store and got straight into his car, not wanting to run into any more fans.  
He was going to drive straight home when he changed his mind and stopped off at one of Kai’s favorite Asian cuisine restaurants.  
Tala picked up several bags of food and walked back out to his car, placing everything on the backseat and then he shut the door.

“Hey Tala.”  
Tala whipped around and stepped back so he was leaning against the car door, Tyson was standing very close to him and looking unhappy, which was alien in itself really.  
“Tyson.” he said evenly.  
“I see your driving a nice car…and wearing designer sunglasses.” he pointed to each item, Tala had forgotten about his glasses hanging from the neck of his tank shirt.

He didn’t know where Tyson was going with his observations, but he didn’t really care and he stepped aside as he slid his hand under the door handle and it clicked open,  
“Hn…”  
“Your even talking like him. Or not talking just like him…” Tyson sounded like he was hard pressed not to spit after saying ‘him’.  
Tala frowned and stood in the door of the open drivers side, looking over Tyson’s rigid appearance he deduced there was a problem.  
“Something wrong, Tyson?”  
“Yeah Tala, there is.” the answer was quick and to the point.  
Tala leaned on the door and raised an eyebrow, giving the younger boy his attention.

“Kai fired- oh wait, the paper said Employee Termination, to put it less bluntly, he terminated my employment. He had some fancy lawyer cut me down and out of my contract signed with the BBA so I got nothing from them even for the last month I worked there. He also fired Ray, who doesn’t even work at the BBA head quarters but on site anywhere in the country…the same way he did to me. Ray has moved in with Mariah who is working for less than a quarter of what Ray earned. I am moving back in with my Grandpa and Ray and Mariah are going back to their village…so yes Tala, there is a problem.” Tyson was slightly out of breath.

Tala watched his nostrils flare and his tan cheeks taint with red from the hot sun beating down on him as he exerted himself, Tyson’s eyes really did look hard when he was angry, he was looking at a much more mature version of the snotty kid he’d grown to hate…but still, Tala wasn’t particularly moved.

“…okay. Your telling me this why?”  
Tyson started shaking with frustration…wow.  
“Because he’s given you a position that he didn’t offer anyone within the BBA company! He’s given you perks and cars and so much money and fired all of the people who actually worked for the BBA! Because Tala, he’s ruining the lives of everyone who didn’t bow to his will and do what he demanded!! Taking everything from us and giving it to you and why!?”

‘Don’t go there…’ Tala thought mentally.  
“Because your sleeping with him!!!!” he shouted and several people turned around and stared at them.  
“Maybe so Tyson…but right now your lucky we’re in public, or I’d give you a medical bill to go with your broke ass. If you have a problem with Kai then don’t make it my problem.” he got into his car and slammed the door, two seconds later he pulled off the curb and drove away leaving Tyson with angry tears in his eyes.

* * *

 

Tala dumped all of the food onto the counter and he stared at the bags for a while, he did feel uneasy after Tyson told him about what had happened, had Kai really done that? He didn’t care about Tyson, he wasn’t worried about him per say, but he found himself worried about Ray for various reasons, not even because of the fact he’d slept with him, but because of the fact that he and Ray had been sort of friends before that. Then there was Max, did this have something to do with Max leaving to Canada so randomly?

He looked up from the bags of food when Kai entered the kitchen, walking over and starting to look inside the bags he had a pleasant smile on his face,  
“Hmm…thanks for picking this up, I could smell it from the bedroom…”  
“You’re a fucking bastard, did you know that Kai?”  
Kai’s head snapped up so quickly and his eyes darkened so deeply that Tala thought Kai would attack him over the counter.

‘I’ll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted, I am hell bent on extracting my revenge...however small…’ Tala challenged himself and he kept his eyes set on Kai’s,  
“I just ran into Tyson Granger, you fired him? You fired Ray? Just like that, took everything from under their noses? Did you have something to do with Max leaving too?”  
“Why do you care about Ray?” Kai asked after all that.  
Tala slammed his fist down on the counter and Kai tensed slightly,   
“Don’t go there. This…” Tala tapped the counter to make his point, “…isn’t about Ray personally, its about what you’ve done to people who technically have done nothing to you.” he was trying to speak calmly without raising his voice.  
Kai remained tense and unmoving,  
“Okay, well why do you care about Tyson?”

Tala blinked and stood up straighter,  
“I don’t, I just-”  
“What is this? Since when do you jump to defend the honor of people who you’ve never liked or given a shit about? You’ve turned into some kind of humanitarian, Tala.” Kai said as if it were such a stupid thing to be discussing.  
He continued taking the food packages out of the bags and Tala could only stare at him, a lot had changed in Tala but he didn’t know why he cared about what happened to them, he’d just told Tyson he didn’t care…and he didn’t but…

“…well, what about Max? Just tell me if you know what’s going on with Max.” he sighed and sat on a stool in the kitchen. Kai slid over a food carton to Tala and grabbed a beer out of the fridge for him, placing it next to the food.  
“Nobody knows what goes on with Max, Tala. I didn’t fire him, I didn’t have to because he came to see me and told me he was leaving. He asked me if I expected two weeks notice so I told him it wasn’t necessary, if he wanted to leave right then he could…and he did.” Kai explained calmly.

Tala watched Kai, who took up his chopsticks and a delicate piece of chicken from the dish, popping it into his mouth and chewing with a small pleased smile as he stood there. Tala glanced at his own food and reached over for a plastic fork,  
“…did Max look okay when you spoke to him?”  
“Hn, he always looks okay even when he isn’t.” Kai said evenly and continued eating.  
Tala frowned and swallowed his mouth full,  
“What do you mean?”  
Kai sighed and pulled up a stool when he came around, settling next to Tala,  
“Max wasn’t hard to see through, I usually left him alone because I could see it in his eyes that he wasn’t happy about being with the blade breakers. He didn’t care for me, like all of them, but he didn’t care for much really. He got along with Tyson because of his hyper activity and he was very good at hiding things…over all, Max is a brilliant liar.” Kai concluded and glanced at Tala’s beer which he hadn’t touched.

Tala watched Kai take a sip from the beer after unscrewing the cap and he made a face,  
“How do you drink this shit?” he looked at Tala who despite himself, smiled, just because Kai was so adorable to him, but he took his beer back and sipped from it,  
“Nobody said you had to drink it.”  
“I wanted to taste it, its disgusting.”   
There was some silence and more eating, Kai having gotten stuck into the spring rolls which he loved and Tala eating a few as well.

“What was Max lying about to everyone?” he asked quietly.  
“I don’t know.” Kai sounded very bored and honest too, “I would have thought you might know since you were actually friends with him, whereas he and I just had a silent mutual understanding to stay out of each others business.”  
Tala thought back to the few times he’d noticed Max’s odd behavior but he couldn’t really say he had a clue about what the boys secrets were.  
“You shouldn’t worry about him though, Max has been fighting whatever demon’s he has since he was 14 and I first met him, he’s survived this long. Personally, I would assume that he just wants to be left alone.”  
“No Kai, that’s you.” Tala pointed out quickly, “Max might be on the verge of suicide, or already dead and we’re sitting here leaving him alone.”

He expected Kai to shrug it off but the younger man didn’t, he glanced at Tala,  
“Have you tried contacting him?”  
“Of course I have…there’s been no answer.”  
Kai shrugged now,  
“Then maybe he is dead.” he said flatly, “…some people aren’t cut out for life.” he mumbled as an after thought.  
‘Better at life…’ Tala remembered those words of Kai’s almost 2 years ago.  
It had been a long time.

“I fired Tyson and Ray more than a month after Max initially left, so it wasn’t related, if you still care to know.” he added with a hint of sarcasm.  
Tala turned to look at Kai with a naughty smile,  
“I’m surprised my dear Kai, that you’d even entertain my need to know.”   
He saw Kai get irritable at being mocked and Kai gave him a weak glare,  
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly fucking happy when you called me a bastard like you did.” he said honestly and closed his mostly empty food carton.  
Tala was struck silent for a moment as he saw Kai frowning,  
‘Did my words hurt him? Calling him a bastard?’  
“Kai, I call you a bastard every other day of the week.” he said truthfully.  
“Yeah, but I know the difference between every other day and just now…” he got off the stool to walk away and Tala grabbed his wrist lightly and pulled Kai back.  
He slipped his arms around Kai’s shoulder’s and he felt Kai lean against him,  
“I was upset, it seemed like a horrible thing for you to do…”  
“I don’t regret it, I hate Ray and I want to see him suffer. Tyson I don’t care for at all, so I don’t want him around me…”

They both stayed silent and Kai moved away from him,  
“I hate that you care about these people, because I feel like I need to explain myself to you because I care about you.” he sounded angry even though he was calm on the exterior, he was taking their food cartons to throw them away.  
“You care about me?”  
“Fuck you Tala, I’ve told you not to mock me.” he threatened as he walked out of the kitchen. Tala followed him, he noticed how even though Kai knew how Tala felt about him, he never once brought it up or mocked him for it…which made Tala wonder if Kai believed it, respected it or possibly feared the intense admission of the emotion.

Kai had always been in control of their relationship and Tala was honest enough to admit that to a certain extent, Kai still controlled most of his life just by the mere fact that he loved Kai, but there were times when Kai revealed weak spots, like right then. They practically showed on his face like physical pain and Tala knew that god may be able to see these burdening hidden emotions like scars on Kai’s body where Tala did not.

“I don’t care, I just don’t see the reason for it. They didn’t actually do anything to you.”  
“Ray didn’t do anything to me?” he looked at Tala from where he stood pulling the balcony curtains closed half way.  
“In the beginning he did but even then Kai, you came out victorious, you walked away without a broken nose and without having confessed something that would ruin your life.” ‘And you got me…’ Tala thought to himself, knowing everything Ray had confessed to him and he’d still went back to Kai.

“I don’t care about Ray’s fucking backward village and whether they disowned him.”  
“Do you know that he’s living with and sleeping with Mariah, everyday, every night, every hour, he has to be with her just to cover up for himself because he has nothing to fall back on to, not even a job now to cover his living expenses?”  
“Why would I know that? Why would I give a shit?” Kai flopped into the couch and switched the TV on.  
“Think Kai…of when you had sex with that one girl one time…remember how you felt.”  
Kai eyes narrowed and he stared at the people on TV while Tala sighed and sat on another couch. Kai didn’t respond and just remained quiet and watching the TV, but Tala knew how that memory still made Kai’s stomach turn.  
He knew Kai didn’t care or feel anything toward Ray in particular, but at least he could understand what the neko was going through.

‘Take heart sweetheart, or I will take it from you.’ Tala turned his eyes from Kai’s guarded expression, ‘I know your cold, but I can still affect you Kai…’

After several quiet minutes Kai changed the channel,  
“Their lives are not my problem, Tala. Stop trying to make me feel guilt for people I’m not responsible for.” he spoke quietly.

‘So you’ve been thinking about it…’ he kept a smile off his face and let out a tired breath,  
“I won’t…alright.” he said quietly as well.

‘I slip concealed back to my keep’  
‘Concede to do the work for free.’

A short while later they wound up on the same couch, Kai fell asleep and Tala was watching wrestling on television but he wasn’t actually watching, he leaned his head forward to Kai laying in front of him and kissed his ear, nuzzling the warm inside with his pointed nose, feeling the wisps of Kai’s hair ticking his face as he did so.  
He smiled when Kai’s head shifted just a tad at the sensation, he was too tempted to resist and he brought his hand up from around Kai’s waist, holding his face gently and turning his head, he leaned his mouth close to Kai’s and he could feel his breath evenly as he slept.

He smelled like spicy chicken mixed with Kai‘s hair shampoo strangely enough.

Tala snickered but stopped the laughter when Kai frowned and shifted again, turning on the couch so he was half way on his back and then settling again, Tala leaned down and kissed the warm mouth that was angled more his way and since Kai’s lips weren’t closed he slipped his tongue inside and enjoyed Kai’s helpless hitching breath as his breathing space was invaded.  
Kai’s hand came up and Tala felt it on his shoulder, he’d obviously woken up and Tala smiled into the kiss when Kai breathed through his nose and kissed back weakly, still tired and groggy but so compliant to Tala’s affection.

He enjoyed the sleepy kiss a lot and when he parted his lips from Kai’s he saw that Kai’s eyes were barely open and he was flushed,  
‘God…talk about beautiful…’ Tala lowered his head and shifted to lay more over Kai, nuzzling his neck and letting his hands gather Kai’s into a warm embrace as he rolled back and brought Kai onto his side to cuddle against him.

“Your warm…” he mumbled stupidly into Kai’s neck and he felt one of Kai’s hands shift between them, sliding out and resting sleepily around Tala’s back.  
“I thought you were asleep…” Kai yawned slightly against the front of Tala’s neck and Tala grinned when his mouth closed again, lips pressed against his neck.  
“I was watching you sleep.”  
“Your such a dork.” Kai retaliated.  
“Hn.” Tala responded and kissed Kai’s ear again, breathing into it and feeling Kai squirm,  
“…stop that…” he complained but Tala grinned because he knew Kai’s ear was ticklish.

He held Kai tighter and kissed his ear and Kai instantly tensed,  
“Tala, I sa-hey! Fuck ahahaha!-”  
Kai was laughing and squirming and giggling and Tala continued to blow into his ear even as he tried desperately to get his ear away from it.

* * *

 

Tala was rubbing his stomach,

“That was mean…” he said as Kai lay with his back to Tala’s chest, a satisfied smirk on his unpainted face,  
“You deserved it…”  
“You were enjoying it.” Tala retorted and felt Kai’s elbow jab his rib cage where he’d been punched shortly before.  
“Ow…Kai…quit hitting me.” he whined.

“Sometimes I have to remind you…” Kai said with a smile in his voice.  
“I don’t forget, I know your not a girl, your badass Kai Hiwatari, who punches like a girl.”  
-jab-  
“Ow! Ow that really hurt Kai, I’m gonna bruise…!” Tala rubbed his pained ribs.  
“Quit calling me a girl.” he sounded quite serious.  
Tala, even though it hurt to move, pressed closer to Kai and spooned him on the couch,  
“Don’t be mad, you still love me right?” he kissed Kai’s neck playfully.

He hadn’t meant much by those words and Kai most likely knew it, but it still made him happy when Kai responded by pressing closer against him and making his ‘hn’ sound. It wasn’t meant to mean ‘Yes I love you Tala’ but Tala liked it anyway.  
It was just one more point on the score board in his favor.

‘We prey like wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep’


	8. Session 8

 

‘I love you I love you I love you I love you…’ I couldn’t even think straight as Kai clutched to me tightly, his muscles contracting around me powerfully as his nails dug into my lower back and his hot breath moistened my sweaty skin.

I shifted just barely above his shaking body and he moaned so deeply it was electrifying, I felt every fine hair on my body stand on edge, his lean legs locking tightly around my waist to keep me still,  
“Aaah, Tala…don-t, move…it…hurts…” he was saying and I knew what he meant, his anal walls were swollen and he was sensitive, every move I made now would hurt from over stimulation and even though I knew it would be easy to push him into a 3rd orgasm, I knew it would leave him hurting afterward, so I didn’t move, I just found his mouth and kissed his breath from his lungs.

I ran my mouth from his lips to his cheek, smiling all the while as his nails slowly lessened their pinching grip and his thighs softened from my side, the muscles no longer firm now as he relaxed his legs. I raised myself on my arms, slipping from his body and giving him room to breath and Kai was still shaking, he brought a hand up and ran it through his damp hair so it was out of his face.  
“Are you okay?” I asked as I got up and straddled him, my shaking from my orgasm had subsided but Kai’s wasn’t easing, in fact he was screwing his beautiful eyes shut from my view.  
“Babe…Kai…what’s wrong, did I hur-” my eyes widened when saw a tear leave his tightly shut eyes and I leaned over him, cupping his cheek in slight panic, “…Kai, Kai what’s wrong?” he pursed his lips.  
No further tears fell, he continued to shake slightly and I heard him swallowing to keep whatever lump was forcing him to cry, down his throat.  
Stupidly I moved to check if there was blood on my self and before I could check him, he spoke and I looked at him, he was grinning.

“Your such an idiot Tala…worrying like that.”  
“You were crying!” I said with my eyes wide and looking into his hazy red eyes, the light from the candles making them look like they were on fire.  
“I wasn’t crying…”  
“Yes you were…!” I used my thumb to wipe the tear that had lined the side of his face and showed it to him.  
“No…I just felt a little…um…” this was Kai’s ‘I don’t wanna say’ tone of voice.

After a moment of staring at each other he had eased from shaking,  
“…the sex was just that fucking good okay.” he sat up slowly and kissed my chest since I was still straddling him from when I’d jumped up earlier.  
“Overwhelmed?”  
He blushed and bit my nipple, I made a stupid yelping sound and covered my hard nipple defensively, then stupidly covered the other one.  
Can you picture how dumb I looked? Kai laughed and fell back on to the bed while I stared at him, he was so fucking beautiful after sex, before sex…during…and all the other bits too.

I figured I knew why he was feeling so erotic and sensual though, I had given him his gift which I had strategically planned for his birthday. After picking up the expensive custom made gift a week and a half ago, I’d wrapped it, hidden it and planned a special evening.  
That morning, he’d looked at me like I was nuts, when we were getting ready for work and I told him later we were going out for dinner, since it was his birthday.  
He wasn’t impressed but I’d taken him out and we’d had a nice casual dinner at a burger joint, wearing our casual formal work attire and looking tired after a long day.

He’d seemed happy that I hadn’t done something elaborate, until we got back home and he walked into a candle lit bedroom at my place, yes I know its corny, but I’ll tell you the truth, Kai’s a sucker for corny romantic gestures. I figured that out when I jokingly sent him flowers at work, he called my office 10 minutes after the huge bouquet had been delivered and swore me from a dizzy height, telling me he was coming to see me.

We had sex in my office. It was hot. I was happy and I realized that while it embarrassed him, it made him happy. Not something one would expect from Kai, I know, I was pretty thrown in the beginning too, but honestly, I like it because it makes him seem human.  
“Your fucking staring at me again you twat.” Kai’s mumble broke my stare and I grinned, rolling off him and laying on the side of him, he rolled into me.

I ran my fingers over his naked upper thigh, I loved doing that and feeling his skin prickle with goose bumps, Kai is a lovely thing to possess.  
He’d been embarrassed at the candle lit bedroom and especially the fact they were scented, he’d made an amusingly cute and disturbed expression when he saw the can of whipped cream, body chocolate and strawberries on the bed side cabinet with a sealed tube of vanilla scented lube and red fluffy handcuffs to add a touch to the display.

The internet was useful.

After he’d called me stupid a few times I’d taken out his gift and he’d opened it, calling me stupid several more times when he saw the expensive jewelry which was a thick solid platinum bracelet with tiny links of diamond holding it together and a plain platinum band ring which would fit his middle finger…it was a tad too big but I had guessed the measurements. Both the pieces held nothing of my name, I wanted him to like it and not to make him feel like he was obligated to wear it, so they had no engravings.  
Needless to say I was right, since not long after that, with a strange grin on his face, Kai had eaten a strawberry and sat on the bed.

I glanced up at the handcuffs still attached to the head board, after the first round I’d taken it off because Kai’s wrists had started bruising. I lifted one of his wrists and rubbed the skin gently, his fingers twitched and I heard him mumble that it was fine, his face was stuck against my neck and the pillow. I smiled, I’m smiling right now because I’m so calm and happy having things the way they are…I don’t even remember falling asleep.

* * *

 

Tala jerked awake to the sound of hollow knocking traveling through his apartment and into the slightly opened door of his bedroom. He blinked sleepily and his hand absently came up to stroke Kai’s hair near his face as Kai laid against his neck, Kai liked laying there. He didn’t hear the knock again for a minute but after that it echoed again and he frowned and groaned knowing someone was knocking on his door and probably wasn‘t going away.

Kai had heard it too because he raised his head and looked around, Tala sat up slowly and Kai shifted so he could get up, laying on the fluffy pillows and rubbing his face as Tala slipped off the bed and walked over to his wardrobe to grab a loose sweat pants.  
“Who the fuck is that?”  
He glanced over his shoulder as he stepped into the pants, seeing Kai looking over at the digital clock reading 2:49 am.  
“I have no idea…” he said groggily and started toward the door when the knocking persisted.

Tala switched on his lounge light which lit up most of the kitchen and the cast light to the door, he walked over and was squinting his eyes from the light when he unlatched the door and turned the key, pulling it open slightly and looking tiredly at the person standing there.  
Tala’s eyes widened and he opened the door wider,  
“Max?”  
The blonde beamed at him, oddly wrapped up in a big Laker’s jacket and an Adidas track pants and sneakers, the weather in Japan hardly called for the heavy clothing but Max seemed fairer, maybe pale?  
“Hey Tala!” he said pleasantly and smiled broadly, “…sorry to show up at 3 in the morning but I just got off a plane and I didn’t really know where to go.” he bobbed his shoulders and the action was barely visible under the large jacket.

“Come in…” Tala stepped back quickly and Max nodded mumbling ’thanks’ and walked inside but not further than a meter or so, being polite obviously.  
Tala shut the door and absently locked it before turning back to Max and he saw it coming, Max closed the distance and hugged him, Tala patted his back slightly, it made an odd sound against the jacket.

When they parted Max scratched his head,  
“Your sticky…” he’d felt it when his hands had touched Tala’s shoulders briefly.   
Tala shifted on his bare feet awkwardly,  
“Oh yeah…well um…Kai’s here, it’s his birthday so we…uh…”  
Max blushed and his face went from smiling to embarrassed,  
“Oh man, I’m sorry, I’ll go then, I’ll go over to…uh…Tyson’s or something…”  
Tala stopped him with a light hand on his shoulder,  
“No, Max its okay, if you’d wanted to go there you would have done so first…”

He didn’t know why or how he knew to say that but when Max looked back at him, his blue eyes seemed clouded and he had a look of relief on his youthful face,  
“…eh…thanks Tala.”  
They both turned to see Kai walking into the brightly lit lounge, eyes also narrowed from the brighter lights, he wore a loose pants and his plane black T shirt from earlier.  
“Max?” Kai actually ventured a questioning gaze when Max looked between them, blushing.  
“Hey Kai, I’m sorry, I was gonna go but Tala said I didn’t have to…” he apologized, half meeting Kai’s gaze but fidgeting.   
Kai came closer and stood a few feet from them, his eyes taking in Max’s appearance and Tala saw the small evaluation, Max did too because he shifted,  
“I’m dressed warm huh…” he laughed nervously, “…it’s uh, the trip wasn’t too warm.”  
“You came from Canada?”  
“Yeah…” he answered Kai quickly, nodding and his blue eyes shone a little bit, like he was trying very hard to be excitable, “Got a little tired of the weather, you know, cold over there.” he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“He just landed in Japan…so he came here.” Tala said to Kai.  
Tala was worried, Kai was likely to tell Max he had to leave and even though Tala didn’t want to, he would be forced to agree. This was Kai after all.  
“Happy belated birthday Kai…” Max offered after a moment of silence.  
“Where are your bags?”  
“In the hall…” he gestured toward the door and Tala remembered he’d locked the door.  
This made Tala and Kai glance at each other, Max had been somewhat prepared to be turned away.

“…I’ll bring your stuff in. I only have one bedroom though so you’ll have to take the couch.” Tala said as he moved back to the door and Max nodded.  
He heard Max ask Kai if it was okay when he stepped outside to grab the bags and he didn’t hear Kai’s response, when he walked back in and placed the bags against the wall he glanced over and saw Max nodding and he mumbled ‘thanks’ again.  
Tala closed and locked the door and walked over to the two,  
“I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket.”  
“I’ll get it.” Kai turned and left the two as he walked to the bedroom.  
Tala looked at Max who dropped his gaze from Kai’s retreating form and looked around before facing Tala,  
“Thanks…again, I really appreciate it.”  
It was obvious Max was fighting with himself to keep smiling and all Tala wanted to know was what was going on behind those clouded blue eyes.

“What’s wrong Max?” Tala asked him quietly.  
Max stared at him and then grinned happily,  
“Nothing’s wrong, just need a place to crash for a night…or…uh, two.” he was asking indirectly.

‘We’ll take it easy, tigers in a cage’

Tala nodded and Kai reappeared, handing Max a clean pillow from the hall way cupboard and a blanket from there as well. Max took it and thanked Kai before going over to the couch and placing the stuff down.  
“Um, we’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Tala asked him and he turned around a nodded at them. Tala felt Kai turn and leave and with one last glance at Max and his fake smile, he turned and followed Kai back into the bedroom.

* * *

 

Kai woke up first and Tala felt him leave the bed and heard him in the shower, when Kai came out and changed, Tala got up and went in after him.  
When he’d finished cleaning up, Tala left the bathroom, changed into fresh clothes and left the bedroom. He could hear nothing in the apartment, not even Kai moving around and he wondered with a bit of anger if Kai had left.  
It wouldn’t surprise him, a situation like this would usually cause problems for him.

‘We’re pacing on our paths and waiting.’  
‘For the time to come and reparate.’

He walked into the lounge and glanced over at the couch, Max was still asleep and had the blanket pulled up so it practically covered everything but his blonde hair. Tala walked over and looked down at the large lump of blanket and hair on his couch, he glanced around and saw Max’s puffy jacket hanging over the back of the couch and his sneakers were set neatly at the bottom of the couch, so he knew Max wasn’t naked or half clothed.

He glanced around and saw the bags were still near the door and when he looked at the coffee table, he saw a black wallet on it with a bey blade sticker stuck to the leather. Tala knew he shouldn’t but he picked it up and opened it, looking inside he saw 2 hundred dollars and some Japanese yen notes as well, there was a travelers check folded inside and some change in the ticky compartment. Max’s official BBA ID and his drivers license among a few cards, insurance card, ATM card, a library card and a credit card.

He looked at the photo Max carried of his mom, dad and him, probably taken a long time ago, it was small and tucked under the see-through plastic of the wallet. He pulled out a receipt, it was a bank slip, opening it he saw that after Max’s last withdrawal he’d still had money, quite a bit in fact, so it wasn’t cash problems.  
He stuffed it back inside and pulled out another thicker folded paper, opening it as well, quite forwardly, he discovered it was a doctors prescription for standard sleeping pills, pain killers and a medication that Tala didn’t know.

“What are you doing?”  
Tala’s blood ran cold, but he was relieved when he turned and found the whisper belonged to Kai and not the blonde, Tala handed him the prescription and pointed at the last name on there and Kai read it, his eyebrows raising since he obviously knew what it was.  
He nodded and punched Tala slightly, giving him a look that said ‘stop snooping you dick’ and Tala put it back in the wallet and closed it, leaving it where he’d found it.

He glanced at Max, the boy hadn’t moved and his head was still buried, he left and followed Kai into the kitchen, where Kai was sitting with his half finished cup of coffee. Tala got himself a cup and used the coffee Kai had made, he was glad he bought a coffee machine.  
He sat at the table with Kai and raised an eyebrow,  
“So what is it?” he asked after a sip of the strong black liquid.  
“Its an anti depressant, a very strong one.” Kai informed him and sipped his own coffee.  
It didn’t make much sense, Max needing an anti-depressant but when he looked at Kai and noticed how the other boy was contemplative, it obviously wasn’t hard to figure.

“Any idea’s?”  
“He never used pills that I ever saw, not once, he never went to a doctor in all the time I knew him…so maybe, its just recent.” Kai answered and Tala realized he’d been wrong, Kai had just been looking confused. Haha. Not much change in the facial expression.  
“Doesn’t make sense.” Tala mumbled into his cup.  
Kai nodded his agreement.

‘Our lazy bones ache for our dowry.’

They both wanted answers, even Kai who showed no real concern for Max, seemed to want to know what was wrong with the American boy next door and his happy go lucky act.  
“You want anything to eat?” Tala asked and stared at Kai.  
Kai glanced at him,  
“As if your going to make anything, is that your way of telling me your hungry?” he got up and shook his head.  
Tala smiled,  
“You know I’m hopeless in the kitchen.”  
“Your hopeless in general, red.” he switched on the stove and took a pan out of the cupboard, familiar with Tala’s place like it was his own.

…

About a half hour later, as Tala had dutifully taken to doing his and Kai’s dishes after Kai threatened his manhood, Max popped his head around the corner and peered into the kitchen, looking frazzled and very sleep untidy but very pleasant as usual.  
“Morning Kai…Tala…” he greeted in the order of who looked at him first.  
“Morning Max.” Tala answered whereas Kai just stared at him and had his eyes trained on the obvious loss of weight visible to them. Now that they could see Max’s arms because he wore a plain white and creased short sleeve T shirt, they could see his neck as well and he was much fairer than they’d remembered and thinner.  
“Can I uh, buy you guys breakfast or something, least I could do.”  
“I’ve made breakfast…I left some for you.” Kai said and Max looked at him like he was a bit shocked but he grinned a second later,  
“Oh, thanks a lot Kai. I owe you guys though.”

Tala had finished the few dishes and took the washing gloves off as he turned to face Max who padded shyly into the kitchen, his socks soundless against the tile. Tala opened a cupboard near him and handed Max a plate with an easy smile, but his blue eyes reflected concern. Max obviously knew they were watching him and he placed the plate down,  
“I’m a little cold…I’m gonna get my-” he paused when he turned and Kai was standing a foot from him, blocking him between the two of them in the back of the kitchen, both of them were taller than him as well.

“Why are you so thin, Max?” Kai asked seriously with his arms folded over his chest.  
Max blinked and glanced between them, Tala looked at him with concern and Max stepped back so he was leaning against the counter next to Tala,  
“I was just stressed out, living in a new country and being by myself…nothing major guys.” he grinned.  
“Your lying.” Kai said harshly and Tala intervened.  
He faced Max who’s blue eyes turned to him,  
“Your not well, just tell us what’s wrong, maybe we can help.”  
“Is it drugs?” Kai spoke up again, not bothering to be gentle.  
“What? No…no drugs…Kai…” he stuttered a bit.  
“Is it then, prescription? Or is it something worse…” Kai approached him and grabbed Max’s wrist roughly, pulling his arm straight and looking at the soft pale flesh at the back of his elbow, there were no bruises.

Kai had no tact.

Tala placed an easy hand on Kai’s hand gripping Max’s wrist and he gave Kai a frowning look, the blunette let go of Max’s wrist and Max absently rubbed it,  
“I’m not on drugs…no kind of drugs, not medication either.” he said looking at Tala desperately to stop this interrogation.   
“Your not on any medication Max?” he raised a questioning eyebrow.  
“I take pills…for headaches and because I can’t sleep…” he faltered and glanced at them, frowning a bit, “…I have anti depressants as well…but that’s it, I’m fine.” he insisted.  
Tala sighed and nodded, there was no point forcing anything out of Max, he was not obvious about whatever was bothering him so they couldn’t argue and he’d been honest in his answer so he wasn’t obviously lying either.

Kai sighed and shook his head, looking at Tala,  
“I’m going home…” he walked out of the kitchen without looking back.  
Max looked at Tala,   
“I’m sorry…” he apologized for upsetting Kai.  
“It’s fine.” Tala mumbled and then looked around, “…uh, you eat alright, you can find the stuff you need just look around a bit.” he told Max and when the blonde nodded he left the kitchen.

He found Kai checking himself in the mirror when he walked into the bedroom and the blunette glanced at him via the mirror and then went on to continue with his hair. Tala sat on the unmade bed and stared at Kai, always reminded of how good looking the younger man was just by running his eyes over the length of Kai’s lean body.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Tala leaned back.  
Kai turned to him and shrugged,  
“I don’t know Tala, you’ve got to baby sit.” he moved over to the bedside table, empty strawberry bowl, opened bottle of lube and half finished can of whip cream sat there peacefully, reminding both of them of the night before. Kai lifted the gift box Tala gave him from between the other items and sat on the bed near Tala, he slipped the well fitted bracelet onto his wrist and it settled well against his flesh, suiting him just like Tala knew it would.

“I like this…it’s really nice, how much was it?”  
“Aw, like I’m gonna fucking tell you.”   
“…cheap then?” Kai teased.  
Tala pushed him down onto the bed and rolled on top of him easily, propping himself up with one leg placed between Kai’s,  
“It wasn’t cheap, it was worth every penny spent…because your worth it.” he grinned.  
“What the fuck am I, poster boy for Loreal?”  
Tala rolled his eyes but kissed Kai all the same and just like he knew, Kai smirked against his lips and they parted mouths, tasting the mixture of coffee and toothpaste but ignoring it. Tala pulled back and got off Kai and onto his knees, he looked up at Kai who sat up quickly,  
“Tala…” he frowned, wanting to make a rude assumption about oral sex when Tala reached for the gift box and slipped the ring out.  
Kai’s expression was priceless and he blushed,  
“Don’t be an ass Tala.”  
Tala grabbed his hand and held it so that the middle finger was sticking out and they both grinned dumbly at the amateur ‘fingers gesture‘,  
“Kai, I would like to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me…” he made an exaggerated voice and then he just smiled and spoke normally, “…and only me, as my boyfriend.” he stared at Kai who raised an eyebrow.  
“I’ll have to think about it, since you know how I’m in demand and all that.” he smirked and leaned down to kiss Tala’s lips before he stood up, fiddling with the ring now on his middle finger.

It was always weird when Kai attempted to make jokes but Tala took it with a pinch of salt, even if Kai’s jokes made him feel confused, since he could only hope it was a joke.

“I think I’ll see you Monday at work, take tomorrow and the rest of today to fix your problem, if it fixes itself, you know where to find me.” he headed toward the door and Tala got up from the floor and followed.  
He saw Kai glance inside the kitchen as he passed to the front door, Tala rushed after Kai and stole a kiss to the back of his neck.  
Kai pushed him off and smirked before slipping out of the apartment, Tala closed the door and went back to the kitchen, Max had just finished eating and was going toward the sink. Tala was going to say something when he saw the blonde take up the yellow rubber gloves,  
“Hey don’t worry about the dishes Max.”  
The blonde jumped slightly and turned to Tala,  
“Oh man, I didn’t know you were there.” he said with a silly smile.  
“Your gonna be okay Max.” Tala smiled at him and Max smiled back a little more honestly.

“The bathroom is through my room when you want to use it, I’m gonna catch some television.” he walked to the lounge and rolled his eyes when he heard a tap running and clinking of dishes, Max was one of the stubborn types too.

* * *

 

Seeing as how Kai didn’t express having any problem with Max staying with Tala too long, Max had been invited to stay until he was able to leave comfortably, Max continually mentioned it wouldn’t be long and Tala saw how he actively looked for a decent sized apartment for a reasonable price as well as a job.  
It came as a surprise to them both when Kai said that if Max wanted his job back as a trainer for the BBA he was welcome to return, as long as Tala okay’d it too since that was his department. Needless to say, Tala said yes and Max was grateful to have a well paying job, he thanked Kai quite a few times and Kai just stared at him with an even look for the most part while Tala had tried not to laugh.

Max had been surprised to find out that Tala owned shares at the BBA, given to him by Kai, but he’d congratulated Tala very genuinely and oddly enough hadn’t made any direct comment on the fact that Tyson and Ray had been fired. Maybe just because he didn’t want to make waves with his boss, namely Kai and not so much Tala, or maybe it was because he didn’t really care.  
Max being around didn’t affect Tala and Kai either, they still saw each other daily and instead of Kai going home to Tala’s, Tala went home with him most nights. Max was a nice neat person to live with and he never intruded.  
He used the bathroom and left it in tip top state when he was done, he never went anywhere in Tala’s bedroom at all, beside to get to the bathroom, the dust that collected didn’t even move. He couldn’t cook either though so between him and Max they ate take out on the few occasions when Tala was there and Max ate take out by himself all the other times.

It was 2 weeks of Max staying with Tala before he announced that he had found a place and was going to move.   
“Wow, it doesn’t even feel like its been that long.” Tala said honestly as he ate from the apple in his hand, sitting on the couch watching a cartoon.  
“I know, its been great, thanks so much for everything Tala.”  
“Max, do you have a girlfriend?” Tala asked randomly and the blonde glanced at him from the other couch,  
“Huh? A girlfriend? Nope…” he laughed lightly.  
“Boyfriend?”   
Max laughed again,  
“Don’t have one of those either.” he said casually.  
“What’s your preference?” Tala pressed on, eating bite after bite of the apple.  
“I like girls.” Max sounded sincere but un-offended.  
“But you don’t have a problem with gay guys right?”  
Max shook his head,  
“No way man.” he was smiling at Tala, “…why though?”  
“Because I was thinking of taking you to a club, you know, going out for the last night your bunking with me. But we’d need to go to a two way club if Kai agrees to come…which he probably won’t, but I’m gonna ask him anyway.” Tala trailed off, eating the inner flesh of the now skinless apple.

Max sat forward,  
“I should take you guys out! You’ve been helping me so much, not the other way around.” he stood up excitedly, “…that’s a great idea, ask Kai if he’ll come, well go to a nice fancy club and have a good time!”   
Tala looked up at him,  
“Okay, sounds good…”

* * *

 

“No Tala.” Kai stared at him with a very serious glare.  
“You’ve never been to a club Kai…would you just try it, I’m not saying you have to drink or dance or anything, you just sit around if you want…” he argued his point.  
“I’m not interested in trying anything.”  
“Max wants to take us out, the club was my idea. Just go with it…for me.” he made a sweet face and Kai frowned,  
“What are you doing?”  
“This is my irresistible face…” Tala kept it going.  
Kai raised an eyebrow and frowned at the same time,  
“Uh, no. You look more irresistible when your asleep and drooling.”   
“Liar.” Tala retorted and continued making his face.  
“Jesus…Tala, you know I don’t like-”  
“You can’t not like what you haven’t tried…remember when we first had sex.”  
Kai dead panned and his cheeks heated a bit,  
“Asshole.”  
“Don’t be so sulky, go make yourself sexy.”  
“Tala!” he warned because Max was in the next room, likely to have heard the conversation.

…

Hours later they were all ready, Max was still thinner than he’d been before Canada but some tan had returned to his skin since being back in Japan, just barely though. He wore a jeans and a baggy American football shirt with sneakers. Tala wore a skinny jeans, gaining Kai’s unwavering attention for a full minute before he asked Tala what the fuck he was wearing, to which Tala shrugged and said he thought it looked good.  
Max agreed and Kai remained quiet.

Tala finished it off with a band logo T shirt and a pair of sneakers. Kai decided it was wise to dress casual too, so in a jeans, sneakers and black tank shirt, his usual choker and the new jewelry Tala bought him, he fit quite well with them.  
Max complimented Kai and also said he liked the bracelet, Kai strangely enough commented that Tala gave it to him for his birthday without any hesitation. Max had smiled and gave Tala a knowing look, later mentioning that he was so glad that Kai and Tala were happy.

Kai had changed quite a bit and Tala knew it had a lot to do with all the shit that happened.

…

They arrived at the expensive night club, bright flashing lights from every angle and the occasional flashing of strobe lights which made Kai grip Tala’s hand tightly when every body seemed to move in slow motion for the few seconds.  
Max seemed to enjoy the atmosphere, grinning and bouncing to the techno music, which was not Kai’s taste and even Tala’s but it was a good club beat.  
“Tala…I don’t like this.” Kai leaned over to Tala’s ear as they moved toward the many booths in the club along the walls.  
“Just relax…” Tala told him and smiled at Kai right when the strobe lights started going again.

* * *

 

It was ugly, it couldn’t have been uglier had anyone else tried to get involved. Tala’s face was smeared with blood and his eye was swelling just a bit. There was blood on his bruised knuckles and his shirt was torn, blood was on his jeans as well.   
Max had gotten involved and taken down two guys, apparently he had a bitching right hook and with the grin that had been on his face when it all went down, he loved getting into scraps.  
The bouncers had gotten a hold of him and hit him a couple times, they’d managed to get a hold of Tala after Tala kicked one of the bouncers teeth out, hence the swelling left eye.

They were pushing them toward the exit at that moment and Tala felt himself hit the concrete and roll down the steps until he was laying on his back on the curb, the dull thumping of music reaching his ears from inside.

Max came tumbling after him and landed half way on Tala, both of them groaning from the roll down the stairs.

“Get the fuck off me!” Kai’s voice could be heard snapping at someone and Tala opened his eyes, lifting his head to see Kai shove a bouncer out of the way and rush down to them.  
Max rolled off Tala and got onto his knees wobbling a bit, the bouncers had roughed him up pretty bad.  
Tala wasn’t in much pain, his knuckles throbbed though from when he’d been continually punching some one at some point. He was aware of people around him, oohing and ahing, some laughing or gasping. He got up once Max was up and offered him a hand, Kai tried to help him up and Tala shoved him away harshly.

Kai back stepped and when blue eyes met red, harsh ice met uncertain fire.

Kai had blood on him too, he’d tried to get involved but wasn’t fast enough, the bouncers had tossed him aside since he hadn’t actually been marked as one of the trouble makers and they’d held him back, whereas Tala had been the main target and Max, who’d jumped from a table onto two guys and started wailing on them, was marked as the second trouble maker.

Now though, there was just pain and blood, anger and adrenalin gone, Tala looked at Max who was clutching his side with a pained look on his face, his lip was split in three places and he had two bruises on his jaw plus swelling on one eye.  
“You okay?” Tala frowned at him and Max still managed to smile,  
“Yeah- cough- I’m okay. My ribs though…”  
“We’ll get to a hospital.”  
“You can’t fucking drive!” Kai exclaimed and walked after them as they started walking away, well, Max was wobbling, Tala was walking.

Kai grabbed Tala’s arm and Tala reacted by wrenching his arm free and grabbing the front of Kai’s shirt, shoving him off balance so Kai stumbled and landed on the ground,  
“Fuck off Kai…just stay away from me.”  
Kai looked around, seeing everyone staring and then it happened, a camera flashed and Tala groaned inwardly and started walking again, Max keeping up.

They made it to the parking lot round the corner and Tala took his keys out of his pocket, stunned when some one grabbed them,  
“Fuck you! Your not driving and getting into an accident!”  
“Kai…give me my keys.” Tala said calmly and Max looked worried between them but wisely stayed out of it.  
“Tala, I wasn’t kissing him! He was kissing me!” he yelled in pure anger and visible concern.  
Tala closed his eyes and flexed his blood stained fingers, he didn’t need to be reminded of that image.

Kai pressed up against a wall, some guy grinding against him and sticking his tongue down’s Kai’s throat.  
“Kai…give me my fucking keys!” his voice raised and his blue eyes snapped open.  
Kai shook his head and seemed to shift anxiously on his feet, either he was prepared to run, or fight,   
“No…no I won’t, I’ll drive Max to a hospital and you and I are going home to talk about this!” Kai raised his voice too.

“Guys…” Max shouted and pointed across the parking lot to the rush of people coming but neither paid attention.  
“Kai, I’m not gonna tell you again, don’t make me…take the keys from you.”  
Kai’s eyes reflected stubbornness and hurt,  
“You don’t wanna listen! That guy he-”  
“Fuck!” Max rushed forward and tried to stop Tala who had punched Kai full in the face.

The camera flashes went off blindingly but Max didn’t stop screaming for Tala to stop and trying to get in between the two boys fighting. Kai’s foot caught Tala’s side after some struggling to get to their feet and when Kai spoke again, blood dribbled from inside his mouth where Tala had punched him and opened some flesh.  
Max was in pain but had gotten between them when Kai landed the kick, it momentarily unbalanced Tala long enough for him to get in Tala’s way, they were about a meter or so apart and Tala’s eyes were so clouded with anger that even Max was worried.  
“Tala!” Kai shouted, “…you fucking cunt!” he shouted some more and wiped the blood that dripped steadily from his mouth off his chin, angry and hurt both emotionally and physically.

Flash-flash-flash-flash

One after the other, the camera’s went off. Tala tried to move forward but Max grabbed his shirt and pushed him back,  
“Tala leave him! Don’t hit him…!” he shouted desperately, his ribs hurting and his voice pitching and hoarse.  
Tala looked at Max and grabbed Max’s hands off his shirt, Max tried to grab him again and Tala pushed him,  
“I’m fine…it’s done…I’m not fighting…” he said just as hoarsely to Max and walked forward slightly, leaning down and picking his keys up off the floor, Kai had dropped them, shooting Kai a filthy look before moving toward his car. Max glanced at Kai who was staring only at Tala, shaking and his blood stained lips quivering in shock.

“Get in the car Max!” Tala demanded and Max wobbled quickly round to the passenger seat and he got in. Without any interest for the people taking pictures of him, Tala backed out in a streak and clipped one of the reporters, making him roll back and cry out in pain, all the others scattered quickly and Tala drove out of the parking lot, never looking to see whether Kai was still there.

* * *

 

Max sat on the hospital bed, grimacing as a nurse wrapped a clean white bandage around his mid section tightly. He sounded like he was having trouble breathing.  
Tala sat on a chair nearby, not in bad condition except for his swollen eye and bruised knuckles and the kick that Kai’s quick reflexes supplied left a bruise over his hip bone.  
After the nurse finished she gave them both pain killers then asked if they wanted her to call police, they could make a statement and lay charges of assault from the bouncers.

Both declined.

…

“You’re a little bad ass, huh.” Tala laughed very bitterly when the nurse left, seeing Max stand up slowly and pull his bloody shirt on.  
“Me? You broke that guys jaw Tala…” he wasn’t beaming like he usually did, he looked sad.  
They fell silent again.  
“What happened?” Max asked him once he was sitting back on the bed in the small empty personal ward.   
Tala used some of the tissues from a box he’d been given and wiped hard caked blood from his knuckles, it flaked off, so he stood up with some fresh tissues and moved to the small basin, rinsing his hands first and then drying them lightly, seeing the cracks and bruises now that the blood was washed away.

“Kai said he was going to take a piss, I went to find him about 5 minutes later. Found him…” he cleared his throat, “…I found him…up against a wall, being grinded on and kissing some guy…” Tala’s temper made him grip the basin to calm down, “…kissing some cunt in the back of the club.”  
“You fucked him up really good, the guy I mean.” Max said, swearing was unusual for him.  
“I should have killed him…I should have killed all of his friends who got involved too, but you…you helped with that…thanks Max.”  
“That’s what friends are for Tala.” Max said and Tala knew he was smiling, still sad though.  
“I used to have more of those, until Kai came along.” he sounded dangerously upset now.

‘Can’t hold onto the thrill…’ Tala thought as he shut his eyes, his body ready to rip Kai from that pedestal he’d put him on and beat him to death,   
“He’d better stay away from me.” Tala mumbled.  
“Kai?” Max asked him.  
He turned around and nodded, looking over Max’s beaten face,  
“Thanks again Max, you didn’t have to get involved, it wasn’t your fight.”  
“I’ll be fine, I’m worried about you. Kai looked…you hit him pretty bad…did you see-”  
“I did.” Tala said without any expression.

He’d hurt Kai. He hated that. But he’d wanted to hurt Kai so badly.

‘I hope you find your will to follow through…Tala you have to be strong, you have to let him go.’ he didn’t know he was frowning until Max spoke,  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I just…I can’t do this with Kai anymore…” he breathed and closed his eyes, all of his anger breaking and sending tears from his eyes as he fell back into the chair and covered his face with his hands.

What we invented - I am now Ending

Max was next to him quickly and he took Tala into a sort of embrace, not really able to hold him properly, he settled for rubbing Tala’s shaking back and arms.  
“I’m sorry this happened Tala!” Max was crying too, “…I should never have decided to go to a club…”  
“It’s not that!” he looked up and their shining blue eyes met, both reflecting hurt and anger,  
“If Kai was gonna give it up to the first guy who showed interest then its better I know about it!”  
Max nodded numbly,  
“Yeah…but its my fault…”  
“Shut up you idiot…” Tala smiled even as more tears streamed over his face.  
Once again it was not Kai consoling him, but Kai causing his tears while a real friend, a real person who cared about him, consoled him.

‘Hold on to who you love, hold on to the people who really love you.’ Tala told himself and he stood up, Max stood up too and he hugged Max, who clutched back tightly,  
“Thank you…thank you for being my friend…”  
“I told you…I told you anytime you need me…” Max mumbled, being shorter his voice was muffled by Tala’s shoulder.

‘We are dried and blown like dust since we were young.’

All his life, Tala had been at the brunt of misery and he’d grasped so desperately to the happiness Kai had provided whenever he was around Kai. He thought having Wolborg in his bed side drawer and having constant contact with him would cease all pain, but he hadn’t counted on this type of pain, so direct.  
The doctor came in and cleared his throat, they separated and Max smiled at him,  
“I’ll be fine right?”  
“Yes, one rib is broken and another is cracked…but with lots of rest and no exertion or sudden movements, it’ll heal gradually, but it’ll hurt, so I’ll prescribe some medication.” he looked at Tala, “…are you sure you didn’t want to be examined.”  
Tala shook his head,  
“I took one punch…it wasn’t major, some swelling, that’s all.”

After that they were permitted to leave and they drove back to Tala’s apartment which was cold and in darkness, when they got inside, they took turns showering, Max went first and Tala went after. They had a cup of hot chocolate which Max put a generous dose of sugar into and sat in silence in the kitchen.  
“…I’m…worried about Kai.” Max said quietly.  
Tala didn’t say anything and he took a gulp from his cup, he was too, he’d seen how the blood poured from Kai’s pretty mouth after he’d punched him.

What we invented - I am now Ending

“It’s not my problem…”  
“He had no way of getting home.”  
“He has money.”  
“Tala…Tala you love him, may-”  
“I don’t, I don’t…” he breathed.  
“Tala…” Max had tears in his eyes again, “…you do and you don’t know, maybe, maybe Kai isn’t lying, maybe that guy was forcing himself onto Kai.”  
“No one forces anything onto Kai!” he snapped and threw his cup across the kitchen, images of Kai being kissed and touched by that guy who’s face was a blur, were stuck on replay in his mind.

“I thought that he was done breaking m…breaking me.” he didn’t want to say ‘breaking my heart’. “I thought it was over, I believed his promise…” Tala laid his head down on the table and Max held his hand from across the table, staying quiet.

‘The closest thing we had to royalty…to being perfect…’ Tala thought bitterly as more tears sprung from his eyes.  
‘The chance to break our parents patterns.’

Max squeezed his hand harder when he heard sobs come from Tala,  
“But no…it was too perfect for Kai, there were no fucking problems so he had to make one…” Tala mumbled between sobs. “…we chose to keep our teenage tragedy…” his shoulders shook more. Kai had decided to be stuck in the cycle where something always has to go wrong if you want to know your still alive and kicking, just like in the abbey.

‘In lieu of a romantic palace…Kai chose this misery…’ he shot up from the table when he heard loud knocking on the locked door of the apartment.  
Max looked at Tala, both of them knew who it was and Tala roughly wiped tears from his eyes, ignoring the slight hurt he caused to his swollen eye.

He opened the door a moment later and there was Kai, just as he’d expected, Tala gripped the door handle tightly to calm his anger that rose at the sight of this filthy angel.  
Max appeared and he looked at them,  
“I’m gonna take a walk so you guys can talk…”  
“We have nothing to talk about.” Tala stopped Max by grabbing his upper arm, Max frowned in confusion, seeing how Kai was not hiding a stitch of emotion, his red eyes barely alight as he watched Tala.

“Tala…let me take a walk okay…” he looked at Tala pointedly and the red head let him go, Tala was afraid to be alone with Kai because he still felt that hope in the back of his mind, which meant he was still weak enough to forgive, but he was fighting against the feeling and it was very tiny so Tala relaxed a bit, Max left the scene, stepping past Kai and walking off down the hall.  
“Kai…I don’t think we should talk tonight, I’m…not in a good place. I’m too angry and I don’t want to…” he stared at Kai’s bloody chin and neck, the left side of his face was horribly bruised and slightly swollen, obviously the inside of Kai’s mouth was worse.

Kai had come straight to Tala’s place.  
When Kai didn’t say anything, he stepped aside and Kai walked in, going straight through and into the bathroom through the bedroom.

Tala sat in the kitchen, listening to his shower running and distracting himself with random thoughts about buying groceries and such. The water switched off and silence fell in the apartment, Tala braced himself, waiting to face Kai and have to prevent himself from hitting Kai in anger.

But when an hour passed, nothing happened and Tala felt confusion and worry build up inside him. He left the kitchen and walked through the dark apartment and into his bedroom and stopped in the doorway when he saw Kai curled up in a tight ball on his bed, fast asleep.  
He walked closer and saw that Kai’s eyes were closed, his breathing even and his face pale and reddened with and ugly bruise over his cheek, darkness around his eyes. Stress.

Tala didn’t look much better.  
He sat on the bed and gently lay down, leaning over Kai, smelling shampoo and soap on his freshly washed skin and hair, Tala’s raised a shaking hand and ran it over the swollen side of Kai’s face and Kai flinched and opened his eyes.

‘Play tender, like a new born baby would…’ he ran his fingers over it again and kissed the sore red and purple skin, feeling Kai’s body shift, he felt Kai’s hands find his shirt and he moved closer. ‘…play tender til the night is over.’

He excepted the lean body pressing against him as he was pulled closer and the arms wrapping around his back, hands gripping his shirt tightly and the deep breathing from the body against his.  
This would be just for tonight, this would be just the closure Tala needed to let go of the pain that Kai caused. He pressed his face into Kai’s damp hair and screwed his eyes shut, tears falling over his cheeks into the hair.

He held Kai tightly and Kai held him back.  
‘I’m leaving you to nurse your cherished wounds…and care for it just like your lover…’ he breathed out shallowly and choked back a sob, he would leave Kai with this as a memory, so that Kai didn’t leave with the last touch Tala gave him being the hardened and bitter fist to his face. Kai would have to take care of whatever pain, if any, he felt after that, Tala wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces.

* * *

 

When the morning came…Tala did tell Kai to leave and in the harsh light of day, both of them openly saw the others pain.  
Kai said he didn’t want it to be the end.  
Tala said it didn’t have to be right then, but he didn’t want to be around Kai for a while.  
Kai complied and left.  
Neither understood what that meant for them.

The morning is over - The day is in full swing

But the papers and magazines helped them see their plight.

Every single head line and even on the news the following day, Tala saw his bloody angry face, some pictures showed him punching Kai and the worst was the actual video/cell phone footage of it. Kai had been so dizzy after he punched him that he’d seen the confusion on Kai’s face.

‘Lover’s Extreme Squabble’ ‘Who cheated on who?’ ‘Bloody Lover’s Break each others hearts’ ‘Clash of the Beyblading Titan’s’ and so on and so forth. All of this rubbish littered all the head lines and every other unfilled page.  
All of them speculating what had happened and not really getting it right, that was until later in the afternoon that same bleak day, more news hit the press and Tala had just finished a glass of neat Vodka when he watched the afternoon news.

The man he’d beaten was in ICU and the family was suing, his name was all over the news, Tala Ivanov, unstable Blitzkrieg Boy. That was the angle, all of the romantic scandal forgotten and the interest in him and Kai came down to him being unstable and unsafe to be in public.  
“God…I know your busy, but please won’t you come visit me.” Tala said aloud and looked up at his white ceiling, “…please.”  
When nothing incredible happened, Tala sighed and closed his eyes, one swollen and blue, one reddened and dark.  
“Did I get too cocky? Did I let myself believe too strongly in him…or are you just pissed? Huh?” he shouted at the ceiling and then swore under his breath,  
“What the fuck am I doing…God…hates me.”

‘You are a nameless ghost, you haunt your bag of bones.’

He looked at one of the magazines catchy statements in bold on the page between the other writing, -Looks like the Big Bad Wolf was caught out by Little Red Riding Hood, Tala was obviously trying to steal someone’s goodies and Kai got jealous-

Tala was surprised not one had made up any crazy stories about him and Max, but then again, he was reading legit mags, he didn’t know what crap was circulating in the tabloids.  
“That’s so not fucking true…I’m little fucking red riding hood and Kai’s the bastard who doesn’t want my goodies…” he knew he sounded like an idiot saying that aloud but he didn’t care.

Tala pictured Kai’s innocent face which held lies like a pro, ‘…he will eat your young and you will act surprised…’ he thought dramatically, but it was true, Tala had been surprised when Kai hurt him, even though he should not have been.  
He looked at the TV just when they repeated the head lines and Kai and Tala, youthful in their beyblading days, were displayed in a picture on the screen, right beside an image from the night before.

‘Can’t hold on to the thrill so I hope you find your will to follow through.’  
What we invented - I am now Ending  
‘Hold on to who you love, we are dried and blown like dust since we were young.’  
The mornings over - The day is in full swing

* * *

 

Max didn’t get fired which was surprising because Tala would have expected it from Kai after everything that had happened. But Kai didn’t actually do anything, he didn’t even attend work whereas Tala went on as usual. He’d had to go on as usual so he didn’t kill himself…or someone else.  
It had been a week passed and Tala found that since the headlines ran that he’d knocked a paparazzo, they seemed to run from him the moment he got into his car. Bonus.  
Everyday sucked, he stayed in his office, Max popped in and they gradually noticed each other’s faces healing and Max’s ribs were doing okay, sore but okay, day by day.

Tala had to face his charger’s immediate family for breaking his jaw, he kept it hush hush with an expensive lawyer and Max as a side kick. He offered to pay all medical bills pertaining to the excessive injuries, he’d seen photo’s of the unrecognizable man and had fought with himself not to burst out laughing. He also offered a settlement figure which would make him broke but since they understood it was all he had, they seemed happy, money grubbers always like knowing they were taking it all. Tala was lucky that they were able to keep the club from demanding compensation because Max threatened to sue them for his broken rib courtesy of the bouncer.

Tala still had his job so he was okay financially, starting from scratch.  
Max had loaned him a months rent and food money which Tala would pay back when he got his next pay check at the end of the month, which was three weeks away. It felt weird to be broke, but once again, it was his friend who helped him…although Tala didn’t doubt Kai would have thrown money at him if he’d asked, but he wouldn’t.

…

The second week started off better, except for Tala’s inner misery, he went to work that Monday, had a great cup of coffee and started with some paper work, planning that he would be going to meet Max down at the training centre later for some hands on work. Wolborg sat in the sharp metal blade atop Tala’s desk, next to a photograph Tala had of when all the Demolition Boys had been together, not Kai, but himself, Brian, Spencer and Ian.  
He was aware that Kai was in the building, Max had texted him to give him a heads up that he’d seen Kai’s car in the parking lot when he’d arrived on his motor cycle that morning.

He was prepared for anything.

Or not.

A knock on his door didn’t warrant much attention other than an audible ‘come in’. Tala didn’t even look up when the person stepped into his office, he just went on filing contracts of new bey blade trainees. He only looked up when the presence was directly across his desk and Tala couldn’t prevent himself from paling and his stomach lurching at the sight of Kai.  
‘Bastard…’ he thought angrily, Kai always got the upper hand.

He quietly sat down and Tala forced himself to go on with what he was doing,  
“Morning Tala.” Kai spoke evenly.  
“Kai.” he greeted more icily.  
“I miss you.”  
Tala snapped the pen he was holding and ink dotted his white shirt and the papers in front of him, he placed the piece of the pen he still held down on the desk and reached over to his draw, taking out some tissues and wiping the desk and his hand, the shirt he’d have to toss.

He glanced up at Kai, he knew he was pale and probably looking like he’d seen a ghost, but what surprised him was that Kai looked the same and even a little nervous. Tala raised his eyes and head and sat back in his chair, in a way putting what little distance he could between the two of them. Kai smelled as great as always,  
“You smell good…I miss that too.” Kai spoke.  
Tala paled all over again and met Kai’s sad gaze directly, the blunette’s pink lips parted easily to speak more sinful words to Tala who’s heart was fighting to stay in his chest.  
“I miss when you wake up and roll on top of me and when you threaten to finish all the hot water just so that I’ll shower with you…I miss, I miss when you kiss my eyes, I miss when you make me toast and burn it…” Kai’s voice faltered.

Tala’s own throat felt like it might close as he stared at Kai being brutally honest.

“I…miss when you make those stupid pigtails in your hair and say you feel like buying a pretty dress…” he cracked a broken smile.  
“You hate that…” Tala offered a similar smile.  
“I hate it when your doing it but I miss knowing you do it just to get my attention…and I…miss having your attention…when you buy me chocolates, flowers or stupid little teddies…I stuff them away but I’ve taken them all out now…and I miss…I miss the way you feel and smell and…kiss me…”  
“Kai…stop it…”  
“I miss when you tickle me, or stare at me for no reason…I miss when you watch me sleep and then tell me about it…and I complain…but I know your there at night, watching me…”  
“Kai…ple-ease…” Tala dropped his head into his hands, Kai was reminding him how much he loved him, without even meaning to.

‘I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs, I’d arrest you if I had the time.’  
‘I’d throw you down in the backseat as if you’d committed a terrible crime.’

“I miss when you tease me and call me a girl just so that I’ll argue that I’m not…when I know that I…I don’t mind doing dishes and cooking for you like some stupid girl…” Kai was really giving it all and Tala felt himself crumbling when he met Kai’s burning eyes, his fine black eye lashes holding his tears.  
This was Kai, confessing things that 1 week before Tala would have killed to hear, murdered and slaughtered and spent years suffering to hear…he would have died to know Kai felt this way.

‘I’d break into town’s worth of houses and rob whole families blind.’

He had so badly wanted to hear all this that he some days wanted to rip Kai’s chest open to see if there was a heart inside…even if he’d felt it beat rapidly between them so many times. Now Kai sat here doing it to him, trying to pull his heart from his chest through his throat and it hurt, even with Wolborg right there, Tala’s chest ached and his throat hurt.

‘I’d do it to you like you’d do it to me if you knew you would get away fine.’

“Tala…I miss…I miss you, I miss you so badly and its only been a week and my bed is cold and my life feels…it feels fucking empty!!” he raised his voice and turned his eyes away from Tala the moment tears started falling, ashamed of his emotions, but still showing them to Tala.  
Tala felt a few tears escape his eyes and he wiped at them, Kai looked at him,  
“You…you miss me don’t you? You and Max…your just friends…your just friends right Tala?” there was underlying fear and anger as Kai stared at him for an answer.  
“Max and I are just friends…I’m not about to go and fuck someone else Kai…of course I miss you… but you hurt me…you crushed me…again!” Tala pushed some things off his desk in anger and rotated his chair away from facing Kai. Needing an outlet for his anger.

“…I told you…I told you what happened.” Kai’s voice was shaking.  
The image shot through Tala’s mind so vividly it was as if it had happened yesterday.

He’d walked through the crowds in the club to get to the back end where the bathrooms were and he stopped, feeling that familiar shattering of something in his chest but this time his mind had snapped. Seeing Kai’s mouth against another man’s, who’s tongue was so obviously down Kai’s throat, seeing the hands groping Kai while the man’s waist moved against Kai in a rhythm, the music was deafening but Tala had heard his own breathing in his ears so loudly.  
He attacked, grabbing the guy off Kai, who he vaguely remembered almost falling to the ground since he had been holding Kai against the wall…and he’d went crazy. Head into a wall, knee into a sternum and his fists, solid and strong, over and over into a face…a blurry image.

He remembered the picture of the man and he felt a little better but he’d never felt so alive, like he’d assumed Kai had gone and done that to feel like he was still alive and not living in some dream state, Tala had been rudely awoken by Kai’s mouth against another man’s.  
So much anger surfacing so suddenly made him crazy.

‘I’d drown all these crying babies if I knew that their mother’s wouldn’t cry.’

“You cheated on me…” Tala breathed and screwed his eyes shut, not able to look at Kai.  
“I never…I didn’t cheat…” Kai started desperately.  
“Don’t lie to me Kai, don’t tell me you were forced, we know that can’t be true.”  
There was silence and when Kai spoke again he was openly crying,  
“I didn’t kiss him back…I know I didn’t push him off but I swear…Tala I swear to you that I didn’t, I did not kiss him back!”   
Tala looked at Kai and saw that he’d dropped his head and his shoulders shook,  
“Why didn’t you push him off then, Kai?” Tala tried to stay calm.  
“Because…because I’m weak, Tala. I don’t know what to do when someone comes on to me, I don’t know how to react…even…” Kai looked up and he was gritting his teeth, “…even when you came on to me that first time, I didn’t have any control and I just…I tried to say no but I couldn’t in the end.”

‘I’d hold them down and I’d squeeze real soft’

Tala felt angry at Kai’s words,  
“Are you saying that you gave into me because you were too weak to say no?!” he stood up and Kai followed,  
“Yes Tala! I was confused when you first came on to me and I tried to walk away…but when you persisted I just…I became a push over, you threw me on the ground like I’d forgotten how to use my reflexes…” Kai still cried slightly.  
“So then…you only slept with me because…oh my…god, I…I forced it on you…” Tala’s damn broke and he cried openly and clutched handfuls of hair.

‘And let a piece of myself die…’

“No! No, listen to me for fucks sake!” Kai shouted and Tala looked at him, his eyes burning from holding back tears with little success.

“…I was attracted to you, you were right…” Kai admitted and Tala saw him blush, “…I had, first noticed it when I rejoined the Blitzkrieg Boys and we shared a room, I always used to try not to stare when you’d walk around…with a towel or anything, I…knew I had weird feelings for you…so when I said yes to you…I meant it, even though I was scared shitless.”  
“You didn’t seem like it.” Tala rasped out.  
“I’m a good liar.”  
“So what’s your point.” Tala spat angrily.  
“…when it happened with Ariana, I was…curious because she was a girl.”  
“God, don’t fucking remind me of that…” Tala groaned.  
“But when that guy in the club pushed me up against the wall, I knew what he wanted and what he was doing, I just…couldn’t push him off, I told him I wasn’t interested…he persisted and he cornered me, he called me some…names, and-”  
“Kai I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW!”  
“My point is that I didn’t say yes to him…he was forcing me, I just…didn’t fight him off! I gave up!”

“You can’t fucking be that way! Does it make any fucking sense to just give up when someone wants to fuck you! Do you know how many times I could have cheated on you if I were like that! Kai…!” he walked around the table and Kai almost stepped back but he didn’t and Tala grabbed him by the front of his shirt,  
“Do you have any fucking idea how it hurts! Picture me kissing Ray and you walking in here and seeing it!”

Kai’s eyes flashed and his breath hitched.

“Do you fucking see what it feels like! Do you know how it hurts! Do you understand what you do to me every time you hurt me like that!”  
“No, no I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Hurt me then! Tala, hurt me, if you’ll forgive me then just go ahead and do it!”  
Tala stared at Kai like he wanted to kill him and then he pushed Kai backward and the smaller man landed in the chair, breathing heavily and angrily.  
‘Hurt him…’

‘It’s hard to be the better man when you forget your trying…’ Tala leaned against his desk and caught his breath, ‘…it’s hard to be the better man…’

“I’m not gonna hurt you…it’s not gonna make me feel better Kai, the difference is I never wanted to hurt you from the start, no matter how much you hurt me, all I wanted was to be happy with or without you…I made a mistake getting back together with you…” he breathed out as he stared at the floor.

The door was knocked on and it opened slightly, Max’s head popped in,  
“Tala you okay? There’s been shout-” he stopped and mumbled an apology before leaving and closing the door again quietly.

“It wasn’t a mistake, we’ve been fine…” Kai hadn’t even looked at the door, he went on.

‘I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs, I’d arrest you if I had the time.’

“Fine isn’t good enough, I guess I’m at a point where its all or nothing…”  
“All, I’ll give it, I’ll give you my all!” Kai scoffed at his own words and then shook his head as he stood up, “I don’t even care that I sound like a fucking idiot…”  
“What does your all even mean Kai, do you know what that is? Do you have enough feelings to understand that?”  
“I have too many feelings and they’re all fucking with my head!” Kai was gripping his head.

‘I’d wait for you outside the courtroom and taunt you when all your appeals were denied.’

“Tala…it hurts…” Kai dropped to his knees very heavily and Tala saw a thick trail of blood leave Kai’s nose and run over his colorless lips, he’d turned as white as a ghost in a second.

He crouched down and when he got close enough to Kai he felt that he was burning up, he was radiating heat, but the moment he touched Kai’s cheeks, smacking the pale skin slightly and smearing even more of the tear damp face paint, he felt how ice cold Kai was,  
“Kai…baby…” Tala breathed panicked and pulled Kai to his feet, half supporting and half carrying him to the couch in his office, he laid Kai down and brushed his hair from his face and then wiped the blood from his nose, smearing it over his hand.

‘I’d drive my car off of a bridge…if I knew that you weren’t inside…’ he rushed to his desk and grabbed the tissue box, rushing back over and clearing the new blood that dripped, Kai was still pale and Tala pressed a hand to his forehead and then his chest, his heart beat was unsteady,  
“Kai…can you hear me…” he sat beside Kai and cleaned both of their tear streaked faces with tissues, wiping as much of the smeared paint from Kai’s face, “…we’ll talk about it okay…” his resolve cracked, “…we’ll go home and we’ll talk about it. We won’t just give up…” Tala was saying quietly as he kissed Kai’s cold eyelids like he knew Kai liked, voluntarily offering himself to Kai again, to his silent death.

‘With pedal to the floor who could as for more…a fantastic way to kill some time.’

‘Why are you so cold…?” he pressed his mouth to Kai’s in hopes of finding some warmth in his breath but when he pulled back he exhaled Kai’s breath and saw the white mist. Tala’s heart skipped a beat and he turned around quickly to look at his desk,  
“Wolborg!” he shouted and left Kai’s side to run to his blade, lifting it up and feeling how ice cold it was, he stared at his glowing bit.

He knew why Wolborg was so angry, he knew exactly what Wolborg was feeling because it ran cold and alive through his blood, he clutched the blade tightly,  
“…Kai…” he breathed, ‘You could lay on your back and be beaten…then…you could put up your fists and fight…’ he forced his own feelings on Wolborg, “…Kai, you could try anyway…he needs a chance to try…” he said to himself as he shut his eyes tightly.

‘It’s hard to be the better man when you forget your trying.’

“Don’t…please don’t kill him, I love him, I forgive him!” he felt Wolborg’s anger, “…I love him even if he’s lying to me! Don’t hurt him! Fuck! Leave him alone!”

Tala felt the resistance, Wolborg insisted Tala was lying to himself, he was convincing himself that he needed Kai when Wolborg insisted that Tala didn’t, Tala clutched his blade,  
“Please…just let me keep him…”  
The blade stopped glowing and the cold left it slowly, Tala turned to look at Kai and clutching Wolborg tightly still in hand he moved closer to Kai again.  
He was still pale but when Tala touched his forehead he felt warmth, he let out a shaken relieved sigh and then he wondered why Dranzer hadn’t done anything.

He reached into Kai’s pockets and found car keys, house keys, wallet and key card to the building but no beyblade, not even the bit. Kai never forgot to carry Dranzer when he came to work…so Kai had left her at home.  
‘Did you do that because you didn’t want her interfering…’ Tala widened his eyes, “…that’s why you were so emotional and honest, because she wasn’t feeding you confidence…she wasn’t keeping you safe…” he breathed out and ran a hand through Kai’s hair, “…did you leave her at home so you could face me honestly?”

Kai swallowed slowly and opened his dull eyes, he looked so tired,  
“I left her at home because she wanted me to leave you…Tala, she said you didn’t except her like I did, that Wolborg was constantly fighting her…but I told her that she didn’t need to be accepted…” he was speaking slowly and quietly, “…I told her I needed you…” he leaned up and weakly kissed Tala who leaned forward so Kai was laying back down as their lips touched sweetly.

They kissed for a few moments and Tala pulled back,  
“You didn’t know I had Wolborg here did you…?” he was glad to feel warmth in Kai’s breath again. Kai stared at him,  
“I didn’t care…” he closed his eyes, “…I’m tired…I feel like I’m falling asleep.”  
“It’s the temperature change…just lay here.”  
“Do you…forgive me, Tala?” Kai opened his eyes again and frowned.  
‘It’ll be better this time…it will…’ he told himself, “…yeah, I do.” he told Kai.

‘It’s hard to be the better man…when your still lying…’


	9. Session 9

Would you believe me if I told you that a year had passed since that day in my office. Yes? No? Well the answer is yes, it had been a little over 12 months to this day that I'm sitting here, at a championship tournament watching the new official BBA Blader's who qualified so long ago. I'm sitting in a sky box high above the match taking place, it's the perks of being one of the owners of the team. Boring as it all is.

A lot of people have passed by me over these long months, faceless, nameless, useless, I don't have any contact with my friends, or ex friends really, except for Max who works with me and I see every other day.

Brian has long since lost contact although I do know that he still lives in Tokyo.

Spencer, I have no idea, I don't see him anymore and I don't even know if he's alive.

That's horrible of me but it's true, I'm near sighted now in terms of my daily surroundings, I couldn't care about much beyond my actual necessities of existing.

Everyone thought, and still thinks, I'm a fucking idiot for having taken Kai back but those are just people I know personally or who know Kai personally.

With regards to the media, and the media went fucking crazy when it was officially reported that Kai and I were back together after that bloody night, they spun it that I had cheated on Kai and I now have over 20000 hate sites dedicated to me.

Flattered much. Okay not really. When I was in the notoriously disliked Demolition Boys I had more hate sites but I mean, come on, not bad for an ex blader out of their game…

I'm trying to make it all seem glamorous but its not, I'm so over lying and pretenses that I've become a bastard toward everyone.

Someone can't even look at me and say -Tala, what-

And I'll tell them to shut up.

I've turned into Kai. Bad thing? Personal opinion.

Kai on the other hand…well no change there really, except that he's noticed how I am and would you be surprised to know that we fight even more now? No? That's a good guess, everybody guesses it right. If we clashed before then the fact that I'm just like him is driving us to fight even more.

But…I'm bitter…so I pick fights.

When we go out grocery shopping or for lunch, we'll go at each other for stupid reasons like most recently, when I fought with Kai because I didn't want 2 ply toilet paper…I wanted 3 ply. And since he didn't really care either way and I wouldn't let it go, he proceeded to call me a fucking twat and left the super market with his annoying crisp white scarf flailing after him, I followed and apologized…that's how it always ends though.

Because lately it's always my fault, I can't control my temper and the truth is…it's because I'm always jealous. That day in the supermarket, there was a guy who looked at Kai a few times, in a  **particular** way, and I couldn't stand it so I had to cause a scene which would make Kai want to leave…

I'm pathetic and I know it. But I have good reason. Once again, Kai never, since that day and in an entire year passed, acknowledged that what he'd done was cheating, he seems content to accept it as a flaw in his existence, the inability to tell a guy to get fucked when your not interested in his come on's, that is.

But it isn't his fault that I'm jealous, Kai has gone out of his way to make the effort between us, he often holds my hand in public, he isn't shy to stand a little bit closer than guys should stand…and he isn't shy to buy lube and have it liberally rung up either.

I haven't had a chance to see whether he'll let another git kiss on him though, I've told him never to go to a club again and even though he swore me and told me that wasn't my decision, he's never gone again and never will…I'll never take him either. I'm shit scared something like that happens again and this time I kill someone…maybe even Kai himself.

Its that bad.

I feel like I'm schizophrenic some times, Kai and I will have an argument about the bed not being made by 5 in the afternoon and then 20 minutes later we're kissing and I'm apologizing, or he's being clingy and cuddly or we end up shagging right where we argued.

We live together again just by the way, I bought an apartment, Kai's idea, and we moved in together in upper Tokyo. After everything I'd went through before with long distance traveling I'd refused to relocate too far.

He spent about as much I paid to buy it on making it the way he wanted, renovations and décor, needless to say it looks fucking nothing like it did when I bought it.

I don't mind…I don't mind anything Kai does, but I hate him sometimes. I remember once telling him that I didn't hate him, I do sometimes these days, I say it softly.

Don't know whether he ever hears it…or am I saying it to myself so he doesn't hear? Probably.

Chicken shit as I am that he'll leave me…

He's too perfect and easily to be in love with…

When he wakes up and his hair is completely unset and ridiculously cute, when he's rushing to get ready for work on a late day and leaves our place with a shirt half buttoned and still manages to look incredible. When he's exhausted and we're fighting and he's glaring at me like he wants God to smite me…he still looks so fucking breathtaking.

Then he leaves my sight for hours of a day and I don't know what guy or girl is looking at him or if he's looking back…

Over all…I think…that what I'm trying to say…is as I sit here watching a sport that no longer interests me and Kai is sitting right next to me, generously sipping on a non alcoholic beverage, that I didn't get over it and I didn't really forgive him, for what had happened.

Everyday, Kai gets more attractive and more affectionate, while getting more vicious and short tempered with my behavior. Everyday I wake up and go to a job I hate, at a company that was stolen right from under the owners nose, whom I never liked either. Everyday, I get to kiss Kai's perfect mouth and every other place on his body that makes him moan, blush and beg, while knowing that when its over I'm still going to feel this way. Everyday, I don't have alcohol to look forward to…because Kai made me promise never to drink again…

Everyday…Kai is right next to me and I love him but I don't trust him.

Everyday…

* * *

"Can I have a drink?" Tala said out of the blue as the crowds started to disperse for the half time of the bladers, the noise was dulled inside the sky box but it was still very audible because if the stadium surround sound. He didn't know why he asked that, he knew what the answer would be.

"…Tala, your-"

"Nevermind…" he sighed and leaned his head back against the strangely uncomfortable square like sofa.

Kai had become very good at keeping his patience, there was a time when he would have told Tala to fuck off and drink if he'd stop whining, but everything these days was dealt with in a 1.2.3 method. Kai would count himself down before he'd approach the situation, depending entirely on the situation…some days he still just opt to argue as profanely as possible, not for the lack of trying to be civil.

Tala closed his eyes and decided maybe he'd catch a nap, when Kai said nothing about his resting eyes and posture, he continued to keep his eyes closed and try to fall asleep. It was so boring watching Beyblade Tournaments these days. He and Kai had taken Wolborg and Dranzer from their blades and had them encased in solid white gold chains which they wore around their necks.

It was corny, but Kai liked corny, secretly.

When the noise started rising again beyond the massive glass, Tala opened his eyes and saw the bright tiny round lights built into the ceiling of the room, it made his vision spotty when he dropped his gaze to the refilling stadium, the 20 minutes passed so quickly.

"…babe, you wanna go home and have se-" Tala cut himself off when he looked to his side and found that Kai was not sitting there.

He sat up and frowned, looking around the room, the bar was quiet and untouched, the refreshments looked the same as it did after they'd eaten earlier and Kai's scarf was still hanging over the back of the couch he'd been sitting on. In the long gone past, Tala would usually have relaxed but he hadn't been in the habit of letting Kai out of his sight in the passed year and when his mind started conjuring up images that his sanity couldn't take, within obsessive seconds, he stood up and headed for the door.

Pulling it open with more force than necessary, he looked out into the empty hall and then stepped out, walking as silently as he could on the echoing floor and halls, his sneakers squeaked every so often reminding him that his legs were still working even though he was slowly going numb. Sometimes Tala wondered if he had made a mistake in staying in Japan, where everything bad that could have happened to him…had happened.

'Well…' he reasoned with himself, 'I lost my taste for the company of airports and cars…' he sighed, barely keeping a straight thought. He remembered his cell phone in his jeans pocket and slipped it out, dialing Kai's number and holding the tiny electronic device to his ear as he walked and took a corner.

It rang and rang and there was no answer. He came to an exit which he knew would lead onto stairs which would lead down to the stadium, he'd come up that way.

Tala didn't want to panic but his heart started beating faster, Kai would have told him he was going anywhere, he would never have believed that Tala could have been asleep, and even if he had, he would never had cared to not say he was going somewhere.

He walked back to the sky box doors and popped his head inside, seeing no one he was about to go out again when he heard a small bleep sound. He knew it was a cell phone and when he walked inside and investigated, he found Kai's cell phone stuck between the cushion of the couch. He knew it probably slipped out of Kai's loose Adidas pants when he was sitting, he checked it and found his missed call reflecting.

"Just relax…" he mumbled to himself, he knew it was illogical that Kai would be 'sneaking' away from him for any reason, he didn't know when he'd become so irrational. Of course, for all of his reasoning, he spun on his heel and left the sky box again, walking in the other direction of the hall. He didn't want to find anything…he didn't believe he would, but after the last time he'd gone looking for Kai and what he'd found…he quickened his pace.

'We flew through the year and avoided the dust and the rock…' he cast his blue eyes from corridor to wall diligently, never missing anything as he walked along the never ending hall, "…but what if…" he mumbled and he felt himself turn cold with worry, '…what if some guy came onto him and he didn't…' he slowed his walking when he came to the first toilet facility he'd seen all the while walking. This made his stomach lurch.

Tala didn't hesitate and pushed the door in so it swung open, stepping inside as it swung closed behind him, he saw two stalls closed and the toilet room was silent.

He was tempted to get on his hands and knees and look under the stall doors but he didn't, instead he walked quietly further in and settled against the large wall to floor mirror and waited.

10 minutes later a fat guy came out of a stall, the toilet flushing sound filling the room, he glanced at Tala, sweat on his forehead and Tala looked away, grateful for the expensive incenses' that constantly filtered through the well kept toilets.

After barely washing his hands the fat man left and one stall remained, Tala stared at the door, willing it to open so deeply that the vibration of his cell phone in his pocket made him start quite badly. He pulled it roughly from his pocket and his eyes widened and then narrowed when he saw Kai's name on the screen.

He rushed from the toilet, not bothering to answer the phone, since he was seething mad at himself and Kai, he had just stood in a toilet for 15 minutes like a fucking idiot.

'Who does this sort of shit? I can't…I can't take this…' he bit his lip irritably as he walked hurriedly back the way he'd came.

_'We stood in the way of a tank till we're bored and we stopped'_

He saw the sky box door and again, forced it open with more effort than was necessary, barely taking a moment to survey that the room was empty, save for Kai who was standing at the large windows, he slammed the door,

"Where the fuck where you?" he said louder than necessary.

Kai wasn't too taken aback, Tala did this often, whenever Kai was home a little later than he'd said he would be from a meeting for some department Tala didn't deal with, or when Kai would go out to buy take out or just for a walk, the same reaction would happen if Kai took a even slightly longer than intended or estimated.

He turned and Tala saw the irritation on his face at the accusation Tala so easily spat at him, Kai barely caught himself from rolling his eyes,

"I went downstairs to the arena to pick up the teams bey blade stats." he answered in a very annoyed tone and shook his head, his red eyes dull with the monotony of the situation,

"…where were you?"

"I went looking for you…" Tala answered quickly and walked further into the room, grabbing his coat off the side of the couch and pulling it on.

Kai's red eyes narrowed on him,

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

"Tala…we have to do the promotional photo shoot when this is over…if we don't we'll have to reschedule-"

"I don't give a fuck Kai, reschedule then…" he said dismissively and picked up the car keys from the bar table.

"…well, your also my fucking ride home." Kai's tone was far less controlled now.

Tala made a very exaggerated raising of his hands and placed the keys back on the bar with pointed sarcasm,

"I'll take a fucking cab…" he mumbled loudly and turned to leave.

"Tala…!" Kai's tone was demanding but Tala walked out and shut the door behind him.

He felt like he had to get away from Kai before another argument happened and since he wasn't in the mood that night, he decided it was better to just go home.

* * *

As Tala opened the door to the penthouse apartment he leaned heavily against it and swung it inward, he felt so tired and upset with himself, now was when he'd usually find Kai and apologize for his behavior, his accusation and everything in general, but Kai wasn't there. He should have just waited until Kai came back, he'd have to come back, he always did, '…why can't I control these panicked jealous impulses…?' he asked himself mentally as he walked inside the dark apartment distractedly.

Kai had just gone down to the arena, which Tala knew he had to do occasionally.

"…urg…" he groaned and fell onto the large leather couch that lined the wall, '…so never show doubt in your hand till you know what they got…always keep your cool in the presence of an ene-' he stopped the thought, "…Kai's not your fucking enemy…" he told himself.

He thought he could fall asleep there on the sofa since he hadn't been able to at the stadium but he was interrupted when the door opened and slammed just as violently as he'd slammed the doors at the stadium earlier. Sitting up when the lights were switched on, since he hadn't bothered, Tala was very surprised when a sharp hard object hit him in his upper chest and nearly caught his face.

"Ah fuck!" he shouted and rubbed the spot where the car keys had hit his chest painfully, he looked at Kai, standing in all of his perfection with his arms against his sides, face a brilliant angry shade of red and his fists clenched tightly.

"What was that about Tala?" his calm voice betrayed his visible anger.

Tala stood up and lifted the keys, dropping them on the glass table,

"What?" he said off handedly, knowing full well what Kai meant and where this was going.

"You leaving for no reason earlier, acting like a fucking prick for no god damned reason." still his voice was monotone.

Tala shrugged and shook his head,

"I just think you should have told me you were leaving the room."

"Like a fucking play by play!" his voice raised now and he started pulling his jacket off roughly, probably hot with anger, he threw it on the couch.

"Kai, I'm not in the mood-"

"Your always in the mood because  **you** do this all the time." that was meant to be a sort of scathing remark and Tala narrowed his blue eyes at Kai,

"Not a play by play, all I ask is that you tell me when your disappearing."

"Your insane!" Kai yelled and laughed sarcastically but bitterly, "What then, do I have to wake you up or shout if your far way if I'm just taking out the fucking garbage. Or do you want me to crawl all over you and say 'Tala, may I please leave your presence.'?" he mocked Tala again and made his dismissive sound, "…that'll be the fucking day." he added for effect.

"Touch me or don't, just let me know where you been…or where your going." Tala shrugged and started to leave, except the scale of the room was far larger and he couldn't get away from Kai quicker with more walking distance to cover.

And Kai had a nasty bite when he wanted to.

"Where I've been? Do you even hear how sick you sound? It's like you think whenever I'm not where you can see me I'm selling my ass to the first cunt who's buying!" he had turned around to yell at Tala again and then turned back and walked to sit on a couch, kicking his shoes off.

_'Well drop me a hook with a line and some raw bleeding bait.'_

Tala couldn't resist taking Kai up on those words because even after a full year that wound was still gaping,

"Well in the passed it's been pretty fucking close…"

"Fuck you, you ass hole!" Kai was instantly enraged and he stood up, "…you son of a bitch! I can't believe you just fucking said that!" Kai kicked the glass table and everything on it tumbled, some things broke and the table itself cracked horribly as it collided with the tile, "…no…no I can actually believe you'd say that to me…" he mumbled miserably, shaking his head, staring at the tiles with his hands on his hips and a hateful smile on his face.

'One, two, three, four…'

Tala's facial expression cracked from his disinterested look and went straight to a pained frown when he could no longer stand the misery on Kai's face,

"I didn't mean…it…God, I'm so sorry…Kai…" he moved toward Kai and when he tried to hold him, where Kai would usually allow it, he was shoved away and Kai walked around the broken table,

"I'm going to bed, you can sleep in the guest room." he sounded very distant and Tala felt anxious just knowing what he'd said to Kai was hanging between them.

Tala sighed heavily and looked at their broken coffee table, Kai had imported it, it was such a shame that he'd broken it…

'Why did I say that…?' he asked himself as he sat back heavily on the couch, all the times they argued, he'd never been quite so straight forward.

But since Kai didn't seem shocked, only angry, it was obvious that he'd known all this time that it had been on the tip of Tala's tongue. Kai's words had confirmed that as well.

Tala was craving a good neat shot of some extreme alcohol right then, but he'd promised Kai, and a promise was a promise.

Kai had once promised him that he'd never cheat on him…

Tala cussed under his breath and got up, walking toward the door of the apartment and then he stopped there and he ran his hand along the smooth painted wood of the door. There was a stubborn part of Tala that wanted to walk out and go get pissed, but there was another part of him that couldn't go against Kai…the part that knew the time had come to get over the childish displays of anger, like breaking your word or showing the other person he doesn't rule you. They were more like an adult couple now than they'd ever been and Tala appreciated it, while it also scared him…like right then.

He dropped his hand to the latch on the door, latching and locking it, he was ready to go to bed, it was just after seven, but a shower would help him relax.

Like a well kept lover, partner and boyfriend who respected the man he loved, Tala didn't go near the bedroom, he used the guest bathroom and then walked to the guest room in a bath robe. Climbing under cold crisp, never before slept in sheets and blankets, he would have to sleep naked since he wasn't going to disturb Kai in their bedroom.

The pillows smelled of fabric softener and cold clean material, it was uncomfortable and hard against his warm shower fresh face and he found that while his mind was exhausted, his eyes burned when he closed them.

And so he lay awake…for hours and hours…and hours…

* * *

The following morning was uncomfortable, Kai ignored him so blatantly that Tala hadn't even been able to stay in the same room as the other for very long. Before Kai left the apartment, around early afternoon, he had just said simply to Tala that he'd rescheduled the photo shoot for the new team and it was at 3 pm that very afternoon.

Tala had blinked stupidly as Kai, dressed and preened to perfection, left the apartment without a second glance. It was 2:17 at that moment.

He swore loudly once Kai was out the door and he rushed from the lounge, leaping over a couch on his way, he skidded into their lush carpeted room, hitting his foot against something and yelping in pain, Tala hurried to shower and change.

…

He knew he could've blown off the photo shoot again, but he wanted Kai to stop being pissed, or at least, as pissed as he was. He arrived a little after three, confidently walking into the large photo hall and glancing around as the 4 young boys all looked at him. Greeting everyone, the general staff, quietly, Tala walked over to where Kai stood, arms loosely crossed, pressed to his chest, he was dressed smart, casual, looking as perfect as only Kai could.

Tala looked neat enough, less together than Kai, but he was, so it was understandable as far as he was concerned. He was approaching Kai, when he heard one of the younger kids call him over, Tala had always tried to avoid the new team and left them to Kai.

He half rolled his eyes and walked halfway toward them as all four of the boys rushed to him, they were between 13 and 17, like they had all been at the official Beyblade Championships years before.

Although Tala had started much younger…

The tallest one sat at Tala's shoulder height and the shortest was at his chest, they all beamed,

"We don't get to see much of you, so we didn't get to ask for your autograph." one of them piped up and Tala saw another take a pen out of his note book. Notebook? The new generation was going to be very bad if they had to take notes to keep up.

"Ah…well, no, I don't do autographs, I'm not anyone now but your boss…remember that." he said stiffly and turned back around.

Tala halted when he saw Kai smiling and nodding, smiling with some of his teeth showing, like genuinely smiling, as he spoke to the tall, lean built photographer who had been assembling the back drop.

"What a jerk…"

Tala tilted his head when he heard the kids behind him agree with whichever one had called him a 'jerk'. 'Jesus, I am a jerk…' he stared at Kai, who right then made him angry without even trying. Tala turned around and cleared his throat so the 4 retreating teens glanced back,

"…I am being a dick aren't I, although…" he grinned devilishly at them and they all looked frightened a moment and Tala laughed slightly, "…that is what I was meant to be once upon a time when I was in your positions." he saw how their faces lit up.

'Stupid kids…gotta love the fans.' he walked up to the them and held out his hand for the pen, which appeared rather quickly and Tala signed clothes and paraphernalia that they had in their back packs, they were really bad these new kids, the only thing he refused to sign was their official bey blades, that was no good.

As he was signing his masterful signature onto a final Beyblade collectable card with his the Blitzkrieg Boys picture and team stats printed on it, one of the boys piped up and asked if Tala could get Kai to sign anything too.

"Haven't you asked?" Tala said distantly and handed the card back to the beaming younger boy while the other spoke again,

"We did, but he didn't answer us, he just told us to get ready for the photo shoot and not to be late."

'Sounds about right…' Tala thought and shrugged, "…Kai's decision isn't for me to make, he doesn't exactly do what I ask him either." Tala admitted a bit off handedly.

He shouldn't have answered in so many words.

"…but he's like, your boyfriend or something…dude?" another kid had raised an eyebrow.

Tala's blue eyes surveyed them slowly and he raised his own eyebrow,

"…get ready for the photo shoot." he said randomly and walked away from them, crossing the large lights and walking straight to Kai who was still standing with his arms across his chest, but the camera guy was busy again.

Tala came to stand near him, not right close to him, and his blue eyes watched the well built, tall, fair man who was erecting another light from the left side.

"I thought you said 3 pm." he decided to be difficult, like he usually was when he wanted Kai away from another man who gave off interested vibes. The camera guy actually glanced over and looked at them, looking away suspiciously quicker than was necessary.

Tala turned to Kai, who hadn't answered and was answering a text message on his business phone, Tala could see the name of a merged company's CEO in the recipient box.

_'Five, six, seven, eight.'_

He was about to ask about what Kai had been smiling for earlier, which would have plunged him straight back into the pile of shit he was trying to crawl out of, but the photography director, a fatter and shorter man, came in smiling and directing them, which was his job.

They were all ushered into the backdrop area, lights turned strategically and sharply on them, making Tala's tight black jersey feel like it was sticking to him from the sudden close heat. Tala and Kai stood behind the younger boys who were made to pose, one crouching, two standing and the fourth half sitting.

Different angles and poses, some with their bey blades held up and others not.

Kai and Tala didn't do much, except offer their usual stoic, ex blader poses that they were known for among the press.

Once the first roll of 100 shots were done, it was individual promotional shots, which didn't need to include the couple, so Kai started to leave, Tala watched him run a hand through his hair and sigh as if he were tired as he walked behind Kai toward the doors.

"Oh shit…" Kai paused and turned, almost walking straight into Tala, who raised his arms and caught Kai's shoulders easily stopping him from walking into his slightly taller frame with a bit of an unexpected impact.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly and all at once he saw strain on Kai's face.

The slight closeness already making both of them comfortable, Kai's hands brushed Tala's jersey hem very lightly as he shook his head,

"Not really…I uh…I need to fetch my keys, my car keys…" he averted his gaze from Tala's and slipped back from the barely there embrace, "…they're in the back can'teen." he was about to go when Tala stopped him with a wave,

"I'll get them for you…" he saw Kai nod and meet his eyes for a moment and he walked back passed the large 'Beyblade Revolution V2' backdrop.

He walked into the can'teen, seeing a cleaning lady tidying it up, she barely smiled at him, Tala didn't even try to return it, he glanced around and found Kai's keys sitting next to a coffee machine. He picked up the keys to the sports car and walked back out, glancing up as he came around the daunting backdrop once again, he slowed his walk.

The camera guy was talking to Kai again and even though Kai wasn't smiling so much as just listening to whatever the man was saying, it was not a business conversation.

Obviously…what business could a second line photographer have to discuss with a CEO.

He stared at the mans face as he approached slowly, the room had emptied out for the moment, the young kids being redressed, make up'd and the backdrop being changed, everyone was having a quick break. Tala narrowed one eye when he thought he saw the man's mouth say 'call me' to Kai and he smiled at Kai quite brightly, to which Kai gave his distant look and then he saw Tala and all he did was blink and then look back at the taller man.

The photographer looked over at Tala, who was only a few meters from the pair now, he straightened up and when Tala was close enough he nodded, for whatever reason, Tala didn't give a shit and he smiled at Kai with a nod and walked away.

Tala didn't watch him leave, he watched Kai, who was looking at Tala expectantly.

"Tala…stop staring at me." he was staring himself though so Tala just blinked, "…did you find the keys?"

Tala held them out and as Kai reached for them, Tala made sure to let go before their hands might touch, his skin was crawling and he didn't want to embarrass himself by getting upset right then and causing a scene.

"I'll head home…see you later." he said in what would be mistaken as distant congeniality, which was the intention, and he walked passed Kai to the double doors and walked out.

He found himself standing in the lush hall reception area to the photo hall and he glanced at the woman at the desk who smiled politely at him, ignoring the fact that he was rigid and very upset in his face.

Tala forced his feet to move, needing to leave that spot before Kai came out after him, he needed to find his head, somewhere, someplace.

* * *

He heard his cell phone ringing before the vibration against his upper thigh started, Tala's blue eyes remained fixed on the dark water stretching for miles ahead of him, the moonlight casting white flashes over the dangerous cold liquid and the small waves washing white barely visible foam just more than a meter from where he sat on the sand.

The horizon seemed inviting, he knew that if he tried to swim out to it, he'd never reach it and eventually drown. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard a memory of a story told to him…by Kai. A fantasy…Kai drowning? Tala saved his life?

He half smiled and dug the heels of his boots deeper into the grainy beige sand, which was silvery under the bright moonlight of Tokyo's clear night sky.

He continued to ignore his phone, he knew that the very person in his thoughts might be calling and Tala just wanted to sit alone and wallow, for hours if he needed.

Kai had taken a number from that photographer on a piece of paper, he'd slipped it in his pocket…he hadn't thrown it away, or didn't seem much interested in doing so. Tala had seen that when he'd first glanced up. Kai Hiwatari wasn't polite enough to be tactful so the idea that he didn't want to rudely throw the tiny offensive piece of paper back in the man's face didn't cross Tala's mind. Although, Kai was a different person in a lot of ways recently, it was toward Tala and no one else. He sniffed lightly, his nose felt dry but by the start of a burn in his eyes Tala knew he was likely to start sniveling soon.

His cell phone started up again, buzzing and playing its catchy standard phone tune, Tala wasn't partial to over doing it with ring tones.

He glanced around and saw a young couple, walking their six dogs on the beach, far away from him, moving farther as it was. If he decided to drown himself, no one would even know, no one would see him and being as good a swimmer as he was and as immune to cold as he was, if he swam far out enough and got caught in a wayward current, his body may just wash up far away from Tokyo's main beach.

"I'm too chicken shit…" he mumbled miserably and closed his eyes in exhaustion when his phone started up again.

_'Shimmering under a moon made in anger and haste_.'

Tala stood up and pulled his tiny delicate and very expensive mobile phone from his pocket, not glancing at the caller ID, he put as much effort into it as possible and flung the phone out over the dark water, he couldn't see it as it went careening through the air, against the dark black like sky it wasn't noticeable and he didn't even see it hit the water nor hear it as a few light waves crashed to the shore.

Tala ran his slightly sandy hands through his hair, tangling it with the grains and salty texture of the beach clinging to his hands.

"I don't even like the fucking beach…" he said aloud, since no one was listening, "…I don't even fucking like the sunshine, I don't even like warm weather…I don't like…I don't like it here…" he trailed off and walked away from the water, up the sand bank, he started climbing the stairs, feeling the sand under his boots crunching on the concrete, sticking to his fingers and his nose felt sticky and dry, he was over all, miserable.

He knew it wasn't Kai's fault he was in Japan, he'd stayed there by his own choice way before anything happened involving Kai, including when they'd innocently moved in together as two young teens who didn't mind each others company. But he knew Kai was the reason he'd stayed this long, it sure as hell wasn't because he loved being labeled a tourist by anyone who didn't recognize him. Kai was the reason he stayed, the reason he suffered, the reason he knew how it felt to love, how its feels to hurt because you love.

Kai was the one who didn't and very realistically, maybe, could never love.

He had proved he could change, proved he could adapt and be affectionate, emotional, he'd proved he could be almost all of what Tala needed, and Tala had seen the bright fire in Kai's eyes dull to weak cinders because of these changes. Kisses were submissive, conversation was submissive, arguments with him were hot and cold and violent then meek…sex was…emptier.

Intimacy was not so much a factor anymore as it was fucking, all over again, it was about the two of them crawling into a bed to pull each others bodies apart until they orgasmed and could roll over and go to sleep on their separate sides.

Sometimes they still had moments of deep intimacy…but so rarely.

As humans, we always remember the bad over the good.

And yet…Kai still showed the necessary interest…

"Its…me…" he mumbled to himself as he approached his car parked across the street, pausing to find his keys and open the car door, unhappy to get in with sand clinging to his pants and messing his car interior, Tala locked himself in and leaned his head back.

"I was the one who was always repeating it…" he mumbled aloud again, "…I was always bringing up everything, pointing it out…because I just don't…fucking trust you." he sat forward and grabbed his steering wheel, pushing the key into the ignition with obvious frustration and starting the car.

Tala so badly wanted a drink, he wanted to swim in that drunken oblivion and pass out like he'd done so many times in the past. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it, he couldn't betray Kai's trust because then what would be the point of his pointing out Kai's faults all the time.

"Why can't I just be happy…?" he breathed out into the silence of his car and turned off the curb, not checking his mirrors, part of him hoping some fast car or huge truck would smash into him and crush his head against the windshield.

But alas…no such luck…all the way driving. Even death evaded him.

_'Shimmering like a penny out of reach in the subway grating…'_

"God really hates me…you know…" he glanced upward as he parked the car in his usual spot inside the apartment's reserved parking, "…you know that…I hate you…you hate me and I hate you back…you make me ruin everything…I can't even…die easily…" he got out of the car and slammed the door, walking away from the car, "…you want me to put some effort into killing myself huh…selfish…" he trailed off as he entered the brightly lit second floor parking elevator waiting room and the smell of clean carpets invaded his senses.

The woman who was standing and waiting for an elevator glanced wearily at him, having heard him talking to himself. He gave her a 'fuck off' look and she goggled her bright green old eyes at him and stuck her sharp nose in the air, looking the other way, which is all Tala wanted really. Even though they got into the same elevator…she still looked the other way.

Eventually at the very top of the building, stepping out onto the personal floor and making his way to the expensive and dream like apartment in which he lived with a man he both loved and loathed, Tala didn't walk any further than just outside the elevator.

Facing Kai right then just seemed like an impossibility.

He sighed heavily and started moving toward the doors, when he found his key, he unlocked it and walked inside. It was well after 12 pm, probably even going on 2 am, he'd been gone all morning, afternoon and night and not answered any calls, which may or may not have been Kai trying to contact him. The large apartment was in darkness, massive automated curtains draped all along the lounge, still and closed, blocking out the clear night sky Tala had spent hours watching and hoping it would fall on him.

He sighed again and walked into the dark place, knowing his way around perfectly, he was just interested in going to the room and showering, he was sandy and tired.

In the hall he opened their bedroom door, which was pushed closed but not clicked shut, stepping inside his eyes fell on the bed first, expecting to find Kai…and relieved when he did.

Had he been expecting Kai to not be there? It was his sinfully suspicious mind, telling him Kai would randomly go out and be partying or having se-

'Stop it! He won't do that to you…you have to stop this…you have to trust him…' Tala walked in quietly, coming around the large bed to find Kai's sleeping face barely visible with the warm comforter pulled up over his body and neck, his hair all over his pillows and only a few fingers sticking out of the comforter, lightly curled in their relaxed state…Tala wanted to kiss each digit.

'He's here…in our bed…shimmering like a coin kept safe.' Tala smiled weakly as he turned and walked to the wall to wall wardrobes, pulling open the double doors, it led into a large white and burgundy tiled bathroom, Tala closed the doors behind him and went straight for the shower, not needing to sit in the sand he'd wash off, but relax under hot streaming water.

* * *

Tala exited the bathroom, like he'd done so many times and walked over to the bed in nothing but his towel, feeling cleaner and fresher, despite being tired, he settled lightly on the bed's edge, Kai had rolled more toward the centre and was laying on his back, one hand stretched out while the other was somewhere under the covers.

Tala rubbed his hair dry as he sat there, the towel around his neck being used to clear up the wet drops from his red hair, darkened by the water.

Minutes passed as he listened to Kai's very slight breathing fill the room, he glanced over at Kai's cell phone at the bed side and remembered he'd thrown his away,

'Shit…' he thought belatedly, realizing how utterly pointless that had been.

He reached out and lifted Kai's cell phone up, sliding it open and finding his call log, sure enough his name was the last called in the list.

He closed it and put it back, wondering distantly about whether Kai really kept that number.

He figured he should just ask Kai, after all, Kai had come across so many random things in his time with Tala and had stopped accusing and simply asking Tala to explain or do away with it.

'Be reasonable, you'll never listen to anything, just stop it…' he chastised himself.

With what he hoped would be his final sigh for the day, considering his day was already underway being less than 2 hours from sun up, Tala stood up and pulled his towel from his waist, walking over to his wardrobe and pulling out a loose track pants, he pulled it on and walked over to the bed choosing the side Kai was less on, so he wouldn't disturb him, Tala settled under the sheets and was surprised how quickly he lost consciousness.

* * *

Rolling over he felt something shift and he opened his eyes blearily, to find he was faced with Kai's sleepy and strangely swollen eyes, his face in a groggy weak frown and his eye brows lightly turned upward as if he were confused and upset. Tala pushed himself up and blinked his eyes a few times, they felt like they had sand in them from the lack of sleep.

The room was cast in the early morning dull glow but just barely since the curtains were closed and it was still a soothing medium dark light in the room.

Kai stared up at him as he leaned on his elbow and stared down at the younger man,

"What's…w-wrong, you okay?" Tala found himself asking sleepily as Kai stared at him.

The blunette rested his head back into the mountains of pillows and closed his eyes a moment, opening them again and staring at Tala's bare chest,

"Uh…" he sounded a little dry in the throat which to Tala was odd.

"What's wrong babe?" he asked a bit more coherently and shifted closer to Kai, letting his fingers trail lightly through Kai's hair, Kai frowned at him and pushed his hand away with a little more feeling, waking up a bit more, Tala sat up when Kai did and they stared at each other, Kai's eyes dangerously guarded as he trailed his eyes over Tala's exposed chest. Looking away again, Tala took a moment to watch as Kai sighed heavily and ran his hands back and forth through his hair as if he was worn out, he sat hunched with the comforter under his elbows.

"Where were you? What time did you get back?" he mumbled into his hands after a while.

"I was just driving around, I ended up sitting on the beach…" he admitted.

"Were you drinking Tala?"

"No…Kai, I told you I wouldn't drink ever again."

"Hn." Kai made that noise that usually meant 'whatever' if Kai didn't feel like saying 'whatever'.

"You don't believe me?"

"What do you expect, you never believe me…" Kai said in his more normal tone of voice, the raspy sound faded.

Tala sighed again, he was starting this early morning off with a headache,

"I'm not going to work today and…I'm also not fighting with you…" he said dismissively and lay down again, closing his eyes as he sunk into his previously warm sleeping spot.

"Did you fuck someone last night?"

Tala shot straight back up and he stared wide eyed at Kai,

"What?!" he actually managed to raise his voice.

Kai dared to glance at him like Tala was the one over reacting,

"It's a simple question…"

"No…no no…no…fucking no!" Tala yelled again and then groaned and his throat hurt for the need of wanting to cry, "…just last night I was telling myself that I don't wanna fight like this with you and now…you wake up and you pick a fight with me…" he had hunched over and was scrunching his face up, feeling physical pain to certain extent.

"So it's, no?"

Tala started laughing bitterly and he shook his head and didn't look at Kai as he lay back again,

"No Kai, I didn't fuck anyone last night…I have never cheated on you…"

'Don't do it…'

Who knows which one of them thought that first.

"…you're the one whose cheated on me, remember…twice." Tala couldn't drop it.

Kai said nothing and when Tala opened his eyes to look at Kai he found the blunette's red eyes shining with tears held back but he was smiling sadly.

Tala sighed, yet again, and sat up slowly, reaching a hand out and taking Kai's in his own, Kai pulled it away so quickly and shot Tala a filthy look,

"Don't touch me."

It never occurred to Tala that the events that would next take place, were even possible, but as Kai tossed the covers off and revealed he was still wearing his clothing from yesterday and that his over all appearance was very badly affected by something, Tala's world came crashing down.

"If it's what you want then it's what you'll get you fucking asshole…cunt…I hate you…" Kai was saying none too quietly as he pulled open the wardrobes and started yanking clothes out…all of his own clothes, not Tala's.

"Fuck you then…I'm leaving…I can't…take this shit from you, fuck you! I am not this pathetic fucking person…I can't change and do and be anymore than I have for you…you selfish…selfish-

Tala blanked out the rest…Kai was leaving him?

_'Touch me or don't'_  
'Just let me know,'  
'where you've been'  
'Leave it alone, I'm sure there's someone who knows'  
'Where you been?'

* * *

Kai didn't leave. In fact, he didn't get farther than his 3rd trip to the wardrobe whilst packing gathering his clothes. Tala had felt a desperation unlike any other he'd felt before, every feeling he'd ever had bubbling roughly to the surface all at once so it felt as if he might throw up blood from the pain.

Kai leaving.

Alone.

Getting over it.

Kai with another person.

Kai kissing another person….pain, pain, pain…anger, jealously.

"Like fuck you're leaving!" he practically threw himself off the bed and walked round it to go over to Kai, reaching out and clutching Kai's upper arm in his long thin fingered hand, Tala's grip was deathly.

Kai's patience was none.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" the sound was not high pitched but it was sharp and painful from Kai's throat. Something snapped.

He turned on Tala and his hand went out, grasping Tala's throat as he threw his weight at Tala and they fell in a heavy heap on the floor, Tala instantly winded by the impact to the carpeted floor and Kai's weight above him, elbows in his chest and a knee in his side.

Kai was choking him, then he punched him and then again and Kai was seething, his eyes were burning red and watering, his fair eyelids a darker shade even as his eyes were red rimmed. Kai went on venting, Tala reached up to try and grab him, stop him, even as Kai's nail's dug into his neck and his knuckles split the skin below Tala's eye.

You know that emotional anger, where your so mad it drains you from your full physical strength.

But still gives you enough strength to get out your anger physically.

That was Kai right then.

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" Kai chanted over and over and Tala just tried to keep his eyes open whilst being hit, hands weakly finding Kai's shoulders and clutching them firmly, he wanted to see all the pain Kai was showing through in his eyes…the guilt would crush Tala.

He shoved Kai backward and Kai's one hand let go of his throat but it wasn't a firm enough toss to get him off.

Surprising Tala, honestly, Kai snarled, very unlike any sound he'd heard from Kai's sweet mouth. And Tala coughed painfully when Kai's fist, one after the other slammed down on his unshielded stomach, sending waves of pain through his body.

Kai knew his weak points, not the face, not the neck, not the legs or chest, Tala was not completely normal since his 'modifications' but if he didn't guard his midsection, softer flesh, it hurt to be hit there, and Kai had seen he wasn't on his guard and he didn't hit like a girl at all.

When another fist caught Tala's face and he was tasting blood in his mouth and throat, he'd had enough and he punched out, catching Kai at the side of his face, none to gently and the younger male was dizzied for a moment but  **still**  relented and didn't fall off or stop.

'Kai…' Tala thought in concern when he saw the blinding anger openly displayed on Kai's face, '…do you…hate me now, for real?' his head snapped the side when Kai punched him again, using his upper angle and weight on Tala's body to his advantage, never one to be taken advantage of, as he always pointed out.

Tala gave up, Kai was venting and even though it hurt, he knew he deserved it to a certain extent…to a very certain extent. His arms came up to cover his face and Kai's hands grabbed out at his forearms, trying to get through them to Tala's face.

"Fucking coward! Hit me back, fight with me! Fight with me like you would have done  **before**  you decided I was your bitch! Before you decided I was fragile and that you had to treat me like your little girlfriend!" he was yelling very loudly.

Strangely…this all took several minutes, it wasn't rushed but drawn out. Exasperated.

Tala kept his arms up, half heartedly struggling against Kai's hands which scratched and tugged with enough force to bruise his pale arms, even if it would be minimal.

Tala's legs pulled up suddenly, bending so his knees hit Kai's back and set the younger off balance and he fell forward, hitting his face against Tala's arms and then allowing himself to roll off since his lip split from the small awkward fall.

Besides…what was the point in continuing?

When Tala felt the weight off him, he rolled onto his side and spat the little bit of blood that had accumulated in his mouth out onto the light colored carpet. His back to Kai, purposely, his eyes, his iris's were sick and pale with anger and Kai would read it all too easily right then.

"…calling…sitting…waiting…late at night, like a pathetic bitch…waiting for her cheating husband…" Kai was mumbling with an obvious throaty tone which said he could cry any minute. It wasn't the time for Tala to throw comments at Kai about him being the one who'd cheated, so Tala didn't, his mouth hurt and his face would swell, regardless of the minimal pain. His heart hurt even worse than anything it had before and Wolborg's angry chill was unwelcome to his burning body.

Tala got to his feet and wiped at his mouth, keeping his eyes averted and lowered, he knew he would look unsightly with the twisted, dark appearance of his face, he knew he was too angry to face Kai directly right then, his stomach was all over the place and his throat was closing by the second.

Kai couldn't have been doing much better.

"I hate you."

Tala froze just before he could sit on the bed and then…when he felt like his legs couldn't support him, he did sit, shaken inside and out and he resigned himself to closing his eyes and breathing through his nose with some effort.

"I won't let you leave me again." Tala said aloud and was met with silence.

"I hate you Tala…I hate you so much."

The words crushed him and his tears fell over his cheeks.

"…I don't hate you Kai…I love you." his own voice was shaking.

"No you fucking don't you piece of shit liar." Kai's voice was still throaty.

"I do…"

"I never believed that stupid lie…never…I almost fell for it that night, I almost felt happy, but the next day…when I looked at you, when I  **felt**  how Wolborg was saying what you were too much of a coward to tell me…I knew it wasn't true…"

"What are you talking about?" Tala breathed out, his eyes widening a bit and he turned to look at Kai now.

"I wanted to be with you, whether you loved me or not…I wanted it, so I just accepted the lie as you doing something nice for me…you don't love me Tala, you're a heartless son of a bitch, you're not even all the way human." the words were cold and hoarse.

"How the fuck can you say that to me!" Tala stood up, still shaking, voice pitching, "…I am heartless? You are telling me that I'm heartless?!"

"If you really loved me…like you say you did, then you'd believe that I never meant to hurt you…"

"You fucking meant it, every fucking time, don't you lie to me." he said in a dismissive tone, voice going between two tones easily with his pained throat constricting occasionally.

"In the beginning I didn't give a shit…but recently…after you taking me back…"

Tala blinked, Kai didn't sound like he was lying. He remained on the carpeted floor, laying there, staring at the ceiling and contemplating everything as his mouth formed words straight from his brain, unhindered.

Silence. Tala couldn't say anything, Kai was telling him what he'd felt was true anyway, from the time they'd 'gotten back together' Kai had made every effort to solidify their relationship and make it real…Tala had digressed.

"I hate you…for everything you've done to me…"

Tala walked straight passed Kai laying on the floor and stepped into the bathroom, about to close the door when he stopped and looked at Kai, who turned his head to look at Tala and their eyes met, cold to hot, both filled with tears and so pained,

"I never lied to…y-you…Kai…I have loved you since…since before you went on the world tour…I just never had the guts to tell you…like you said, I'm a coward…"

He closed the door and closed out Kai's beautiful tear streaked face.

What a morning…

* * *

Kai didn't leave.

It became the most bizarre arrangement .

It was unnatural and yet the two of them managed it.

They lived together.

They just barely talked.

But they were never pleasant.

Only necessary conversation.

Grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, cooking, favorite television shows…work. Everything went on, but Tala slept alone in the spare bedroom and Kai in their main bedroom.

4 months passed like this.

Did anything change?

Yes.

Kai started going out occasionally, Tala didn't know where, but he sometimes left at 6 in the evening and came back after 9, never later. He always looked fine, not drunk or even with a trace of intoxication, naturally, Kai didn't drink.

Tala would look hard and critically at him if he were still awake when Kai came home, which he always was just because he couldn't sleep when Kai wasn't home. There were never any signs of fatigue, the sexual kind, on Kai's face, no love marks and Tala would even walk passed Kai in a doorway or closer to him in the kitchen space to try and smell him, he always smelled like he did usually.

Was he with someone else? Tala couldn't tell. Although it didn't seem like it.

What else had changed?

Max had come to Tala's office one bright, hot, sun shiny day and he'd broken down crying and Tala had been incredibly confused and scared for Max's heaving sobs.

Max had told him everything, absolutely everything, in graphic detail, about what was going on with him…

Tala had been so sorry for him and slack jawed at the same time. He'd never have guessed Max's problems was something so…strange. After that horribly emotional afternoon, Max had told Tala he was flying to the states to finally sort his problem out…and he'd left two days later, Tala bidding him goodbye in the massive airport.

Kai had replaced Max at work for the 9 months of unpaid leave Max had volunteered to take, he'd found someone very quickly and Tala had done his best to be nice to the former Beyshark blader who had occupied Kai's rookie team so many years ago, it was a temporary arrangement, a long one, but still. Kai didn't know Max's reason's and he didn't ask, Tala would never tell.

Brian called and invited Tala to his wedding, saying that even after everything, he couldn't go without Tala as his best man, and Spencer wouldn't be up there either because of the feud unless Tala was there.

Tala was so grateful and he apologized so profusely that Brian had guessed, yes, he guessed that there was trouble in Tala's fake paradise.

Tala chose not to talk about it at all, but Brian accepted it, telling Tala he was welcome to bring a partner, but Kai wasn't included in that allowance.

Tala sat on the sofa by himself, folding one of Kai's boxer shorts, warm and fragranced from the fabric softener since he'd just taken a bunch of washing from the drier. He was sitting and folding the washing neatly, distracted with thoughts of hanging out with his friends again. He smiled slightly to himself when he folded Kai's anime printed boxer shorts, Tala had bought that for him and he wore it quite often.

He felt the others presence and looked up, Kai was standing in the entrance to the lounge and staring at Tala, who had been staring forlornly at the boxer shorts. They stared at each other for a moment before Tala looked away and folded the small item twice, placing it on the pile with Kai's other clothes…separate from Tala's pile.

Kai presence was gone then and Tala paused in his folding of a track pants, he glanced back to where Kai had been standing and he swallowed the familiar lump in his throat.

He wondered if Kai knew he cried every night? Probably not. Did Kai cry? Probably not.

Kai hated him, this relationship had turned into a living space two people who no longer knew each other, occupied. It was empty, cold and hostile.

"If it makes you less sad Kai…" he mumbled to himself and closed his eyes, 'I will die by your hand.' he thought with another deep swallow, "…you can kill me if it'll make you feel better."

Again he noticed Kai's presence and he opened his eyes, seeing Kai reaching onto the table, the newly replaced one, to grab the remote, flopping onto the three seater sofa across from Tala on the double, he switched the TV on and started watching TV.

'I hope you find out what you want…' he continued folding and let himself get lost in the once over twice over motion of folding.

His relationship was over, Kai and him were finished and this arrangement was just because they had been living together and invested so much in each other that it would strip them both of their…everything, to separate with finality.

Like a married couple with shared assets going through divorce, it would rip them apart.

Kai hated him, it was the last words he'd spoken to Tala with any emotion in his voice, after that it had been monotonous and curt, like Kai spoke to everyone else…he hated.

No bickering, swearing, friendly jokes, dirty jokes, teasing, mocking…just short sentences and fleeting, meaningless glances.

Still, he loved Kai, whether Kai believed it or not. Tala's mistake had been that he couldn't forgive…like Kai had forgiven. It wasn't that Tala had never been faced with betrayal, he'd been on the receiving end of deception growing up so many times he'd lost count, but it was that he never had had to forgive…so why had Kai forgiven him?

Kai had never forgiven anyone…and maybe that was the significance. Regardless, it was too late now anyway, Tala knew…he knew he was the one who fucked up, he was a fuck up, pathetic, disloyal…he'd slept with people so easily while making an attempt at 'forgetting' Kai…he was everything Kai wasn't, all the worst things, that Kai wasn't.

Kai was awful, he was a bastard, he treated people like crap but…he'd never treated Tala that way…ever. Not with any intention beyond his natural horrible personality.

He'd hurt Tala on greater scales, but never talked down to him or belittled him in any way other than private jokes, taking the piss out of one another in their everyday lives.

Tala was the one at fault, Kai didn't even need to tell him.

'…already know what I am…' he folded the last item and then stood, lifting Kai's pile into his arms,

"I'll leave this in your room?" he asked, looking for any reason to have some sort of conversation.

"Hn…" Kai responded quietly and didn't even look at him, Tala could only imagine what words would come from Kai's mouth if he was given the chance.

If Tala could take away all of the short talk, what would Kai really have to say?

He walked from the lounge and into the bedroom he used to share with Kai, he now referred to it as Kai's room, to avoid the awkwardness that came with saying something that wasn't true…it was no longer their room, there was no longer a 'their', beside the ties that couldn't easily be severed, like work contracts and an apartment.

He placed the neatly folded clothes on the bed and inhaled the smell of Kai in the room, looking around to the pair of recently worn work shoes settled neatly beside the drawers and to the head indent in Kai's largest and favorite pillow.

"I need to take a shower, please leave the room."

Kai's voice startled him from his quiet thoughts and he glanced at the other man, looking in his closet for clothes. Tala said nothing, he hadn't even heard Kai come in, he just left the room, closing the door behind him and standing in the short hall, eyes steady on the wall across from him.

Kai wasn't as tactless as Tala had always thought.

Again, only with Tala.

Kai had stopped wearing the jewelry gift, but he still wore clothes and used other items Tala had given him over the years, not being childish which Tala was grateful for.

They never walked around naked in front of one another anymore, but Kai didn't behave so petulantly as to be uncomfortable about being shirtless or as if Tala made him physically uncomfortable.

Most of all, Kai spoke nicely to him, always in a neutral, bland tone of voice.

But Tala still wondered if Kai was just holding back all of the hate he'd said he had.

He never looked sad when he was around Tala, but when Tala caught glimpses of him at work, or at home when he didn't realize Tala was watching him…Kai's eyebrows would find them selves drawing in, his eyes would become strained and his mouth would set in a line.

It was a look of disconcert, unhappiness…

All of which Tala was causing.

"If it makes you less sad…we'll start talking again…" he mumbled to himself. 'And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am…' he knew he'd accept even that from Kai.

He walked into the guest bedroom and started to gather clothes which he'd moved in there since the…separation. He had to go across town to the 5 star hotel where Brian had arranged his and Natasha's wedding, it was an evening wedding, which Tala thought would be very nice.

As he stripped his clothes, all in a mechanized fashion, clothes off, water on, get in shower, never enjoying or absorbing his time alone…he hated being alone, Tala's thoughts drifted back to Kai, showering in the other room...

Naked, smooth and fair skinned, cheeks warm and pink from the very high tolerance for the hot water he showered under…or lay in when he felt like bathing…

Kai liked bubbles, while Tala liked scented candles.

The last bath they'd taken together had been one of those, Kai being smooth and slippery as he lay with his head cradled to the back rim of the large round-ish tub, Tala half floating and laying on him, bubbles on his chin as Kai chuckled quietly.

Their bodies always fit so perfectly.

He remembered how Kai's well toned calves ran along the back of his legs that night in the tub, pulling Tala against his naked body and kissing him, bubbles and everything.

He remembered how Kai had run his soap sudded hands over Tala's smooth back, then counted each little brown or pink mole and the ridges in his spine as he trailed his finger down over the bumps.

Tala remembered how Kai's naked back had pressed slippery against his chest moments later, blue steam damp hair had stuck to Tala's shoulder and cheek as they lay in the hot water…

…every thought of Kai…

Tala's hand was stroking his erection before he even realized it, hot water and even hotter waves of pleasure coursed through his body as his hand moved, images of Kai's warm mouth clamped playfully over his nipple, or his hands placed against Tala's chest or abdomen, lightly trailing muscles. Kai's legs rubbing smoothly along his own, Kai pressing against him under the water, soft but sexual none the less.

Tala moaned as he quickened the stroking, his flesh burning hot under his hand and very stiff, almost pained from the long drawn out period of time. He often thought of Kai and stopped himself before he could get to this point, but now, now he had to…

He breathed heavily and his eyes closed tightly, mouth hanging open as he came, his release washed away before he could even open his eyes.

Tala's arms came up a minute later, hands shaken, he leaned against the shower wall, arms stretched out and supporting him as water ran over his hair and down his back.

* * *

When he left the guest bedroom, dressed in a formal jacket and pants with a formal powder blue shirt and some suited shoes, Tala was ready to go. He'd done his hair and he smelled good, he would just have to change into the suit Brian had had custom made for his groomsmen, but other wise he was looking good.

The wedding would commence in about 5 hours, starting at 6:30 pm and Tala was smiling out of excitement for Brian and Natasha, she'd had her baby, Brian had mentioned that Tala would get to see Brian's little baby girl too at the wedding.

'I'm really excited to be a part of their lives again…' he thought to himself as he walked into the lounge and gathered all of his usual things. He had really become such a different person…and Tala didn't feel like it was at all bad…Kai had been a part of it all. Kai had changed him, but Tala didn't regret any of it.

Just then , Kai came out, dressed semi casual and also looking ready to go out.

They stared at each other and Tala noticed how concern flitted across Kai's face, his red eyes shining with something but his guard was up so Tala couldn't place it.

Tala stayed quiet, he wanted to demand, as he always did and refrained, from Kai where he going, was he meeting someone, sleeping with someone…he wanted to know, but since he and Kai were not together, he knew it wasn't his place.

'I'll grow old…start acting my age…' he told himself and his eyes darted around awkwardly at first before settling on Kai again,

"…I'm, I'll probably be back really late, so we should both take keys…in case…or whatever." he mentioned lamely.

Kai stared at him, long and hard, penetrating but not giving anything away at all while trying to read Tala's intentions.

He seemed to give up and he turned his head away, walking toward the door,

"Okay…" he mumbled.

"Uh…" Tala wanted to cling to some form of communication, he followed Kai's steps and wound up 2 feet from Kai when the blunette turned to give him polite attention.

They both gave each other a once over and Tala met Kai's guarded eyes, "…enjoy…your evening…Kai." he smiled, trying to be civil.

'I'll be a brand new day…'

Kai's eyes widened a tad and then he turned and opened the door just behind him, walking out without another word. Tala frowned and sighed, feeling a lump in his throat, he really felt like no matter how he tried to accept Kai now…it was too late.

'In a life that you hate…' Tala walked toward the door which was left open and he checked his pockets for everything one last time, before locking and leaving the apartment.

* * *

The wedding was stunning, it was simple yet not simple, but so elegant, white and lime green…Natasha was unusual. Her bridesmaids were all very nicely fitted and dressed, all with long hair in beautiful curls and pins holding it up to frame their slender faces. They were all apparently her sisters. Their dresses were soft lime in a chiffon fabric with lace in white around their shoulders and arranged evenly in their dresses.

Natasha was radiant and Brian was starry eyed from the moment she walked down the isle, Tala could only grin happily, seeing how very in love they were.

He wasn't even jealous, it was something he would never have and didn't deserve, but Brian was pure, in a different way, he loved Natasha and Natasha only, he never failed to mention it and as he took her thin tiny hand in his own and smiled at her so brightly when she stood beside him at the alter, Tala was only happy for them, not jealous at all.

Her dress was pure white, but her white flower bouquet was wrapped in a soft lime ribbon and the groomsmen all wore the same color lime shirts with black suits, Brian wore a white shirt with lime green tie.

Their vows were original and their kiss was sweet and intimate, their smiles were happy and so was the applause and tears from friends and family that Tala didn't even know Brian had come into since being with Natasha. Hugs and kisses to Brian's cheeks from aunts, handshakes and back patting from the older men of Natasha's family. They loved him…and Brian loved them.

Tala hugged him, it was short and involved some rough back patting too, Spencer did the same, Tala kissed Natasha's cheek and she beamed, hugging him and saying how happy she was that he could make it. He was introduced to certain family members by Natasha, as Brian's closest friend and Brian didn't go against it, smiling at Tala all the while.

When the reception begun, Tala was seated at the beautifully laid out long table at the head of the large reception hall, Spencer to his side, with another friend of Brian's that Tala didn't even know he had, to the other side of Spencer.

Tala sat right beside Brian, while Natasha was on the other side with her maiden on honor and bridesmaids following the line. Natasha's parents were also on her end, just before the maid of honor. It was prefect and Brian couldn't have looked happier.

When he danced with Natasha and kissed her as he tipped her and spun her around easily, she was giggling all the while, Tala just nudged Spencer, who teased Brian good naturedly about being a horrible dancer.

They laughed together easily, like they hadn't in ages.

Everyone joined in the dancing eventually, Tala taking the maiden of honor onto the floor and showing everyone what a horrible dancer he was, the girl found it amusing and they got along very well. He was glad she's been told by Natasha that her partner for the wedding was gay, it seemed to put her at ease, like knowing she didn't have to worry about a man trying to get in her pants…or under her dress in this case, calmed her. She was very attractive so Tala understood her plight, and so he showed her a great time, laughing, joking and dancing.

There were speeches and jokes a bit later and when the mic came to Tala he was a bit stumped. He'd simply stood up and greeted every one, smiling at Brian as he thought over what to say.

"I grew up with Brian…he's crazy." he started and everyone laughed, Brian rolled his eyes and made a duh expression, Tala nodded, "…yeah, but he's great and he's a real friend…" he went on, "…and since he's such a good friend, so loyal and honest, I just know, that he is gonna be the same way with Natasha, he's gonna be the best he can for you, friend and husband." he winked at her and she beamed at him, laying her head on Brian's shoulder.

"I couldn't possibly be happier than I am right now…" it was a stretch of the truth but he went with it, "…being able to see such a perfect couple…Natasha, your great, your wonderful, Brian's crazy, but he loves you…he really does." he smiled again at them, "…to Brian and Natasha!" he raised his glass, which consisted of non alcoholic champagne and everyone cheered and then the tinkling of glass started, followed by the chant of 'kiss' and soon the happy couple locked lips and Tala sat back down and sipped the drink he'd committed himself to for the evening.

* * *

"Look at her…I love her…she's perfect." Brian was leaning on the table as he watched Natasha dance with Leon, Tala remembered him.

Spencer was sitting with the two of them, nursing his vodka, his own girlfriend was also mingling, apparently she knew people that Natasha knew.

"You're lucky you crazy bastard." Spencer grinned.

"I really am." Brian smirked and then their eyes simultaneously settled on Tala between them.

"So, you don't drink anymore for real?" Brian asked.

Tala looked at him and nodded as he sat leaning back against his chair,  
"Yeah…stopped about a year ago." he ate a piece of the pasta salad he'd been nibbling from in his dinner bowl.

"Why?" Brian asked, Spencer remaining quiet.

Tala didn't want to mention Kai on Brian's wedding day so he worked around the question,

"I've done a lot of stupid shit when I'm drunk, you live and learn man." he said with a small laugh.

Brian nodded,

"Good for you Tal, sounds like its working for you."

There was some silence amongst them as they watched everyone dancing and talking and then Brian addressed the subject head on,

"So…no date."

The air thickened between the three of them instantly, but Tala was determined to be cool about the whole thing,

"….yeah. No date. Besides I got Cassandra, she's funny, I like her." he said speaking of the maid of honor.

"Oh yeah…she also has a vagina." Brian piped up.

"Jesus Brian…" Spencer mumbled disapprovingly, "…just leave it alone."

"Leave what alone?" Brian feigned innocence with little effort or gesture.

"You know Tala's involved, quit being an asshole."

Silence again and Tala kept his eyes downcast and let the fork poke into the salad again, he could feel Brian staring at him but then the tension dissipated and Brian let it go, also, his mother in law came along with an adorable little bundle of joy, with bright blue- grey eyes and a miniature version lime green princess dress on her tiny little body.

Tala was so entranced watching Brian hold his baby daughter so calm and expertly, cradling her and kissing her soft forehead lovingly, before showing her off to Tala and Spencer who had never yet seen her.

She gurgled and made faces, frowning mostly as Tala and Spencer stared at her. When asked if they wanted to hold her, Brian laughed when they declined, aware that his friends were not child proof. A baby might leave them helpless since it was the one thing that they would fail at epically.

…

Hours later the wedding party bid the newly weds goodbye as they prepared to leave for their honey moon on some love romanticized island thousands of miles away, the baby was safely left with a doting and very spry grandmother and lots of loving family members.

Tala wound up sitting alone on the chair at the long wedding table, the pure champagne in the bottle less than a meter from him was starting to look so good as the loneliness settled in his gut.

Spencer had said goodbye a little earlier, around 11 pm and it was going on twelve now, Tala had no particular interest in moving right then, so he stayed put.

"Hey Tala…nice to see you. Been meaning to say hi all night." Leon found himself a seat and pulled it over next to Tala, who glanced at him and blinked, watching the feminine posturing of Leon's hand as he held the champagne glass to his glossed lips and took a sip.

'Did I really sleep with this guy?' he asked himself self loathingly.

"Yeah, hey, Leon." he half smiled but without any real effort.

"How are you?" Leon asked, going at the small talk pretty steadily.

"I'm okay, yourself?" Tala answered casually and sipped his drink, which was useless in the act of getting drunk and passing out.

"…been good. I was looking forward to the wedding because I knew you'd be here…"

Honesty was sometimes a bitch.

"…okay." Tala answered bluntly.

"Don't worry, I know how you roll." he said and sounded like a moron.

That statement alone made Tala's eyes twitch with irritation,

"Huh?" he asked with a look in Leon's direction.

"I know your not a guy who goes steady…I was actually hoping we could just hook up, like we did that night…so long ago…best sex I ever had." he smiled.

Even with his contrasting pitch black hair, fair skin and pretty brown eyes, the way his mouth curved into an attractive smile with well kept teeth, Tala was hard pressed not to tell the man to piss off.

"…I'm not interested Leon." he said honestly. It really was a bitch sometimes.

Leon's sexy smile faded and he frowned,

"Oh, I didn't expect that…I thought it was obvious that you're a guy who likes to fool around." he stared at Tala who stared back and shook his head numbly, his eyes and face taking on a mildly pained expression,

"No…" he breathed and frowned at Leon, like he was hurt by those words, "…I'm a guy whose been in love with the same person for almost 4 years, I'm a guy whose sitting here now wondering where he is…wondering if he's with someone else while I'm here…because I hurt him and pushed him away. I'm a guy who was a complete asshole and now…I'm a guy who wants to get hit by a truck…because the idea of never being with him again is driving me to suicide anyw-whay…" he breathed the last part out and sat forward.

He ignored Leon's stunned expression and got up, walking away without another word.

* * *

Kai was everything.

_'A crown of gold…'_

Kai was everything to Tala, there was nothing else, but Kai didn't want him anymore. He choked back a sob as he drove himself home, he blinked as often as possible so the tears in his eyes didn't blind him from the road ahead. He didn't want to die right then, he needed to go home and smell Kai's presence and know that he was safe in his bed, wrapped in duvets and sleeping soundly. Then Tala would be able to think of anything else.

He drove into the parking of the apartment and left the car quickly, the elevator took long, it was all taking too long because he wanted to be in his safe place and see Kai there too.

Tala finally reached his floor and when he reached the door and pushed the key in, finding it locked he frowned, wondering if Kai wasn't home…

_'A hearts that's harder than stone…'_

He walked inside and everything was off, every light, like it had been when they left in the early afternoon. Tala took slow steps inside, closing the door with a small push so it clicked loudly closed in the silence and he walked through the apartment to Kai's room, pushing the half closed door open and peaking inside, he found Kai wasn't there and the bed was neatly made.

"…fuck." he said quietly to himself.

Tala walked back to the lounge and sat on the sofa in the dark, determined to be awake when Kai got home, he'd do this every time…for his own piece of mind, but this was the latest for Kai by far, what was different? Was tonight the night Kai came home with evidence of a night of a heated sexual encounter…or came home with someone.

Tala's face scrunched up and he clenched his teeth together in distress, breathing in and out loudly as he tried to calm himself.

'And it hurts a whole lot…' he sighed and sunk into the leather, staring at the general direction of the entrance to the hall, "…but its missed when its gone…" he blinked tears back, he was tired of crying, so tired.

* * *

Tala jerked awake when he heard a key in the door, but he hadn't locked it, so a minute later it was pushed open and he squinted into the darkness. He could hear Kai talking and he keened his hearing in the silence, he was groggy from having fallen asleep.

"…nice-enjoyed-evening-thanks-" Kai made a sound, somewhere between a 'hm' and approval then he mumbled something about maybe doing it again and by this time Tala was numb, not bothering to analyze Kai's tone of voice or casual standard politeness of his words.

He felt his hands shaking before Kai had even appeared in his line of sight, but Kai didn't bother to look into the dark lounge and went straight down the hall into his bedroom, the door closing quietly. He hadn't even checked for Tala?

'Only I do that…' he reminded himself.

Tala stood up and dragged his feet to the hall, further down to the guest room and he walked inside, his fingers twitched and the idea of dying was playing wonderfully like a catchy tune in his head.

"Call me a safe bet…I'm betting I'm not…" he locked his door, none too quietly and walked through the room to the cupboard where he kept some personal collectables from his early days in a shoe box, Tala was searching for a knife .

He found one and unclipped it so it flicked out, a sharp pocket knife, no qualms about anything, Tala was about to stick it into his wrist with a proper amount of force to sever any main veins and nerves when there was a soft knock on his door.

He froze in mid movement and frowned, the knock came again a moment later.

"Tala…" he heard Kai's voice from outside the room.

"…u-uh…uh y-y-yeah?" he said nervously and lowered the knife from his wrist, his eyes wide he felt a little weird and stupid all of a sudden.

"I…need your help with something, if your awake."

Tala blinked, Kai sounded very dumb when he said that.

"Okay…hold on a sec." he got up off his bed where he'd sat and put all the stuff back in the closet, placing the knife on his nightstand and then he made his way to the door.

He unlocked and pulled it open, Kai stood about 2 feet from him, dressed fully still, as Tala was,

"W-what's wrong, you o-okay?" he didn't know why he was nervous, maybe because of what he had just been about to do, or maybe because Kai's expression looked a little worried like his voice had sounded.

"…I uh…I think there's…a…spider…a huge one, in the bathroom. Could you uh…?" he gestured over his shoulder.

Tala was dumbstruck and he frowned, Kai wasn't scared of spiders, he knew that for a fact.

But, he wasn't about to turn down Kai for anything,

"Okay…" he ignored his paining heart when he remembered Kai's phone conversation minutes earlier and crossed the dark hall, walking over to Kai's room and slipping inside the room, the light was off in there as well.

He banged around a bit in the familiar bathroom, finding nothing even remotely resembling a spider or even an insect, Kai was too meticulously clean for that sort of thing, the drains were bleached every third day, the bathroom cleaned consistently and there were no windows where anything could happen to get inside, it didn't make sense.

Tala left the bathroom, discovering Kai hadn't followed him, Tala frowned again and left the bedroom, finding Kai standing in the passage and…his bedroom door had been opened more than he'd left it.

Tala paused just outside of Kai's bedroom door and Kai looked at him, they just stared at each other before Kai dropped his gaze,

"Anything?"

Tala shook his head and walked toward Kai and his door,

"No…no spiders." he answered stupidly.

"Alright, thanks." Kai answered shortly and walked away, back into his dark bedroom.

Stepping into his bedroom and closing his door again, Tala leaned against it, trying to understand what had just happened. As he glanced around, his hand absently fiddling with the key in the door, it dawned on him. He almost smiled when he realized that Kai was behaving the way he had a long time ago…checking Tala's room.

"Must have been because he heard me lock the door…" he mumbled to himself and smiled sweetly, wondering if this meant Kai was still interested or concerned with Tala.

Kai had seemed less tense when he'd gone back to his room a moment ago.

'Glad that you can forgive…' Tala smiled happier now, thinking that if this was how Kai still felt, then all hope was not lost, '…only hoping as time goes…you can forget.' he sighed, knowing that would make everything easier, if Kai could just forget how disgusting Tala had behaved, then they could fix this problem. He knew he'd never be like Brian and Natasha, but that's what made him a Kai so much better.

* * *

Tala didn't take up the knife again, he'd decided to delay suicide since he felt like he and Kai still had a shot at being together. But that morning when he made his way into the kitchen, seeing Kai standing there in his usual sleeping attire, Sunday lazy wear, he knew something was wrong.

Kai was stiff and seemed hostile even when all Tala said was 'morning' and he just made a noise at Tala, it was worse than Kai's tactful politeness.

Tala didn't want to push it, so he left it alone.

…

Later in the afternoon when Tala had finished eating the oven bake personal size pizza he'd made, he'd just come back from dumping his dish in the sink when he heard a noise in Kai's room. He walked down the hall and stopped near the door, his throat hurting when he realized what the noise was, Kai sounded like he was…trying not to cry.

He almost opened the door and walked in when he realized it wasn't his place to do so, so he stopped himself and stepped away from the door, he wanted to know what was wrong.

Tala walked back to the lounge and sat numbly on the sofa, his mind wouldn't leave Kai, he knew he was there, sad about something, crying about something.

"Is it me? Is he hurting because of me?" he breathed into his hands as he ran them over his face, wanting to know everything and nothing at the same time.

'If it makes you less sad…I'll move out of the state…' he thought miserably, he didn't want to make Kai cry, he didn't want to make Kai hate him anymore than he already did, he didn't want to force Kai to have to be in this position.

'I have to go…I have to give everything back to him and go…' he stood up and walked to the guest room, closing the door and finding a suitcase, Tala started packing a bag with shaking hands.

"You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way."

He stuffed his few photo's with him and Kai into a safe compartment of the bag, not willing to part with the few rare pictures he'd captured on his cell phone with Kai asleep in his arms on the couch or as he kissed Kai on the lips and managed to snap a picture of it.

Continuing to pack, he realized that Kai had photo's with him as well, work related but still, they were usually stood right beside each other in every picture.

He couldn't leave Kai with any memory of him.

He left the room and walked to the locked drawer in the lounge that kept personal work papers of theirs, he started digging through it,

'And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down…' he took out the pictures and with a final thought of keeping himself from making Kai miserable, he ripped himself off the end of one of the pictures.

Tala was achieving nothing by doing this…he and Kai's lives were joined in every way, he could tear all of the photo's up, but there would still be magazines and more pictures at work, more articles…it was unavoidable.

But he convinced himself that trying as better than nothing.

Tala would have to remove himself completely, he ripped a fourth photograph up and tossed the torn up pieces onto the desk surface in a growing pile of shiny torn photo paper.

His mind was all over the place and Tala didn't know what else to do, he had to make Kai stop crying,

"Every picture you paint…every part of your life that I'm attached to…I will paint myself out." he'd made his way back to the room, trying to pull himself together and failing, he found the knife where he'd left it in his side drawer and he stared at it. Kai had stopped crying, he hadn't heard a noise from him in his few trips back and forth.

None of Tala's actions made any sense, he knew he was losing it, behaving like a crazy person, ripping up photo's, wanting to cut his flesh some flakey teenager looking for attention, he'd been through hell in his life time and yet now he was reduced to such a pathetic human display by a simple emotion…

Putting the knife away, Tala sat down on his bed next to the half packed suitcase,

"I'm going mad…" he told himself.

…

A few hours later Tala had packed the rest of his clothes, his logical mind working better now, he was ready to leave Kai to his peace, but he wasn't going to kill himself and leave Kai to clean up the mess, he wasn't going to try and erase himself, he was just going to let Kai go. After packing successfully, Tala cleaned up the torn up photo's and neatened everything of the unnecessary mess he'd made so it wouldn't be noticeable.

The few hours that passed left the sun to set and it was after 7 pm by the time he'd cleaned himself up in the bathroom.

Deciding he had to tell Kai he was leaving instead of being a coward and running away, Tala left his room again, playing with the draw string of his tracksuit pants, he knocked on the door.

Kai had to be awake, it was too early in the evening for him to actually be sleeping.

When no answer came, he knocked again. Still no response and a small flash of panic later, Tala had opened the door and stepped inside. Kai was laying on the bed in the dark, his face was slightly visible as he faced the door side of the room and Tala was glad he was okay, just asleep.

'Its cold as a tomb… and its dark in your room…'

He didn't leave though, instead he went over to the bed and stood over Kai, staring at his sleeping face, it was dark so he couldn't see tear stains.

It was cold in the room, unnaturally cold for Kai.

'When I sneak to your bed…to pour salt in your wounds…' Tala sat down beside Kai and the blunette's eyes opened slowly, revealing he hadn't been too deeply asleep, he was laying over the covers so Tala assumed he'd just closed his eyes and deciding to lay there. They stared at each other, no question or answer in either of their expressions while their vision adjusted in the dark.

Tala's reached his hand out and his knuckles brushed over Kai's cheek, it was warm, unlike the room. His eyes trailed from Kai's face to Kai's T shirt, he had changed, obviously showered and changed, but it was creased from laying around in the bed.

Tala's hand moved lower and his fingers slipped under the material of the shirt, his cool fingertips playing over Kai's soft side as his eyes gazed longingly over Kai's neck, his hand slipped up and boldly grazed Kai's hardened nipple.

Kai laid there, eyes staring at Tala directly but his breathing becoming deeper very slightly. Tala shifted so he was kneeling on the bed, pushing Kai onto his back from his side and he straddled Kai's legs.

He pushed Kai's shirt up so his mouth could touch the flat, firm stomach, his tongue running over the sexy shallow navel and feeling the fine hairs stick to his tongue.

Kai's breath hitched.

Tala dragged his hands back down, leaving Kai's shirt under his arms and his nipples both exposed and hard in the cold air, also from Tala's cool fingers. He caught the hem of Kai's jeans, finding the button and getting it open, he pulled it down and his mouth kissed lower to Kai's lower abdomen.

Tala sat up quickly and pulled his own shirt off hurriedly, then pulled the pants off of Kai who remained laying there, but his legs accommodated Tala's removal of the pants and the boxers that followed. Tala's mouth lowered straight onto Kai's erection which was fully aroused, it made Tala happy, Kai wanted him. He moved his mouth and tongue, bobbing his head along the length of Kai and felt that familiar shiver course through Kai, his thighs tensing as they rubbed naked against Tala's bare shoulders, he loved the feeling.

When he felt Kai was hot enough, his cock fully red and his face flushed, he pushed his pants down and let his sticky erection free from the confines. Tala lay between Kai's legs and with only his pre-cum for lube, he started entering Kai, who relaxed his muscles and opened himself up to take Tala's length.

In. Tala pushed in and felt the tightness press to his length once he was fully sheathed, Kai was purposely tensing his muscles to pleasure Tala, it was like heaven.

He thrust out and in again and Kai's legs wrapped around his waist tightly.

Tala supported himself above Kai as he thrust into Kai, who moved his hips as much as possible, there was no moaning between them and only the obscene sound of their skin smacking together, loudly in the silence and their heavy breathing.

Kai's eyes closed when Tala started thrusting harder and faster, his lips parting as his body keened for more, Tala's the same, but his eyes remained open.

This was what Tala wanted.

Kai.

The pace quickened, Kai's anus tightened around Tala more and more until Kai came and finally made a moaning sound, Tala let go with a few more loud smacking sounds, turning to a squelch as he filled Kai with his release and saw Kai shiver at the warm feeling, he always did. He'd even told Tala that he loved how it felt, it turned him on.

Then they fell still, save for their breathing, Kai's legs fell from Tala's side.

Tala stared down at Kai until he opened his eyes and when he did, they stared at each other.

For what seemed like long minutes.

'So call it quits…or get a grip.' Tala told himself. He was either going to forgive Kai or he wasn't and he decided he would, because Kai was all he wanted.

But when Kai turned his head away,

"Please…go…leave me alone…" he choked out and tears lined his eyes.

Tala's eyes softened sadly and he nodded,

"Okay." he got off of Kai with the least contact he could, gathered his clothes and left the room as quietly as he'd come.

Painful as it was at being told to leave, it helped Tala to resign himself to leave Kai for sure, after seeing that even being with Kai again, Kai hated him and that wasn't going to change.

"I'm a fucking idiot…I should have just left him untouched…now I've made it worse…" he told himself, realizing he'd only made the shit deeper.

'You say you wanted a solution Tala…you only wanted to be missed.' he said distastefully to himself in his head, he was selfish to do that to Kai.

Sitting on his cold bed, his body still slightly warm from his heated yet completely un-intimate sex with Kai only minutes earlier, Tala once again, allowed himself to cry.

* * *

Tala felt a presence around him, he assumed it was just morning telling him to get up and face his fucked up life like a man. Opening his eyes slowly, he became aware of a very real presence and turned over to his beds edge.

"Jesus!" he shouted and his tired eyes were wide with fright.

No it wasn't Jesus, although at that point Tala wouldn't have minded the company.

It was just Kai, pale and very tired and angry, standing over Tala with red eyes so fierce and harshly trained on him that he felt like Kai was planning his murder as he stood there.

"Something you wanna tell me, Tala?" he asked, his mouth moving in slow motion, or so it seemed since Tala was still half asleep.

"Huh?"

Kai shifted and the next thing Tala knew, his large luggage bag was dumped on him, heavy and complete with hard plastic to the underside, Kai had intended for the bag to hurt Tala with it's weight and it had.

"Oh…" he mumbled groggily.

"Oh? So…its okay for you to leave me, but when I wanna leave, you threaten me."

"I didn't threaten you." he answered weakly.

"I am so tired of doing this arguing shit with you…just fess up to your chicken shit ways Tala." he wasn't yelling, this looked much like the bastard Kai that might face Tyson or Ray, irritated with stupidity.

With a deep sigh, Tala shoved the bag off his stomach and it landed on the floor somewhere, Kai shifted so it didn't land against his legs or anything. Tala sat up,

"I was planning on leaving, for your sake, not my own."

"…yeah?" there was a quirk to Kai's voice, the sarcastic type, "…I get it, so you running away from all the shit you started is going to help me." Kai was stiff, rigid, his arms at his sides and he looked very intimidating right then as Tala felt like he'd not be able to put up a fight if Kai were to start one.

He'd simply lost the will to fight anymore.

"I'm not going to argue right now…I don't want to argue ever again. Last night was the worst fucking night I've had in this year…and that's saying something." he sighed again and leaned his face in his hands, bending his knees up a bit to lean his elbows on his legs as he still sat in his bed.

"…worst…why?" the question slipped quietly, as if Kai hadn't wanted to ask it.

_'Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not.'_

"Because, after so many years…that was the coldest sex we've ever had…I don't want that, ever again." Tala just went ahead and said what he was feeling.

"So why did you even come into the room?"

He felt weight on the bed and he realized Kai had sat down near his feet.

"I was coming to apologize, to tell you I was leaving you to live your life, to move on…then I saw you laying there…and I just wanted…" he trailed off and his fingers bent a bit as he pressed them against his pale forehead tightly.

"…Tala, I need to ask you something."

"I haven't slept with anyone." Tala said before Kai went any further.

"Not…that." Kai said quietly again.

"What then?" Tala looked at him now, hands dragging down over his face and covering his mouth instead as his tired blue eyes focused on Kai's side profile, the blunette wasn't looking at him.

"All this time, since our last big fight…have we been broken up?"

It was a very random question, but it had been something Tala had assumed.

"I…I thought so…" he answered vaguely and he saw Kai relax his shoulders a bit,

"I thought so too." Kai mumbled.

It dawned on Tala, very easily, why Kai was asking and he's face became sad as he looked down at his comforter,

"…you slept with someone else?"

"No, I didn't." he answered quietly, sincerely, Tala believed him.  
"…what then? Why do you ask?"

It was odd how they'd gone from having loud and aggressive arguments and conversations, to being so exhausted with each other that they were speaking so hushed.

"I just kissed someone…willingly, the other night when you went out and I did too."

"…ok." Tala said very distantly, he wasn't about to ask any questions. He wanted no answers.

"Then I fucking cried…and felt sick. I only did it because you went out, I didn't want to be caught off guard, believing that you and I were still a couple…when you were out…maybe doing something with someone."

"I didn't do anything with anyone, I went to Brian's wedding." he still spoke distantly.

"…oh." Kai responded.

Numb, Tala was numb.

"I thought I'd cheated again…I thought I'd just gone and fucked up again, when I saw that you hadn't brought anyone home and I had done something I didn't really want to…I just kept telling myself to move on…because I thought you were…" he was speaking quietly and steady.

"Why were you so cold to me last night?" Tala asked out of the blue.

"Because I feel guilty." he glanced over and met Tala's gaze briefly.

"…don't feel guilty…when we were apart the last time I was acting like a cunt and I fucked 2 people, if you kissed someone while we were broken up…you have nothing to feel guilty about." he reasoned, he didn't know he had any reason left, he'd assumed all common sense had left him, maybe the night before had opened his eyes and senses again after being dulled by anger for so long.

_'Glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.'_

"I wanted to leave…"'…so you can forget…' "…so you can forget, about all of this and move on, we've been living like two people who don't even know each other…it hurts." Tala admitted to Kai.

"It does hurt…" Kai admitted in return.

"I never lied about loving you."

Kai didn't respond at first and then he nodded slightly and glanced at Tala,

"…I'm glad." he said quietly.

Tala tilted his head to stare at Kai and watched his lover…the man he loved…with interest as Kai held his gaze and stared back.

"What…happens now?" Kai asked Tala, putting the ball in his court.

Tala's eyes lowered for a moment and he took in Kai's lean frame looking hunched beneath the baggy long sleeve shirt and track pants, Kai had changed, it was not too warm in the apartment.

"What do you want?"

"…I think you know."

Tala smiled and laughed quietly and bitterly,

"I don't actually…I'm so confused…you hate me K-"

"No I don't you fucking twat." Kai said turned his head away and frowning, "…I was angry."

"You weren't angry, you were seething, pissed, violent-"

"I get it Tala."

Tala was still smiling.

"I love you Kai. I'm the one who fucked up this time, I never forgave you…for that night in the club…" Kai looked at him with sad eyes, "…I know I said I did but I didn't, hell, if anything, I started resenting you a little more everyday…"

"I knew…it, I knew you were holding a grudge, I just didn't wanna believe you would after I forgave you so easily for Ray…"

"Its not the same thing…"

"It was all complicated…" Kai mumbled.

"It still is."

"I just want to simplify it, please Tala!" he finally raised his voice, not wanting to dig up all of the rotting bits and pieces of their relationship problems they'd buried, or tried to.

"You still want to be with me?"

"Yes…" Kai answered with an obvious sigh, "…do you still want to be with me?"

Tala reached out and took Kai's hand, lifting it to his mouth and kissing sweetly, each knuckle,

"…you know I'm fucking hopeless without you babe."

Kai cracked a small smile and crawled onto the bed, over Tala and he straddled him, his arms slipping around Tala's neck and they hugged, Kai's face in Tala's warm hair and Tala's nose to Kai's shoulder.

"I'm not gonna cheat again, I swear, I'm not that weak anymore…" he mumbled to Tala.

Tala smiled against Kai's shoulder and he used his arms around Kai's waist to toss him to the side and roll on top of him,

"You'd better not…I think this time I might kill you…" he said as he nuzzled Kai's neck, cheek and hair with a deep inhale.

Kai stiffened and Tala kissed his ear, without reassuring Kai he'd been joking…well…he hadn't.

Tala knew that the punch he'd given Kai over a year ago had left no physical scar, but it was a mental one, it was the first time Tala had ever hit Kai, after showing so much restraint and it had been only a taste…after Kai had witnessed Tala's full rage in the club as well.

No, Kai wasn't the type to be scared easily…but he was smart enough to be cautious.

They lay that way for long minutes, Tala just holding him, warm and soft beneath his cold body, Kai's fingers had innocently enough traveled under his shirt and tickled over the skin of his lower back. Tala only ever wanted to be with Kai, love him without resent and have the same in return, but that hadn't been possible…maybe now?

But then again, hadn't he hoped for that before?

Hadn't he and Kai had 'turning points' before?

"Is it really going to be different this time Tala?"

'Ah…ever the mind reader…' he smiled warmly against Kai's hair and then squeezed Kai tighter, pressing them together as much as possible so he could feel the thud of Kai's heart beat against his own chest,

"…I think this time…we should just see what happens…"

"Tala…kiss me…" Kai mumbled.

"No." Tala answered very quickly.

"…you…don't want to?" Kai mumbled again, "…because I've kissed-"

"No you dumb-ass…" Tala dismissed in a mumble of his own.

"Why then…?"

"Morning breath…"

Kai laughed…Tala smiled.

* * *

A month later and no incidents had occurred, they'd gradually by and by found their feet around one another again after the long months of being so distant. The only thing that hadn't happened again in that month…was sex.

This was the opposite of what usually happened between them after fighting…but both never mentioned it, Tala was afraid to bring it up, especially since their last sexual encounter had made him feel ill and rejected.

He didn't know Kai's reasons, but he wasn't assuming anything.

Tala felt a very dull sense of dejavu as he laid on the couch and Kai returned home from gym that late afternoon, ignoring Tala and going about his business unpacking his gym bag. Tala didn't like the feeling, he wanted to be in the present with Kai because they'd come so far.

"Hey babe." he spoke up, sitting up on the couch to see Kai better.

Kai glanced at him and Tala grinned when he received a smile, small but still a smile,

"Hey Tala."

He wasn't about to let any moment he had to speak with Kai pass him up, after 4 months of living with him and never once talking, he felt dread fill him during every uncertain silence.

"Do you want me to get pizza?"

Kai left his bag and what he was doing, Tala was even more pleased when the blunette gave him full attention, walking over and flopping onto the couch next to him, Tala tipped his body over and his head landed on Kai's lap a moment later, he adjusted himself to get comfortable,

"I'm not going anywhere now…" he closed his eyes and smiled when he heard Kai make a snorting sound,

"I have to shower, I'm sweaty."

"You look sexy like this…"

"Tala…"

"Kai…"

Tala was about to crack an eye open to see what Kai's expression was like but he just relaxed when he felt Kai's fingers run through his hair.

They didn't have pizza that night, nor did they have sex.

But they did both fall asleep on the couch.

* * *

Tala knew Kai liked to be kissed properly but at that moment as he let his tongue slide into Kai's mouth, it was too needy to be precise, he just needed to taste Kai and he had a similar response from Kai, their tongues just mixing deeply without a care for anything classier, even the wet sounds didn't make them stop.

Until they fell off the bed and both burst out laughing.

"You moron…" Kai laughed as he started opening Tala's pants, ignoring that they were still on the floor, Tala just grinned at him and let Kai's hands find his length while he kissed Kai's bare shoulders and neck, sucking the flesh and biting.

It was only a little under the second month, but neither had found the abstinence within themselves. Tala could hardly stop himself when he'd returned from work later than usual from a training meeting and found Kai sitting on the kitchen table and reading through a cook book with his tiny frameless spectacles on his pointed noise…sexy much.

He'd dragged him from the kitchen with intense urgency and the minute his hands had touched Kai's waist, his mouth found Kai's mouth…Kai started dragging Tala toward the bed in stumbles a second later.

Kai was moaning, Tala found himself doing the same.

So much need…left not much time between beginning and end.

10 minutes flat and both of them were sprawled on the floor, Tala laying over Kai's body in a heap of naked skin and sweat, panting filled the room.

Tala made a whining noise,

"I'm sorry…"

Kai was panting just as heavily,

"Shut the fuck up…I came too, idiot." he said as he blinked his eyes a few times with a smile.

Tala lifted his head to look at Kai,

"Do I get a second try?"

"As many as you like…"

* * *

Just like that, things settled back into the normalcy the two had become familiar with at the peak of their relationship. Work, going out to dinners and even their personal time was filled with their usual comforts.

Random jokes and swearing each other playfully. Sexual tension which led to either kisses and cuddling…yes, Kai cuddled, minimally but he did, or to all out sex which left them exhausted and satisfied.

"Shut up!" Kai said as he whacked Tala over the back of his head with a pillow, "…I do not snore you bastard…your just trying to irritate me."

Tala was laughing as he was kneeling on the bed at the foot, Kai was under the blankets at the head, they were about to go to bed when Tala had told Kai not to snore.

Kai didn't snore, but it was a lot of fun seeing him turn red.

"You do snore…its like a soft snorting sound and ahahaah!" he laughed when Kai got to his knees and whacked him some more with the pillow,

"Shut up!" he was laughing too.

Tala managed to grab the pillow away and with a devilish glint in his baby blue eyes he whacked Kai's left side with the pillow.

Kai grabbed another pillow and they went at it, not by any means in a playful couple way, but in the way two friends would go all out hitting each other.

Man to man pillow fight. If that even makes sense.

It ended with them laughing and talking about the abbey and how the pillows always smelled like mildew and Boris. As they lay there, the conversation progressed to their thoughts and opinions about Boris, Kai really hated him while Tala had a certain amount of respect for him. They talked about snowed in days and training, which led to the BBA and its easy regimes compared to what they'd gone through.

"…we've been through some shit huh?" Tala asked as he stared at Kai who was laying on his back staring at the ceiling while Tala lay on his side staring at Kai.

"…no, I've had it easier than you. I remember when we first moved in together and I saw you shirtless, I saw the bruise on your rib and you said it was just the usual…you hadn't been at the abbey for at least a month by then and you still had that bruise." he glanced at Tala.

"…Boris wasn't limited to his punishments, he found a away to hurt us without anyone finding out even when we weren't at the abbey…"

The conversation died after a moment and they just lay there.

* * *

In a strange but not negative turn of events, Brian called Tala on a cool Saturday afternoon several months later.

The seasons were in the middle of changing and it left the moderate cold of Japan's winter to be passing. It was a stunning sight if you were taking a walk outside, you'd see the flowers and grass returning to life, Tala always admitted when he saw this that Russia was beautiful in its own right, but it never had such lively beauty.

Life with Kai had become blissful, as it had been just before their big fight so long ago and nothing seemed to have shaken them thus far. They'd never talked about who Kai kissed, but Tala didn't care so he wouldn't ask. They had the occasional disagreement but it was about household things, Tala would leave the milk out and it would go sour, or he'd leave the remote for the television in the kitchen…several times.

Kai would crap on him about it, whine and complain about Tala's unorganized existence, especially when he would only tell Kai they were running short on something right after Kai noticed it for himself…coffee, toothpaste…lube.

But it was never major and Tala always made up for it with massages or surprises like hiring DVD's for a movie night where he'd dote on Kai adoringly.

Kai had even had the courtesy to ask where Max was, Tala had omitted the story, it was Max's private business and he'd just told Kai that Max had needed to see his mother very badly. Kai hadn't asked any questions after that, Max had been replaced so until he chose to come back there was no immediate problem.

After everything had been going so well, when he received a call on his cell from Brian, he expected something to be wrong, after all, this was Tala's life and nothing could really go right for too long.

He saw his cell light up and start to shift around on the coffee table as it vibrated against the solid glass surface. Tala switched off the vacuum cleaner and the loud hum ceased after a moment, he reached for his phone and raised it to check the caller ID.

Seeing Brian's name, Tala answered the call,

"Hey man, what's up?' he asked casually, Brian hadn't called him since the wedding night but since things hadn't ended badly between them, he didn't think there'd be a problem.

"Hey Tala, how you doing?" Brian's voice came across pleasantly.

"Not too bad, pretty good actually, how are you Mr. Married Man." he teased with a grin and sat down on the couch.

Brian laughed slightly,

"Loving every minute, I love saying 'my wife', it makes me feel like I have the greatest thing in the world…" Brian sounded so weird.

Tala still had to raise 'wow'd' eyebrows whenever he thought of Brian's unlikely situation, in love, married and a dad…the man had been a menace not too long ago.

Then again, Tala and Kai had been two very different people too, now they were a couple who'd been together for  **years** , domesticated and business orientated.

Wow.

"Sounds great man, never heard you sound so soft before…" Tala chuckled and Brian did too,

"Yeah…well, being a dad makes me soft, She's so fragile you know, like a glass doll, I'm so scared of anything happening to her."

"You seemed really good with her though at the wedding, I didn't wanna touch her in case I broke her." Tala admitted, with an uncertain expression even as he sat there alone in the lounge.

Brian was laughing,

"Yeah I fucking know, I saw you and Spencer's faces, it was like I was holding a grenade and you were scared that the pin would come out…"

They both laughed at that, Tala agreed with the description.

"Come on Tala, you never wanna be a dad?" Brian ventured the question which left a momentary silence over the open phone line, this was a dangerous question.

Brian knew he was gay and that he was most likely still with Kai.

"…I don't know man, maybe. But besides that, unless Kai has a womb and ovaries that I don't know about, I don't think it'll happen…" he decided to keep the conversation light while indirectly informing Brian that he and Kai were still an item.

Surprisingly Brian didn't get hostile,

"Don't be a dip shit Tala, I meant adoption or something." he was still smiling, Tala could tell by his tone of voice.

Taken slightly, since Tala had never actually considered that option at all and by the fact that Brian had considered it on Tala's behalf, he just made a strange sound over the line and blinked a few times, leaning back on the couch and frowning in slight thought.

"I don't think I'd make a good parent, I like kids well enough but between Kai and I, there isn't much maternal affection." he admitted being more serious.

"Yeah, I guess I can agree with that…I felt the same way though…but to each his own."

"Yeah, exactly."

Before the telephone call could become awkward, Brian started on an up beat note again,

"Oh yeah, man I called for a reason, we're having a party this weekend, Natasha and I, a house warming…"

"You guys bought a house? Nice man…" Tala indirectly congratulated.

"Yeah, having a family means building a home…Natasha sprouts these wise comments all day…" slight sarcasm but not insultingly so, they both laughed shortly, "…right so, your invited naturally, she loves you and keeps going on about you having to be there because your Uncle Tala now you know."

Tala smiled at being 'uncle Tala, but he sighed as well,

"…Brian…I don't wanna cause any shit between you and I, but I'm gonna be upfront with you. I'm not comfortable with excluding Kai from anything in my life, I know you don't take it seriously, but I am in a relationship with him…" he said evenly, not sounding hostile but neutral.

"So your saying you want to bring Kai?"

'Is that what I'm saying?' he wondered vaguely to himself, Kai would probably decline an invitation anyway, which made him sad to a certain extent.

"I'd like to have the option." he said honestly.

"Okay, well then you have the option to bring Kai to the party if he even wants to come."

"…really? Your not gonna get upset?" he was genuinely curious.

"…look, I don't like him, that's old news, but if by now the two of you are still together, I have to face the fact that there's a very real possibility that its going to stay that way." Brian sounded exasperated.

Tala was smiling,

"It is going to stay that way, Kai is  **it**  for me man." he reassured.

"…yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so it's next week Saturday, you can bring stuff if you want to add to the food or drinks, its up to you guys. There's a catch though Ivanov." Brian had a very pleasant lilt to his voice.

"Catch? To a party?"

"Yip, Natasha loves throwing parties, she's like that, so this party has a dress up theme and because there's going to be children there, it's themed as anything child safe."

"So…like…fairytale characters, or cartoons and stuff?"

"Yeah, actually, your spot on…fairytale, comic book…be creative."

"Cruel and unusual."

"Don't I know it…"

"Well, see you next week Saturday, what time?" Tala was smirking, excited.

"It's gonna start at around 12 noon time because of the children, but it'll run later for adults after the kiddies have all gone to sleep."

"Cool, so 12...oh and Brian…"

"Hm?"

"Please don't say 'kiddies' ever again, I get the strangest image of Rumplestillskin when you do."

"I would have thought you'd get that image if Ian had ever said 'kiddies or babies.'"

With that, they both burst out laughing and then said their goodbyes.

Tala got up off the couch and walked out of the lounge and into the kitchen, glancing at Kai as the lean and ever gorgeous younger man tossed the stir fry in the pan around with a flick of his wrist whilst holding the handle. The sizzling sound from the other pan on the stove filled the kitchen with the divine smell of beef.

He walked over to Kai as the blunette placed the stir fry pan back down and placed the glass lid on it, Tala quickly caught him around his waist and nibbled his neck, turning with Kai, so Tala was leaned against the counter beside the stove and Kai was leaning back against him.

"I can't smell you right now, but the beef smells fucking delicious." he said honestly, only able to smell the overpowering food in the kitchen even with his nose pressed to Kai's neck.

Kai smiled and turned around, kissing Tala and having it returned, Tala's arms tightening around Kai's waist possessively.

After a moment of enjoyable kissing they pulled apart and Kai looked at Tala,

"I heard you talking, were you on the phone?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's what I came in here to tell you…" Tala's hands started to fiddle with Kai' shirt.

"Brian just called me and invited us to his and his wife's house warming party next Saturday." he informed Kai.

"Us?" logical question.

"Yes, it would seem that he's finally excepted that there is no me…without you."

Kai raised an eyebrow,

"…is that so. So what now, he and I are going to try and get along? After our entire childhoods hating one another?" he stepped out of Tala's hold to see to the food.

"I'm not saying that and I don't believe that's what he's thinking, its just a stepping stone, as my friend for him to say that he is willing to accept you as a part of my life. He's finally taking our relationship seriously." Tala watched Kai as he busied himself with peppering the stir fry and when the younger man didn't bother to respond Tala managed an understanding smile,

"I never expected you to say yes Kai…I just wanted for him to know that I feel strongly enough about you to put you first." he kissed Kai's cheek lightly and then started to leave the kitchen to continue with his cleaning in the lounge.

"…I'll go with you." Kai's voice made Tala stop and turn around, Kai had spoken just above the sizzling sound, which ceased now as Kai took the fried beef strips off the stove, moving the pan to a cold stove plate and turning to look at Tala while he switched off all the hot plates.

Tala raised an eyebrow questioning if Kai was serious.

"If Brian can try then so can I." he said shortly and approached Tala, but instead of stopping at his red headed boyfriend, he walked passed Tala and out of the kitchen.

Tala smirked and followed him,

"You and your ego Hiwatari." he snickered.

"Fuck you." Kai was smirking as he sat in the lounge.

Tala ignored the abandoned vacuum cleaner for the moment and stood watching Kai,

"So, you'll definitely come with me?" he had to finalize.

"Yeah, I will."

"…great…" Tala laughed, "…by the way babe…" he turned and walked to the vacuum cleaner, "…it's a dress up party." he switched the vacuum cleaner on and stifled a laugh at the look that Kai gave him.

* * *

Tala would have loved to have had his way and gotten Kai to wear a fairytale princess dress, tiara and everything, just for the hell of it. He would have dressed as a prince and it would have been such a laugh, but Kai threatened to turn into the nut cracker…and Tala knew he didn't mean the little wooden one from the movie.

He was entirely happy anyway, since Kai was actually fully participating.

Tala knocked on the bedroom door as loudly as he could with the large soft green hand, he stood outside in the hall in his Shreck costume, only his face would be visible in the green suit. The hooded part was hanging on his back which consisted of eyes and ears that he'd have to pull onto his head to complete the outfit, he felt pretty stupid but he was glad that there were a large variety of characters to dress up as and both he and Kai had opted for Pixar characters.

"Kai, hurry up! Its almost twelve and Brian lives on the other side of town, I don't wanna be too late."

"Tala I swear to god! I look like a fucking idiot!" Kai shouted from the other side of the door.

Tala snickered but tried not to laugh when he answered,  
"Kai, come on, its just a costume, that's the point…I feel stupid too."

"Why the fuck did you pick this costume!"

"Because you look fuzzy and children loveable." he answered with a grin.

"I don't even like children!"

Tala winced but never stopped snickering,

"Babe, what if I wanted to adopt a baby one day, you have to be open to the idea…" he responded.

The door jerked open suddenly and Kai's eyes burned intensely with shock and curiosity,

"Excuse me?"

Tala's eyes widened and for a moment the costume Kai wore didn't matter, Kai looked furious,

"I was just messing with you!" which was true, although the anger that the statement caused was a bit of a shock.

Kai's eyes simmered down slowly and he huffed, making some of his hair shift from his face.

He looked cute and Tala's smile was wider than ever as he stared at Kai in the large blue fluffy costume, it was an expensive one, both of theirs had been, but so worth it to see Kai dressed up as Sulley from Monster's Inc. so his body was completely out of shape, just large and fluffy and the head part was up on Kai's head too so most of Kai's hair was hidden.

Tala stepped up to him and hugged him, their large costumes obstructing them and Kai not responding but Tala's heart was beating so fast,

"You look so fucking hot right now." he snickered and Kai pushed him off with a hot flush on his cheeks,

"Shut up, you…what the hell is Shreck again?" Kai looked a bit confused.

Tala gave himself a once over,

"An Ogre…does green make me look fat?" he did a pose sticking his shreck butt out and Kai had to laugh slightly as he walked from the hall in his large costume.

"Your enjoying my pain you asshole." Kai said half heartedly when Tala entered the kitchen after him, he'd started packing the cake he'd baked, on Tala's request since Tala preached that Kai made the best chocolate cake ever, along with the lasagna dish all into a convenient carry bag.

It was hard to do dressed as they were, even Tala had difficulty packing the coolers and soda's into the cooler bag, he and Kai didn't drink but they'd decided to take alcohol along anyway to add to everything that would be there.

Tala made the trip in the elevator to the car and packed the first lot of stuff and then went back up to the apartment to help Kai with the gifts for the house warming, two large boxes with expensive gifts in each.

Once they sat in the car, realizing that driving would be hard, Kai sighed and looked over at Tala from the passenger seat,

"Do you think we over did it with the gifts, I don't want Brian saying I'm trying to show everyone up…because this time it won't end well if he pisses me off."

"Hey now…relax, I chose the gifts anyway Kai, I'm showing everyone up." he grinned, "…now please move your large fluffy ass so I can get to the handbrake."

Kai gave him a large blue middle finger and shifted so Tala could reach what he needed.

As he reversed, managing to drive okay, Tala just hoped they didn't get pulled over. He didn't think it was legal to drive in the obstructive costume.

* * *

Tala pulled up along the curb outside of the nice sized peach colored house, he'd called Brian in the week to get the address. He and Kai looked around at all the cars, a lot of them parked on the road outside the house along with their own and when they glanced in the yard which had a brick brown fence around it, they saw a jumping castle and the heads of some people, adults obviously.

"What time is it?" Tala asked glancing at Kai.

"About a quarter to one."

"So we're not exactly late."

"We don't have kids…so we didn't have to be here for the children's party." Kai said dully and Tala nodded.

As they got out of the car, Kai looking a bit grumpy as he shifted the costumes weight around and shut the Mercedes door, Tala greeted a couple also just arriving and about to enter the yard, they smiled and greeted, dressed as a prince and princess, Kai didn't greet and just pretended to be too busy getting stuff out of the trunk.

"Good thing we didn't dress up as Shrek and Fiona." he teased and Kai rolled his eyes,

"As if, Tala."

Once they got all the stuff out, they locked up and made their way into the yard, Tala greeting all the people who smiled and said hi, Kai sparing them acknowledging glances. Children stared at them and some of the older ones recognized the costumes.

Most of the hetero sexual couples dressed as prince and princess but some did mix it up, there was a batman costume on one of the guys and there was a mother wearing a wonder woman costume.

"Why couldn't we dress up as something more suitable. I mean, with your hairstyle you could have been the pastier, skinnier version of wolverine, and I could have been Gambit." Kai was smirking.

"You like X-men! Holy crap, I had no idea…you got a thing for Gambit?" Tala smiled.

"No, I just think he's really cool…"

"He is cool, I don't like wolverine much…I'm more of a Spiderman fan."

"…either way, tight spandex would look good on you, not the colors though, that much yellow or red would clash." a compliment mixed with a tease.

Kai had his turn to snicker when Tala gave him a 'shut up' look, adjusting the gift box and cooler bag carried in his arm and hand as they approached the open front door.

Conveniently a little boy, no older than 5 came bolting past their legs in a Spiderman costume and they both smiled.

Inside, Tala looked around to spot either Natasha or Brian as they placed the gifts down near a pile of other gifts in the lounge, Tala walked over to a young teen boy who was sitting with two other teens, a girl and a boy, playing X box in front of the TV.

The three all had fantastic 4 uniforms on, so he assumed one of them were missing, he did think that maybe he and Kai should have gone for comic book characters, seeing how everyone else looked cooler than they did. Much like a child, Tala wanted to go home and change so he could fit in, he'd look much better in tight spandex than in a fat green suit, colors clashing or not.

Kai looked adorable though so he would have to stay that way.

"Hey, you seen Brian or Natasha?" he asked the trio who all glanced at him and the game paused.

"Aunt Natasha is in the back yard, I think Brian is too." the cocky one answered, obviously the Johnny Storm of the fantastic four because he was skinny and had the asshole buzz cut hairstyle.

'Loser's.' Tala thought childishly, "…thanks." he walked back to Kai,

"Let's head out back…I think they're there."

Kai just followed, exhausted already from the trip over to the house, it was an attractive, cosy house though and Tala noticed how the blunette looked around.

"You like it?"

Kai looked at him,  
"It's nice." Kai said evenly.

In the large kitchen was where it happened, Brian and Kai came face to face after a very long time.

Tala…cracked up.

Brian was dressed as Buzz Light-Year.

Even Kai, cracked a smirk and Brian blushed stupidly and scowled at Tala.

"Dude! Dude! You look just like him!" Tala continued laughing.

"Shut up, it was Natasha's idea." he shoved Tala lightly and then he looked over at Kai who raised an eyebrow at him and he held up the large cooler bag,

"Drinks…" he said evenly, Tala had placed the food packages on the counter.

Brian nodded and took the cooler bag,

"Thanks."

Tala glanced between them, their costumes made the situation seem so far from hostile it was unbelievable, they could get into a fight right then and Tala knew he'd probably just burst out laughing even more. This had not been a bad idea.

"Hey!" Natasha greeted as she came inside from the backyard carrying a little baby in a tiny orange and black little tiger costume, "…I almost thought you guys weren't coming." she leaned over and Tala kissed her on her cheek and then wiggled his large green fingers at the baby who frowned like it might cry.

She looked very attractive dressed as princess Jasmine from Aladdin and with her little Rajah carried in her arms, it was so random that Brian was Buzz Light-Year, but Tala had to admit, he looked so similar to the little action figure, every glance had him snickering and Brian glaring at him. Indeed, Both Jafar and Aladdin were out of Brian's dress scope, but not Buzz.

Brian decided to change the subject,

"She's been a bit scared of all the costumes I think…even at a few months, babies know things Tala…they know…" Tala could almost hear the eerie horror movie music enter the scene.

Natasha rolled her eyes and focused on Kai, smiling at him,

"You must be Kai…" she reached out her hand.

Kai took her hand and smiled at her as they shook somewhat formally,

"Yeah."

"I'm Natasha, or maybe you knew that already." she smiled and laughed, Kai smiled back very casually and Brian looked surprised.

Kai had changed.

"Its nice to finally meet you." she beamed.

"You too."

"Can I get you something to drink? Both of you?"

"I'll get it, don't worry." Tala smiled at her and moved over to the fridge, Brian followed him and they unpacked the drinks they'd brought into the large fridge.

Tala noticed that Natasha and Kai exchanged a few more words but it was all quite pleasant.

"So, Hiwatari actually came, or did you bribe him?"

Tala laughed lightly as he sipped from the can of ginger beer he'd just opened,

"Kai just wants all of this shit behind all of us…so do I…hopefully, so do you."

Brian stared at him,

"Are you really happy…settling with Kai. Is he really… **it**  for you, like you said to me on the phone." he asked quietly and curiously.

Tala nodded slowly,

"We've had a shit load of problems, more than I'd like to count or remember, but it feels right and it only feels that way with him."

They glanced over and saw Kai and Natasha still talking, she was showing Kai the baby and both Brian and Tala were surprised to see how normal Kai seemed around the infant, not nervous or uncomfortable like Brian had been his first time or how Tala was.

"Leon told Natasha that you'd declared your love for some guy at the wedding…" Brian said watching as Natasha held the baby toward Kai, probably asking if he wanted to hold her.

"…did he." Tala said without much interest, watching the scene too.

"Yeah, so she asked me if I knew who you were in love with because I'd never told her about Kai even once…so I told her about him after that, everything, about how I hate him and that I hate that your with him…"

"Okay…" Tala gave him a random glance.

"And she told me I was being selfish. She said that if you love him I should support you. Not push you away."

He looked over at Tala when he saw Kai finally leave the conversation with Natasha, sparing a glance in their direction before walking out of the kitchen.

"And she's right." he finished and smiled at Tala, "…your like my brother, I can't not have you in my life and if Kai's a part of that then I'll just live with it."

Tala smiled,

"Thanks Brian." he and Brian shared a back patting hug and then Tala took another soda can and went off to find Kai.

Walking into the dinging room he found Kai sitting with a kid next to him, Kai was staring wide eyed at the boy whose mouth moved constantly, telling Kai some animated tale because his small arms were moving expressively around and he was half toothlessly smiling.

"And…and then…when the baby goes missing they have to save her…"

"What's the bulletin?" Tala piped up and handed Kai the soda, the kid looking over at Tala,

"And your Shrek!" he exclaimed happily.

"He was just telling me that he knows what character I'm dressed up as." Kai removed his blue glove hand and opened the can which popped and hissed.

The kid stared at the can longingly,

"Kai I think he wants your soda."

Kai glanced at him and then looked at Tala,

"I can't give him soda…I don't even know the kid, he could be on a strict no sugar diet or something…" he looked at the little boy, "…go find your mom kid, she'll get you something to drink."

The little boy bolted and Tala shrugged,

"You just didn't wanna share." he sat down next to Kai on the small sofa under a window.

"Children have cooties." Kai sipped from his soda.

"You and Natasha hit it off?"

"She's nice enough…talks about her baby mostly and motherhood, its to be expected…all things considered, its what her life probably revolves around right now."

"And will for several long years."

"Painful years."

"No babies for us then." Tala glanced at him.

"That's the second time you've mentioned children in one day…" Kai pointed out.

"Just wanna know where you stand, pro or anti."

"Anti."

"Good to know…wouldn't want you to ruin that figure."

"Stop with the girl jokes."

"Stopped."

Kai sipped his can again and then looked at Tala sitting beside him,

"Pro or anti, Tala?"

Tala knew the answer, he'd given it more thought the last week since Brian had mentioned it than he'd ever in his entire life time before,

"Anti. Sometimes it seems like it might be fun to have a little person to care for, you know, a little Kai with a shorter scarf and little blue circles drawn on his cheeks like a bad ass Noddy."

Kai stared at Tala somewhat frightened by the description and Tala smirked,

"…but when I think really hard and be really honest with myself…I don't like kids enough to have one of my own." he said honestly.

"Hn…they're cute enough to look at." Kai said coming back from his perturbed feeling.

"Like a cute puppy."

"Maybe we should get a puppy." Kai smiled.

"Yeah, yeah that's not a bad idea…cute little Doberman." Tala grinned.

"What? Fuck no, I meant like a house pet you idiot, like a Maltese poodle. Cute small and fluffy."

"That could work…but maybe not a Maltese, too much fur, lets consider a Pug."

"Those fucking ugly dogs with the big creepy eyes." Kai looked at Tala like he was nuts.

"Yeah…they're so fucking ugly that they're cute, I like em." Tala pouted defensively.

Kai dead panned,

"We'll look into it…we'll shop around, see what appeals to us, as long as it's a house pet. I like living in an apartment, I don't want a big house with a yard so we don't need big pets."

"Sounds good…" Tala leaned over and Kai turned his head, they shared a quick lip to lip kiss and both smiled, Tala giving Kai's large blue costumed thigh a small squeeze,

"Let's make a deal though." he said as he stared into Kai's fair blue framed face.

"Hn?"

"No cats…ever."

Kai grinned,

"It's a deal, cats are cute but never as a domesticated pet." Kai admitted.

"I just hate them." Tala grinned back.

"Right…" Kai smirked, "…no cats ever."

Well, between a bird and wolf…why wouldn't they hate cats?

* * *

Kai didn't so much bother to mingle on his own, he sat watching the teens play video games for a long while and eventually joined in, taking down the egotistical Johnny Storm easily, considering how honed Kai's video games skills were.

Tala was outside with the adults…it sounds weird, but it was the way they were, Tala was sociable, Kai was not.

When late afternoon passed and all children had been fed and were exhausted, children started falling asleep randomly, some on the sofa's, some on the carpets in the lounge, one even fell asleep in the jumping castle and scared his mother half to death when she almost couldn't find him.

By 7 pm, all the adults were out of costume, some only half but for more restricting costumes, like Kai, Tala's and Brian's, they changed. Kai was smart enough to suggest wearing a full set of wearable clothes under their costumes.

They were lucky it wasn't summer or they might have sweat like pigs.

The teens had left, apparently they'd only come as three, so dressing as the fantastic four was very random as far as Tala was concerned, loser's indeed.

It was only adults now, sitting around and talking, well over 30 people, couples combined, they were standing and sitting around, some in the lounge ad yard, Tala and Kai in the kitchen with the lesser of the lot.

Tala was having a conversation about how European football was far better than South American football with another guy and when Kai had an opinion he interjected it subtly, spurring the conversation on because he disagreed with Tala to a certain extent.

It was a friendly debate where Tala learned that Kai wasn't as clueless about sports as he pretended to be…but somewhere in the conversation Kai did say that over all he thought football was stupid as a technical sport but it had its exciting moments.

They moved onto discuss hockey, which Kai knew everything about…Tala learned that Kai played hockey for his private school team in the years when he'd lived with Voltaire. It was so fascinating hearing him talk about strategies on the ice and the weight distribution of a hockey stick when shooting or angling a puck.

The man they were talking to was in his late thirties, 2 children and married for almost 14 years, he spoke fondly of his family and excitably about sport, he was easy to chat to, Tala liked him and Kai didn't seem to mind talking either as they drank their selective beverages and ate from the varieties of snacks laid out on the table.

"So, you guys used to Bey Blade right? I recognize you from my niece's paraphernalia. She was a major fan of the…uh, what's this team, the All Stars or something." he snapped his fingers when he got it, still smiling.

"Yeah, the All Stars suck though…" Tala grinned.

Kai smirked,

"Tala and I were both on international championship teams…"

"Really? That's a big deal, that sport is still one of the biggest in the world right? I think she liked that team because of the leader guy, you know teenage girls and their celeb crushes." he laughed and Tala smiled, Kai just smirking, remembering Michael and his cocky ways.

For a moment the conversation went to a bit of an uncertain silence and as Tala suspected, the man had wanted to asked a question,

"You guys are a couple right?' he didn't sound hostile.

Tala and Kai looked at him,

"Yeah…" Tala answered.

The man looked relieved,

"Sorry I asked, its just that I don't follow the media but my wife said you guys were a couple and I told her not to assume…she reads magazines and stuff." he laughed nervously.

"Don't believe everything you read in the media anyway." Tala leaned over a bit and kissed Kai's cheek,

"They make things seem so twisted…" it was twisted, but this guy didn't need to know that.

Brian had walked in and he saw how Kai smiled when Tala kissed his cheek and how…happy and cute they looked together. He came to stand at the counter and leaned next to the guy, his name was Aaron.

"What you guys talking about?" he piped up and Tala and Kai looked at him.

"Bey Blading." Tala wiggled his eyebrows and Kai smirked, taking some salted peanuts from the bowl between them and eating the handful.

"Ah…our trademark, huh fella's." Brian smirked.

"What are you doing now, at the moment Brian?" Kai asked him.

Brian locked his light eyes with Kai's red eyes but there was no hostility.

"I'm doing random jobs…nothing major."

"You have an investment with your experience, you ever considered taking up a job in the line of Blading?" Kai asked him evenly.

"…no…I pulled away from blading after the last championship we played."

"…well, Tala's department is looking for a new trainer."

Tala blinked but caught on quickly that Kai was mending the cracks between himself and Brian,

"Yeah, the position only opens up next month but it's a good position, well paying and keeps you physically fit, you don't wanna turn into an old bag." Tala snickered and Aaron smiled,

"That sounds great, you always mentioned how you missed the sport."

"There's also a children's bey training program that we've established…" Tala took the offer from Kai to drive it home, "…its for children 5 and up." he smiled.

Brian nodded and made a thoughtful face,

"I'll consider it, I'll talk to Natasha and let you guys know…thanks for the offer." he looked at the two of them and received a smile from Tala and a nod from Kai.

* * *

The sound of their aroused breathing was softer and more intimate than usual, Tala's mouth lingered on Kai's flat abdomen for a while as he ran his nose over the surface and then kissed the slight muscle, when Kai was laying flat his stomach was far more relaxed and soft to the touch.

He met Kai's mouth with a kiss a moment later and they kissed deeply, Kai's hands starting to remove Tala's shirt. Tala pulled from the kiss and the shirt came off slowly and then he lowered himself closer to Kai as he straddled him, finding Kai's hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing it,

"…thank you for being mine." he whispered against the skin.

"Thank  **you** Tala. I've fucked up so many times…" Kai sounded strangely husky.

"We've both fucked up…" Tala said matter of factly.

"We are both fucked up too." Kai smiled and Tala did as well. They kissed again, hands trailing each others bodies and entangling in hair whilst their clothes slowly came off.

Once they were naked and fully aroused, Tala rubbed his erection against Kai's entrance, feeling Kai's body pull him closer, legs always strong and firm around his waist.

He kissed Kai's neck, licking over his adam's apple and feeling Kai's throat vibrate with a low moan.

'You are calm and reposed…' Tala moved his lower half to cause friction against Kai's erection between them and Kai's breath hitched, the slow motion movements making both of them crazy with desire. He pulled back and watched Kai's eyes open and close as they rubbed together, '…let your beauty unfold.'

Tala wanted to see Kai blush right then, just to see that wide eyed look on his face, he knew just the way…something he'd always wanted to test on Kai with but never had,

"…babe…" Tala breathed, "…you wanna be on top?"

Kai nodded slowly,

"Okay…I don't mind…" he tried to kiss Tala who smiled and halted the kiss,

"I don't mean riding me…I mean be on top."

Tala was teasing Kai. He had often wondered what Kai would say, he'd never let it happen though…well, he didn't want it to happen, so he almost regretted asking in case Kai said yes and then he'd feel bad about saying no.

"You mean…"

Tala smiled a bit wearily,

"Yeah…"

Kai's unpleasant expression clearly showed the answer and Tala laughed quietly,

"I'm just messing with you…" he kissed Kai who was the one to halt it this time.

"You ass hole…just for that…" he said stubbornly.

"Oh shut up…" Tala smirked, "You know you don't wanna be on top…"

"You don't get to decide that…" Kai disagreed, feeling annoyed at being poked fun at.

"Hmmm…yes I do…you like it this way…you love the feeling of me inside you…" to make his point he started pressing himself into Kai's entrance and kissing Kai's neck.

Despite Kai's stubborn words, he didn't hesitate to ease himself to take Tala in.

The joke forgotten, Tala made up for embarrassing Kai with a night of heated love making.

Yes. Love making. Tala referred to it as such regularly, Kai didn't even object to the term.

…

In the early morning when it was still over cast and the room was in a white glow, Tala ran his finger over Kai's neck and stared at him with such deep love it left him almost sad.

No matter how many times he told Kai he loved him…Kai never ever said it back.

He knew he should just have accepted by now that Kai's love was in his actions and not in his words…but he just so badly wanted to hear those words from Kai's mouth.

He drew circles on Kai's neck and then ran his fingers over the slightly parted pale lips as Kai slept on his back beside Tala. He looked tired even as he slept, exhausted from a long night of sex and exertion, in the white glow he seemed to frail.

Looked to be Tala's complexion as he lay there drained and asleep.

'Pale white…like the skin stretched over your bones…' he reached down for Kai's hand and lifted the relaxed appendage, the fingers lightly curled, twitched when Tala's fingers tickled his palm. Tala played with the plain ring on Kai's middle finger, smiling at how Kai always wore it, not the bracelet but always the ring.

Was that another indirect symbol?

Kai hadn't taken it off since Tala had 'proposed their relationship together' so long ago, even when'd they'd separated for a few months.

Kai's skin prickled with goose bumps when a cold chill came in through the slightly open window, Tala smiled and pulled the covers up from Kai's waist so it covered more of his chest. Kai shifted and moved onto his side, his face automatically finding Tala's neck and he moved closer to lay against Tala.

"You cold?" Tala let one arm drape over Kai to hold him.

"Hn."

'Spring keeps you ever clothed…' after living for many years in a warm climate, Tala doubted Kai would be easily comforted by Russia's weather.

"We should visit Russia some time." he said randomly, not sure whether Kai was awake enough to answer.

"…hn." was all he got and he just accepted it and lay down on the pillow, his arm stretched out above his head and Kai's.

"I don't know if you love me…but I'll always love you…" he mumbled into Kai's hair which tickled his chin. 'You are second hand smoke, you are so fragile and thin…' he continued to trail his fingers over the skin of Kai's back as he held him underneath the blankets.

"What do you mean?" Kai's mumble sounded muffled against his neck.

"…I just mean…that, you've never told me how you feel." Tala mumbled back.

'Standing trial for your sins…'

"You know…that I care about you…you know how I feel…" Kai was coming around from sleep rather quickly.

"So if it's that simple then why can't you tell it to me…?" Tala ventured.

"…because I don't see why it has to be the way everyone see's it…I'm not like that…" Kai was shifting, moving so he could pull away from Tala.

'Holding onto yourself the best you can…' Tala thought with a frown, Kai didn't want to let go of himself so completely. 'I've forced enough out of him…' Tala shifted too, catching Kai tightly before he could move away and roll over.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset you, I'm happy the way it is." He kissed Kai, who had been frowning upset at him and they breathed out together as they parted, having been holding their breaths.

"You're my everything…" he whispered against Kai's lips and Kai's head rested back into the pillows, he was smiling very slightly and his eyes were half lidded, like he might fall asleep, "…just…stay mine and I'll be happy."

Kai nodded and he rolled back into his warm spot against Tala's neck, kissing the pulse beating slowly there and Tala smiled and held him tight.

'You are the smell before rain…you are the blood in my veins…' he closed his eyes to rest and sleep with Kai warm in his arms, their bit beast chains usually around their necks now lay on the bedside counter, glowing softly in the early morning light.

' _Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not.'_

_'I'm glad that you can forgive.'_

_'Only hoping as time goes…you can forget…'_


	10. Session 10

 

Tala rolled over in the bed and smirked when he popped a sleep puffy eye open, Kai was very deeply asleep with his head facing Tala, laying on his stomach and his face was squashed into the pillow. It always dawned on Tala on mornings like this or nights when Kai would fall asleep while they watched movies on the sofa, that what he saw and what he experienced of Kai was something that no one else had or ever will. 

He smiled again and closed his eyes before rolling over once, twice and right on top of Kai. 

A moment later as Tala feigned sleep whilst he lay atop Kai’s body that was warm and weak with sleep, he heard that familiar groan and whine and his chest warmed with affection.

* * *

 

Tala watched Kai clacking away on his lap top in the hotel room, setting a scene with the dull orange lighting, awful carpets and stiff furniture that all hotels had.  Tala sat across from Kai sipping his tea while Kai’s newly made tea sat on the wooden table steaming, with the tea bag draw string hanging over the side idly. 

On the television was discovery channel with nothing worth discovering right then. 

“Your tea’s getting cold.” Tala said with naughty wide blue eyes, yip, he was going to irritate Kai until he put the lap top away.

“I know…you said that already 2 minutes ago.” tick tack click clack.

“So…you should probably drink it.” Tala hid his smirk with a sip from his cup. 

Kai wore 2 jerseys and even though the heat was on in the room, he was still catching up with being in Russia’s crippling cold whether again…and it was summer…huddled into the couch with his lap top on his lap and his limbs pulled as close together as possible. The only parts of his body not covered in warm clothing were his busy hands and his face.

“Your cold…”

“Yeah…can the heater go up anymore.” Kai asked innocently enough as he went on with some work report that he refused to let alone until it was complete.

Tala raised his thoughtful eyebrows,

“I have an idea…”

“Hn?” Kai made the distant sound.  
“You should drink your tea…while its still hot.” 

Bingo. Kai stopped clacking away and he raised his annoyed red eyes to meet Tala’s wide innocent baby blue eyed gaze, his mouth and half smile hidden behind his cup but it was obvious enough that he was smiling.

Kai gave a sarcastic smile of his own and stretched his legs out he humored Tala’s insistence, his sock covered toes wiggled a bit and he placed the lap top down on the table and then lifted the tea cup up, bringing it to his lips, his smiled now gone, he sipped it and swallowed the hot liquid.

Tala watched his adam’s apple bob slightly and then Kai licked his tea warm lips and glanced at Tala,

“You happy now?”

Tala didn’t bother to respond, instead he got up and walked over to Kai, sitting down next to him and placing his own half empty cup on the table, he took Kai’s from his hand and put it down too.

Kai was about to mention how dumb Tala was being, nagging him to drink it then taking it away, but he wasn’t able to when Tala leaned forward and attacked his mouth with a kiss, a bit rough but very deeply intimate, Kai responded by opening his mouth and welcoming Tala’s taste, Tala’s hand running over his cheek and into his dark blue hair. 

Tala pushed Kai backwards on the couch and let his hands roam Kai’s familiar body, it had only been about a week since they’d been together physically but it was making Tala crazy that all Kai wanted to do was work. 

The long flight to Moscow, Russia had left them sleeping over in smaller towns before landing in Moscow, all because Tala wanted the trip to be exciting and spontaneous so he’d booked a via/via flight instead of a direct one.

But in all the time between leaving Japan and getting to Moscow, all Tala had received from Kai was distant conversation and one lucky shower together when Kai was irritable and cold.

All because he’d pulled Kai away, spontaneously, from work and Kai had insisted he had too much work to finish, where as Tala insisted he **didn’t** care.

Hence, Kai was with him, distracted and working, maybe on purpose to make his point. 

“That report isn’t that important, I brought you out here to be with me…” Tala mumbled and kissed Kai’s neck and with his chilly hands slipping under Kai’s shirt he felt Kai tense,

“Tala…I hate to tell you this…but…” he trailed off and when Tala’s cold hands ran down his sides again, he became very uncomfortable and used his own free hands to shove Tala’s hands out from under his shirt and jersey’s,

“…it’s too fucking cold to be naked…let alone have sex. I can’t concentrate on anything…” Kai pushed Tala off and sat up, visibly shivering. 

Horny as ever, very obviously through his jeans if Kai bothered to look, Tala sighed in frustration and stared at Kai who reached out for the tea and continued drinking it, now seeking its warmth.

“Kai, we’re going to be in Russia for 2 months! You can’t possibly mean we’re not going to have sex for 2 months!” he whined and sat back on the sofa, adjusting his sitting position to get some relief. 

Kai glanced at him and then his eyes trailed down over Tala’s jersey covered torso to the bulge in his blue jeans, he sighed and put the tea down, shifting on the couch so he was facing Tala,

“Do you want any help with that.” Kai said blandly.

Tala glared at him,

“You know…you could sound a bit more interested in the idea, that ‘I don’t really want to give you oral sex but I will if you really need it’ voice is a real turn off.” he said sorely and pouted as he stared at his predicament protruding against the material.

“Tala, I don’t mind giving you oral, you know that…have I ever-”

“No babe, I know you don’t mind, but I also know you don’t like it.” he gave Kai a small sad smile and Kai blinked a few times and then turned back to his tea, as if he was in deep thought. 

After a moment, Tala’s erection was going away and he was feeling bored all over again watching the birds on television, Kai glanced at him,

“It just doesn’t taste very good.” he mumbled.

Tala looked at him with a curious lift of his eyebrow,

“…doesn’t tas-what…oh…you mean my…”

“Yes.”

“…do you even know what it tastes like? Every time you’ve ever given me oral you never finish it with your mouth…you use your hand.”

“Doesn’t mean I haven’t tasted it, moron, the idea of the taste is off putting now.”

Tala was grinning,

“That’s kinda sexy…knowing you got curious and-”

“Shut up.” Kai warned him quietly and continued drinking his tea.

“I like the way you taste, ever bit of you, even your cum.”

“Tala! Jesus, don’t be so disgusting.” he was as red as a tomato and Tala was as amused as was possible, he wanted to laugh so badly at Kai’s blush that his own ears turned red. 

After the embarrassment dissipated and Kai’s face returned to a normal color, he spoke again,

“…but I don’t mind…I know how much you like it, the taste I can get passed. But if I don’t seem overly excited **all** the time, just understand why.” Kai settled his almost finished tea down and moved closer, leaning near Tala and kissing the side of his mouth. 

Tala’s body warmed instantly and he turned his head to kiss Kai, feeling Kai’s hand open the button of his jeans and the zip and slip inside, his slight touch made Tala’s stomach tingle and his lower region got tight very quickly, Kai’s palm was warm from the mug,

“At least be considerate when touching me, fucking retard.” he mentioned when he broke the kiss, referring to Tala’s careless cold hands on his skin earlier. 

Tala nodded vaguely and breathed a bit heavier against Kai’s mouth as his hand caressed the sensitive softer area of his groin, Tala’s mouth needed to find Kai’s skin, so he started kissing Kai’s neck and nibbling on the flesh whilst Kai watched what he was doing with his hand, evidently taking Tala’s erection from his shorts and pants, because the chillier air in the room was noticeable to Tala suddenly.

Then Kai moved from Tala’s adoring mouth and leaned down, paying attention to Tala’s needy area and even though the initial taking in and the soft wet warmth pressing against his hard hot flesh made Tala’s hips jerk up slightly, he really didn’t want a blow job from Kai.

A minute of the sensation left Tala red faced and delirious with pleasure but Kai’s discomfort, as it did usually, became obvious. Tala watched Kai’s movements, pleasurably, for only a moment longer then stopped him. 

At this point, Kai would usually finish it with his hand but Tala was desperate and he stopped Kai’s hands by holding them and bringing them to press against his chest as he squeezed them tightly, Kai had sat up and the movement brought him closer to Tala so Tala could kiss him. Tala moaned into the kiss and he pulled back smiling at Kai,

“Please babe…you don’t even have to take all your clothes off…” he stared into Kai’s slightly hazy eyes.

Kai was also pretty heated and horny by this time so he smirked,

“I’ve got a better idea.”

* * *

 

Under 2 heavy duvets and piles of pure white hotel pillows, Tala popped his head up for air and Kai’s head popped out too, both of their hair in complete disarray and their faces flushed, they were trying to catch their breaths and grinning. 

“I feel like, I’m go-ing to…over heat…” Tala breathed out, sexual satisfaction running through his veins.

“I know I was a bit stiff the first time, I was still cold…but the second time…” Kai breathed.

“Ah…the second time…” Tala pushed a pillow out of the way and turned his head to look at Kai, “…you were horny too weren’t you…” he teased Kai who grinned wider. 

Yes, Kai had become far more honest about his feelings with Tala. 

“Yeah…wasn’t that obvious.”

“The second time, yes.” Tala smirked.

It would probably have been a funny sight if anyone had seen it, this very animated heap of duvets on a king size bed with highly explicit and erotic sounds emitting from beneath it, but Kai was warm and Tala was satisfied so it had been good fun.

* * *

 

“Tala…get uff meh.”

“…” Tala pretended to be asleep as he always did when he’d roll on top of Kai.

Kai’s hand weakly batted around, but his muscles were all still half asleep so the heavy duvets kept it from raising too far.

“…uhhhhhhh…” Kai made an annoyed sound and Tala could tell he was waking up slowly and soon he’d be awake enough to get Tala off him. 

With the comforting feeling of Kai’s naked warm body beneath him, Tala smiled and kissed Kai’s hair and ear then his cheek and saw Kai open his one eye that wasn’t against the pillow,

“Morning.” Tala said as he kissed Kai’s shoulder.

“Tala…” Kai grumbled.

“Let’s go out today…we’ll have breakfast at the restaurant near the lake, its not frozen this time of the year…“ It was June so it was the middle of summer for Russia, which wasn’t much different to the end of Autumn for them, “…you can wear that warm black coat I bought you and the Ushanka I bought you as well.

Kai smirked,

“Fuck you, I’m not wearing that stupid thing.” he was mostly awake now.

“I’ll wear mine too…we’ll look stupid together.”

“You look stupid already, you need me to balance you out.” Kai teased  and Tala made an upset face, finding Kai’s rear underneath himself and pinching it. 

Kai’s yelp and cuss was worth it and Tala only snickered,

“Your in a vulnerable position…don’t go throwing insults around.”

“Pinch me again and you’ll be sorry.”

Tala just smiled and leaned his chin on Kai’s head as he stared at the headboard in the overcast Russian morning light filtering through the half drawn curtain. 

“We’ll have a nice typical Russian breakfast.”

“Hmph.” Kai made a noise, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be enjoying the warmth Tala provided by laying on top of him.

“What?”

“That actually doesn’t sound so bad.” he surprised Tala.

“Really?”

“Yeah…it’s been a while and this time…it won’t be oatmeal like it always was in the abbey.” Kai mumbled and Tala nodded on top of Kai’s head. 

Tala grinned after a moment and pulled the blankets over his and Kai’s head, Kai asked a mumbled question about what Tala was doing until Tala’s teeth took a firm grasp to Kai’s rear and Kai, aside from turning bright red, swore very healthily early in the morning.

 

* * *

 

Kai was laughing about the hotel bellhop’s uniforms as they walked out of the rotating front entrance to the hotel, Russia’s weather was dull as usual but occasionally the sun peaked through and shared itself with a spot of barely melted snow on the ground.

They both wore heavy coats, boots and the furry hats that Tala had insisted on, making Kai complain for the hour they took to get ready. But by the end of it, for the very first time in years, Tala didn’t feel like a tourist with his pale skin, pale blue eyes and the standard Russian outgoing clothing no one even looked at him twice as they stood outside of the hotel and people passed them by.

He smiled at the cold air and the snow laden side walks, people all moody and hurrying around with their boots and coats and bags of whatever they were buying at 9 am.

“Doma.” Tala smiled and he looked at Kai, who smiled too.

“You really missed Russia didn’t you?” he asked Tala and very merrily slipped his arm into Tala’s and then his hands into each pocket, Tala doing the same.

Tala was enjoying Kai’s close comfort as he always did while they started walking and he nodded,

“Yeah, but I’d never be here without you Kai, home is anywhere you are.”

“Don’t be so fucking corny.” Kai smirked and glanced at a few people who looked at them curiously, gay as they obviously were holding each other, it was bound to receive a few looks from the predominantly Christian or catholic country.

“You love it…” Tala teased and Kai just shook his head with a smirk. 

….

 

They reached the restaurant Tala had wanted to go to and settled outside on the open floor overlooking over the dark slightly current disturbed waters. The air was thick and cold in Tala’s nostrils and it turned his pointed nose a bright red and Kai’s as well.

“You seem more comfortable in the cold today.”

“Hm…last night warmed me up.” Kai stared out over the water with a half smile and Tala made a fake gasp,

“…was that a dirty joke?” he asked Kai with raised eyebrows.

Kai just laughed quietly. 

The waitress came and they ordered a breakfast, large and traditional in its foods, both looking forward to eating something so home grown after so many years. Kai wasn’t even sticking out among the crowd, even though he always had that faint Asian sun tan over his flawless skin, his outstanding, unusual color eyes and the very slightest slant to his eye shape, Kai didn’t look Asian as much as European. Tala remembered thinking that once upon a time, a long long time ago. 

“Your staring at me…I can’t believe you still do that.” Kai smirked as he chewed a mouth full of Blini. 

Tala just shrugged and started eating too.

After a long period of quiet eating and random mentionables of their surroundings, they were settled and full for the morning enjoying hot tea to finish off their breakfast.

“Now your staring at me.” Tala mentioned when he noticed and Kai just blinked, always cool and calm, never caught off guard.

“I was just wondering.” Kai said.

Tala frowned,

“Wondering…?”

“…when was the last time you spoke to Brian?”

It was an odd thing for Kai to be asking but then again, being in Russia would naturally remind them both of everything that originated in Russia.

“…I haven’t actually thought about it…probably, like…8 months or so, since that last time I saw him at the supermarket after the house warming.” 

“Hn.”

“Why’d you ask?”

Kai sipped his tea again and raised his eyebrows,

“I was just thinking how strange it is, he reached out to you and we both made the effort, him and I, to make you happy…then he just, never contacts you…he didn’t even consider the job offer.” Kai was speaking easily, not over analyzing his words, just how Tala liked it. A candid conversation. 

He was smiling, Kai had admitted he’d made the effort to make Tala happy that time, he shifted the teaspoon around inside his cup idly,

“Its not just him…I forget to call, forget to reach out, I just don’t make either of them priority.” Tala confessed,

“Either of them?”

“Yeah, Brian or Spencer, although Spencer is pretty much on his own path now, last time at the party he wasn’t even there, Brian says his girlfriend keeps him busy…but I think that’s just a joke, Spencer is…”

“He’s grown apart from you and Brian, like you guys are doing now.” Kai said very insightfully and somewhat Oprah-esque.

“Grown apart?” Tala queried with a half dedicated interested in what he thought sounded like shrink talk.

Kai stared at him,

“You look like you think I’m talking shit…so I won’t bother to exp-”

“No…ah, come on, sorry, its just you sounded a little…like a shrink…” he looked around awkwardly.

Kai shook his head,

“No, I don’t mean to…I just meant that Brian’s priorities and Spencer’s are different from yours.” he clarified just barely.

Tala’s frown made Kai sigh,

“Spencer is going to marry soon and probably have a baby. Brian’s life is now all about his wife and daughter and providing for them, their safety, happiness…and its as it should be.” he sounded sincere. 

Tala wondered if Kai was implying that he didn’t have his ducks in a row.

“So…they’ve grown up and I haven’t or something?”

“For someone with an above average IQ your really fucking slow sometimes, Ivanov.” Kai gave him a lame look and Tala looked offended but Kai went on. 

“You’ve all grown up, like I said, its just different priorities. Your more interested in building a career, living well and enjoying what life has to offer…and your gay, which means kids are not priority either or marriage…or-”

“Wait…wait wait.” Tala raised his one hand and placed his tea down with the other, making Kai frown now.

“That…sounds like you.” he informed Kai plainly.

Kai stared at him and Tala just shook his head.

“…Kai…those aren’t my priorities.” he said it slowly as if Kai needed to grasp it. 

Kai simply continued staring expectantly,

“What then?”

“Babe, before I started seeing you, the most I’d ever planned was what I was going to do on the weekend, I didn’t give a shit about careers, money and status. Also, I **would** actually like to marry you, but I just know you’d never agree so I settled for our permanent common law arrangement and even though I don’t like children all that much, if you ever expressed the desire to adopt or something, I’d do it for you, without hesitation. I’d raise a family with you, buy a house and drive a carpool if you wanted me to.” he watched Kai’s face for any change in expression but there was none so he went on. 

“Like right now, I’m working and building a career, I’m dressing smart to business functions, I don’t drink, party, I’ll get a small pet like you prefer and never consider marriage because I know its not what you want…what I’m saying is pretty much, I guess…that **your** my priority.” he finished just as a large bird flew over head and squawked loudly, black against the white clouded grey sky, it flew straight into the thick woods that were about a mile across the lake on the other side. 

They stared at each other and Kai broke the eye contact to wave the waiter over, asking him for 2 more cups of tea and then he stared out across at the woods.

All the while Tala stared at the water, realizing how true his words were with distant acknowledgment even as he had said them aloud, it never really bothered him, he had a good life, Kai was good for him. 

“You’ve been good for me…” he added with a smile and looked at Kai, who didn’t look at him right away but eventually glanced at him, “…if it weren’t for you, I may have been out grown and not grown apart, I’d still be partying and living like a teenager…” he admitted.

“Still…your not doing what you want to be doing. I’m sure you had your own idea’s for your life, even if you hadn’t planned ahead.” Kai said acting like a wet blanket to the already dreary breakfast conversation. 

“…well, the only thing I ever continuously thought about doing was going into outer space, which, lets face it, is a pipe dream, because its not ever gonna happen unless I became an astronaut or something.” he said with a strange confused look on his face.

Kai turned to face him,  
“Tala, you could have studied to be an astronaut years ago, even after we met, you had enough money to start and your still young, you can still do it, like I said, your smart enough to-”

“But I don’t want to **be** an astronaut Kai…” Tala said with a ‘duh’ look, “…I want to go to space and float around at zero gravity for fun, I don’t want to work there and live on a fucking satellite.” he sighed, “…its like when your a kid and you say ‘I want to be a singer’ then you get older and you realize its easier to an accountant and keep a job that pays well.”

“Your cynical.”

“Says Kai Hiwatari, like oh my god.” he shook his head with a smile at the irony of Kai calling him cynical.

Kai almost smiled but just stared at his empty cup,

“…good thing you’ll never have a kid, lest you tell him that he’ll probably just be a cab driver if he tells you he wants to be on Broadway in New York.” 

“Ahah! So you’d want a boy then if we adopted…European or Japanese, Kai Jnr or Boris?”

“Fuck you…” Kai laughed and Tala joined in.

Their second cups of tea came a moment later and they added sugar and milk in silence. 

Tala let his mind drift back to Brian, so much passed time and not even a phone call, the older man hadn’t even crossed his thoughts in all that time, not enough for him to show any interest in calling. He’d really become someone else and just like Spencer, they really didn’t have much in common anymore. 

‘I used to be such a burning example…I used to be so original.’ he thought distantly, thinking of when they’d all first been set free from their oppressive lives under Boris Balvoc, they’d gone nuts, seeing each other everyday but without the strain and misery of their routine lives in the abbey.

They’d gone to concerts and sports events, hung out and partied until all hours and even done stupid things like prank calls and getting into fights at clubs. Tala was always the ring leader, Brian was always the instigator, Spencer would step in as the muscle.

None of them had had any cares or any commitments, priorities as Kai put it simply.

They’d had their Championship money and Investment accounts put in place by the BBA, Spencer being 18 at the time had chosen to take them under his wing so they’d avoid care centre’s and foster homes for the few months between their 18th birthdays.

With the BBA’s help and their close friendship and loyalty, the three of them had gone through what should have been a rough few months with ease. 

Now…Dickenson, that fat fuck, was never heard of, probably living on his extraordinary ‘retirement money fund’ which was actually called the ’fuck off and I’ll pay you to never come back’ money from Kai.

Brian was in his own happy little family world, probably didn’t ever think of the paint bombs they’d toss at expensive billboards for fun or the fences they’d scale when running from police at huge club fights they’d started.

Spencer just the same, would never even think back to when he’d broken chairs in clubs or bullied people for his amusement, or how he used to look at girls and then sigh because he thought women were over rated, now he was steady as a steel rod and on the way to marriage and a family himself.

Max was involved with someone after all he’d been through and even though Tala still saw him at work sometimes, they didn’t go out of the way to see one another.

Ray…where was he? Was he okay? Alive? Was he a father too? Forced to live in that ridiculous village and being forced into heterosexuality? Tala failed to care enough to ever find out.

All of the Bladebreakers fell off the map for him and Kai, out of sight, out of mind. 

All of those people Tala had encountered and had been a part of his life, some more than others…all forgotten. ‘I used to care…I was being cared for…’ his entire social life consisted of Kai and work arrangements and Kai and promotional venues and Kai, now those **other people** weren’t even included into the extra’s list.

‘I always made sure I showed it to those that I love…’ he  turned his eyes from the water to his tea and sighed, ‘…I guess that means the only one I love anymore is Kai.’ which made sense. 

But…was Kai returning it like everyone else had. Of course he was, he just never said so in the words Tala would have liked to hear. 

“What did you want to do after we finish here?” Kai asked.

“Why don’t we get a Husky?” Tala looked up with a grin.

Kai looked confused for a second but then he raised an eyebrow,

“Tala, they grow too big and besides, we can’t have a Siberian Husky in Japan’s climate.”

“So we’ll get a watered down version bred in warmer climates, they’re still beautiful.”

“No…too big.”

“Your no fun.”

Kai gave Tala a look of disinterest and then pushed his half finished tea aside,

“I asked what you want to do now.”

“We’ll find something to do, I would like to go to the other side of the lake maybe…”

“…its probably foggy and damp in those woods…why?”

“…just.” Tala said vaguely and then called the waiter over to ask for the bill.

* * *

 

After breakfast they walked along the bridge over a main river and watched as small boats went underway, eventually they came to stand against the large stone railings and watch the boats go by between long intervals, a few other people standing and smoking or talking in the cold. Tala and Kai’s noses were red and their eyes narrowed as the wind was a bit stronger high up on the bridge. 

“Is something distracting you?” Kai asked him as they stood side by side, Tala didn’t know how Kai was feeling but right then Tala had the urge to hold him, so he did.

He turned to Kai and slipping an arm around the back of Kai’s shoulders and he pulled the barely shorter man against him, pressing his cold nose and mouth to Kai’s slightly cold hair and taking a deep breath of Kai’s scent.

It was a hesitant move, considering how many people were around them, but he felt Kai’s arms come up around his mid section in a slight attempt at a hug, Tala slipped his other hand from his pocket and his arm went around Kai’s back pulling him into a proper hug. 

“I was distracted, thinking about all the time that’s passed and all the lives that don’t factor into my life anymore.” he mumbled into Kai’s hair.

Kai pulled back a bit so he could look at Tala but they were still holding, they saw the looks a few people gave them and the dirtier looks were more obvious, neither really cared.

“Your thinking that all the problems you had with me kept you from other things.”

“…no…” he answered with a small shake of his head and rubbed the tip of his nose against Kai’s to which he heard a small sound of protest and Kai glanced around.

Tala sighed quietly,   
“I was thinking that I don’t remember what it felt like to care about anyone, because now the only thing I care about is you…shit, I’m not even self centered anymore.” he admitted and looked at the top of a small boat going by from under the bridge. 

“Tala…” that was Kai’s special tone of voice and Tala turned his attention back to looking at his face and Kai’s red eyes burned with something that Tala recognized and he felt warm all over when Dranzer shared Kai’s heat with him, “…I’m grateful for everything…” he mumbled and pressed his face against Tala’s neck,

“I’m grateful to you too babe and-”

“Take me back to the hotel room please.” Kai cut him off and Tala felt another small pulse of heat through his chest where Dranzer was pressed between them under their coats.

“Right now?”

“I’m feeling…strange.” Kai admitted against his neck.

Tala raised his eyebrows and just went with it, nodding and taking Kai’s hand gingerly in his own, he marched off the bridge with Kai in tow very eagerly.

* * *

 

“Aah…ah…uhmmm…” Kai low moans were muffled since Kai was breathing against a pillow but they were turning Tala on more by the second as he thrust into Kai from behind.

Kai was flat on his stomach with his rear end raised and Tala was laying above him, supporting himself with his hands.

He thrust slowly in and out and leaned down, kissing Kai between his shoulder blades as he moved and Kai’s breath hitched, his lower half shifting with Tala to allow smoother movements, Tala slid half way out and in with pleasurable friction for both him and Kai. 

“Babe…are you okay? Why…did yuh-whant…to…fuck, so badly?” he asked very openly, not really interested in wording it nicely right then.

“…I just…ah…” Kai pushed himself up from the pillow a bit and licked his lips, Tala starting to kiss his neck from behind, “…I started feeling really…” he trailed off and Tala heard him swallow as he kissed the side of Kai’s neck.

He paused his kisses but continued moving slowly inside of Kai and he pressed his mouth to Kai’s hair, closing his eyes and getting his thoughts in order. 

The two of them did talk briefly during sex sometimes, but it was rare, as was this conversation.

“…yeah?” he urged Kai on.

“Sto-pah…moving…” he heard Kai breath and he did stop, pressing himself deep inside Kai and with his breathing still a bit uneven he rested on his elbows either side of Kai and Kai laid back  down, his mouth against the pillow and his nose above, his eyes were half closed and he was deep in thought. 

“Kai…what’s wrong?” Tala asked as he listened to Kai’s deep breathing.

After a moment, Kai shifted the pillow from his mouth, clutching it in his hands, his fingertips were red from the flushed heat that rapidly took over his cold body when they’d gotten in the door.

“When you told me that I was priority and all that…and you got all quiet and distant, I felt empty, like it was my fault…because it is, partly my fault…” he trailed off again and Tala remained quiet, not wanting to cut Kai off or jump to conclusions. 

“Then you…held me on the bridge and all of a sudden…I just wanted to be alone with you.” he finished a minute later.

Tala smiled against Kai’s hair and he slipped out of Kai and rolled onto Kai’s side, they were underneath the blankets so Kai didn’t get cold, Tala looked at Kai who turned his head and body to face Tala.

“I love you Kai.” was all Tala said and as always hoping to hear it back, but he never did, this time was no exception.

Kai averted his gaze to what he could see of Tala’s bare chest and he smiled naughtily and shifted closer so he was leaning over Tala, he leaned down and started kissing Tala, reinitiating what their conversation had interrupted. 

Kai’s hands slipped into Tala’s hair and then slid down to his chest while his mouth moved from Tala’s mouth to his neck and collar bone as he moved under the duvet and kissed, sucking playfully at Tala’s nipples, Tala just pressed his head back into the pillows as Kai gave him some attention, it was Kai’s way of showing what he wouldn’t say, always with actions.

He felt Kai straddle him and then Kai’s head popped up from under the blanket again and they kissed, Tala’s hands sliding down Kai’s back encouragingly as Kai helped their bodies into position, the blanket falling away slightly. 

As Kai pressed downwards and Tala upwards, both their breaths hitched in each others mouths and then Tala started bucking upwards and Kai’s eyes screwed shut as he moaned into Tala’s throat, one hand pinching the skin of Tala’s chest as he clutched for balance against the rocking and the other fell beside Tala’s head.

He moved as hard and as fast as he could, Kai trying to join in and failing as pleasure crossed his face with every thrust leaving him incoherent.

Tala was out of breath but kept moving, his hands firmly holding Kai’s waist to give him some balance. 

He heard Kai say his name and his blue dazed eyes looked above him to see Kai smirking sexily down at him, flushed and his eyes a brilliantly aroused red color, hair dangling around his face and his lips wet from licking them and kissing Tala, he expected Kai to say something even as he heard a few more moans escape his mouth but Kai just said his name again and then again louder and he closed his eyes and said it again. 

Kai had said Tala’s name during sex before, but like oral sex it was so rare Tala just did without it and only received it occasionally when Kai was being extra kind. 

Like right then…moaning Tala’s name at the top of his lungs, Tala’s loins burned and he shifted very quickly, throwing Kai completely off as he turned their positions around and Kai was on his back, Tala raised his legs and without hesitation was back inside of Kai and thrusting with far more energy than he realized he still had..

Tala’s name was lost on Kai’s lips for several moments and only louder indiscernible sounds made it out, their bodies cramping, Kai’s back and Tala’s legs. 

Only a minute later and Kai had the oblivious courtesy to shout Tala’s name as he came and Tala, so pleased, just let himself go and left not a second between his last thrust and kissing Kai deeply. Tala pulled back and made a noise of very deep approval as he rubbed their hot  bodies together,

“…I love it…when you say my name…” he gave Kai a look of deep adoration.

“I know…” Kai smirked and displayed his own affection with his kisses to Tala’s cheek and jaw, pulling Tala closer and cuddling into his neck. 

It was the middle of the afternoon, but they fell asleep.

* * *

 

After a few hours of half sleeping, Tala sat up in the bed and when the blanket fell from his chest and the cold air hit him he shivered and his body ached and felt sticky from earlier.

The sun had long set and the room was pitch black, Russia wasn’t offering any moonlight so there was only dark, Tala stared into the dark unseeing and ran his hands over his hot face. 

Kai was fast asleep, he always slept well, never had sleepless nights as far as he knew.

Tala knew what was bothering him, he just didn’t know how to get it off his mind, he got out of the bed, naked and literally shivering as he padded over bare foot on the hotel carpet, in the general direction of the wall unit in the room, fumbling for the remote to the central AC/Heating, he switched the heat on and then found his way to the en-suit, stepping inside the dark bathroom, closing the door and then switching the light on so he didn’t disturb Kai. 

After getting a shower going nice and hot and lathering much needed soap over his tired pale body, Tala just let the water run over him and kept his eyes closed, thinking of the afternoons events, Kai’s feelings and his own. He was wondering what it would take for Kai to admit he loved him out aloud, so Tala could stop feeling like Kai wouldn’t say it just because he didn’t want to say something he didn’t mean. 

Kai had practically told him that he loved him so long ago…but practically just refused to be enough when it was all said and done.

‘I used to sleep without a single stir…’ 

‘ _Cause I was about my father’s work…’_  

Tala finished up with all of his grooming and left the bathroom door open when he emerged so there was some light in the hotel room, he walked over to his suitcase and found some underwear and clothes.

After dressing warm and doing his hair in the bathroom, he found his cell phone on the wall unit and saw that it wasn’t even 8:30 pm, so he didn’t think Kai would mind if he went out for an hour for a drive. He walked around the bed and leaned over giving Kai a kiss on what was visible of his head and then he turned to leave and felt a hand reach out and grab his pants leg. 

Turning back he saw Kai’s eyes opened and the blanket pulled down from his sleepy face, he was blinking still groggy and he frowned at Tala,

“…where are you going?”

“I was gonna take a drive to the woods and just walk around a bit…you mind?” he asked as he sat down on the bed next to Kai.

“Tala…its not safe at…night…” Kai was trying to wake himself up and he sat up but kept the blanket around him,

“Honestly…your worried about my safety? I won’t be long babe, I’m just gonna look around, it reminds me of the woods surrounding the abbey…”

“And that’s a good thing?” even in his half asleep state he managed to look cocky.

Tala smiled,

“I guess for me…the nostalgia of everything. Its not like we’ll come here again soon, so I wanna take a lot in.”

Kai sighed and shivered when he pushed the blanket off himself,

“I’m coming with you…” he informed and Tala blinked but didn’t argue, just watched Kai crawl, naked and very sexy, across the bed and go straight into the bathroom. Arguing was pointless when it came to Kai anyway, even though he’d wanted some time alone, he never  minded Kai’s company.

Maybe they’d talk and get some stuff out when all the memories of their unloved and miserable pasts would dredge up…it was a cruel thought, but Tala was willing to try it. 

He needed to get over it, Kai loved him. He did…didn’t he? 

‘Well, take me out tonight, this ship of fools I‘m on will sink…I have to get passed this fear…’ 

The fear that Kai didn’t love him.

* * *

 

The drive over the bridge and along the side of the river was cold and quiet, the rented car had heating but Tala and Kai both felt the different chill that had settled between them. The roads were mostly empty save for one or two cars as they drove a little out of the city toward the woods, Kai was wrapped in his coat and scarf, his one leg pulled up to his chest, sneaker digging into the edge of the car’s seat as he sat back in the seat relaxing and his eyes half lidded. 

Tala turned the radio on five minutes into the drive and the upbeat indie pop rock song got Kai’s fingers drumming against his raised thigh slightly after a moment and Tala had to smile just a tad, Kai was a music lover, always had been and always would be. It was one way to get him in a better, that was of course until the radio decided to play some recent RnB song about sex, money and cars and Tala switched the radio off, but they were at the side of the woods where there was a park with benches for eating an picnicking.

He leaned forward against the steering wheel and looked around at what he could see with the dull lights higher above them lighting up the cold small area. 

The grass was a shiny and white, frost had started to form on the surface and the fog was settled in a heavy layer over more than half way along the dark trees.

“How exciting…” Kai dead panned, “…so much frost and eerie blackness.”

Tala glanced over at him,

“I didn’t ask you to come.”

“You coming to this ‘kill me I’m alone’ place by yourself would not have helped my sleeping any.” he dead panned again, not moving an inch from his warm huddled position. 

Tala smiled at him anyway and then looked back out and pulled the handle so it clicked his door open, Kai’s hand grabbed his forearm with an extreme grip,

“Tala your not seriously going out of the car are you?” he seemed annoyed with the whole situation.

“Babe, I’m not asking you to get out, here’s the key…” he tapped it so it jingled where he’d left it in the ignition, “…you stay inside and be warm, I left the heat on.” he took Kai’s warm fingers from his arm and kissed them, making Kai frown in annoyance. 

When he pushed the door open, the ice cold wind rushed in and Tala had to shiver, being closer to the water made it way worse, when the water was frozen it wasn’t this bad, but it was bad right then. He shut the door and leaned down kissing his hand and touching it to the window, winking at Kai who was still frowning.

Tala stood up straight and looked around, he’d come here with intention to go into the woods but with Kai watching him… 

‘Could I just run in there…he wouldn’t follow, jesus, he barely wants to move a limb…’ he thought daringly, figuring that Kai would ultimately draw the conclusion that he’d be fine and leave him to wander.

Tala and Brian used to sneak out of the abbey all the time when Boris was away, because the guards were usually more laid back and less attentive, they’d go into the woods surrounding the abbey and just hang out, make fire or talk about things they were afraid the walls would hear when in their rooms. It had been a comfort and those woods had been huge compared to this small portion, he also knew that on the other side he’d see across the lake, like he’d seen across it to the other point of the lake that morning. 

‘I can’t exactly get lost…and there aren’t even any wolves in this small woods…’ he’d drifted from the car, looking around as if he were trying to make an escape, ‘…maybe I should just tell him I’m going into the woods…’ he reasoned, but he knew Kai would probably tackle him if he had forewarning.

With a final thought he spun around and leaned down again, seeing Kai watching him like a hawk inside the dark car, Tala smiled happily and gestured with his thumb toward the wall of trees in the short distance behind him and then mouthed ‘I’ll be right back.’ 

He turned instantly and started walking toward the trees, not waiting for a reaction, then a car door open,

“Ivanov! Stop right fucking now!”

“Kai I won’t get lost, it’s a small woods…” he picked up the pace.

“Tala! Fuck it! Stop!” 

He heard Kai slam the car door and then heard the sound of frost crushed under quick steps, without thinking, Tala started running and went straight into the trees, mostly a meter apart, it was easy to run through and he was stunned into a grin when he heard Kai swear, but not far behind, so Kai was following him. 

“Tala stop running you fucking asshole!” he shouted angrily.

“It’ll warm you up babe!” he shouted back and his laugh echoed in the spaces.

“Your laughing! Is this a game or something!” Kai sounded even more pissed.

“No…no…I just wanted to go over to the lake!” he shouted back. 

He saw the opening of the trees and the water slightly shiny with whatever light reflected off its black surface, he then realized Kai hadn’t answered and he stopped just before the opening to the trees, turning around and looking back into the dark trees, he felt a bit of panic set in,

“Kai! Kai! This is not funny!” he started back the way he’d come, slower and looking around every tree, “…Kai!” he shouted in fright. 

There was really nothing that could have happened to Kai in this small place, but Tala panicked anyway and worried that something could have, because panic does that to you.

He shouted in fright when he was grabbed by his shoulders, turned around and slammed into a narrow hard tree,

“You fucking asshole! I can’t believe you made me chase you through woods! When its below zero degrees and I’m tired and this is **supposed** to be a holiday.”

Tala heard nothing except Kai’s gloriously alive voice and he smiled stupidly,

“It was fun while it lasted…” he mumbled and leaned into kiss Kai. 

He was obliged for a brief second with a lip to lip kiss and then Kai regained his anger,

“This is not a joke, why did you so badly want to come in here. It’s cold and damp and smells like moss…”

“Like the abbey.” Tala said with a smile still on his face.

“The abbey was a bad place Tala, your not suppose to seek comfort in its fucked up memory.” Kai stated with visible confusion, his hands still clutching the front of Tala’s coat.

“It was home for a long time Kai…it was the only place I **ever** lived before I moved in with you. That was were I learned everything I know about myself, first best friend, first worst enemy, first real fight, first real achievement, first kiss-”

Kai’s face changed at that last one and he let go of Tala.

Tala was a bit confused by the reaction, it hadn’t ever occurred to him that Kai would care or be phased by anything he’d done growing up, since Kai was not a part of it. 

“I also had my first serious attraction to someone in that abbey…” he was referring to Kai who decided to look at him,

“You weren’t attracted to the first person you kissed?” he sounded jealous and Tala liked it.

“He wasn’t hideous but it was more about hormonal confusion.” he confessed, realizing belatedly that he didn’t remember the boys name.

“So then…you lost your virginity in the abbey too?” Kai ventured with a curious and still jealous glare in Tala’s direction, their eyes were adjusted to the dark by then.

“You really want me to answer that?” he asked seriously.

Kai nodded after a moment and then Tala did too. 

Kai looked away and sighed and Tala tried to do damage control,

“…my point is that my whole life before you, was the abbey. So I’m just trying to remember some of the comforts…”

“And how is the woods a comfort, was that were you had your first kiss…or lost you vi-”

“Babe…calm down…please…that was fucking years ago, Kai, that was after you left the abbey the first time, I was 13 years old…when I kissed a guy, not lost my virginity.” he clarified.

Kai stared at him and the seemed to realize he was being silly but still looked upset so Tala pulled him closer and nuzzled his face,

“I don’t even remember his name…” he laughed quietly and Kai relaxed against him,

“So why the woods Tala.” he sounded irritated still.

“Brian and I used to sneak out of the abbey when Boris wasn’t around and we’d spend hours just hanging out…some of the better memories I had growing up.”

“Please tell me he’s not one of the firs-”

Tala had to laugh and he pulled back to look at Kai’s mildly serious expression,  
“Jesus Christ, no! No…ew…Brian is like my brother, that’s not even funny.”

Kai laughed too after a moment,

“Yeah, well, he’d definitely be on top…”

Tala gaped,

“Are you mocking me! You bastard!” he laughed slightly. 

Kai just smiled and walked toward the opening again,

“Well, lets go then and I’ll let you finish your blast from past.” he sounded bored.

Tala followed, their shoes made noises as they crushed the dying leaves and frost soaked grass and soil.

At the opening it was a very attractive sight, the lake was massive and the water seemed thick and slow moving because of its ice like texture.

There was a short pier but it was not used for anything so it was old and broken in some places. 

They were silent as they stared at the water and Tala glanced at Kai, surprised to find Kai staring at him, he smiled with a frown,

“You okay?”

“Freezing cold…but I’m fine.”

“Why are you staring at me…am I so good looking in this eerie lighting?” he winked at Kai.

“Yeah, you are actually…but that aside, I’m just seeing peace on your face that I haven’t before…and I like it.”

Tala was still thrown by the compliment which he hadn’t expected Kai to agree with, but he wondered if he looked that different than what he’d looked all these years, in his times of peace with Kai. 

“I think…maybe we should move here…and get a Siberian Husky. You really seem more in your element here than you ever did…in Japan.”

Tala was slightly gaping but he didn’t even realize it until Kai reached out and with his fingers he pushed Tala’s sagging jaw up so his mouth closed,

“Don’t look at me like that…I’m being considerate.”

“Why?” it was the first question that came to mind.

“…” Kai looked a bit offended, “…you ask me that like its incomprehensible that I could be.”

“No…I mean…I mean why, would you say that I look more peaceful, don’t I look happy when I’m with you, because I am.” he had turned to face Kai more. 

“I never said shit about being happy Tala, pay attention.” he kept his dark red eyes trained on the black water.

“Peaceful then.”

“Yeah, peaceful. You speak the language so comfortably and walk more confidently, you seem comfortable around these strange and miserable people,” ever the tactful Kai, “…even the weather doesn’t piss you off.”

“But I can say all the same things about you in Japan…” he said informingly.

Kai smirked,

“…yeah, and we’ve lived there together for almost 5 years…I’d say I can spare some time in Russia to see how it goes.” 

With that statement, it dawned on Tala that Kai was being serious and he almost wanted to cry,

“Kai, are you serious?”

Kai sighed and turned to face Tala, his hair casting dark shadows over his face but his eyes were shining slightly,

“I am, we’ll never know unless we try.” he slipped his hands from his pockets and pressed them to his cheeks, slightly warm fingertips touching cold cheeks, “…as long as you **never** want to go exploring Balvoc Abbey…then we can make a deal.” 

Tala smiled at Kai and received one of the very genuine smiles back, to which he leaned in and kissed the smiling lips happily,

“I love you babe…”

Kai smiled more and deepened the kiss and Tala enjoyed it but his mind drifted to the mouth pressed over his own, that even now avoided the need to say those words. 

When they parted after a long kiss and slightly warmer cheeks, Kai leaned his forehead against Tala’s cheek,

“Are we done now? Can we go?” he mumbled.

Tala loved how natural Kai had become around him, open and honest, close and affectionate. It was an effortless feeling between them after all the time passed. 

‘I’m my own stone around my neck Kai…’ he thought morbidly as he considered what he wanted to do, ‘…if you’d be my breath…there’s nothing I wouldn’t give.’ 

“No…I’m not done. There’s something I want to do.” 

He stepped back from Kai and they stared at each other.

Tala reached up and started to unbutton his coat and Kai raised an eyebrow,

“Let me inform you before you go any further, the chances of you getting laid while we’re out here are none.” he dead panned and slipped his hands back into his pockets.

Tala gave him a similar expression and slipped his warm coat from his shoulders and held it out to Kai,

“Hold that for me would you?” he asked politely and Kai gave him a weak glare and took it from him.

Tala proceeded to take his jersey off and Kai shook his head frowning,

“What the fuck are you even doing?” he asked as he took the jersey from Tala. 

If Kai had known what Tala was about to do…he would have **never** have allowed Tala to undress. Tala stepped out of his sneakers before Kai even noticed and then he bolted…straight onto the rickety old pier and volted himself into the air… 

-splash!!- 

He hit the ice slushed water.

Tala’s entire body froze up painfully as hundreds of ice needles pricked his flesh and veins and made his blood run cold almost instantly and he felt him self slightly suspended in the thicker textured black water, numb.

He waited until he felt what he’d expected, Wolborg, still against his chest on the necklace beneath his two shirts, awoke easily feeling Tala’s body freezing up and Tala felt Wolborg rush through his veins, steeling Tala’s vital organs and body parts from the cold so they didn’t seize up. 

Tala opened his eyes and saw the blue glowing light around him from Wolborg’s bit under his two shirts and he smiled, he was good at holding his breath, he’d done this before. He raised his eyes to the slightly brighter surface and wondered what Kai was thinking or doing up there while Tala was submerged in literally iced cold water. 

His eyes drifted closed, he always estimated about 2 and a half minutes before he’d need to surface, he let his mind slip into thought, he always thought clearer when his mind no longer needed to sustain his body. 

‘I have to stop being so confused, Kai loves me, I shouldn’t doubt that…he’s all that I have. I used to pray that god was listening, I used to make people proud…now it’s me and Kai and he’s the only one I want and the only one I care about. I was the glue that kept my friends together…then Kai came into my life and I’ve never wanted to be apart from him if I could help it…I just stopped caring about them, now they don’t talk and we don’t go out…and it doesn’t even bother me…’ 

He shifted his hands to move up in the thick water a bit, he was freezing cold, his mind was telling him he neededto get out and get warm, it was screaming pain into every part of his body. Wolborg couldn’t keep him alive for too long, but Tala knew his limit, it wasn’t there yet. 

‘…I used to the know the name of every person I’d kissed…now I don’t remember most of them, now I only want to build memories of and with Kai…now…I’ve made this bed and I can’t fall asleep in it because I’m afraid to wake up and not have everything that I have with Kai…’ he frowned under the waiter, his lungs taking some strain as the time ticked on. 

_‘Well take me out tonight.’_

_‘This ship of fools I’m on will sink.’_  

‘I’m my own stone around my neck…’ he thought just before he heard a noise disturb the water and Tala’s ice blue eyes shot open and there was Kai, trying to swim as fast as he could through the freezing mush with an expression of pain on his face… 

‘It must be tearing his body apart to be under here…this is the opposite of Kai’s element!’ he thought with some panic and Tala let out a slow bubbled shout of Kai’s name, releasing his last air as he panicked and very sluggishly kicked his limbs into gear, swimming upward as Kai came closer slowly, his hair almost invisible in the dark water and his face was white with pain. 

When they reached each other, Tala felt the strain on his body, he needed to take in air because he’d very stupidly let it out…love and worry made you do stupid things…much like Kai, a fire element and not partially immune to cold and not entirely human as Tala was, diving in to save him. 

Love. And Worry. 

Love. 

Love? 

He grasped Kai’s arm and Kai grabbed at his arm too as they both kicked upward at a heavy frozen cold pace and Tala witnessed the red glow mix with his blue as Dranzer fought to keep Kai from freezing slowly. Kai stopped moving when dragging Tala became harder and when he turned under the water he saw the blueness of Tala’s face and Tala saw it register on his pained face what was wrong. 

The surface was only a meter or so away, but in the cold, stifling slush and with an oxygen less Tala, that would take too long. Kai tried to pull Tala closer and he gestured to his mouth with hands slowly, Tala was vague at first but then he understood.

Kai grabbed his shirt and pulled Tala forward so his closed lips were against Tala’s and Tala did the same, slowly opening against one another so as not to lose an air bubble. 

‘If you’d be my breath…there’s nothing I wouldn’t give…’ 

A small bit of relief crossed Tala pale features when air entered his strained lungs and he wasn’t even aware that Kai’s legs were kicking frantically, until they broke the surface and Kai tore his mouth from Tala’s and let out a pained sound, instantly, and still clutching Tala, he started toward the water bank and Tala helped by moving his limbs.

As they crawled out, he heard Kai making pained noises, he realized Kai was crying… his body was probably in shock,

“Ka-” the sound was lost at first to his cold throat then he stumbled to his feet when Wolborg, as he usually did, ran familiar comfort through Tala’s rapidly recovering body. 

“Kai!” he managed as he fell to his knees beside Kai who was grabbing their coats to find some warmth,

“Ta-l-l-la---la-a, I’m…” clack clack clack clack, Kai‘s teeth chattered, “…f-f-f-ree-zing-g-g…” he was sobbing and Tala, shivering slightly as well, grabbed Kai and pulled him against his chest, seeing blue tinges in his face, Kai looked like he was in severe pain, Dranzer’s glow had barely lasted 3o seconds under the water. 

Tala took his necklace off quickly and not wanting to shift Kai from his body and lose any warmth he used his hand to press the bit chip to Kai’s chest while he reached for a coat and pulled it over Kai. Wolborg didn’t hesitate, where he might have a year or so ago, he didn’t want Kai to die, even he knew the extent to which Tala and Kai meant to one another.

The blue glow was dulled from sight because of Tala’s hand, but the tightening and then loosening of Kai’s fingers on Tala’s shoulders gave him a sign that it was comforting Kai, helping his organs regulate. 

And after only a minute, Dranzer, feeling Kai’s natural pulse coming back, gained enough power to glow again, warming Kai, Tala felt it under his hand as he pressed his hand to Kai’s  chest and in a shaky breath that Kai exhaled against his neck. 

‘ _Throw me that lifeline…this ship of fools I’m on will sink.’_

‘ _I’m my own stone around my neck…be my breath, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give.’_  

“T-t-tala…” Kai groaned sounding to still be in some pain, Wolborg had turned his energy back to Tala through his hand but he still held it pressed to Kai’s chest even as Dranzer burned brighter with Kai’s steadying heart beat.

“Kai I’m sorry…I didn’t think…I didn‘t think you‘d jump in after me!” 

_‘He never hit the breaks…’_

“I…h-h-h-ad, t-t-t-o…y-you-u-u, didn’t com-meh…b-b-back u-up.” Kai breathed heavily and shivered, still moving closer to Tala as he sat awkwardly between Tala’s legs as the red head kneeled and held him tightly. 

 _‘There was no time to see…’_  

“But Kai…you knew that jumping in there would kill you!” he pleaded and kissed Kai’s wet hair, letting his hands rub Kai’s back through the material of the coats.

“…b-b-b-ut it would-d-d hav-eh killed y-y-you…” 

 _‘He just ran out in the street…’_  

It warmed Tala more than Dranzer could, the idea that Kai jumped into that water which affected him as rapidly as it would have affected any person without the element of ice and cold running through their veins. Kai risked his life, knowing Dranzer’s power would be practically nothing beneath that water. 

 _‘Does anybody know his name?’_  

“Kai…I would have been fine with Wolborg, but I should have told you that, this is my fault. Jesus, I’m so sorry for doing this to you…I love you so much…” he trailed off and heard Kai sniff, his body getting tired quickly from the cold to warm sudden change. 

 _‘I think I recognize him…’_  

‘He’s so perfect…he risked his life by jumping in there…because I didn’t come up…’ he smiled and then his smile faded, ‘…and he saved my life…now he’s in pain…’ Tala frowned. 

‘ _He sure as hell paid for that mistake…’_  

‘Woah…’ it hit him like a brick. 

Tala moved quickly, he had to get Kai out of the clothes, get Kai warm and safe and beg for his forgiveness.  He knew Kai would hate it and it would be hard back through the woods, but Tala lifted Kai’s weight to carry him and like he expected, Kai protested but very weakly. He started the task of getting back to the car…Wolborg was with him all the way. 

* * *

 

After they both had a boiling hot bath and changed into warm dry clothes, Tala and Kai were on the large hotel sofa, the blanket from the bed wrapped around them, heat turned up fully and two empty cups of what had been very hot coffee on the centre table. Tala held Kai tightly and was pressing soft kisses to his temple, cheek, lips and ear over and over again, whispering that he was sorry. 

He’d explained to Kai whilst he rubbed Kai’s skin back to color in the hot water earlier, that he’d done it before, jumped into Russia’s cold water and that he had been fine in the past. Kai had asked why he hadn’t been able to breath and Tala admitted getting scared when he saw Kai in the water and he’d let out his air in a panic. Kai had apologized and Tala had insisted he mustn’t, taking all responsibility and apologizing for his stupid behavior and telling Kai how afraid the idea of losing him made him. 

He’d stopped counting how many times between leaving the lake and laying there on the couch he’d told Kai he loved him.

He told Kai that he’s saved his life with when he’d given him air, Kai had dismissed it saying they hadn’t been that far from the surface.

Tala admitted then that while it was true, the entire scenario made him love Kai more.

It had happened in less than 5 minutes yet it had seemed to take so long under the water. 

He turned Kai’s head to face him as they lay on the couch and the sleepy red eyes focused on him warmly bundled under the blanket on the couch, he leaned down and kissed Kai, needing to have his affection returned and it was after a moment, Kai pressed his closed lips to Tala’s with a little effort and puckering in his exhausted state. Tala sighed happily and held Kai closer, kissing his cheek again and mumbling that he loved him for the umpteenth time. 

‘ _So take me out tonight…the ship of fools I’m on will sink…’_

‘ _I’m my own stone around my neck, be my breath, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give…’_

 

“…Kai…” he mumbled against Kai’s neck.

“Hn.” Kai responded.

“Do you forgive me?” he pleaded in a whisper.

“I told you earlier…I do, its fine, your fine and I’m fine…please just let it go, I’m tired.” he mumbled and then started to turn over, facing Tala now under the blankets, as if to make his point, he kissed Tala sweetly and then buried his face in Tala’s neck. 

“…was it like your fantasy?” Tala had been thinking that since they’d arrived back at the hotel.

“Wha?” Kai mumbled.

“…the kiss, under the water…except you saved my life…and we‘re not having hot sex. But we‘re safe and warm…”

Kai remained silent but he felt the blunette smile against his neck and Tala breathed out happily and placed a kiss to Kai’s clothed shoulder. 

“Maybe tomorrow night…we‘ll do the hot sex part…” Kai responded sleepily after a while.

Tala only grinned.

Any other two people may have needed a hospital and some trauma counseling after what they’d been through…but all Tala needed right then was Kai. And as Kai’s breathing slowed and his lips became warm and wet against Tala’s neck when he breathed, it became apparent that all Kai needed right then, was sleep.

 

‘ _Well save my life tonight, the ship of fools I’m on will sink.’_

_‘I’m my own stone around my neck.’_

_‘If you’d be my breath, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give…’_

* * *

 

It’s 3:21 am and I cannot sleep, but it’s not for the same reasons I had earlier. This time its because I’m too aware to fall asleep, aware of Kai presence next to me in the bed. He woke up after about and hour and wanted to go to the bed so we did, he fell asleep quickly again, he always did sleep soundly.

Tonight was an eye opener for me, I had been fighting with myself for so long, confused about whether Kai didn’t want to tell me he loved me…just because he doesn’t love me. 

But after tonight, after hearing his words and seeing how the entire situation scared him, it was every bit as deeply as I felt fear when I saw him in the water I knew might kill him.

I can’t doubt that he loves me…not if he’d risk his life. I don’t think he wants me to point it out, he’s tried to brush the topic of his risk involved all night…so I won’t push him.

He’s done enough.

It’s warm in the room and Kai’s asleep just a foot from me, he’s facing me and his eyelids aren’t moving, his dreams must not be too vivid because he’s so exhausted.

Dranzer is still around his neck, she kept glowing for about an hour after the lake incident, until Kai had been warmed by the hot water then she stopped, his body was far worse off than mine but he’s stronger than the average person because of her, so he’s recovering quickly. 

I’m grateful to her and I think she knows it, she felt my pain and she tried to comfort me earlier when I was laying with Kai on the couch. Wolborg as well, I’m grateful he helped Kai.

I’m so grateful I even **have** Kai. 

If there is a god then I suppose I owe him thanks too, although, its never been proven that he has anything to do with saving lives, it’d be politically correct to thank him.

I’ve always thought of praying…but I don’t know how to, do I speak aloud or say it in my head. Saying it in my head doesn’t feel right, I’d be the only one hearing it…right? Or is that how it works…? 

…

 

Tala sat up a bit in the bed, leaning back against the pillows against the head board and staring at the far wall across from the foot of the bed,

‘Jesus Christ…’ he started in his head and then sighed heavily, closing his eyes a moment and then opening them looking at Kai, asleep next to him. 

Perfect. 

“Jesus Christ, that’s a pretty face, the kind you’d find on someone that could save…” he whispered very quietly, try to find his feet, trying to grasp what he was trying to do and say, he just went with it, “…if they don’t put me away…it’ll be a miracle…” 

‘But miracles do happen…I think. I don’t know.’ his cynical mind stepped in. 

‘Do you believe your missing out…?’ he asked himself, “…that everything good is happening somewhere else…” he knew he used to feel that way.

He stared at the ceiling and smiled slightly because strangely enough he’d only ever felt that way during the times he and Kai were apart. 

He’d been upset and afraid when they’d had problems in their relationship, but when **not** being with Kai, he wondered all the time whether he was doing what made him happy or just repeated what he used to do before Kai was a part of his life. 

‘With nobody in your bed…the nights hard to get through…’ he admitted as he stared upward, unsure of why he was compelled to do so, again, there was no proof that stated praying to the sky was any more of a truth that a god existed.

Besides, Tala didn’t believe he was going to Heaven if there even was one. 

“…and I will die all alone…and when I arrive…”’…in hell.’ “…I won’t know anyone.” he sighed and slipped down a bit more against the headboard.

Praying made reality settle in, he was there right then, happy as ever and completely safe with Kai in his sight and in his heart, but that could all end soon and would all end eventually. 

“Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again…with my thoughts.” he whispered and looked around the room, “…so what did you do those three days you were dead? Cause’ this problems going to last more than the weekend.” in fact it’d always be in the back of his mind, the one thing he couldn’t prevent or control was losing Kai to the inevitable. 

“Jesus Christ, I’m not scared to die, I’m a little bit scared of what comes after…” he wanted to know what his chances of making it to where Kai was were like, because that was all he wanted, ‘…do I get the gold chariot…do I float through the ceiling…?’ 

He couldn’t help his sarcasm, he’d never really believed in anything but he’d always wanted to, Kai was his tainted angel, if he recalled correctly. Again his eyes drifting to Kai and he stared at him fast asleep and oblivious to Tala’s ever over active mind. 

‘Do I divide and fall apart…’ he thought vaguely and then took his eyes from Kai’s perfect face, he knew he’d never make it where Kai was going, for all of Kai’s bastard ways, he was purer than Tala, just like Brian and Spencer and Ray. Max, Tyson…Dickenson…

‘…because my bright is to slight…to hold back all my dark…’ he knew he had the ugliest mind and the darkest heart, he was hardly human after all. 

 _‘The ship went down in sight of land…’_  

‘And at the gates, does Thomas ask to see my hand?’ he ran his hands through his hair, shifting so he was laying back down and he frowned deeply, rolling onto his side and under the blankets he found Kai’s hand and slipped their fingers together so they were interlocked.

Kai’s fingers gave a barely there squeeze, a reaction to being disturbed not a response to his hand being held and when he settled again Tala shifted the hand and brought it to his mouth like he always liked to do, kissing each finger lovingly. 

He closed his eyes, finding a need to find a meaning to his prayer because he loved Kai with every part of himself and it frightened him to have Kai taken or to be taken without warning so he may never get to say goodbye,

‘…I know you’ll come in the night like a thief…’ he pressed Kai’s fingers to his lips, “…but I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique…’ 

‘I know you think that I’m someone you can trust…’ he continued, ‘…because I’ve always tried to believe in you and wanted to pray and thank you…but I’m scared I’ll get scared and I **swear** I’ll try to nail you back up…’ Tala thought honestly.

He was unwilling to lose Kai or himself without a fight, after almost losing Kai that very night because of his stupidity, he knew how terrified it really made him. 

‘…so do you think, we could work out…a…psalm, so I’ll know its you and that its over so I won’t even try…’ he pleaded quietly on the inside, leaning closer to Kai, running his fingers through Kai’s hair lovingly.

He’d be able to settle for a warning. 

He lay down, finally feeling sleepy and having found very little comfort in praying but made his request anyway, he took comfort in pulling Kai close and holding him tight, kissing his neck and taking in his warm soft smell. Tala smiled blissfully, god didn’t like gay’s anyway right?

Well Tala didn’t know, it was all hear say when it came to him and religion.

He’d just have to enjoy having Kai and be careful about his actions from then on in, he wouldn’t put Kai in a situation like that ever again, ever. 

Tala closed his eyes, prepared to finally sleep after a long day and hectic ordeal, he thought about what he’d name the Husky pup they’d buy, where was a good location in Russia to buy a place to stay, what the hot fantasy sex would be like… 

He smiled,

“Kai…’’ he whispered close to his boyfriends and ear and Kai’s face scrunched up slightly at the ticklish sensation,

“Hn…”

Tala smirked,

“I love you.”

He saw Kai smile very lazily,

“…hn…” 

That is good enough for… 

* * *

 

…me. I’m perfectly happy with just knowing that Kai loves me from his actions, his actions tonight scared the shit out of me and the sense into me. Maybe I’ll even try it on him, I won’t say it anymore and I’ll just show it, like reverse psychology…no no, I’m just kidding. I’m happy with it the way it is. 

After all, that’s just the way he is and that’s exactly why I love him, its why I ever liked him in the first place. Right here, in my arms is the only place Kai needs to be for me to be happy…

I wonder if Kai would like a place with a pool and a big yard, then we could get a Doberman and a Husky…and a pug dog…and that stupid hairy puppy Kai said he wanted. 

Now that we’re going to be living in Europe, heck, maybe I can convince him to legally marry me! 

…

 

…I know you’ll come for the people like me…

……but we all got wood and nails…

………and talk dirt at hating factories…

…yeah…we all got wood and nails…and we sleep inside of this machine…

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe this is the end...


End file.
